Our Missing Years
by SiriuslyCrazyMav
Summary: What if there was something we the readers and viewers of Harry Potter didn't see, and have yet to see since the story isn't finished yet? What if there was a possibility? James and Lily are alive! James POV! BEST STORY EVER!
1. What You Didn't Know

AN: Hey all! Thank you for actually opening the link to this story. Um...Yeah, if you read the Return then this is just the beginning of it all, but if you haven't, these are some missing years of Lily and James Potter.

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

Chapter 1: What You Didn't Know

The night of the horrid, wretched Halloween the Wizarding World stood still as a tiny baby, the son of famous couple James and Lily Potter defeated Voldermort, thus saving the entire World from the repulsive man's Dark powers. And while the world rejoiced, I, James Potter, stood in the dank, dark, dissonantly perfect street of 4 Privet Drive in Little Surrey, England with the heaviest heart and fire blazing out of my eyes at 5 in the morning, that same morning.

My life had come crashing and burning at my feet, my arm seared with mortal pain that seemed like a small pinch as I watched my former Headmaster Dumbledore chat with my Head of House at Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall. I heard her ask if what she had heard was true, the wise and annoyingly calm Headmaster answered, "the good, and the bad."

The good, Voldermort was gone, the dark cloud that had loomed over our precious world was lifted with the strength of one tiny man that resembled me like a Xerox copy. The bad, my wife Lily, my beautiful Lily, and I are dead, er "dead".

_Lily_, she stands in front of me in the dark alleyway behind one of the houses to look on as Dumbledore and McGonagall exchange words in front of my sister-in-laws house, waiting for the precious burden. My hand on her shoulder, I can feel her tremble, from the breeze or sadness or shock, I do not know, but I could identify with all those three.

Lily turned to me, with tearstained eyes and a few bandages on her brow from the attack, "tell me everything'll be ok," she pleads in a whisper.

I heard my heart finally break into pieces and drop somewhere in my stomach, "I can't make promises I can't keep Lil, goes against my better judgment," I smiled sadly, flicking a tear away from her eye, "but we'll survive, that's the only promise I'll make to you."

And I stood there, pondering where the hell I had gotten this honesty factor from and the fact that not long ago I was the most optimistic guy you'll ever meet. What happened to him? What happened to that guy that laughed at nearly nothing? Caused trouble for the sake of laughter and had the gayety and the naïve idea that nothing would harm me, and Good will always prevail over evil. Looking into those beautiful jewels in her eyes, I see the answer. He died miserably when I joined the Order, when my friends died, when my friends, some of them, turned into my own betrayers.

Friends. Oh God, the images that leap to my brain when I think of friends makes me weak in the knees. Sirius, Remus…_Peter._ I swear to God, if it hadn't been for my families life and Lily's trembling plea for me to stay, I would've gone after that piece of shit and shown him what pain was. But no pain could compare to the ache that took over my every fiber then when Voldermort knocked down my door, literally.

Peter, that bastard, was the cause for all this shit we were going through. If it wasn't for Sirius and my brilliant plan, I would probably be holding my baby boy in my arms with Sirius and Lily fighting about something in our living room of the house that exists no longer. No, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't Sirius fault at all! It was Peter's for joining, and Voldermorts of course. Not Sirius, _never _Sirius.

That man I had called my brother openly and had shared so much with, was never to be associated with the word "traitor". His loyalty to Lily and I goes so deep that right now, he's probably in the holding cell in Azkaban because of Peters mishaps. Well, if you're reading this, you know the story of what happened that night. But this is a perspective, a secret well hidden from the Wizarding World. And only two knew of this secret, Dumbledore and my best friend, Sirius Black himself.

A deal was made between Voldermort and Lily and I that night. Lily being more powerful then Voldermort himself and with the threat of the Prophecy looming over him, freaked out and threatened Lily and I into hiding, claiming he'd kill our baby boy if we didn't. And if we did, he promised that he would kill our treasured son so long as the two of us disappeared so we wouldn't be a threat to the bastard. But I don't even know what happened, the next thing I knew after negotiating was the tip of Voldermorts wand explode in green light. That horrible green jet of sparks, that seemed so innocent yet was so lethal, was going towards my son. I couldn't react, there was no blocking the Death Curse and plus, my feet had melted into the cement, I couldn't move as life became slow motioned so I could take in every dark, miserable detail of what would be sons end before he ever began. His beautiful emerald eyes were so fearful and I could see him blaming me, calling for me to go and save him, to fulfill my fatherly duties and rescue him. But I couldn't, and in those innocent, horrified eyes of my son I could see my own guilt, my own fault, the shadow that would loom over me for the rest of my life.

But the prolonged moment ended by a scream, not the guttural scream of the horrified mother standing next to me, not myself, and not my baby boy. The scream had come from the Dark Lord, the terror of Our world himself. His curse had backfired. My son was alive with a scar greatly resembling his mother's lightening rod on his forehead that was shinning fiercely.

A wisp of smoke passed between Lily and I, and Voldermort was gone. Lily, looking at me with shocked eyes, ran and grabbed Harry, vowing to never let anything ever harm again. And she had smiled at me, so hopeful about not having to fake our deaths. But I new Voldermort wasn't permanently gone, it was just a matter of time before he returned for he had simply broken a promise he had made with the most powerful witch in a Century. And I had to remind Lily painfully that we couldn't break the promise we had made him, his Dark magic would have worst consequences then White Magic. We would have to fake our own death.

Presently, a loud rumbling in the sky caught my attention, I knew that sound like I knew that back of my hand. That was Sirius's infamous flying motorcycle. How many times had I seen him sit on that thing with his helmet on and his long hair cramped inside it? How many times had I taken it out for a ride while Lily screamed about safety?

Landing in the street, Lily and I turned to face the house again, my hand on her shoulder as her head falls back against my shoulder. That humongous man I knew well as Hagrid, Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts, got off of Sirius's bike. He carried a little bundle in his arms and carried it so carefully, and that bundle was my life, my every hope, my every dream, my every pain was to keep that bundle safe.

Lily makes a low moaning sound as the pressure of my hand on her shoulder increases with the same pain she feels, "James," she moans, "I wanna wake up, tell me this is a dream."

The horror of occurrence kept me from answering, I was unsure of what to say. Never had I experience such tremendous blows to know how the sting felt. My reality was diminished by everything I had seen the previous night, my reality had faded into oblivion as my friend betrayed me, my life and son ripped away from me, and my best friend being accused of my murder.

Dumbledore takes my son in his arms and looks down at the precious little boy that had saved Our world single handedly. I see him smile at my son's face, the duplicate picture of my own childhood and place him in front of the door of Lily's sister with a note I head written personally and signed Dumbledore's long name.

And there it is, that final pain. Harry is gone from us, he won't return to us, he'll live with Lily's sister, Petunia. He'll grow up in the Muggle world, and suddenly one day discover who he is, what his lightning shaped scar means, that he shares it with his mother. But all of his life, he will inevitably wonder what his parents were like. What we looked liked, how we talked, how we laughed, how we would have treated and how different his life would be if only Peter hadn't been so weak, and Lily and I so powerful to cause Voldermort seek our lives, and his.

I see the motorcycle fly across the sky again and a pop where McGonagall had stood. Dumbledore, knowing fully well where we were, looked at us and motioned for us to get closer.

Both wearing ripped, dusty clothes and my arm in a sling, we walked into the moonlight towards Dumbledore. "So this is how it begins," I breath looking at the old man.

He nods, "it is."

Lily walks towards Harry as I stay with Dumbledore to talk things over, "what happened to Sirius?" I asked.

"Well, as you know, he was arrested after Peter blew up the street," for the second time in my life I saw Dumbledore's true age, the first being the time Sirius had been too numb to hold his tongue during his wife and daughter's premature funeral, "and you're supposed murder, the thirteen muggle's and Peter's death is on his hands now. I just received word before coming here that there will be no trial of any sorts for Sirius, and he is immediately to be put under lock and key in D ward of Azkaban."

"NO TRIAL?" I yelled, then got a glare from him to keep my voice down, "sorry," I hissed, "he doesn't get a trial! Why the fuck not?"

"Come now James," he said wearily, "being an Auror you know fully well what measures the Ministry will go through to put any supposed Death Eater in prison."

"Dumbledore, whatever the hell it is you have to do, do it and get that man out of Azkaban," I heard Lily say, still kneeling over Harry, who was sleeping. Sirius always took him flying when he couldn't sleep, I'm betting he fell asleep on the bike.

"I can't do anything Lily, it will seem suspicious of me to have such knowledge," he said looking at his Ace student.

"If it was suspicious of you to have so much wit, Dumbledore, you would've long been suspected," I told him, "everyone knows you have these divine powers, you know you can get him out."

"They will not hear me," he answered.

"Why?" Lily asked.

"Cause he hasn't tried," I said looking straight into his eyes, "look, I know you, you wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize anything, you like keeping things safe. And if you go prancing into the Ministry and saying that they should put up a radar on Peter because he's the guy that should be arrested," I took a deep breath, "you will be constant target, eh?"

He looked at me, and I felt the same numbness Sirius must have felt when he told him practically what I had just told him.

"James, it is out of my power," he says.

"I know," I breathed, "but do anything that is possible to try and get him out, at least get him out of D ward." I remember one time we had been put on Azkaban duty, Sirius had nearly fainted with the horror of D ward. And he would have to spend the rest of his life there. Oh God help me, I'm going crazy.

"So, what's the next thing we do?" Lily asked from Harry's side.

"Hide out," he answered, "the best place I can recommend is America, being a young country, there aren't any wizarding families there, not as many anyways. And if you stay as far away from the older states, the less chance of coming across a witch or wizard."

I looked at my beauty, "well Lil, America?"

She nods, "America it is."

Dumbledore smiled, "where will you be until you find a place?"

"The family château in Monte Carlo," I answered.

He nodded, "I will check up on you with updates as soon as I can," he assured me.

"Ok," I nodded.

"You'd better get going," he answered.

My heart leapt with dread, "right," I said and walked to where Lily was sitting. I bent towards my son, his angelic face and that scar, I put my finger on his soft one, "well kiddo, I know I told you that you and I had forever and I would teach you the secrets of pranking and playing Quiddich and flying and all those things," I said, "but fate intervened son," I smiled sadly as I felt tears sting my eyes, "and I can't do anything to change that because it'll put you at so much risk. And that's the last thing I want to do," tears fell freely on my cheek as Lily squeezed my arm, "I'm sorry Harry," the world came crashing down again like one of those Muggle airplanes, "I'm sorry for the future, I'm sorry that you won't know me," I breathed, I bent down and kissed his soft forehead, "I love you Harry," I assured him.

"C'mon sweetheart, Petunia will be getting up soon," Lily whispered tearfully, trying to force me to stand up.

I did, "bye little man," I said looking at him.

"Bye sweetheart," Lily whispers to him.

"Let's go to Monte," I whispered to her, and with my arm still around her waist, we both Dissaparated. The last thing I heard was Harry crying.

We landed in the familiar, grand living room of Monte Carlo. Being so extremely exhausted, we plopped onto the couch without exploring the house so many would give their lives to see.

"We can't just sit back and watch this…this shit happen," Lily says from across the couch.

I cocked my eyebrow, "what do you purpose we do? We go back to the world, I'm sure one of Voldermorts Death Eaters is going to find him, or he himself will find Harry, and kill him! I don't want to risk that. Voldermort isn't dead, you and I both know that, he can find us and Harry any time of day. And you know better then I what consequences there are when a wizard breaks a promise, you saw what happened to Voldermort."

She stood up from the couch and walked towards me and sat next to me, her head on my shoulder, "I don't want my baby boy growing up, thinking Voldermort killed us."

I kissed her red hair, "I don't either, but we have to. If we go back…there's no telling what will happen."

She was silent for a few minutes as I pressed her closer to me, her feet on the couch, she stuffed her head in my chest moaning, "our baby boy James," she whimpered, her body shaking as her tears went through me.

I pried her from my chest and put my arms around her, hugging her, "I know," I whispered as my own tears fell again.

"Our son," she whimpers, "our flesh and blood James, they took him from us."

"I know," I whispered as she pressed herself against my body, "it'll be ok Lils," God I hate lying to her. Who the hell was I kidding? After this, nothing would be OK, my best friend's in jail for no reason at all, my son is going to be raised by a man who greatly resembles a pig, and my friend Remus Lupin, that gentle werewolf, will spend good years of his life contemplating what he did wrong to deserve his three friends death and another's betrayal. It's killing me, and I'm sitting here, with Lily clutching at my chest, knowing fully well that all hell is breaking loose and I'm telling her it'll be ok.

She looked into my eyes, "you promise?"

I couldn't answer her, instead, I flicked away a tear from her cheek, "we'll make it…somehow."

"You're amazing you know that?" she asked sitting up, tearfully looking at me serenely.

"How's that?" I asked looking into her eyes, how can someone be so beautiful?

"You're perfectly composed while you just gave up your son, who, unlike your best friend, he has a future," she said running her hand through my hair with concern burning in her eyes, "if Sirius was my best friend, I would be just flipping out and killing everybody in the Ministry."

"That supposed be a compliment?" I asked her, "look Lily, I want to go break Sirius out of Azkaban…but the risk…" I breathed, "I'm not just talking about Harry's future, we're talking about the future of every single Goddamn person on this planet. Hell, if I was the only person Voldermort had marked, and if going back would mean only my death and the world would still be semi-peaceful, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I want to see you holding Harry again," I drew her to me so she was slightly on top of me, "rocking him back to sleep after a nightmare or something. But I'm not the only target, our friends are targets, Sirius is a target, Remus is a target, even fuckin Peter's a target, Harry's a target," I cupped her cheek, "you're a target. I can't risk it."

She kissed my shoulder as she tangled her leg with mine, "you amaze me because of your restraint, your will."

I smiled, I inhaled, causing her head to rise with my chest, "life goes on right?"

"Incurably," she answered as I drew her to complete sit on top of my body.

"We'll make it, somehow," I smiled. I put my head back against the couch as her head rested on my chest, clutching my black t-shirt in her fists. I closed my eyes to have numerous images flood me; Voldermort banging down the front door while I yelled for Lily to take Harry upstairs, she refusing like a trooper to leave me alone, Harry's beautiful, terrified eyes when he saw Voldermort, the deal, Sirius's saucer-sized gray eyes upon hearing the story, and everything in between the disaster..

I opened my eyes, first sign of going crazy in my book is to be afraid to close your eyes, to be afraid of your own mind. "What's wrong?" Lily asked looking at me with concerned eyes.

I raised my eyebrow, "don't make me answer that," I smiled.

"Right," she agrees and rests her head against my shoulder again. "Why do you think he did it?" she asked quietly.

"Who did what?" I asked.

"Peter," she whispers knowing that I hated the name now, when I had not so long ago respected it, allowed it to have a positive meaning to me.

"Peter…the higher authority always got him," I answered quietly, "he thought we couldn't win at all, joined the other side to prosper I guess. Survival of the fittest."

"Bull shit," she murmured, "what did we ever do to him?"

I shrugged recalling our days at Hogwarts, how we had saved his ass before he could turn into a Slytherin yo-yo. "Nothing that I know of," I said, "we didn't know him as well as we thought."

She drew in a deep breath, "guess not," she whispered nuzzling her nose into my neck.

"Why don't you sleep Lily?" I asked stroking her hair.

"Yeah right," she whispers, I can see clearly that her eyes are shut, "like I can sleep right now."

I kissed her head, "try," I whispered, "we need to start planning tomorrow."

"Can you sleep? With your best friend and your son facing an unsure future?" she asked, looking accusingly into my eyes.

I looked at her, "party pooper," I said trying to get a smile, "fine, you got me."

"K, that's better," she said with a microscopic smile, she stood up after giving me a lazy kiss, "I'm gonna go in the back garden k? We both need a little alone time."

Couldn't argue with that logic, I did need a little time to reflect, get my seems straight because the last thing I could do was see straight at that moment. Everything seemed so surreal, after all that had happened to make me realize it was happening, I still had the sneaking suspicion that I would open my eyes and find myself naked to the waist with Lily clinging on to me. I was half expecting to hear my son wailing in the other room any second and feel the weight of the bed shift and Lily get up and get him.

But as I sat down on the back porch of the family villa and stared out into the lake that was part of Potter property, I realized that that wasn't going to happen. My reality was my worst nightmare come true. I knew having and loving the most powerful witch in a century would have my hands full, on top of the fact that I'm in the Dark Arts division of the Auror offices, I never exactly knew what dread it would bring. I still think if I had gone into Healing like my dad, I wouldn't be in this sticky mess. It would be less sticky at least, I have a sneaking suspicion that my son would at least be with me and my best friend wouldn't be in jail.

My best friend, how I had vowed to never let anything happen to him, and here I am, sitting in villa in France while he's in a dank cell in Azkaban. So much for no boundaries for our friendship.

You have no idea how guilty I feel when my mind drifts to my best friend. You also have no idea how much he means to me. I have seen so many things, so many important things in life, with Sirius at my side. He was there for me when my parents were killed, he was there for me when I needed him the most, when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or a good laugh or someone to bounce my ideas off of. Sirius was always there and I always made sure to pay him in full. Spending your entire life in jail to protect your best friend is something huge, the payback will be humungous and perhaps I can never pay him back.

My thoughts immediately drifted back to the first day Sirius and I met, we were both 8.

_May 9, 1977. _No one could ever erase the date from my mind, it was too important.

My parents were invited to an old-fashioned ball at the Ministry of Magic because they had been such large contributors to the Magical world and had donated a lot of money too. I was six and my mom decided it would be best if I was dragged to the Godforsaken party instead of spending the day with my grandfather, who would have taught me how to fly. I think my mom dragged me to the Ball just so Grandpa couldn't teach my how to fly a broomstick, but she never knew I had learned long before that. Hehe.

Anyway, I was forced to wear these extremely tight and even more uncomfortable formal robes where I preferred Muggle clothes. I was sitting alone on the large, round table in the dimly lit hall of the Ministry alone as my parents slow danced. Since I was eight, the proof that my parents actually were in love sickened me so I turned around and tried my best not to look at the dance floor. Next to our table, wear my gaze had turned, sat a kid who looked my age with long, lustrous hair, the total opposite of my own, which was standing in every single direction. He looked my age and yet, so much older in ways.

He was looking around when his eyes caught mine, I smiled, he returned it. He waved towards me direction.

I returned the gesture with a smile, that naïve, gitty feeling of a new friend settling inside me. The boy jumped off his seat, and walked towards me wearing awkward clothing similar to mine.

"Hi," he smiled.

"Hello," I smiled back, "I'm James," I said, sticking my hand out like I had seen my dad do.

"I'm Sirius," he smiled shaking my hand. Looking back, I can't help but laugh imagine what the two of us looked like. Two 8-year-olds wearing the most formal Wizarding attire, looking horribly out of place, yet shaking hands like their 30, 40-year-old fathers. "You're parents work at the ministry?"

I nodded, "my dad's a Healer, my mum used to be in the Department of Magical Cooperation but gave that up when I was born," I smiled, "you?"

He shrugged, "my dad's one of the Governors, and my mum never did anything," he smiled, "you like Quiddich?"

I nodded and we trampled into a full on discussion of the latest game between Finland and Ireland. Apparently we both were abed fans of the game and Finland's team.

We were in the middle of discussing our pranking techniques when a gruff, essentially female voice boomed from behind us, "SIRIUS!"

He looked at me with a bored expression, "my cousin, Bellatrix" he explained to me, he turned around in his seat, which my dad had occupied a few minutes before, "yes?" he asked.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Oh Lord, that girl scared the living crap out of me. She was tall, and seemed to get bigger as you got closer to her head. She had braces with tangled hair and spat every time she talked. I couldn't believe for once, and still don't believe, that she was related to my best friend Sirius. I mean, compare his handsome face to that of Bellatrix, the hardest thing to swallow is their blood line!

"I'm sitting you dink," he said looking at me.

"With who?" she asked.

A smile crept on his lips, "my new friend, James."

"You know what his last name is?"

Sirius shook his head proudly.

"POTTER!" she roared.

His smile became wider, "that so?"

I nodded, "yep, James Matthias Potter."

"Cool," Sirius smiled, "I'm Sirius Orion Black."  
"Nice," I smiled practically seeing smoke coming out of his cousins ears. Black and Potter never mix. The problems between the families had started way back when. And no one knows where the feud began exactly, but all Blacks and Potters know it's there. But I liked Sirius, I didn't care about his last name. After all, a name is only a name. It isn't the man, it's just a name.

"Having fun sweetheart," I heard my moms sweet voice ask as her hand rested on my shoulder.

Sirius and I started laughing when Bellatrix left in a huff, "aren't you Tybalt Black's son?" I heard my dad ask.

Sirius nodded politely, "I'm Sirius."

"Nice to meet you Sirius," my mom said, still standing behind me.

I looked up at my parents. What I wouldn't give now, as a 22-year-old father and husband, to see my mothers face again. She was such a beautiful creature, even when age began consuming her. She always had that beautiful smile, that twinkle in her honey colored eyes and her blonde hair always beautifully styled to fit the mood of wherever she was going. Linnet Potter never ceased to amaze me, she was such a good mother. She was strict when she needed to be but let me get away with so much. I miss her so much.

"Where are you're parents?" my dad asked. Dad, there was the role model every single father-to-be should look up to. He was so great. Never strict unless my mom gave him a look when he was about to dismiss whatever trouble I had gone through. He was extremely involved in my life, and I never did mind that, he was cool. I liked hanging out with him and never hesitated to talk to him about anything. Essentially, he was the perfect dad. Hilarious beyond belief, loved pranks, flying, Quddich and was affectionate. When Lily told me she was pregnant, I lay in bed that night with her clinging on to me as thoughts raced through my head. I promised myself and the fetus growing in Lily's stomach that I would be the dad Zachary Potter had been.

When Sirius parents showed up that night, found their oldest son sitting at the table with the Potters, the expression and Tybalt and Kelly Black's face was one that I desire never ever to see again.

"James," I heard Lily calling me presently, "you ok sweetheart?"

I looked up to find her standing over my head. The sky was lighter then when I remembered. "Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, still a bit puzzled.

She sat on the seat next to me on the swing, "you had a really weird, glazed over expression over your face, kinda scared me," she said.

"Oh," I managed to breath, "must've blocked out or something."

Her brow furrowed in concern, "that's not good, you've been sitting out here for three hours babe."

I looked at her, "weird," I muttered putting my head back. I guess there's been so much on mind, I blocked out or something.

"You're getting me worried," I heard her say.

I shook my head, "no need," I turned my head to look at her beautiful face, extending a hand towards her I said, "come here."

She smiled and like a beautiful cat crawled towards me. She put her head on the inside of my shoulder as I secured her there with my both my arms. "If anything happens to you…" she began.

I cut her off, "nuh-uh, you're not doing that to me."

She looked up with beautiful eyes, concern oozed out of them.

"I just got caught up in thoughts," I assured her, pressing her close to my body, daring the world to hurt her.

"If you say so," she whispered with a sigh.

So! What do you guys think?


	2. Depressing News

AN: Thank you all for reviewing! They've all been positive((thankfully)) and I hope more come in and I do apologize for be so late on the update. But it's worth the wait eh? Hehe.

Spoiler: Look at this way, if I owned Harry Potter I would be at the shoot right now spending time with Gary Oldman instead sitting behind a computer and typing stories. Hehe.

ENJOY! REVIEW! RECOMMEND! I LOVE YOU!

Ch. 2 Depressing News

If it's not too obvious, then let me point out to you that Lily and I didn't get any sleep. That means, my wife and I, hadn't slept for 20 hours as we waited Dumbledore in the main living room in front of the fireplace.

I started going dizzy as I made what I knew to be my 25th time around the coffee table, pacing, when Lily finally had had it, "stop!" she yelled.

I looked at her a little startled, Lily was always levelheaded, I usually yelled.

"Stop pacing James! You're driving me crazy!" she said desperately, her head in her hands as she looked up at me.

I dropped my head, feeling exhausted and as tired as my soul was, "sorry," I said to her.

I felt her sympathetic eyes breath me in, "no, I'm sorry sweetheart, I've been a bit irritable lately," she said quietly.

"I'm guilty of that too," I smiled wearily.

I don't want her to hurt; I don't want to see her face solemn. I don't ever want to see her face poignant, I need her to smile for me, to laugh and joke with me like she always did. From Quiddich practices in Hogwarts, where I played Seeker and she played the greatest Keeper, to the classrooms and dorm and common rooms where we became friends and helped each other with everything from homework to life problems, and fell in love. But I have never seen her so sad in my life, and she looked older too. My Lily, my flower, my heart, looked about 50 where she was in fact 22, four months older than me. Oh, how it burned me, steamed me to no end to see her so tense, so upset and so grave!

"I hate it when you do that!" I heard her moan softly, drawing me from my thoughts.

"Do what?" I asked a little peeved.

"Roam off into your own thoughts!" she said just as loudly as I had asked her, "It feels like I'm alone when you do that!"

I tilted my head and looked at her, irritated beyond belief, "what the hell do you want me to do? Stop thinking so you won't feel alone?" I asked at full volume before I could stop myself, first time in my life I had yelled at her.

She blinked at me. For a minute neither of us said anything, but knowing Lily like I do, I knew she was thinking exactly what I was, thinking about yet another added fear to our list. One question roamed our heads over and over again, was our marriage going to survive this?

After what seemed like an eternity of thunderous silence, before she could speak I did, "are we gonna make it through this together? You and I?" I had asked the gruesome question, I could practically hear _DUN DUN DUN _in the background.

Lily looked at me with those eyes of hers, Harry's eyes I thought, "I hope to God I die in your arms James, I don't want anyone else to go through this with me."

I knelt down in front of her, cupping her cheek, I began to fumble for fancy words that would woo her, but all that came out was a silent, barely audible, "I'm sorry."

She put her forehead against mine, her hand resting on my cheek as my arms snaked themselves around her familiar waist, "it's alright, this just goes to show that even James Potter has a quick temper."

I chuckled bitterly, "only when it's family," I declared.

"Right," she smiled and kissed the tip of my nose, "you know what James Potter?"

I looked up at her, amazed at her power to not only be able to take on fifty thousand Dumbledores at once but the fact that she just made everything disappear by allowing me to hold her, and understanding me as she allowed me to snake between her thighs. "What is it m'dear Lillian Potter?"

She smiled at me, loving every syllable of Lillian as it came out of my lips, but if for example Sirius attempted to call her that, let's just say he wouldn't be able to walk straight for a while. "I love you no matter what, just like I promised, through good and bad, for richer or poorer, through sickness and in health," she kissed my lips quickly but biting my lower lip lightly making me groan, and nearly fall back against the coffee table, "till death parts us."

I smiled, "always and forever."

"Forever _is _forever," she smiled. The phrases were engraved on our wedding rings, I had put the latter phrase on hers and she had put the former on mine.

"Oh Jesus Lily, I'm sorry for flipping out like that," I said, feeling unsatisfied still. I had no right to yell at her, to think she didn't know what I was going through because I didn't exactly know what she was going through. I don't know, maybe a mother and a father's pains are different and the same in ways, or maybe they're the same in every respect. Same difference.

She shook her head, "no worries," she promised, "you can still sleep in the bed."

I chuckled, "good, I don't have Sirius's dog house to go into," I was about to laugh like I always did at that old joke until I remembered, and I chocked.

I was getting lost in my thoughts again when I felt her lips dangerously close to my ear and she whispered, "don't leave me," so desperately I wanted to die.

She got a moan out of me; I looked at her and kissed her like never before. I gave her my tongue and my lips in lavish amounts, still on my knees in front of her with my back towards the fireplace.

I didn't stop until I heard a loud whoosh behind me and a calm voice say, "I hope I'm not intruding terribly."

Lily immediately pulled back, never having stopped being shy showing "public affection", as it were. I turned towards the fireplace, not bothering to take out my wand since I knew the voice to belong to my former Headmaster. I sat on my butt in front of the couch and watched the tall, elderly man step through the fireplace. After dusting the soot off his robes, he smiled at us, "sorry for the intrusion," he said with that annoying twinkle in his eyes.

"No problem," I said with a small smile, "what's new?"

The twinkle disappeared from his eyes as I put my hand on Lily's knee. "Well, the situation is not any different than yesterday. The world believes you two to be dead, Sirius a betrayer, and Peter a hero. And your son," I heard both our breaths catch as he said that, "is safe with Petunia Dursley."

"Great," I muttered sarcastically before I could stop myself, "what about Remus?"

"I have not spoken to him yet," Dumbledore said quietly.

"Shit," I mumbled.

"Could you please check up on him?" Lily asked quietly.

"I will my dear," he smiled.

I thought for a second, "you know, out of this entire…jumble…Remus is the one that's been cheated a thousand times over."

"How's that?" Dumbledore asked sitting in the chair next to the fireplace.

"He lost four er five people, he has nothing left. Sirius is in Azkaban and Peter dead, true. But Sirius knows he has Lily and I, Peter deserved to die, and Harry," that word had lost the beautiful tinge and now tasted somewhat bitter since only fatal memories of the famous night flooded my mind, and his eyes as he criticized me for not jumping in front of him, to protect him like I had promised him every night and every morning, "he lost Harry too. He got the worst end of the deal."

I felt Lily squeeze my shoulder, "he did," she answered.

Dumbledore looked at the two of us, the twinkle having been returned, "as for the Wizarding World, your son is famous beyond belief. Small children will grow up knowing the name and cherishing and adoring it with all their might. His name will become sacred and a symbol of mystery and blind bravery and luck."

I looked up at Lily to see her smile slightly, she caught my eyes and smiled, "our baby boy's a hero James, what do you think of that?"

I smiled, wanting nothing more but to throw a sarcastic comment in they're but resisted, not wanting to kill her obvious jovial mood at the thought, "I'm extremely proud to be called his father…I _am _his father right?"

This made Lily and Dumbledore laugh, for a second forgetting all the previous happenings, "have you seen the child's face James? I have yet to be able to look upon that child's face and not remember the first time I met you in your cradle at your parent's house."

I smiled, I don't ever remember Dumbledore's visit, then again, the first time the Headmaster and I met, I was about five-months-old. And unless a new spell has been developed that can help you remember your own birth that I don't know of, then there is no possible way for an infant to remember his days before turning two. Am I rambling?

"So what else is going on? Did you get Pad…Sirius out of D block?" I asked. Dumbledore knew that Sirius, Peter and I had become Animagus's because if we didn't explain Peter being able to transform, then Dumbledore wouldn't have helped us. But for some reason, I still feel weird calling a grown man Padfoot, around Dumbledore anyway, Sirius is still a kid, well, before all this.

"He is, but I had no hand in the transport," he said calmly, "and I am extremely sorry to say that he will not be released anytime soon," he looked at Lily and ignored the fowl words that suddenly escaped my lips, "I recommend you pay him a visit today Lily, he will need to speak with you."

"Yes," she said, I heard her worry in her voice, I know her so well!

"What about me? Can't I see him?" I asked urgently, nearly standing up with exuberance.

Dumbledore shook his head as I stared at him, "not unless you are able to transform into something other then a great stag."

I cursed.

"You could always write him a note and I can deliver it to him," I heard Lily say as I looked up at her again, "can we use a two-way mirror?" she asked.

"It's very risky but it can work, but somehow he has to make sure no one hears it," Dumbledore answered.

I saw a silver-lining in the situation, "what if we put a charm on it so that no one aside Sirius can hear or see it?"

Dumbledore nodded, "that can work."

I looked at Lily, and she laughed, "that has got to be the biggest smile you've ever displayed honey."

I chuckled, "I know," I smiled.

"There is another thing before I get going," Dumbledore interrupted, "I need to put you under a very powerful charm."

"What's it called?" Lily asked as he caught my attention.

"The _Stille _Charm," he explained, "it's one of the most ancient and extremely powerful charms yet. It was invented in the 15 Century in Germany. It is a sort of Fiddelius Charm, except you will be your own Secret Keepers, and you will be seen and not recognized. In other words, people will not recognize you unless you introduce yourself."

I frowned, "well, if we can have that curse just hide us in plain view, why can't we go back to our life?"

"Because the promise a Wizard makes connects through the wand," he explained to me, he turned his towards the massive window that showed the large lake, "though Voldermort is gone and out of power, I am sure he is out there, sitting, wishing, waiting for something to happen to rejuvenate him and him bring him back. The promise of a wizard such as yourself, James, has much more power than you might think."

I frowned and cursed making Lily slap me upside the head.

"I will be back tomorrow with to cast the Charm on both of you," he stood up and looked at Lily, "I am sure you will be going to Azkaban later today?"

"Yes," she answered as we both stood up, I rubbing the side of my head.

"I recommend you take the two way mirror with you," he said stepping towards the fireplace, "you of course know how to use the powerful Silencing and Blind charms right?"

"Yes sir," she answered with a nod.

"Very well, good luck," he looked at me, "to both of you. I can assure you that everything will be ok."

"Thanks," I said quietly as Lily put her arm around my waist, and I put mine around hers, drawing her near.

"Good bye for now," he said and threw a handful of Floo powder and yelled Hogwarts and disappeared in a blaze of green flames that never ceased to remind me of my wife and son's eyes.

"How can he be sure we're going to be OK?" Lily asked, putting both her arms around my waist but was still sideways.

I planted a kiss in her red hair, "it's Dumbledore, he knows everything."

"Then he was supposed to know that this shit was coming!" she said furiously.

I looked down at her, quite shocked, "Lily, no one, I mean no one, knows what's gonna happen! Not Albus Dumbledore, not Sybill Trelawney!…Never Trelawyney"

"I don't know James, I'm just so confused…" she trailed off as I heard tears in her voice, "I dunno."

"I'm in the same situation, but we both have to cling on to the hopes that it'll work out and we'll with Harry again," I said, "that should be our primary focus, getting back to our son."

"I feel so helpless," she said, squeezing my hands that were resting on her stomach.

"Welcome to the club," I said, "c'mon, let's get something to eat."

She shook her head and didn't let me move as I attempted to walk away to the kitchen, "I'm gonna go see Sirius."

"Eat something first," I urged.

She shook her head, "I'm not very hungry."

I turned her around with some force so she would look at me, "neither you or I or anyone whose been caught up in this mess asked to be a part of it. But we have to survive Lily, you can't just shut down on me."

Tears ran down her cheeks like waterfalls as she put her hands on my chest, then forehead against it, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said putting my arms around her, "you know I'm in the same place, but…do it for Harry," that was all I could think of.

She looked up at me, "that should be our motto for this entire mess ha?"

I chuckled, "yes," I looked into her eyes, "you'd better get going to Sirius then eh?" I asked, knowing fully well that arguing with Lily wasn't going to get you anywhere!

She nodded, "where's the mirror?"

"In the bags I think," I said and ran up the marble stairs to the bedchambers of the master of the house. I didn't even pay attention to all the lavish things set in there, just found the bags that held all we had left from the fire and found the two mirrors. I had gotten Sirius's after he was taken.

"Here," I said and gave one of the mirrors to her. She drew out her wand and muttered a few spells and it disappeared, but she could feel in her hand.

"Alright babe, I'll see you about tomorrow afternoon," she said. Lily couldn't Dissaparate not only because it was too early and the alarm on her wand would go off in the ministry, but also because you can't Apparate to Azkaban so she had to fly, literally.

"Right," I smiled, "give my love," I said as she kissed my cheek.

"Alright," she nodded, "bye." Suddenly instead of my beautiful Lily stood a hawk, and I smiled when I caught her green eyes. She took off through the open window with the invisible mirror in her beak…er lips…whatever, you get the idea.

So I was alone, until tomorrow afternoon in a massive house with nothing but guilt and grief for company. How I wished this never happened, I even wished I was a Muggle so this wouldn't happen. But I had to make the best of the lot I was cast, and I sure as hell couldn't give up. I walked over to the fireplace and looked at the picture of my parents, both their arms around me when I was maybe 10. And I wondered if Harry would look like that when he was 10, since he looked like me now.

I smiled to myself, every time my son looked in the mirror, in some way he would be looking at me, except the eyes of course. It gave me great pride that my son, the knight in shining armor of our world, looked like a copy of me. And suddenly, my mind flood with ideas of how he would be treated once back in the real world. People would gasp, recognize him by his scar or numerous articles about him in the _Prophet_. He would be known as the ultimate hero, the son of James and Lily Potter. A sinking thought struck, he would never know Sirius, how much he had loved the little tyke, and his Uncle Remus who had promised to be the educator of the child instead of corrupting him like Sirius and I had promised in true Marauder fashion.

I chuckled, how many nights had the three of us men, been set to take care of Harry alone when Lily had to stay late at work. It never ceased amazing me that a singular women had no trouble taking care of an infant while three men, who were quite virile, felt like running around in circles, pulling out their hair and saying "oh God, oh God, oh God" every time he cried.

I flopped down into the leather couch with a smile creeping up on my face as my two best friends' memories cheered me up. Closing my eyes, I could recall a such occasion that had proved hilarity as we tried to take care of the infant.

Harry was about 8 months old at the time, I remember distinctly Lily flooing me and telling me that she would be home very late from work. I had nodded, told her I loved her and assured her I would take care of our son. As soon as my wife had said good-bye I flooed Remus and Sirius.

Padfoot first, "hey! What's up?" he smiled, his long hair pulled back in a pony tail.

"I need help," I smiled.

"Stuck with Harry alone again are we?" he smiled, comfortably on the couch in his apartment, looking amused.

"Yea," I nodded.

"I'll be right over," he said with a reassuring wink.

Next was Remus, "Moony!" I yelled, seeing as how he wasn't near his fireplace in his cottage, "oy! Moooooony!" I cooed.

"What the _hell _do you want?" he yelled, appearing from the staircase, wet from head to toe wearing only a towel around his waist. I suppressed a laugh when I noticed his towel wasn't big enough, and he was holding behind his back, trying to cover the exposed area thankfully hidden from view.

"Scoot over," I heard Sirius's voice after the familiar pop, I nudged over and saw him get down on his knees and stick his head in the green flames. As I predicted, as soon as he had a clear view of Rebus's situation, he started laughing, which turned to coughing as he inhaled some ashes. "I know what to get you for your birthday now Moony," he teased.

Remus glared, I could tell he wanted to laugh, "go to hell Sirius," he said firmly, "anyway, what's goin' on?"

"We're having a boys night out, my house, baby sitting Harry," I answered, watching him struggle with the towel.

"Where's Harry now?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Upstairs, sleeping," I answered.

"K, Pete comin?" he asked.

Sirius scoffed, "that little rat's been up to his forehead with his mother, I've tried to get him to have drink with me down at the Boar but I haven't even talked to him since three…four Saturdays ago."

"Yeah, I haven't talked to him either," I said frowning, "I missed the little tweaker," I had declared, cursing myself now for concerning myself with him and actually giving a damn about him. But then again, I didn't know.

"Alright kids, now go back to Harry, I'll be there in a second."

"Remus?" Sirius asked in a pleading tone.

"Yes?"

"Please, for the love of God, _please _wear clothes," he smiled.

"You'll get yours!" Remus threatened.

"See ya," we both said and pulled back from the fire and sat on our butts on the ground.

"So what's new?" I asked him.

He shrugged, "nothing I guess, Piper's been in contact with me and she's ok," he nodded.

"Good," I breathed a sigh of relief, I recall Piper, his girlfriend and only love, he had loved her more than anything in his entire life. And at the time of our conversation, she had been on a mission for Dumbledore and the Order. And if memory serves, she hadn't returned, leaving Sirius in a fit of despair. "She hadn't run into any trouble?"  
He shook his head with a smile, "she says she's hitting a cord with the Italians," he smiled, "one of 'em even made pass at her."

I felt my eyebrows rise, "what did she do?"

"Slapped him," he laughed, his familiar bark-like laughter.

"Good," I smiled.

Suddenly his gray eyes adopted the serious tone, "how you been doing?"

I looked at him, understanding fully well what he was talking about, "alright I guess," I smiled. We had just found out about the Prophecy, and of course told Sirius, _only _Sirius. "It still hasn't sunk in yet," I confessed to my best friend.

"Yeah," he sighed, "guess it's too horrible to believe eh?"

I nodded, "you have no idea. I keep having these stupid dreams…haven't slept right in nearly a week, I keep seeing the front door being banged down and this large shadow appear, then a flash of green light."

His eyes widened, "green light?"

"Yeah, the killing curse, I know," I had nodded, rubbing my face roughly with my hands.

"Wow, you're scared shitless, aren't you?" he asked bluntly.

"You are too," I accused.

"Yeah, well," he drew in a deep breath, "who wouldn't be?"

"Exactly," I nodded. I heard Harry crying upstairs, and tripped over myself running up the stairs to his nursery, I could hear Sirius roar with laughter.

I walked into the nursery, the image (and memory) of his wet green eyes burning a hole in my heart just like it did then. I picked him up, crooning words of reassurance in his ear as I rubbed his back. Harry was wearing his blue sweats as I recall, and he clung on to me, listening to my reassurance that nothing would get him. And presently, as I sat on the couch, recalling every spoken syllable to myself, I felt like a fiend, a incomparable, shameful liar by telling him that no one could hurt so long as I was there.

He calmed down, I could feel my blue t-shirt being grabbed in his tiny fists as he put his cheek on my shoulder and I walked him downstairs to his awaiting Godfather and now, surrogate uncle. Their faces broke into a smile at this site of him, well his back anyway.

But my memory was interrupted by the sound of someone calling my name, "James! Hey James! You there man?"

I blinked, I was finally over the edge, there was no turning back. I had finally gone crazy. I thought I heard Sirius's voice.

"Prongs! C'mon! Don't make me shout!" the voice called again.

Dazed, and a little frightened for my sanity I sat up and saw the mirror on the table. Slowly, almost fearfully I took it, and my face broke into the biggest smile yet, "SIRIUS!" I yelped.

"There you are," his face said in the mirror.

Through my smile I grieved for my friend, Azkaban was already showing its strain on his handsome face, "Lily already got there?"

"Yeah, how else do you think I got this?" he said with cocked eyebrow.

"But she just left," I answered. My eyes caught a glimpse of the large grandfather clock by the massive window, my heart sank. It was 3 midnight. And I recall it being 8 when Lily left.

"Are you alright Prongs?" Sirius's concern etched face asked.

"Yeah, I just seem to be loosing…"I paused and looked at him with a skeptical face, "I'm not gonna dump on you."

"Why not?" he asked curiously.

I raised my eyebrow again, "c'mon, don't make me say it."

"I'm in Azkaban? Yeah, I never thought I'd end up in this hell hole either," he sighed, I saw him clench his jaw, a habit of us had mastered. "C'mon, something's bothering, I can tell. Who are you gonna dump on if not your best friend?"

"You mean my brother," I said looking straight into his eyes as I sat on the edge of the couch with my elbows on my knees, "I'm so sorry Sirius."

"It isn't your fault," he said, his voice cracking, "it isn't anyone except Worm…er Pettigrew and Voldy."

"Still, if I hadn't been a coward…"

"You're not a coward James. Trust me, I've seen you in face of danger, you always held your own."

"I fucked up this time," I whispered then cursed myself for making this man, locked up in a 2 by 4 cell in the most hideous dungeon in a place no body wanted to ever see, give me advice. I looked at him, "anything I can do? I _mean_, anything?"

"Just believe me," he said in a soft voice, his gray eyes that already looked haunted bore into mine.

"About what?"

"I didn't kill Pettigrew. I didn't betray you, I'd rather _die,_" he said and I saw tears flood his face.

"I know you didn't Siri, you don't have to convince me," I told him, "I've always believed in you, the good in you. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, but if I hadn't come up with the clever plan to use that shit as a decoy, we wouldn't be here now," he said.

"You don't know that, neither do I," I assured him, "look, Lily and I are gonna do as much research as we can and come up with some way to break you out of there. I'll make for this I swear it on my honor."

"There's nothing to make up for boy, I told you I would do whatever to help you and Lily and…and Harry," we both gulped, "and I don't want you two to get in trouble by attempting to help a convict escape when no one else ever did!"

I smiled at him conspiratorially, "well, let us not forget, Mr. Padfoot, that we have Lily on our side and you and I are the Marauders."

He nodded with a laugh I knew he needed, "speaking of Marauders, have you any word on Remus? Lily said you hadn't."

"Still don't," I said, "but as soon as I get word on him, I'll tell you."

"Good," he sighed, "just can't believe he hates me now."

What in hell do you say to that?

I guess he really knows me beyond my realm of understanding and saw my hesitation answering, "any word from the Junior Marauder?"

I smiled at Harry's nickname, "no, except he's safe and sound with Lily's sister."

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline, "that…that women that looks like a horse?"

I nodded.

"Dumbledore didn't give him to Remus?" I glared at him, "oh right, werewolf thing."

"Yeah," I sighed.

He looked at me, "we've survived worse right Mr. Prongs?"

I chuckled, "nothing can be worst then detention with McGonagall."

We both laughed, knowing fully well that compared to this pain, McGonagall's detention was heaven.

"I miss you guys like hell Prongs," he said.

"We miss you like hell too Sirius, believe me," I nodded wanting to do nothing but give the man a hug.

"I'll let you go," he said.

"No…"

He cut me off, "don't worry, I'll be using the mirror so much you'll be sick of me."

I shook my head with narrowed eyes, "I don't think so."

"Don't get me wrong James, I'm straighter then an arrow but…I love you man," he said.

I chuckled, "I love you too Padfoot, don't worry, you're still a manly man to me."

With a wink and a bye my best friend's face disappeared from the mirror.

I sagged. I needed to scream.

AN: What do you think, ha? Ha? What do you think? Review

Pinkkazazz: Hehe, thank you! I try to make every story my own. Glad you liked it!

Orlin: I know, I'm the queen of tradgeties, hope you get the little compic reliefs, hehe. Btw, you sound like a Sirius fan...I'm the mother of 'em all!

Misskittyfantastico12889: Hehe, I'm the queen of orginal too! Thank you for you kind words.

And ah, my favorite reviewer queen-of-monkey-magic: hehe, i liked the memory too, and thank you, but not a lot of people seem to think my stories good.

I am asking all four reviewers to recommend my story! Thank you!


	3. I Waited For Hope

AN: Hey, apparantly there's been some confusion on the part about the dates, well, I'm going by my dating, since I don't possess the mathmatical brain needed for the calculation of the dates and stuff. So this is our time, k?

Spoiler: God, c'mon, if I was rich and owned these characters, don't you thik the entire book would've been Sirius Black and the Order of Pheonix instead of Harry?

Ch. 3 I waited for Hope...

My conversation with Sirius somehow managed to put me in a better mood, a better place our hippie friends would undoubtedly say. Sirius's already haunted, gaunt eyes followed me everywhere I went in the mansion, still alone with guilt and more guilt to keep me company. But the speck of hope in his eyes just rejuvenated me into thinking that someday, we would end up together again in one room with Remus and Harry with us.

Here I was sitting, going out towards the beautiful forest that ran for the backyard of the house, and I was miserable in beautiful Monte Carlo and so hopeless, seemingly having inherited my mother-in-law's pessimism. And a man was sitting in a tiny, dark, dingy cell in the worlds most feared and loathed place could still have hope, how stupid can you feel? His hope gave me hope, and hopefully, my hope would rub off on Lily.

I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to go out for a walk or a jog by the lake in the middle of the woods. Having been Mad-Eye Moody's favorite student left you with one impressionable impact of, "CONSTANT VIGELANCE!" so I took my wand with me. And my sometimes paranoid and impetuous Auror senses were on the edge, picking up a snake slithering in the grass. Putting my hands in my connecting pockets in front of my navy blue sweatshirt, I walked with the hood on, thinking how funny it would be if Lily were to come back and curse me because she mistook me for being a Death Eater. I smiled, we both would have a good laugh, well, unless she went overboard and I ended up in a really sticky situation, then we couldn't laugh about it.

But we both needed something to laugh about, something. No matter how stupid it or how desperate, if I could get her to laugh, I would be happy. Her laughter along with Harry's was music to my ears, joy in my very heart.

I let my mind become buried in hopeful ideas that someday, I would see Harry, and he would see me and call me dad, like his birthright. How fun it would be to be reacquainted with my boy, and he with me. I couldn't wait now, and I knew it wouldn't be soon but it would come one day, some day. But not soon enough, but still, it would come.

"Hey sweetheart," I heard Lily's sweet voice behind me.

I turned around and saw her, her cheeks flushed with a smile ever present on her lips as she looked up at me, "hey," I smiled as I took her into my arms, kissing her cheek.

"Did you talk to Sirius?" she asked me.

"Yeah, he contacted me a few minutes ago," I told her, stroking her hair as I enjoyed her fingers in the hair at my nape.

"He looked terrible," she whispered, her chin on my shoulder.

"I didn't expect better," I told her, "he's in Azkaban."

"We still thinking of breaking him out?" she asked, pulling back and looking at me.

"Of course," I smiled, "it wouldn't be Marauder fashion if we didn't bust the poor guy out now would it?" I asked.

"No," she said dryly, "the two of you will grow to be I think eighty and never hesitate from calling yourselves the Marauders will you?"

"Hey, we're proud! We set the Hogwarts record for the most detentions, wouldn't you be proud of that?" I asked, catching a strand of her hair and pushing it behind her ear.

She shook her head, narrowing her eyes, "not particularly."

I kissed her, "that's why we're the Marauders."

"Right," she nodded, "I went to see Remus."

I cocked an eyebrow.

"In my Animagus form you dick," she hissed.

I nodded as she laughed. Seriously, my mind is loosing it's grip, "how is he?"

"Drunk," she said bluntly.

I clenched my teeth, "guess he's not exactly taking it all that well eh?"

"I don't blame him, poor guy," she sighed, "they were holding a memorial service for us when I got there, Dumbledore recognized me."

I frowned, "you went to our funeral?"

She nodded, "weird I know."

There is no odder feeling then asking the following question, "who gave our Eulogy?"

"Remus, obviously," she answered, "he broke down saying that our bodies had been burnt to a cinder thanks to the fire so they couldn't bury us."

"Poor Remus," I said closing my eyes, hoping it would make it go away some how. Still hoping this was a nightmare and I was about to wake up to the alarm clock and pound the snooze button with my fist because I didn't want to go to work.

"Yeah," she sighed, "I guess you were right when you said he got the worst end of the deal. I haven't seen him so distraught since his parent's death. He was in tatters. All I wanted to do was go up to him and hug."

"Who else was there?"

"The Order of Pheonix, half of the Gryffindor during our time and the professors, and surprisingly, my sister," she said, her eyes hinting something.

I caught her drift, my breath jammed in my chest, "did she bring Harry?"

"Yeah," she nodded, tears pooling in her eyes, "yeah, she did."

My mouth gaped as I struggled for breath, why it was so hard I have no clue but it hurt. It stung to no end. "How did he look?" I chocked out.

"His scar was still burning brightly, but he looked good," she nodded.

"Glowing?"

"No, burning as in like a scar a few days after."

"Oh," I nodded, "but he's good?"

"Yes," she assured me and let silence pass, "I want him back," she confessed.

"Yeah, me too," I nodded as she put her arms my neck, "me too," I breathed, loosing all the naive hope Sirius had helped develop as she sobbed on my shoulder.

"Shouldn't we have already accepted this?" she whimpered.

"I think we're give the right to never get used to it, my heart," I told her, kissing her cheek.

"I miss him, I miss Remus, I miss our home, our friends," she pulled back with eyes matching her hair, "I miss our life, seeing you smile."

I kissed her exquisite brow, "we'll make it, it'll hurt, but we'll soldier on, k?" I asked her for I think the millionth time.

She nodded, suddenly looking calm as she stared into my eyes, searching for eternity it seemed, "James?"

"Hmm?" I asked, my hands on her waist.

"Make love to me," she said, catching me totally off guard, like that first time I had heard those words. Her request, whispered with such passion, cut my legs off.

My throat was too dry to answer, so I just kissed her. I heard a moan as I parted her lips with my tongue, demanding a hungry entrance. My tongue found her, enticed it to follow my lusty lead as we danced the familiar love dance.

Soon I noticed she was ripping off my shirt and I hers in our room. Our jeans flew across the room followed by any intruding under garments as I lay on top of her beautiful body, my body growing to infernal temperatures as it assumed its husbandly duties, "oh I love you," she whispered as I worked on her chest, nestled between her thighs, she kept moaning as my fingers played inside her. And she exploded as I entered her. She clutched my shoulder painfully. I smiled, my mind going back to another time, our first time.

It was the night before the last of our finals in our Sixth year at Hogwarts. The Marauders and two of the girls were sitting in the Common room in front of the warmth-less fire. Kat and Remus were curled up studying each other in the privacy of a massive book. Piper and Sirius were sitting on the ground, quizzing each other while I tried not to punch out Peter because I was trying to help him with Transfiguration.

"Peter!" I moaned, "c'mon man, you're an Animagus, this shouldn't be that hard!"

"Yeah, make the Marauder's proud," Piper smiled.

"Ok, what's the wand movement for transfiguring a goddamn goblet into a freakin' book?" I asked.

Before I had a chance to jump on Peter's throat, I heard light and quick footsteps coming down.

"Hey Lils," smiled Piper, her head perking up.

My body shivered, Lily Evens always had that effect on me, "Hey Piper," I heard her velvety voice say quietly.

"Nice PJ's Evens," Sirius smirked, I could tell from his eyes he was begging me too look over at her.

But I had long ago given up trying to get her. I could practically see her glare at him. I still hadn't looked at her, too intimated and frankly embarrassed for the way I acted around her for five years. "Hey, uh, Potter? Can…can I talk to you?"  
I had never been so shocked in my life. I turned to look at her wearing a spaghetti top and blue bottoms. My breath jammed in my throat at the site of her beautiful green eyes distraught, I frowned, "me?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

I shot a glance towards Sirius who widened his eyes with a shrug. "Ah, sure," I smiled and stood up, slapping Peter upside the head as he started to complain, "um…where do you wanna go?"  
"Somewhere privet," she said eyeing the group, even Kat and Remus had stopped studying to listen.

I grabbed her elbow, expecting her to thrust it in my ribs, but didn't as I led her to the boys empty dorms, "uh, yeah, no one here," I mumbled closing the dorm door behind me, embarrassed since the Marauders never felt the need to clean up.

"Fitting," she swallowed.

"Um, Lily, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I guess," she looked nervous, "I have a request, James."

"Um, ok," I was nervous beyond any realm of human understanding to hear my first name finally come out of her beautiful, succulent lips.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

Presently, as I lay on her exhausted, I remember the shock of those straight forward words. I think I wouldn't have noticed if a bolt of lightning struck me. Too much shock of those words, that request. That sincerity.

"But you hate me," I reminded her.

"That's what you think," she smiled, inching closer to me. I could count her long eyelashes.

"Lily, maybe we should take it easy," I whispered not being able to resist the temptation to twist a strand of hair around my finger.

She let out a struggled breath, "I don't want to, do you know how bad I've wanted to be with you? To kiss you? Hold you? Call you mine?"

"Then why have you been turning me down?" I asked, her hands on my waist now, I could smell her lavender scented hair.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Lily…I…I just can't…bang you before we even go out on one date," I said, pleading for logic to keep me in its grip, "it would be wrong."

"Let's do things backwards then, we spend a night together then start dating," she whispered, tracing my bottom lip. Soon I found myself in her arms, just like I am now, six years later.

Lily slept on my chest as I deftly traced patterns on her arm, staring at the ceiling of our massive room in the château. I had forgotten just how exquisite life could be, how ripe, how so extremely aw-inspiring to be able to look at your wife lost inside you.

How much I love Lily, words will never tell. All the beautiful poetry, all the fancy words, all the praises I could use to describe my Lily, I would still surely come up short. For there was nothing like her, ever. The numerous shades of red in her hair, the way her eyes sparkled when she looked at me or Harry, her lips twitching into a smile as she tried to hide a surprise from me, and the way her eyes just pierced into my soul, their intensity doubled as she tells me she loves me. And again, no musky words could describe my beautiful flower. Believe you me, I've tried.

"Sleep," she murmured, burying her head in my neck.

I smiled and kissed the top of her head as her arm secured my torso closer to hers, "I will," I assured her.

"Now sweetheart," she said, her voice muffled by my throat.

I jumped slightly as her breath tickled me, "don't worry 'bout me Lils," I said, hoping she would go back to her slumber.

Yea, right, my Lily actually give up on something, "c'mon, you have slept in nearly two days."

Well, at least we thought I didn't, I shrugged off the incident of losing track of time, "alright," I said and closed my eyes, twining both my arms around her body and turned to face her on my side. My eyes were open and I saw her look at me with her jewels, her grin broadened as I slid lower to her and she wrapped her arms around my waist, her face buried in my throat again as we settled down, our legs in a labyrinth.

I felt her kiss my throat, "I love you James," she whispered.

If possible, I squeezed her closer, "I love you too Lils, always and forever."

And so, 5 years passed by. Lily and I had moved into a small town in Central California by the name of Turlock. The city didn't have a Wizarding family for miles, in face, Dumbledore had chosen California because there was only one other Wizard family in the entire State. We had gotten a house in a suburban neighborhood near an Elementary school and adopted the identity of James and Lily _Pierce_, a young couple who were childless and very lovable.

The two of us were now 26-years-old, and craved our life back. But we knew it wouldn't happen so we just made the best of this one. I posed as a strapping, young husband ((still haven't lost my bighead)) who just graduated from College, which is like the last year of Hogwarts in our world and had gotten a job as Physical Education teacher. Dumbledore had used a charm on me that gave me all the information and training I needed to teach 12 and 13-year-olds how to play particular games. Muggle games, I should add, are the most boring, vulgar and humiliating games ever! I hate them, but words gotten back to me that all my students love me so I'm happy about that.

Lily models as the perfect housewife that she is who would rather stay home and take care of the house and her husband, but Lils spend the time at home pouring over books to find a way to bust Sirius out. Every man in the neighborhood envied me for my wife, and every women craved to be her, not only because she was so gracefully nice and good at everything but also because as a joke, I had gotten into the habit of mowing the lawn shirtless on Saturday mornings, because apparently American Muggles have grass growing in their front and backyard. My pretty wife, while laughing, said that Marauder blood would never stop running through my veins, nor my self-confidence.

But we craved, starved, prayed for the day when we could go back to England, to see our friends again, be able to be _us_ and not just some phantom picture-perfect ordinary couple. I don't know how many nights I've stayed up, my brain engulfing me in precious memories of my friends and my son. Our simple days in Hogwarts, and the short quiet period when Sirius and I trained to become Aurors while courting two beautiful women we'd no doubt die for, and while we helped Remus out in whatever way we could to help him plant his feet into the world and Peter, we never saw much of him.

God, I missed them all, even Peter at times! I missed everything that had to do with England and Wizardry. The excitement, and yes, even the danger of having so much power at your fingertips called me back. Being Muggle was too safe, I wanted the danger, the spontaneity being a wizard offered. I wanted to live with the constant fear that something was going to jump me, embark on a new adventure everyday. I expressed these thoughts to Lily once, she asked if I wanted back the danger that had put us here, I admit, I said yes. I'm bored out of my wits, and sad beyond my realm of understanding.

One of the things that weighed so heavily on my heart is Sirius. Day and day, I watch my best friend fade away behind a mirror we had used as kids in separate detentions. I swear, if I kept a daily track of how he looked, you could see his eyes become more haunted by the minute, no, _second_! I wanted him out of Azkaban, I wanted him free and taking care of my son if I wasn't there to do it. But _no_, idiot that Fudge was, never gave my best friend, one of the greatest Auror's ever to set foot in the Godforsaken ministry, a chance to prove himself innocent. If I had half a mind, I would march up to Fudge's door, and shake him to his senses.

And so it goes…

Presently, it was a Saturday morning in Turlock, famous for its 100 degree weather in June, July and August, and God help me, it was the end of June. I was asleep on my stomach, awake since 8 o'clock but was hoping to go back to sleep if I just managed to close my eyes long enough in that comfortable position on my stomach. I felt the beds weight shift, and a hand in my now long hair, thankyouverymuch. And it ain't standing in every direction, almost like Sirius when he was free, "wake-up baby," I heard her whisper in my ear, I miss our English accents too, we're full force Apple Pie Americans now.

"No," I grumbled, stuffing my face deeper in the pillow.

"Yes," she smiled, kissing my shoulder, "it's nearly 10!"

"So?" I asked.

She chuckled, "c'mon, breakfast, then you need to move the lawn, dare I say that ol' Mrs. Dubose is sitting outside in her garage, waiting for the show to begin."

We both laughed, I into my pillow and Lily into my shoulder, "should be interesting then," I smiled, "alright, I'm up."

"K, see you downstairs then my love," she smiled, kissed me on the cheek and went downstairs.

I got up, stretched, decided to take a shower after sweating like a pig in the sun and went downstairs wearing only my bottoms. "Morning Lils," I said, finding her standing next to the stove in the kitchen, I caught her from the back and kissed her cheek.

"Morning you sluggabed," she smiled, putting a hand on my cheek, "how d'you sleep?"

"Miserably," I answered.

"Mmm, I could tell," she turned around in my arms, leaving the bacon to fry for another few minutes, "what were you dreaming about?"

I cocked an eyebrow, "how d'you know I had a bad dream?"  
"You were writhing around in the bed," she said with concerned eyes.

I smiled, kissing her forehead I said, "just reliving an old terror, nothing new." I had been dreaming about that famous night constantly since we left Monte Carlo, and the dreams…er reality of the dream…never ceased to keep me up nights. Afraid to close my eyes and see Harry's eyes pleading with me to save him.

I shook the thoughts out of my head, it wasn't a good time to relive his beseeching looks, it was no time to fall apart.

"You alright now?" she asked.

"Yes love," I answered with a smile I don't think I could feel.

"You promise?"

"Yes," I said. She stood on tiptoes and kissed my lips with a smile, "go sit down, breakfast is almost ready."

"Right," I said and picked up the _Daily Prophet_ and read. Nothing exciting or important seemed to happen except a possible sighting of Voldermort in Russia, which sounded a bit peculiar considering that an old bat had claimed to have seen him.

"Ere you go," said Lily putting a mug filled with coffee in front of me and one for herself. With a plate of eggs, bacon and flapjacks in front of us both, we began to eat.

"I had an idea," she said quietly.

"Not your first my love," I smiled, sipping my coffee burning my lips and tongue, idiot that I am.

"Um, why not go visit Harry?"  
I chocked on my coffee, "eh?" I asked.

"You heard me," she said quietly.

"Sweetheart…um…." I struggled searching her eyes, "how?"

"I dunno, I can be stray cat and you can I dunno, pretend to be the meter man or someone taking a survey or something?" she pleaded.

I looked at her, "Lily," but my speech about her going crazy was cut short when I saw tears in her eyes. "Come here," I said and she slowly walked towards me, sitting in my lap with her head on my shoulder, her arms painfully squeezing me. "Talk to me."

"I miss him," she said.

"I do too," I told her.

"I wanna see him."  
"Then we'll have our heads cut off," I smiled.

"Oh well," she whispered.

I gave up, and let her cry silently against my shoulder knowing no salve could be applied to neither of our wounds. Don't think me selfish or something, but I think I have more lesions. To see my son ripped from me, my brother chucked up in Azkaban and my wife in tears everyday, well, more pain for me I guess. And so, I used the silence to think of some way that we could go to Surrey and see our creation.

I must say, never have I been this glad to have Marauder blood in me. I had an idea. Lily could disguise herself as a cat, one of her main Animagus forms thanks to her remarkable powers, and I could do a little touch up on my face and go around Privet Drive and hopefully catch a glimpse of Harry while knocking on every door to try and find my lost cat.

I told her the plan, the smile I got was worth every pain, "I love you, have I told you that lately?" she asked kissing my cheek.

"Um…last night in bed, you were screaming it," I said and she giggled as a little red took over her cheeks. "Guess what? I love you too," I said and kissed her forehead.

She sighed, "when do we leave?"

"Well, it's summer here and so Hogwarts is out, I think we should spend some time with Dumbledore and let him fill us in on anything we missed, then head to Little Whinning and our son," I said, "I say Wednesday so we can set our affairs here in order."

She nodded, "how long will we stay?"

I smiled, "I think I can manage to perusal the streets in different guises for a week while you play the lovable stray kitty."

Lily laughed, "I like that idea," she smiled, "a week it is."

"K, now get off me love, I have lawns to mow," I smiled.

She laughed but got off, "at least get some jeans on you dick," she smiled.

"Right-o," I said and ran up the stairs. Finding an old pair of tight-fitting jeans, and putting on a cap displaying the words "PPMLH" backwards with my hair pulled back in a pony tail, I was set. By the way, in case you're wondering, PPMLH stands for Padfoot, Prongs, Moon, Lily and Harry. Don't go thinking I joined a gang or something!

"I hate sharing your torso with all these women James," Lily whimpered playfully.

I lifted an eyebrow as I put my arm around her shoulders and we went out to the garage together, "you're not jealous now are you?" I asked as the door lifted up noisily.

"Depends, my love, have you loved any of these women like you loved me last night?" she asked with a smirk.

"Never in my life have I been so exuberant in bed Lils," I laughed.

"Good, then I'm not jealous," she said and kissed my cheek. Across the street sat an old lady next to a younger neighbor of ours, "hello Mrs. Dubose! Miss Maudie!" Lily waved with a kind smile.

"Hello," the both greeted and as I tried to stifle a laugh the looked at me thoroughly, "mowing the lawn again James?" Miss Maudie, the younger one asked.

"Yeah," I smiled, "it's getting as tall as I am."

They both giggled, reminding me of the girls in Hogwarts, "gotta say, I'm sorry about the noise that thing makes, I recommend you go inside if it bugs you."

"Always the gentleman," Lily whispered from next to me, her arm around my waist.

"No, no, it's fine dear," Mrs. Dubose said as I noticed more women emerging, Sirius would be proud of my odd prank.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yes," they both said simultaneously.

"Alright," I nodded and turned to me wife.

"I'll make you some lemonade love," she said and kissed my shoulder and headed towards the house again, "and don't take that the wrong way!"

"Right you are," I said and walked, with measured and calculated long strides towards the massive crass cutting machine. I pulled it out and drove it towards one section of the grass then finally got what she meant and laughed. Pulling the string to start it a few times, I began torturing the ladies of Crowell road. My mind filled with Wednesday.

I finished mowing the lawn and my body was slick with sweat, "God you look good James," Lily whispered, she'd been standing on the sidewalk and conversing with one of the neighbors before she walked towards me.

I growled, "the bedroom is very close to us my heart, better yet, the couch," I smiled, drinking from the cool water bottle she had given me.

She smiled, "get that machine inside and I'll see you inside."

I laughed and I don't know how fast I put the cutter back in the corner of the garage and ran inside to find her sitting on the couch with an innocent smile playing at her lips. She was sitting on her knees, I could see the white tank top had some wet areas, especially on the chest, right above her assets.

"You dirty, dirty girl," I smiled and found myself lunging towards her and yet again, trapped helplessly in her intricate web of the love she for some reason possessed for me.

AN: Hey guys, thanks for reviewing, though still the amount isn't satisfactory, you don't know how much i appreciate your kind words of encourgment. I love you! And I'm so proud of myself, I finished the chapter fast! **What did you guys think of James's like "joke" on the chick neighbors? **I don't know why, but i wanted to do that. I also need an Editor, anyone know somebody?

_magicslifer: _Hey, well, this should give you some idea of how it's gonna go, but don't worry, you'll see more of Harry through James's memories and his eyes. Thank you for your kind words! You sorta gave me a much needed boost.

_queen-of-monkey-magic_: Hehe, the only reason I did the mirror thing for Sirius was for the sole reason that I'm his biggest fan ((not to mention i live with a godfather of the same character)) Aww, you like me! You really like me! It's reviews like these that makes you my favorite. Lol, and you've bee reviewing since the Return right?

_smurfinator_: Hehe, I know, the chapter was sad, but GAHD! I can't find any happiness for these people, lol. What do you think of this one?

_Tira's Host: _Sad story is my middle name darlin.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS!

"Mav" Pierce


	4. See Me Over the Edge

Spoiler: Um...until Sirius can be Sirius by being serious, I still don't own this story!

**Chapter 4: See Me Over the Edge**

I immediately contacted Dumbledore after mowing the lawn and showing Lily just how much I adored her on the couch. Though she was still sprawled on the couch, her eyes closed, awake still as an Indian quilt was wrapped around her body. I got on my knees in front of the fireplace and Flooed the Headmaster.

I found him sitting at his massive, familiar desk humming tunelessly as he read a piece of parchment. He smiled when he heard me call him, "ah James! Good to see you!"

No argument there, I hadn't talked to him for 3 months, and I admit, I missed the old coot, "good to see you too Dumbledore."

He stood up and walked towards his fireplace where, doubtlessly, my head floated among the flames, "I have asked you since you were 18, James, to call me Albus," he insisted.

I laughed, "Yes Albus."

"Lily is well I trust?" he said and I thanked God he couldn't see her in a drugged state that did wonder for my ego, much to her agitation I'm sure.

"She is," I nodded.

"Is there something you wish to talk to me about?" he asked with an annoying glint in his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, I…uh, just wanted to tell you that…that is…er…Lil and I decided that we're gonna head to see Harry on Wednesday," I stammered hearing Lily sitting up on the couch, I felt her eyes on me.

He pursued his lips and looked at me, "how?"

"Uh, well, I'm probably going to change my looks and Lily'll go in as a stray cat," I explained.

Dumbledore, to my surprise, nodded, "I trust you will keep your temper. Very well, I will ask Mrs. Figg to allow you to stay with her. How long do you intend to stay?"

"A week. Won't Arbella ask who I am?" I asked. Arbella Figg was a squib Lils and I know who was set to look after Harry, she also was also led to believe, like the rest of the world, that we were dead. We were both very thankful for her and trust her.

"Not if I ask her to not inquire into the situation," he winked, that annoying spark brightening in his eyes.

I looked at him, "right, thank you."

Dumbledore nodded, "I only ask that you and Lily don't reveal anything to him about who he really is. Aside that, I wish that this visit brings joy to you and your wife."

I nodded, "it will, thank you."

"No problem, my boy," he smiled.

"Good-bye Dum…Albus," I smiled and pulled back.

"So we're not staying at Hogwarts?" my beauty asked.

I looked at her glowing face, "no," I answered, crawling towards her. I put my hand on her thighs, under her blanket kneeling in front of her. "Wow," I breathed, kissing her bare knee, "I haven't see you look so…radiant in six years."

"Well, why wouldn't I be? I just had the greatest sexual intercourse of my entire existence," she grabbed the open collar of my shirt and pulled me to her level, "and you, my beautiful man, have just made my life by arranging the meeting."  
I swallowed as she worked on the column of my neck, "I wouldn't say…_oh Lils_…arranged."

"Still, we get to see him," I could feel her smile against my neck, her arms traveled to cradle my jaw, "you've made me very happy love."

"I'm glad," I smiled, "now, either stop torturing me, or be mine," I pulled back and saw a mischievous glint in her perfect eyes.

"I'll be yours," she smiled and drew me in for a lazy kiss.

That Wednesday morning, before we set out to England via Apparation, Lily was giving me a full-blown makeover. I was sitting on the edge of our massive four-poster bed, with her standing in front of me, between my thighs as she contemplated a good disguise. "Hmm," she tapped her forefinger against her lip in thought as she looked at me, "wanna go blonde?"

I cocked an eyebrow, "you love this don't you?"

She nodded with a grin, "wanna go with the evil Malfoy look with the silver blonde hair?"

"Wanna be chocked by your own husband?" I smiled, matching her smirk.

"Guess not," she smiled. In about twenty minutes of arguing, Lily turned me into someone that seemed to have jumped off the cover of a sleazy romance novel, a bored housewife's dream. "Can I keep you like this?" she asked as I stared in disbelief at myself in the mirror, she was hiding behind me.

"My own mother wouldn't recognize me," I muttered. I had a head of smooth, rich velvety black hair, she had kept my swarthy skin mine and had added a little more touch of lavender to my eyes already the same color. My cheekbones seemed sharper, more defined then before, my jaw more angular. Lets just say I looked like a Roman sculpture, much to my disgust. "If someone looks at you more closely, you're recognizable," she smiled, folding her arms around my stomach, "your finger points are just sharpened is all."

"You flatter me madam," I said dryly, turning my face left and right to study myself. Looking more closely, I saw what Lily meant. You had to look really carefully to know me.

She kissed my shoulder.

"Prongs!" I heard a muffled voice croak.

I sent Lily a smile in the mirror," this should be interesting," I smiled and pulled out the old mirror from my bag, "what's up Padfoot?"

For 5 years, I had done and said every idiotic thing to get a chuckle out of Sirius that wasn't bitter. And here he was, roaring with laughter the second he saw me, tears running down his gaunt eyes down to his skinny face.

I smiled, "music to my ears," I muttered but he didn't hear me, so I pretended to be agitated, "shut it Padfoot."  
"Sorry," he laughed shaking, "but…. What the hell?"

I shook my head, "disguise, so Harry won't recognize me, nor the Dursleys."

That shut him up, "Harry?" he croaked, any sign of laughter from him gone.

"Yeah, Harry," I smiled, "we're going to pay him a visit."

"How I wish I could come with you," he breathed, looking as sad again. Sirius was no longer himself, he was someone I never knew. He was no longer enviable in looks, or charming to women with his eyes and hair. He had, _was,_ wasting away in Azkaban while we looked for ways to break him out.

"I do too Padfoot," I nodded, "you don't know how bad."

"Just promise me something, well, two things," he said, the Sirius Black mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Anything," I assured him.

"One, promise to tell me every detail," he said, "Two, for God's sakes Prongsie, try not to get raped."

I laughed, "asshole," I smiled, "but yes to both."

"Good," he nodded, "how's progress by the way."

"Coming along," I lied. Our, well _my, _best plan was to sneak in a spoon to him and help him dig his way out. Lily had admitted it was the best plan so far, the _only _plan, and only way.

Either Sirius didn't want to acknowledge the fact that I was lying, or 5 years of no face-to-face contact had deprived him of reading my brain like he used to since the minute I knew him, I don't know, but he nodded with a smile, "thanks."

I shook my head, "we still owe you…big time."

"Not when you bust me out," he smiled, Sirius burst out laughing again when he caught my eyes, "God man, you look like a Greek god!"

I flushed, "bye Padfoot," and shut off the connection.

"When will you two grow up?" Lily smiled with a raised eyebrow.

I shrugged, "Sirius wouldn't be Sirius if he was serious," I frowned, brainteaser! Oh, how many times had we confused the life out of idiot Peter with his name?  
"Before you go on one of your trip to memory lane, lets get to England," Lily said. Since this whole thing started, I've been flooded with memories with the smallest thing, and lose amounts of time.

"Lets go," I smiled. Having already shrunk our luggage, Lily was suddenly replaced by a ginger colored cat with a white streak on her spine and jumped on my shoulder. Dumbledore had made sure our wands weren't monitored anymore, and being dead, we were completely dropped from the normal Wizard tracking things like wands, Apparation, and any type of magical activities. That's why we had to stay in Monte Carlo for two weeks without magic.

Suddenly, I was in the middle of a dark, familiar, too clean, too peaceful street of Privet Drive. I looked at the cat on my shoulder. If cats could grin, she was beaming at me.

"Have fun Lils, I'll see you around," I whispered. With a meow of consent, she licked my face with her warm tongue and jumped off me, making me realize just exactly how many times she had transformed into a cat.

I went across the street to the address Dumbledore had give me, and knocked on the door. I heard scuttle and cats behind the door. I turned towards Number Four, where Lily, er the cat Lily, was sitting on the front mat. I could hear her meows and smiled as the door opened. But my breath got lost somewhere between my lungs and throat. When I spotted him. My son. My baby boy. My _everything_. He looked so much like me, well, when I didn't look like a bored housewife's fantasy, that is. He was too small for a boy his age, but to me, and to Lily whom he had just picked up, he was perfect. My boy, my creation, was short with my messy hair, almond shaped green eyes that were his mothers, he was simply adorable.

"_It's him James_," I heard Lily's voice. She had put a charm on the collar around her neck and my earring (yes, I have an earring…I recommend you never get drunk with the Marauders…stupid Sirius) that allowed me to hear her. Well, things directed towards me in her thoughts.

The door closed and Harry and the cat disappeared, to my disappointment, "can I help you?" I heard a voice croak behind me.

I turned around to see Arbella Figg, a 40-year-old woman who pulled off 60, "yes, I'm a friend of Dumbledore's…?"

"Oh! You're Atticus Evens are you?" she asked, looking me up and down.

I suppressed a laugh at the name I was given, my father and my first name (James is my middle name) and Lily's maiden name. "Uh, yeah," I smiled, "I'm Atticus."

"Oh," I don't think she expected someone like me, well my disguise, to have a name like Atticus, "come on in," she said pleasantly and let me enter the house, it reeked of cats and cat food, "would you like some tea, Mr. Evens?"

"Sure," I smiled, "please call me, J…. Atticus," I smiled.

She caught the Jatticus but didn't comment as she walked into the kitchen. Cats swarmed me. A particularly fat black cat jumped on my lap, "oh, uh…hello," I smiled resisting the temptation to say, "my wife's a cat too you know."

"Mr. Tibbles, get off of him please," she said politely, I realized she'd been speaking to the cat, who jumped off promptly and led the 6 other cats towards the backyard, "I hope you don't mind cats greatly Atticus."

"No, no, I love cats," I smiled, just barely avoiding saying, "I'm in love with a cat"…Lily was right, Padfoot and I had too much of an influence on each other.

"Good, Dumbledore tells me that you're an Auror with the Order," she said putting a flowery cup sloshing full of tea in front of me.

"Uh, yeah," I nodded; apparently he had created a background for me.

"I don't remember seeing you," she said sitting down across from me.

"I just moved here from, um, Wales," I nodded, "Dumbledore thought it best to have someone in the greater UK vicinity," I finished weakly.

Arbella nodded, looking at me with the same dreamy eyes she used to look at Sirius with, "you're here to check on Harry Potter? I perfectly understand Dumbledore's concern, the way those…those beasts treat him!"

I caught on to two things. The Headmaster was trying to tell me something, and my son was being treated like dirt. You could tell, but I had ordered my mind to reject it. But now, she told me. Dumbledore was telling me, and I was being ripped, shredded slowly into pieces as Harry's eyes again reprimanded me for not keeping my promise, "how is that?"

"The way Petunia treats him, you'd think him a servant than nephew!" she said in outrage, "I've seen that boy working on the garden in dead heat when he was four! He gets sick and they don't care for him. Once, they brought him to me for the afternoon, I had to call Madam Pomfrey to take a look when he passed out…are…are you alright?"

Apparently white steam was coming out of my ears, "uh…sure," I nodded, "but, Harry still doesn't know what he is?"

Arbella shook her head, looking at me like I was going to jump her any second, "no," she answered, "but he's such a nice boy."

I brightened up, "he is?"

"Yes!" she smiled, "he never fails to astound me. He is exactly like his late father."

I winced at the "late" but smiled at the comment in its self.

"Did you know James?" Bella asked.

"He was a dear friend, yes," I put on a sad, mourning face for my dear friend James. I guess the old James Potter was killed in some ways; I certainly knew some of me had died that night.

"Did you know Sirius Black, then?" she asked quietly.

I nodded, "yeah," I answered, "he's like a brother to me, and we grew up together."

She didn't catch me talking present tense, "then it must've been a bloody shocker when you found he's a mass murderer and you-know-who's right hand man," she said softly with quite bitterness.

"It did," I nodded, contemplating whether the tea was safe to drink or not because of the cats, "but there's something we don't know, he's innocent, I know it."

"How do you know?" she inquired accusingly.

I shrugged, "you must've seen him in the Order, do you think he would do such a vile thing? Especially to James Potter? It's not in his character."

She stared at me in utter shock, and kept opening her mouth to say something then promptly shut it, looking like a goldfish, "it's late, Mr. Evens, I should think you're tired so I'll show you your room."

I nodded, "thanks," I flashed her a smile and I think she nearly fainted!

Arbella had given me a room that, like the rest of the house, smelled like cat. Remembering Lily's little trick, I flicked my wand and the room smelled like lavender, same as Lily's hair. Feeling like an obsessive-compulsive man, I used every spell I knew to clean the room.

"_James, look out the window_," I heard Lily say urgently.

Luckily Arbella had given me a room that looked directly to the street.

"_You see him_?" she asked softly.

"_Yeah_," and sure enough, there was Harry. He looked so funny in three-sizes-too-big clothes, his hair untamed and he was walking down the street with a cat trotting next to him.

"_Where's he goin_?" I asked Lily through the earring, who knew being reckless drunks would have such benefits?

"_To the park_," she said, her voice filled with panic.

I looked at my watch, "_it's 10 bloody 30_!" I yelled, well, in my thoughts.

"_Oh James, hurry up before something happens to him! That ass Vernon sent him out,"_ I thought she was crying, "_James, hurry up_!"

"_I'm comin'_!" and I nearly flew down the stairs of the house, telling Arbella I was going for a jog as I put on my sweatshirt.

"_Hurry sweetheart, someone…oh Lord James, he looks like big trouble. HURRY_!"

"_Right behind you babe, don't fret_," I smiled and ran to where Harry stood cowering in the shadow of a burly, bearded, bear-bellied bloke. "Hello," I said pleasantly, I could feel my face redden with a quick temper I adopted that Halloween. How _dare _this mother lovin' S.O.B. mess with _my _son!

"_Remember, no magic lovie_," Lily's voice said, seemingly clam.

"What do you want?" the man demanded with the thickest Irish accent I've ever heard.

I ignored him and turned to Harry, his big green eyes had that same look of pleading for me to rescue him as 5 years ago. I fought down the thoughts desperately, "you know this man?" I asked my son gently.

He shook his head, and I realized, though both his parents were standing beside him, protecting him, he didn't know us. I was a stranger, and Lily a lovable stray.

"'Ey, what do you care?" the bloke asked, tapping me on the shoulder.

I turned around, "what in hell around you doing, picking on a 5-year-old!"

"_Go baby!" _Lily yelped triumphantly.

"None of your business, now shove off!" he yelled.

"Go to hell," I muttered and punched him, knocking him out, happily.

"Wow," Harry breathed next to me.

I knelt on the sidewalk in front of hi, "now, tell me what you're doing out so late…alone."

"Um…my uncle got made at me," he said quietly.

"I see," I nodded, I put my hands on his arms, "Jesus kid, you're trembling."

"It's ok," he assured me shyly. He's so bloody shy! Just like his Godfather I'm sure…you hear the sarcasm right?…

"Here," I said and pulled my sweatshirt over my head, and gave it to him.

He seemed reluctant.

"C'mon, you need it more than I do! And I promise, I washed it last year," I winked.

"_You rock_," Lily said as Harry giggled and put on my favorite sweatshirt, which I had gotten as a get-well present from the Marauders (including the three girls) after falling off my broom from a few hundred feet…don't ask.

I frowned, "it's a little too big," I thoughtfully rubbed my chin, and he smiled. My eyes caught Lily who was standing behind his feet, "nice cat."

Harry giggled, music to my tired ears, "thank you."

"What's its name?" I asked.

"Prongs," he answered, nearly knocking me backwards.

"_Oh God_!" yelped Lily, the cats eyes brightened, "_he remembers a little_!"

"Why Prongs?" I asked.

He shrugged, the son of James Potter and Lily Potter, and the Godson of Sirius Black should _not_, I repeat, _not _be shy! It's immoral!

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Harry," he said, casting his eyes down.

"I'm Atticus, Harry," I smiled and promptly told Lily to shut up when she snorted, "c'mon, let's get you home, it's too dark to be outside."

"K," he nodded as the bloke groaned behind me.

So, the three of us walked down the street. An odd family. "Hey, what do you say I personally escort you tomorrow morning to the park Harry?"

I felt his body shudder next to mine, "my aunt won't let me go then."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to her," I winked.

Suddenly, he slipped and fell down. I picked him up and screamed at how light he felt, "you alright?"

Lily chimed in, "_he's exhausted, apparently he's my sisters new gardener_."

"_How do you know?"_

"_You'd be surprised how much little kids like talking to their pets_," she said.

"_Fill me in later_," I turned to my son who was sitting on my arm as I began walking again, "you're not hurt, are you?"

He shook his head, stiffening a yawn, "I can walk."

"Is your head floating about?"

Harry nodded.

"Then no, you're too exhausted, you can rest on my…" I hadn't finished my sentence when he put his cheek on my shoulder; I felt my shirt in his fists. And memories flooded back of every night I picked him up from a crying fit in his crib. His cheek would rest that same exact spot, and my shirt curled in his fists, and when I didn't have a shirt, he would grab at my skin. I wanted to scream. He didn't know.

"You know where I live?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I saw you out in the front yard a few times," I lied.

"Where do you live?" he asked sleepily.

"I'm visiting a friend, Mrs. Figg," I nodded, "but I live in Wales," well, not really, anymore. But Harry was born there like me, that's right, we're Welsh!

"Oh," he said through a yawn.

"_James, if I was in my human form, you would see me running around in circles right now, YOU'RE HOLDING HIM_!" Lily yelped.

I smiled down at the cat, her eyes bright and she seemed to be smiling at me, "this is your house right?" I asked seeing the door of Number 4 Privet Drive, vaguely remembering being here for Petunia's wedding some eight years ago. Lily had dragged me there so I could meet her parents; I was her date, needless to say.

I don't think he even lifted his head to look at the house, his head was still on my shoulder, "yeah," he answered.

"Alright," I nodded and walked up the pathway to the front door. Through the vertical blinds I could see the pig of a brother-in-law sitting on the couch, doing what else but eating. I didn't knock however, but turned to Harry, "will you be alright?" I asked him.

I lifted his head and looked at me with those brilliant eyes of his and didn't answer my question but said something I had vowed I would give my life to hear again, "I like you," he said shyly.

I beamed at him, "I like you too Harry," I assured him and the door flew open to my surprise and my sister-in-law appeared.

"Can I help you?" Petunia asked harshly, eyeing me curiously, looking like a horse.

"Yeah, tell me just why this little boy was out alone walking down the street to the park at this time of night?" I asked her, all pleasantries thrown aside as Harry threw me a horrified glance, still in my arms, I'm happy to say.

"Um…er…that is…"she struggled.

"Screw it, just don't let it happen again or God help me," I seethed.

"And who the hell are you?" Vernon yelled, the stupid jackass had just come out of the living room and stood behind his wife, he was about twenty times wider then his wife.

"I'm Atticus Evens," ha, I forgot Petunia's last name was Evens too, "I'm visiting a friend and your lucky I went out for a walk, or this boy wouldn't have returned home."

Petunia stared at me, making me fear that she had recognized me, "yes, thank you. C'mon Harry," she said bitterly. She eyed me curiously, then I saw confusion dawn on her at Harry's reluctance to let go of me.

You don't know how happy I was when I noticed Harry still clutching at me for dear life, so I turned to Petunia with another brilliant idea, "I was wondering if it was ok if I take Harry out tomorrow, to the park, when most children are playing and not in the dead of night," I smiled venomously.

"I don't think so!" bellowed the pig.

I cocked an eyebrow and was about to say something when Lily broke in, "_don't worry, they're off to somewhere tomorrow morning, they're leaving Harry with Arbella, you can take him out then sweetie, just please, hold your temper_," she pleaded.

"C'mon on inside Harry," Petunia said again.

"I'll see you around eh buddy?" I asked, reluctantly, and fighting back tears of anguish, I pulled him away from me and set him on his feet, "I'm here for another few days."

His head was bowed but I saw him look at me as I knelt in front of him again, the cat meowed, "have a good night, and promise you'll never go out of the house alone, alright?"

He nodded. He reached to take off the sweatshirt but I stopped him, "keep it."

"No, I couldn't," he said but I stopped his hands from lifting up the gigantic sweater.

"Please," I said, barely hearing my own voice and warring with tears in my throat.

Harry gave me a small smile and nodded, "good night," he said.

"Good night Harry, sweet dreams," I wanted to call him son but stopped myself.

Without another word, Harry went back inside as I stood up, happy to say I was towering over both Dursleys. The cat circled my leg and rubbed against it, purring, "_consider that a hug babe, I love you oh so much_."

With a nod towards the Dursleys, I set back for Mrs. Figgs with a full heart. I don't know whether I was happy beyond belief or sad. But my boy trusted me, well, a phantom me in some ways.

I found the house dark when I entered and headed up the stairs. I had laid the mirror on my bed knowing Arbella wouldn't go in my room and I saw Sirius looking anxiously into it. "There you are! I've been here for an hour! Where have you been? Are you with Harry yet? Have you seen him? What does he look like? Is he ok?"

"Easy Sirius," I said quietly, I took the mirror, striding over to the door and I shut it looking at his expectant eyes, "I just came back from Harry."  
"WELL!" he yelled when I didn't go on.

I spent the rest of the night, until I believe 4 in the night describing Harry to Sirius and all the events of the night. He gasped, smiled, had tears in his eyes when I felt I did, chuckled, and agreed that the son of any Marauder shouldn't be shy and accompanied my curses at the Dursleys.

AN: Ha? Ha? What do you think? Ha? Before I forget, special mention will go in to the story for the person who first tells me why presisley I chose Atticus as his name. Hopefully you liked and didn't think it was too cheezy, or even mildly cheezy. I'm sorry, but I have to torture James with the eyes, for some reason it's appealing and I think it sort of gives you a prespective on just how much this man loves his son. Tell me what you think! I vuv you all! Rock on!

**_MyStIcS number 42 ((ihateharryandhermioneshippers))-_**hehe, nice name! Thanks, hope you liked this chapter!

**_Tira's Host- _**Hehe, thanks for the suggestion but I already planned that all out, I had the idea the second I started writing it.

**_smurfinator- _**Hehe, thank God you approved! Jk. Yeah, i'm trying to lay off the tragic factor, I'm doin my best dude! Hope you liked this one!


	5. Fallen With Every Step

AN: When cows can fly over the moon without magic, then I'll own Harry Potter and bring back Sirius!

Fallen With Every Step

I fell into this odd state of sleep that night, well, morning. I kept falling into a few minutes, maybe seconds, of deep sleep, only to wake up not much later, shift positions, think about Harry then fall asleep. Then repeat the vicious cycle. Then I woke up at sunrise, I had forgotten to close the curtains so the sun was right in my face. I cursed, as it is appropriate, and I had forgotten where I was. So I turned to my side to see Lily, kiss her lips to wake her up. But to my great disappointment, she wasn't there. Then it flooded back to me, the previous night, and just exactly where I was.

I sat up in my bed, I had only bothered taking off my jeans so I was in boxers and t-shirt, pulling the quilt to cover me from the waist down just in case. And I smiled remembering the feel of Harry, a 5-year-old Harry, in my arms, depending on me. What made the smile even broader was the fact that I had managed to keep my promise to him this time, though he didn't know. I know he was too young to remember me whispering reassurances to him every night before putting him to sleep, but the image of his eyes chiding me that night was forever imprinted in my memory. And last night, when that Irish bastard tried to harm him, he had looked at me with the same eyes and I had been able to save him, and in return, I received the trust I had lost.

It was when Lily's voice floated through my head via earring I found I had tears in my throat yet again, "_James? You awake?" _she asked softly though the excitement in her voice couldn't be missed.

"_Yeah love_," I answered, rubbing my eyes, "_good morning_."

"_Truly is, c'mon, get out of bed then! I'm in Arbellas living room_!" she squealed excitedly.

I frowned, though she couldn't see it, "_why_?"

"_Petunia and her family are going somewhere, and won't be back until night time, the pigs don't think Harry's worth bringing along_," we both cursed, "_so he's spending the day with Arbella!"_

_"Ha!"_ I laughed, _"I don't think he enjoys being locked up?"_

_"What are you saying my love?"_ she asked, I could hear her beautiful smile.

I got out of bed and began to change my clothes, (yes ladies, even my boxers) as I talked to her, "_I wanna take Harry out to the park or something."_

_"Dumbledore may kill us sweetheart," _she said cautiously though it didn't have the convincing Lily-tone she always used when it came to me breaking the rules, and she following them. I think sometimes, when she tells me not to do something, she just does it out duty. She's a Marauder at heart.

_"Eh, best way to go really," _I said buttoning my jeans.

"_True_," she smiled, "_c'mon! Hurry down stairs! I miss you!"_

_"Yeah, ey, you still have to tell me about your time with Harry, you were there with mine," _I smiled, it was then that I noticed I had my accent back. I laughed to myself, not telling Lily of this new discovery as I brushed my hair. Since I'm used to either long hair or really messy untamable hair, having sleek, shiny, velvety short hair is kinda new. Then I looked in the mirror for a second, and then ruffled my hair again, like mine when I was younger, and Harry's, "better," I muttered.

"_COME ON_!" she yelled

I winced, "_you shout again Lily, and I swear, on the pain of death, I'll strangle you."_

_"Go to hell."_

_"Right,"_ I said and headed downstairs. I heard some voices in the hall, once belonged to Petunia, the other to my host. "Good morning," I smiled, trotting down the stairs, looking at Harry and the cat hiding behind Petunia.

The women both turned to face me, Arbella smiled pleasantly wearing a hideous bathrobe with her hair in curls under a net, and Petunia with a grimace wearing a tanned overcoat, weather report must've reported cold temperatures because Harry, to my delight, was wearing my sweatshirt, a fact I immediately notified Lily of.

"_He slept in it too_," she giggled, "_oh God James! It's like I have you both back again_."

"Nice morning isn't it?" I asked, leaning against the banister a few steps from the ground, her words had hit me full force, "_both back? I never went anywhere babe_," I told Lily.

_"Can we talk about this later?" _she pleaded.

_"I swear, when we get home, you and I will spend days talking about this,"_ I said turning to the ladies.

"It is quite lovely, though the weather is very unlikely for June," Arbella said.

"Aren't you the man who brought Harry home yesterday?" Petunia asked, eyeing me suspiciously, looking me up and down with a curious eye.

"_Ew James, my sister has the hotts for you_," Lily sniggered.

I ignored her comment, but tilted my head from the stairs to get a better look of Harry behind his hideous aunt, "morning Harry."

"Morning," he smiled shyly, a subject both Sirius and I had discussed for an hour, planning on somehow de-shy-ifying him when we got him back.

"Sleep well?" I asked with a smile.

He nodded.

"Glad to hear it," I said, winking at him, throwing Petunia into a tantrum of looking like a fish.

"I didn't know you were a friend of Mrs. Figgs," she said at last, not finding a way to nag at me for being nice to Harry.

"Oh he is, a dear friend, well his mother was," Arbella said noticing that she looked much too old to be my friend.

"How nice," Petunia said, still looking at me in disbelief.

I flashed her a winning smile, "it is. I love coming to England on vacation, visiting Arbella," I smiled, "always nice and cozy."

She looked at me, "of course sir! This is the safest neighborhood in the whole of Surrey."

I shook my head, wanting to pounce on her, knock her to the ground and tell her that my son, my flesh and blood, had been in danger last night in her "safe" neighborhood. So I pointed a long finger at Harry, "he nearly got killed in this safe neighborhood of yours Mrs. Dursley, so I'd forget about that."

Arbella's eyes widened, "he nearly _what_?"

I shook my head, "long story Arbella, but to give you the essence, he was sent out of the house alone at 10 at night because his uncle, did you say uncle, Harry?" I asked him.

He nodded, looking nervous.

"Had gotten mad at him," I finished.

I knew the Dursley's had tried establishing themselves as a respectable family but my saying that, and to be called irresponsible in front of a respectable neighbor was uncalled for (to them, to me and Lils it was their do). "Come now Mr. Evens, was it? Surely you can't believe that…that _lie _from this child do you?"

"_Keep your temper_," Lily said.

"_Don't make me take off the goddamn earring_," I hissed, "then why, pry tell Mrs. Dursley, did a 5-year-old boy who seems intelligent in his own right, was walking down the streets of the neighborhood in dead of night."

She looked at me in a horrified expression, and I knew anger had taken over my face. I felt my face heat up, my fists curling in balls at my side as I watched that whore look like a fish. When she spoke, she sounded hoarse, "he had snuck out."

"Please, Mrs. Dursley, don't let me lose a complete grip on my temper," I said, "Neither of us would enjoy that."

"My husband is waiting for me outside, I should get going," she breathed, not looking at me, "thank you again Arbella."

"No problem," she smiled nervously having heard the sparks go off from my wand upstairs.

Petunia glanced at me, then rushed out of the door and would've collided with Harry if my son hadn't gotten out of the way. Harry's eyes were wide; I think he was surprised that I had gotten mad for him. And I felt proud that I had protected him, kept my promise.

"Come on in Harry, we'll get some breakfast," Arbella smiled extending her hand towards him with a kind smile.

I was walking down the stairs when it happened, I missed the next step and feel on my butt in front of Harry, "shit," I muttered, causing both my wife and Arbella to shout at me between screams of laughter accompanied by Harry.

"Are you ok?" he asked between giggles.

I rubbed my aching butt, "I should be."

"Watch out next time Atticus," Arbella smiled.

I ran a hand through my hair, and smiled gleefully when I saw Harry offer me a hand. I took it with a smile, looking into his green eyes, "thanks," I smiled and grunting, heaved myself off the ground.

"You are such a dolt," Lily said, I glared at the cat.

Harry and I went into the kitchen, Harry and Arbella still laughing as we sat down, Harry next to me to my chaotic delight. "There you go," smiled Arbella, putting two bowls of gray slop in front of us.

I shot a glance at my flesh and blood who looked back at me with a smile, and a shrug, "uh…Arbella? Do you have something like peanut butter and jelly?"

"Don't you like porridge?" she asked as Lily the cut jumped on Harry's lap. He smiled down at her, stroking her ginger hair.

"Not particularly, no," I answered.

"What about you Harry?" she asked.

"Um, I don't like it either," he said quietly.

I extended a hand and scratched the cat behind her ears, Lily purred for me, "oh James," she moaned, "_We're a family again_."

"_In some odd ways_," I laughed, then turned my attention to making Harry a sandwich. He smiled as I gave it to him.

"Thank you," he smiled as Arbella put a cup of milk in front of me.

"_I recommend you de-catify his milk_," I told Lily, "_I don't have my wand_."

"Get his attention away from it," she said.

"So Harry," I said, "you want to got the park later?"

"Um sure," he nodded with a joyful smile.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the milk in his glass magically refill as if some invisible carton of milk was being dumped into his glass in the hand of a caring mother, "good, maybe we get some ice-cream later?"

His smile broadened, "ok," he nodded.

"Good," I smiled, "very good."

He didn't talk much, but quietly munched away at his sandwich and sipped his milk. When I asked him something he replied with a short answer, when I tried to make him smile, he giggled softly and didn't look at me to my great disappointment. I asked whether his sweatshirt was comfortable, he finally looked at me and smiled.

"I need to go to the store for a moment, will you boys be alright?" Arbella asked, after we had helped her clean the table.

"We're gonna have a little fun of our own," I smiled.

Arbella beamed at me, "bye then," she smiled and headed outside.

"K, Harry, you wanna go now or later?" I asked look at him.

He shrugged shyly.

"_Take him now, I'll be with you in a few minutes_," Lily said.

"_Why_?" I asked frowning at the cat when he looked away.

"_I_ _can't stay cat any longer_," she said and the cat trotted outside.

"_Alright_," I said, slightly confused, and then turned to Harry, "you wanna go?"

He nodded with a beautiful smile, jumping off the stool. And all I could think was that I had him back in some form, my own flesh and blood, and my creation. And he had me back in some twisted way as well.

"You have to lead the way Harry, I don't know where the park is," I said.

"Alright," he smiled, "where's Prongs?"

I jumped at my nickname, 5 years ago he had pronounced it so weakly as "Pongs" much to Sirius's amusement since Padfoot was pronounced right by his godson. A thought struck, "probably with the other cats, I need to get my coat from upstairs, wait for me?"

He nodded.

"Right," I said and carefully running up the stairs, I went to my room, "Siri," I said looking into the mirror, but he wasn't there, "Padfoot!" I hissed.

"Yeah?" he asked groggily, running his hand through his hair.

"I got an idea," I beamed.

"Another first," he smiled.

"Shut up, all you need to do is keep silent, for you, an impossible task in it self."

Sirius beamed at me, "I'll be quiet."

In 10 minutes, I was running down the stairs wearing a navy blue jacket with a pair of dark, stylish sunglasses on my eyes, "sorry I kept you waiting Harry, couldn't find my jacket."

He squirmed uncomfortably.

"C'mon, let's go," I said.

With him leading the way, Harry and I went to the park. I kept trying to make him laugh but he only smiled, and looked uncomfortable so I shut up, praying for Lily to return from wherever she had disappeared. I was making him nervous for some reason, he looked uncomfortable.

It was only when we got to the sandboxes and settled down when I spoke, "what's wrong Harry?"

He looked at me a bit puzzled.

"You look erm, out of it," I felt like I was intruding in on him. True I was his father, but still, he didn't know whom I really was and had only known Atticus for less then a day.

At first he denied it but his eyes adapted the same look of surrender that Lily's got when she thought I was hopeless, "it's just…I…I…I don' know what a dad feels like, but I uh, feel close to you…"

I smiled, "you wanna know what a dad's like?"

Harry smiled shyly, casting his eyes down.

"Come here," I said.

He slowly walked towards me, his feet sinking in the soft playing sand.

I turned him around and he sat down in my lap, I wrapped my arms around him, his back against me, "you're supposed to feel safe, protected, hyper with your dad. You feel like…like you can laugh with him, cry with him, and can confide in him."

He settled back against me and tears welled up in my eyes as his head lolled on my shoulder. I stopped caring about everything, Voldermort, Dumbledore, a Wizards promise as I transformed my face back into James Potter and planted a kiss in his hair, so identical to mine.

"You feel like that," he said softly.

"You feel like a son to me too Harry," I said, trying to contain my voice from breaking as tears dribbled down my face.

"How do you know how a son feels?" he asked and if felt like a _dad _answering his curios son's questions.

I swallowed, "I had a boy."

"What happened to him?" Harry asked.

"Um, mean men, ripped him away from me," I said, sighing so that his head rose slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said, as though he knew who I was, what happened on Halloween.

I squeezed him closer, if possible, "you had nothing to do with it."

"Atticus!" I heard someone call.

I froze, and quickly changed back when Harry turned to face me as I hastily brushed off my tears.

"Long time no see boy," tall, blonde, well "equipped" women smiled standing outside the sandbox.

"Eh?" I asked.

"_It's me!" _Lily squeaked in my ear.

I lost my color as I caught her eyes, "do I know you?" I asked with a smile.

"Harriet Jameson," she smiled.

Having acted so impenetrable to pain for so long, it was easy for Lily and I to pretend we were old friends. When Lily hugged me, she whispered, "why are you crying?"

"We just had a talk, no, he doesn't know me," I told her.

She kissed my cheek as she pulled back from my arms, "um…Harriet, this is Harry," I said, finally understanding where she had gotten her name from.

She knelt in front of our son, the boy she spend 18 hours giving birth too and yelling at me in St. Mungos, "hi," she smiled as I watched Harry smile shyly at her.

That afternoon the three of us were a family. Lily and I were young parents playing with their baby boy, and no one else knew that. He laughed, he played, he looked happy and it ripped me to pieces. The cruelty, the injustice of the fact that Harry couldn't see his beautiful mother who was running around with me after Harry, like parents of a 5-year-old. It ripped my heart to pieces that he didn't know.

When I took the two for ice cream, I ran off to the bathroom after we ordered massive, extravagant bowls of ice cream that promise to be delicious. In the bathroom, I magically sealed the door with the wand I was carrying in my jacket. I took off my shades and looked into them as I ran a hand over them so it transformed into my old mirror, Sirius's smiling face appeared.

"I love ya mate," he smiled, looking 20 years younger to my immense and wondrous joy.

I laughed, "What do you think of him?"

"Exact replica of you, and I see what you mean about that shy business," he said thoughtfully.

"When you get out, and we get him back, God willing, you and I will spend our days de-shyifying him you called it?" I smiled.

He nodded with a bark-like laughter, "thanks for letting me see him Prongsie."

"Wasn't anything," I assured him, "I think I need to take him back to Arbella's, the Dursleys might be home soon."  
Padfoot nodded, "right," he smiled, "you really are his father you know that? I mean, he doesn't know it, but watching you with him, James, you look like father and son even with your visage."

I smiled at him, beamed actually, "thanks Sirius," I said and he disappeared. Placing the wand back in my pocket, I was getting ready to walk out of the bathroom where I Dissaparated, I can't really say it was accident, because I don't know what to call it. One minute I was standing in a Muggle bathroom of ice-cream shop the next I was in the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmade facing Dumbledore. Don't you hear the DUN DUN DUN in the background kids?

"What in hell...?" I questioned.

"Sorry if I startled you ol' boy," he smiled kindly, his eyes sparkling, "but I needed to speak with you…"

"What's wrong?" I asked him, realizing I was in the privet chambers of the Broomsticks.

"I must ask you and Lily to cut your visit short, you may be putting him in danger," Dumbledore explained.

My head exploded, so did the tip of my wand, "WHAT?"

"I'm sorry," he nodded.

I frowned at him, "God, you just couldn't let us have one week with him could you?"

"Two days seems sensible and enough time to reconnect with your son," he said calmly.

I wanted to choke the old bastard, "yeah, he doesn't even know it's me! He thinks I'm a friend of Arbella Figg's who happened to feel like a father!"

He hung his head, "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed.

"But James, I've been watching in my own ways and I must say, having someone constant, someone who he trusts and knows, and cares about in his life might make it easier for him," he said.

"Eh?"

"Keep Atticus in his life, pay him a visit each year or two and spend some time with him," he smiled.

I beamed, but still I had to leave my baby boy for the second time.

And with a heavy heart, I Apparated back to the bathroom and walked towards my wife and son, who were busy laughing at something. "J-Atticus!" Lily smiled, there's Jatticus again, "where were you?"

"I er, needed to make a call," I smiled, sliding in the booth opposite Harry and Lily.

She frowned, "everything all right?" she asked.

I shifted my focus on my son, "I have to go home tonight," his eyes enlarged, "they need me at work," I finished weakly.

I slid over to Harry, leaning closer to him across the table, "but I promise you this Harry, I'll visit Arbella more often, and when I do, I will be sure to pick you up and we'll go have fun together, alright?"

He nodded with a long face.

I lifted his chin to with my thumb and finger, "c'mon, gimme that beautiful smile of yours Harry," I said, fighting tears as Lily's hand moved behind his back to rub it soothingly, "there is no need for a long face, so long as I am me, I'm alive and healthy, you will see me often."

The sides of his mouth twitched, "promise?" he asked.

"Of course," I smiled.

"And be sure sweetheart, Atticus never breaks a promise," Lily smiled at him.

He agreed as the waitress brought our massive bowls of ice cream.

I couldn't eat, sleep or didn't know what piece was the remaining 4 hours of the day. I didn't want to leave him. He didn't want to leave me either it seemed.

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AN: I NEED AN EDITOR! Hey you guys! I'm sorry for the wait, but I don't know, I got the BLOCK as it were. Lol. I didn't particulary like this chapter, hope you did! Review! By the way, for those wondering, Atticus, the name, means father-like and it came from my two newest loves: To Kill A Mockingbird and of cours, Gregory Peck! Hehe. And the chapter titles come from lyrics of my favorite band Crossfade. LOVE YAS!**_

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Tira's Host_**: Haha, yeah, it is cute, aint it? Harry and James Potter's every dream come true. I'm proud to make it so.

_**Smurfinator**: _LOL! I wish they didn't die for real either! How do we know they won't come back eh...it would be funny if JKR actually did this...HAHA...kewl.

**_Orlin_**: I'm in love with Sirius Black, let's leave it at that LOL, jk. yeah, he rules and yeah, poor him and as weird as it sounds, I'm not a very big James Potter fan! Well, i love my version of James, but not the books LOL. Aint i conceded?

**_queen-of-monkey-magic: _**Haha, yeah, Jamesie put them in their place! I thought he was cute with Harry too, James(my James)rulz! WOOT! Thank u for the review! Very inspiring, especially when you thank me for writing, LOL. Around here, i get yelled at!

**_magicslifer_**: Haha, more Lily is what you want? I'll try, but I won't do her POV, unless i make it an entirely new story, I don't know why but the father's pain is more appealing to me. I'm a daddy's girl so yeah. Leave me alone, LOVE YA!**_ProphecyProtector_**: Hehe, keep reviewing like that sweetheart and I gurantee fast updates!

**_deppfan105_**: Depp fan? YEAH! Hi friend! Lol. yeah, sorry, i'm a depp fan too. And about ur question about him every finding out who they are...keep reading. Lol.


	6. These Colors That You Shine

Disclaimer: Not Mine!

AN: HAVE PATIENCE! That's all i ask! not even reviews, just patience beacuse some of you think this story is not well thought out. Just hang on. I have it all planned. Don't worry. Enjoy HBP! And this chapter! And read my short, The Trouble Of Sick Animagi

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Ch. 6 These Colors That You Shine 

When we got back from our trip, for some odd reason, Lily and I ran to different rooms in the house and avoided each other for the rest of the day.

I went into the extra room in the house, a room only the two of us saw and knew of, that we used as a library. The amount of books challenged that of Hogwarts as did it's size, it's the equal to the American Library of Congress however. I closed the door behind me upon making sure that the lights were on in the room.

I turned around and faced the library, that had sort of become a living room for us. On the couch before the fireplace was an empty bottle of wine my wife and I had shared. And somehow, I lost it. I don't know what happened but in a flash, the bottle was in my hand and I hurled it like a pro Baseball player at the wall.

"WHY ME!" I bellowed, six years worth of anger and fright channeling themselves through me in the form of unbelievable, fiendish anger I never knew I possessed. I threw up my hands and let out a yell the world would've heard if there wasn't a charm around the room.

Six years worth of so much pain, so much anger and confessions mounted up, summed up the minute I had to say goodbye to him for the second time in a lifetime.

First I found out about the prophecy, then I had to leave my family for large amounts of time to carry out missions for the Order only to go into hiding upon my return! Then have my son, my two best friends who passed for brothers and peace and sanity be ripped away from me with such force my head spun! I had my life burned down to a cinder in one minute; I lost everything, including myself.

I'm lost, I'm confused. I'm hurting so bad I can't feel anymore! I don't know what to do! How to deal, what to say and what not to say to Lily, who hurt as much as I did.

I nearly ripped out my hair when I remembered him asking what a dad felt like! Put a bullet through my head, please! Because I can't think, I don't want to think because I'll lose it completely. And because it hurt so bad.

I had held him first in St. Mungos, two minutes after he arrived in my life. I had held him close and carefully as his godparents danced around him. I remember kissing his forehead as he nestled closer to me, and I vowed I would love him till the day I died. I would be there for him always, and protect him against all evil, all hell.

I kept only one promise, if even that! I love my son, he will be the first thing on my mind every morning and the last every night. I know my son's name will be the last on my lips before I die. But he didn't know that. I haven't kept the other two promises, I haven't been there for him and I haven't protected him against all evil.

And I saw his eyes on the wall, asking me to protect him, keep him safe from all the evil things in the world.

It was when I had taken to pounding my fist into the wall when Lily ran in. She yelped my name and ran towards me, grabbing my fist and turning me so I was in her arms, "why are you doing this?" she whispered, my fist still in her hand.

I burned my head in her red hair, "I wanna die," I whispered as her hands rubbed circles on my back.

"No you don't," she said firmly.

"But I do, I don't have anything left now do I? They've taken my son from me, my best friends, my life, my peace, my sanity and day and day you slip away from me."

"I'm always here James," she said, "I'll always be here."

"You'll be here for a great shag, a kiss and a hug, but you're slipping away from me, we're falling apart," I said as a hammer puréed the remaining pieces of my heart.

"How can you say that to me James? To me! When our bond has never been stronger, and my love for you never greater?" she whispered.

"I don't know Lily," I cried, "I'm just…losing my sanity. I--I can't deal anymore!"

I felt her hand in my hair, stroking it gently, "sweetheart, I know it hurts, I know the pain."

I howled, my knees buckling so I was on my knees, "I can't deal anymore!" I whimpered as she took me in her arms, rocking me back in forth.

"You can, you're strong James! Don't tear yourself apart for things you can't control!" she said, kissing the side of my head.

I looked into her eyes, "but I could have prevented this!"  
"James…"

"No, listen, if I hadn't allowed Sirius to switch with Peter then everyone would've been fine!" I cried, my heart gone as I grew numb, "I could've stopped this from happening to us! G--every time I look into your eyes--I--I see my mistakes! I see my cowardice! I could've protected you! It was my duty! But I trusted Peter! I misjudged! I'm responsible!"

Her furrowed brow and clouded eyes surprised me as I saw anger, "you are too confused to see the obvious James! Up to this very moment you never failed me, or Harry or Sirius, up to this second!"

I pulled back and sat on my knees, angry at her now, "why? Because I'm hurting? Because I'm too fed up to keep a cool exterior? Because for once you have to help _me_?"

I smelled the air, and it was the calm before one hell of a storm as hurricane Lily and James crashed in their biggest fight yet, "because you admitted defeat! Because you're so caught up in yourself pity you're taking the blame! _That's _how you failed your son James! You're feeling sorry for yourself!"

I stood up, "I'm feel sorry for myself? Then why in hell don't I give a crap about how much I miss my son then how much you do! If I'm so damn selfish, then why do I want to blow my head off every morning when I remember you won't hug Harry, forget about me! I have had it!" I yelled, not really noticing Lily's tears and the show of emotions in her eyes, "I don't want to see you in pain because of something I couldn't protect you from! I'm the father damn it! I'm the husband and I'm supposed makes sure you two are fine!"

"Is that what's bothering you?"

I looked at her like I would at Sirius after he pointed out the obvious, "NO SHIT!"

She frowned, "the James I know would've seen the truth! Which is you _are _protecting us! You _have _protected us! If I remember correctly, you told me to run upstairs with Harry and go to Hogwarts while you held over Voldemort that night. Sweetheart, that was suicide! But you risked your life to save ours! The James Potter I adore would know that there are more then one way to protect your family."

I walked away from her, "I don't know him anymore, lost contact about five years ago."

"Oh? What happened to him?"  
"He grew up. Found out just how naïve he was," I sighed, "found out nothing is fair, that life sucks and you can't make the best of the lot you cast without stumbling miserably here and there."

There was a small period of thundering silence, then she whispered, "where is he now?"

"He's swallowed up by…by everything…all that he put behind him is coming back and biting him on the ass," I said just as quietly, "he's regretting," I turned to her, "he's regretting that he yelled at his wife, that he doubted her."  
She made her way towards me, "I understand perfectly love. You have never, ever shown me any weakness when it came to this save the first day. I was wondering when the volcano would erupt. I cry all the time James, yes, but your heart is the one in the slaughter house, you lost more then I did."

"Lily…"

She stopped me, "you lost a best friend, two, whom I got to really know when you were celebrating 10 years of friendship with them! They meant, _mean,_ way more to you. And Harry was to you then me."

"Don't say that," I threatened.

She smiled, "but it's true, and I don't really mind. In our sons many confession to me as Mr. Whiskers, he told me that although he was only one when his parents died, he still has dreams about a tall man, messy black hair, midnight blue eyes who always smiled," she cupped my cheek, wiping away a tear I didn't know I had, "he said he remembers the man always watching out for him."

"He remembers me?" I chocked out, my world reeling.

Lily beamed, "yea!" her eyes grew soft, "you want to again tell me how you failed your son?"

I felt foolish. I guess I must have had impact on Harry to be remembered by him. But I was still helpless, his eyes followed me again. But I swallowed through it, I needed to regain control, "I'm sorry Lils, I shouldn't have flipped out like that."

She kissed me, "no problem, after all, the best part of fighting is making up."

I kissed her forehead, "later, I have some thinking to do."

She twined her arms around my shoulders, looking me straight in the eyes, "tonight, 11 o'clock, our room, the massive bed, I'll be the one with the g-string only."

I hooted, "it's a date."

"K," she smiled and walked out of the room, leaving me standing rooted to the spot, amazed at how well this women handled me. And just how stupid I really was. What gave me the right to yell at her? What made me think it was my fault after 5 years of convincing myself it was only Peter and Voldemorts. Not mine. Not Sirius's. Not Harry's but Peter and Voldies.

I think it was ten minutes after she left that I breathed. I walked towards of the bookcases I knew to contain the photo albums that we had recovered from the Hollow and Sirius' place. I pulled out the one with that was from Harry's birth to his baptism and everything his parents and Godparents thought was cute or remotely important.

I went towards the couch and plopped down on it, sort of bewildered by how calm I felt. I randomly opened a page in the thick album and came across pictures Kat, Remus' fiancé, and Remus had taken in St. Mungo's on Harry's birth. I started laughing when I remembered that blessed day.

Lily had woken up a few hours before sunrise, claiming her stomach was hurting. Of course I panicked when I timed her, and my Lily was about to have our baby. We went via Port Key and I mirrored Sirius who cussed me out for waking him up, then thanked when he heard why I had interrupted his beauty sleep.

She was admitted in St. Mungos in a single room.

"JAMES!" I heard Sirius's voice yell from down the corridor.

"LILY!" Piper had yelled after him as I heard running footsteps.

Lily looked at me, "are you sure our son will be safe with the Godparents we chose? I mean, they're kinda crazy," she asked, having just calmed down after a contraction.

I laughed, "he will be more then safe babe," I said kissing her forehead, "just look at it this way, he will have more love."

"Is he or she here yet?" Sirius asked panting from the doorway.

"Does it look like it, you dolt," Lily growled.

"Pardon Sirius Lils, he's still asleep," Piper smiled walking towards her best friend and taking her hand.

A Healer wearing a blue coat with fishes swimming across it came to the room, glaring, "were you two making all that noise?" she asked, her beady eyes looking at Piper and Sirius.

"Er no, it was a uh…" she looked at us for help.

"A crazed werewolf with multiple personalities," I finished for her, "Lily and James," I smiled as Sirius started coughing, his trademark for when he wanted to hide his laughter.

The Healer looked unconvinced, "aha," she said, and with a sigh, walked out of the room.

"Nice cover James," Piper smiled.

"Thank you," I bowed.

"By the way, did you remember to tell our crazed, multiple personalitied werewolves that I'm here?" Lily asked, shaking her head as Sirius high-fived me for the cover.

Sirius looked dumb struck.

"Oh no," Piper grumbled, "you forgot Moony and Kat?"

"Oh shit," he moaned.

"You are an ass," I said discretely.

He started to laugh, "just yankin' your antlers Prongs, I Flooed him."

"Why…what….why did I ever become friends with you?" I asked him.

He shrugged, flipping his long hair he said, "because I'm beautiful."

Piper and Lily snorted. "Oh God," Lily whimpered, her hand suddenly clamping painfully tight on mine.

"I'll be outside," Sirius nodded and slipped out as Lily writhed in pain, Piper and I crooning words of encouragement in her ear until she breathed normally.

Two hours later, I was in the hall with Sirius, and now Remus. I was dozing off, having been assured we would be there for a few hours and Piper was with her. My head was against Sirius's shoulder as we sat on the chairs, and our crazed werewolf sat against the opposite wall on the ground.

"Where did you say Kat was again?" asked Sirius waking me up.

"Meeting," he trailed off and we knew what meeting. Kat, or Katherine, was sent to Voldemort as one of the werewolves that joined the Dark Side. She bore the mark but worked as a spy for our side. I remember a conversation with Remus where he told me just how worried he was for his lady love.

"She's ok Moony," I assured him when I noticed the worried look on his face, "she can take care of herself."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, my head still on his shoulder.

He gave us a weak smile.

"C'mon Moony, where's that crazed, multiple personalitied werewolf smile we love?" Sirius asked.

"Ha?" he asked.

"So you weren't lying!" yelped the Healer, coming out of Lily's room.

"Oh shit," we both said jumping up as she took out her wand. We screamed slightly when she used a spell all Aurors know, forcing someone to walk somewhere like two big guys were dragging them.

Sirius and I ran towards the Healer, "you don't understand," Padfoot began.

"Yeah, Remus is…is normal, we were just joking!" I cried, Remus too stunned to speak.

It took us two hours to get Remus off the hook then he chased us around the hospital until he got his revenge. Then we were again sitting in the hall, except Remus was where Sirius was, so my head was on his shoulder.

"Hey guys! Am I late?" we heard Kat call. Remus stood up without warning so my head fell hard against the chair.

"No," I said sitting up, rubbing my head, "Healer said we're here for quite a stretch."

"How is everything?" Sirius asked pointedly.

She looked at him from Remus's grip, and nodded, "saw Regulus."

He gave a weak smile.

Five hours later, we were pacing up and down the corridor now joined by Peter. Sirius and I were jumping up and down, trying to stay awake, that was now a picture in the album.

"God almighty, is it supposed to take this long?" Remus asked.

I shrugged, still bouncing.

"What do you expect, it's the son of the all time lazy person, Jimmy Potter," Sirius smiled.

"Your Godson too," I said as we jumped.

He beamed.

Two hours later I was with Lily during a particularly painful contraction where I actually feared my fingers falling off. "YOU AND I ARE OVER BUDDY! FROM NOW ON YOU'LL SLEEP ON THE COUCH! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" she roared.

"Sweetheart," I said, remembering my dad's warning about women in labor.

"SEX IS OVER!" she declared and suddenly looked calm and let go of my hand, dropping back against the pillow.

Mortified, I walked back into the hall scratching my head and found my friends doubled over laughing.

7 hours later, I was in the room with Lily and three Healers as she finally gave birth to our son. I was terrified, amazed and proud as she screamed in pain. And at last, one more push and Harry was born, of course we didn't know we would name him that. As they took Harry to clean him or whatever, and after giving her a kiss, I ran outside to the eager friends, "IT'S A BOY!" I yelled and literally jumped on Sirius as everyone said congratulations. When I went back into the room, the red faced baby was wrapped in a blue blanked and the Healer gave him to me.

"Hey kiddo," I had smiled as he snuggled closer to me, "I'm your dad," I informed him, promising him everything. I walked over to my wife, the beautiful mother who was truly glowing, "and this beautiful women is your mom," I told him, giving him to her.

"My baby," she cried as he settled against her breast. He was perfect, black hair, his eyes were slightly open to reveal brilliant green eyes, and he was _beautiful_.

I caught a fat tear coming down from her cheek, "my love, through all this you did not cry. Do not now, of all times!"

She looked at me with a glowing face, "same goes for you," she smiled.

I chuckled, tracing Harry's soft hand, "he's perfect," I told her.

"Like his father," she smiled.

"No no, like his mom," I told her.

"Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter," the same Healer who had delivered Harry and had taken Remus as a temporary prisoner, "what is his name gonna be?"

I looked at Harry, whose eyes were slowly beginning to fully open, "you still wanna name him Daniel?"

She shook her head.

"William?"

She shook her head.

"Paul?"

She shook her head again.

I scratched my head, "Rupert?"

Same answer.

"Gregory?"

Same answer.

"Albus?"

She laughed.

"Harry?" I asked almost jokingly.

She beamed at me, her eyes glowing.

My eyebrows disappeared in my hair, "Harry? Really?"

She nodded.

I kissed her cheek, then Harry's hand, "Harry Paul Potter, I welcome you to the world," I smiled.

"James."

"Ha?"

"No, I mean Harry James Potter, not Paul," she said.

"I thought you wanted to name him after your dad," I said frowning.

Lily shook her head, "he's never gonna know his grandfather so what's the use? His father is more important to both of us."

I beamed, "ok then, Harry James Potter, my one and only son, I welcome you to the world," I said and he made a movement as though he smiled.

"Hey! He likes it!" I laughed and kissed his head.

"C'mon, stop stuffing the poor fellow, give him some room!" Sirius said as the door opened, "let his surrogate family have a look at him!"

"Dolt," I said and stepped away from Lily.

"Here, James," Lily said and indicated that I take Harry. And I did gladly.

"Oh my God," they cooed as they surrounded my son and I.

"Kids, meet my kid, Harry," I smiled, "Harry, these are the people that will be in every single second moment of your life."

"Don't terrify the poor kid," Kat smiled standing at his head, her arm through Remus's.

"Oh Sirius, this is our Godson," Piper smiled, clinging on to Sirius.

I looked up into my best friend's eyes and I saw an expression I had never seen in his eyes before. He was sincere, he was calm, he was serious and a glint in his eyes appeared and I noticed the same glint in my eyes. And I knew, if something every happened to me, with Lily there or not, Sirius would make me proud and raise my son as though he was his own. And I loved him for that.

In response to his girlfriends statement, he grunted.

"He's so small," Peter, the stupid rat had said.

"I know, it's amazing, there's actually someone smaller then you Pete," Remus smiled, tapping him on the back.

I wasn't paying attention to them, I was still staring at Sirius, then turned my attention to my baby boy, "Harry, I want you to meet a very important man, to both of us, your godfather," and I gave him to Sirius who looked startled as a fat tear dropped from his eyes, looking down at Harry.

"My baby boy's all grown up," Sirius smiled looking at me as I noticed Harry looked particularly comfortable in his arms.

I laughed, knowing he meant me.

A soft knock at the door drew our attention, "safe to come in?" I saw my dad's head ask..

I laughed as I saw him, having missed the man after 3 months of no face-to-face contact. He'd been in danger from the Dark Side and was in hiding since my mom was killed two years before with Lily's dad.

"Yeah dad," I smiled at him, he came in followed by Lily's mother.

My dad hugged me, slapping me on the back, played with Harry for a minute, teasing Sirius by asking when he would have a kid, then went to his precious daughter-in-law as Piper, Remus and Kat danced manically around Harry. My mother-in-law hugged me next then went to her daughter.

That day was so important to all of us. And we had no idea that half of the things we said, promised Harry and each other would never be kept because we were going to be separated by war and murder.

Before I realized it, it was 11 o'clock and I was in the library. Aged 50 years, lost energy, hope and happiness. And I went to my bedroom to Lily as promised.

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AN: I LOVE YOU AMBER! Sorry, had to say that. Everybody, cheers for the editor! Um...yeah, I have this idea for the next chapter that i have to go over and over in my head. But one thing i need you ALL to know, i know this story is out of the blue, but please, bear with me, it's well thought out. And I have to get this out of my system or i will explode. I LOVE GREGORY PECK! There...phew...:D 

_cai-wiggins_: Aww, thanks, i'm original too, hehe. Keep readin'!

_queen-of-monkey-magic_: Wow, that made me feel special, it really did, u're actually thanking me for putting down what's on my mind...KEWL! Lol. And i don't know why i didn't like the chapter.

_Tira's Host_: Hehe, i know, Harry's cute with James period. Lol.

_AngelGirl1517_: Hehe. Thanks!

_smurfinator_: I know, Dumbledore can be an $$, but eh, he's Dumbledore and we all love him ((I MISS RICHARD HARRIS)) Thank yoU! And believe me lovie, I cried a lot too. Lol, scared the crap out of my godfather...

_Sophie_: Aww, thanks for the offer but i found an editor. Thank you for reading! Again thank you for offering to be an editor.

_Joanna Potter_: Hehe, yeah, that part was a genuine tear-jerker. Rock on. Thanks for the kind words lovie!

_Luna-Lovegood-Weasley_: Thank you! The enthusiasm really got my mind working. I needed the boost! Thank yoU!

_High Low_: I know, it's sad...my speciality. Hahaha.

_MilatheQueen_: Who said Sirius would ever die in this story eh? Jk, I have everything planned so yeah, hehe.


	7. The Soul You Adore

Disclaimer: Would I be rushing out to buy HBP if I owned these dudes? No.

**Ch. 7 The Soul You Adore**

Three months after that horrible face-off with my wife, I honestly saw what she had meant when she said our bond hadn't been stronger ever. I felt closer to her, closer then ever and felt she understood me more, and vice versa.

A calm had settled into me after that horrid night in the library, and I could deal with everything now. Especially since we started to make discoveries about Dementors for Sirius's break out, but still, we didn't know how to get him out of there. But we didn't give up, not like I had that night.

But still, I kept going back to precious memories such as Harry's birth. And I disappeared in my realm of thought, even when I restarted teaching at the local Jr. High.

School had restarted again and I was with my last class of the day at the school in the scorching hot sun of Autumn in Turlock. We were on the blacktop or basketball courts by the road as I taught my young students how to shoot a bow and arrow. Apparently, knowing how to use a deadly weapon is a Muggle requirement in PE.

"Ok guys, you know the rules, everyone behind the white markers, no one makes a move until I say clear," I said, walking behind a group of girls so I was out of the line of fire. The girls looked at me and giggled, making me recall Kat, Lily and Piper every time they saw Sirius, Remus and I walking by. "Alright," and I blew my whistle.

I was walking up and down the line as each student took his or her turn shooting the arrow. My eyes caught a tall women with red streaks in her jet black hair with the leash of her dog in her hand. She wore thick, 70's style sun glasses with a cap that sat backwards on her head. She looked vaguely familiar, and the person I was associating her with was long dead to my great disappointment.

She looked in my direction then quickly turned her head back as I tried to place her, make sense of her familiarity. The women crossed the street, which was dangerous with oncoming traffic from both sides as her dog, rather black and large like Sirius's animagus form though smaller trotted in front of her. I frowned.

I dismissed my class and headed back behind them with the equipment, as usual, resisting the temptation to levitate the equipment back instead of carrying it. "Hey Mr. Pierce!" one of my robust, arrogant male students called, waving towards me.

I nodded towards him, "hey Tyler, what's up?" I asked with a smile.

"Is it true you'll be the coach for the football team this season?" he asked exuberantly.

I'm Welsh, football doesn't sit as well with me as soccer (what we call football since we use the foot) and rugby, but I had to pretend I loved it since I was American. And manly man American's love that vulgar game of football, so I was forced to love it. "Yeah," I nodded, having agreed to be the coach at gunpoint from the principle.

"COOL!" he yelled, making me wince.

That night I sat at the large dinner table while Lily shuffled around in the kitchen, having proved to be a better cook with no magic. I was slumped over books about dark creatures, trying to get any piece of information about Dementors and how to escape them. A thought struck me, what if someone had written a book called _Everything You Need To Know About Dementors And How To Escape Them When No One Else Ever Has_. Rather long title but you don't know how useful it would be if it existed by some miracle.

"What's eating you up?" Lily asked, standing with her hand on her hip as she mixed something in the pot over the stove.

"Huh?" I asked. The woman I had seen on the sidewalk that morning had been on my mind all day. I was hopelessly trying to place her. And I told Lily that, she frowned.

"You think she's a witch?" Lily asked, walking to the table and standing across from me, putting her hand on chair opposite me.

I shrugged, "I don't know, but she looked familiar."

"If you think she recognized you sweetheart, we need to tell Dumbledore," Lily said, sounding slightly worried, her eyes confirming the emotion.

"I don't know, I may have been hallucinating," I shrugged, "stupid sun."

She chuckled lightly, "Why do you think you're hallucinating?"

I looked at her, wondering if she would think me insane if I told her. But as I looked into those emerald jewels, I knew better. "Well…she looked like Piper," I said, scratching my head. My hair short again at Lily's insistence. Her eyes grew a few sizes then frowned.

"Piper as in Sirius's fiancé? Your cousin and my best friend?" she asked.

"All three Pipers, yeah," I smiled. You guys of course know Piper had been Padfoot's girl since school and Lily's best friend, what you didn't know is that Piper was a blood relative, a few months younger then me though I called her my baby cousin. She was a Potter, the number one reason Sirius's mother so fiercely objected to their union. My aunt and uncle weren't that thrilled either, after all, he is a Black.

"Sweetie, it's been 6 years since…since yeah," she finished.

I smiled as my mind took me to another time, to another time, when the news of Piper's disappearance reached us. It was late at night, maybe 4 or 5, Lily, Harry and I were sound asleep in our house at the Hollow.

"Hey James," I heard someone call in a whisper. I opened my eyes, looking around the room, reaching for my wand a Lily, whose head rested on my chest, made a disgruntled noise at my movement, "Prongs!" the voice said and I knew it was Sirius. Cautiously unwinding her arms from my waist, I took the mirror out of my drawer and snuck downstairs.

Turning on the kitchen light and putting on my glasses, Sirius' face became clearer in the mirror. But his gray eyes were dull as red rimmed the sides. My heart clenched, "what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Piper," he croaked out, his throat sounded dry.

"Shit…what happened?" my heart dropping leagues down into my stomach as another portion traveled to my throat.

"Um, just high tail it over here," he said and he disappeared.

I took the stairs in twos, sometimes threes. I threw on a shirt, not bothering with jeans. I gently woke up Lily, told her I needed to go to Sirius's flat and didn't answer when she asked why. After a kiss, I dissaparated to his pad. I was slightly shocked to see the studio-like apartment fully lit, and quickly found Sirius on his leather couch.

He looked up at me, with the same eyes he would later acquire in Azkaban. "What happened?" I asked for the third time that night.

"Dumbledore just Flooed, uh…" he swallowed as I sat down next to him, "you know he put that tracking thing on her wand?"

I nodded. I had been an Auror and a member of the Order for too long not to know what that meant.

"It suddenly dropped radar," he said, tears rolling down, "he hasn't been able to track her since I talked to her three days ago."

"No," I moaned.

"Oh God Prongs, she's dead," he said, his shoulder trembling as his lip quivered along with his voice. And he threw himself in my arms.

I wrapped my arms around him, just as he had done to me when my mother was killed. I held him as he grabbed at my shoulder and shirt. I didn't mind. Too numb to notice anything. My favorite cousin, my best friend _(? Piper was his best friend? Maybe change it to my Good friend, or my friend)_, was probably dead. I shuttered at the thought of her mangled body lying somewhere in a ditch.

"She's dead," he whimpered, shaking harder.

"You don't know that," I assured him, "she may have just snapped her wand or…or the tracker had a limit."

"No I feel it," he said, "a piece of me just ripped out…I'm never gonna…"

"For the sake of the remaining pieces of both our sanity, don't finish that sentence," I told him.

I heard two pops, and Remus and Kat appeared, both white. Remus swallowed as he looked at the trembling Sirius in my arms. With mechanical steps, he came forward, sitting behind him, squeezing his shoulder as he bowed his head. Kat didn't seem to be able to move at all, I don't whether it was because of the shock of Piper's disappearance or her usually strong friend who never showed weakness was now at his worst. All that came out of her was a whisper, "Sirius."

Lily, with Harry sleeping in his carrier, arrived via port-key, tears running down her eyes. Carefully setting down our son, she walked towards us, kneeling in front of Sirius. She pushed a strand of hair behind his ear as he buried his face deeper into my shoulder. Peter appeared later, and stood far from the group, as we comforted him the best way we could. But I wasn't the only one who noticed one of our vital forces missing from the group, first time in 15 years we weren't together.

"Sweetheart?" Presently Lily said softly, and I turned my attention to the present, "what did you remember?"

"The night we found out about Piper," I answered.

"You mean when you roared that every Death Eater including Voldemort should cower in a hole somewhere. Because you'd go after them, all of 'em, and you swore it even though it would take a lifetime, but you'd gut them, cut them limb from limb, and call the blunt work blessed?" she asked.

I smiled sheepishly at my very vengeful idea, I was kind of proud of it, "yeah," I said.

"You always were over-protective, of all of us," she smiled, going back to the kitchen, "especially of Piper."

"She was my baby cousin ya know," I said, closing the large book in front of me, "I felt it was my job to protect her."

Lily laughed, "is that why you introduced the poor girl to Sirius?"

"Sirius never loved anyone as he did Piper, she was perfectly safe with that maniac," I pointed out.

"Yeah," Lily's vibrant eyes suddenly went dim, like someone had turned off her eyes, "it nearly destroyed Sirius when she disappeared."

"Nearly?" I asked, "you don't remember how he was? 2 a.m. drink binges, crying, he didn't say more then two sentences!" I said and the memory of the weeks that followed flooded me.

For our own sanity and Sirius's, Remus and I didn't leave him alone for one second during the next two weeks after her disappearance. I practically moved back in with him the first few days, until we convinced him to stay at my house. He was very calm around Harry, played with him with a mirthless smile on his lips, which was a very important conquest since none of us except Harry could get even a smile. He didn't show his colors around Lily either, but she knew, she heard. Remus and I really saw our best friend fall into pieces, and I think I saw more.

One night he and I were downstairs in the kitchen. I had made sure Lily and Harry were asleep, Harry had taken my side of course. Sirius and I, having become insomniacs, were sitting on the stools by the kitchen island. In silence, we hadn't said anything for a few hours now, drank our fire-whiskey.

"She was pregnant," he suddenly said, making me spit out the drink.

"What?" I asked looking at him.

He looked back at me with those eyes, "she was pregnant Prongs. She was carrying my child," he tried to laugh but tears rolled down, "I was gonna be a dad."

"How long?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Three and a half months," he said quietly, "a girl. You don't know how happy I was at the prospect of being a dad, having that same glazed over, dumb-founded look on your face thrilled me…she was afraid that I wouldn't want to have a baby since I lived life on the fast broom. She was actually scared, told me she had already thought about giving her up for adoption."

By now we both were staring into our drunks, tears rolling down. My throat was too dry for me to talk, so I let him go on.

"But for two months, all I could do was plan…I was gonna be a dad! I saw her growing up, side-by-side with Harry, you and Lily would be her Godparents. She'd be best friends with Harry, you and I would teach them the ways of the Marauders once they were in school. We would both be a dad, teaching them Quiddich…I thought of all that…even her name."

I smiled at the idea that was plausible no longer, "what name?"

"Rose or Emlyn. Emlyn more than likely, it means noble warrior," he answered nodding, "I was gonna teach her everything, and die with Piper at my side…and now…now," he chocked. Shacking with his hands covering his face.

"Jesus Sirius," I said hugging him again, finally understanding exactly how he felt, "I'm so sorry," I said to him, "I'm so sorry Padfoot, I didn't know."

"James…why are you crying?" Lily's voice interrupted, I realized she was standing right next to me, her hand in my hair.

"Ha? Oh…nothing, just remembered the night he told me about Piper's pregnancy, he was so broken," I croaked out.

"He had a special bond with kids, even with Dudley," she said, resting my head against her stomach.

"Yeah," I breathed.

The next day was Saturday, and I had to mow the lawn. Also known as the party on Crowell Rd. Lily and I hadn't slept at all, we were tossing about in the bed, my mind filed with Sirius. He loved her so much, so unbelievably much.

Breakfast had been a silent affair, coffee and a sandwich was all I ate, my stomach couldn't handle more. I went outside, with the machine wearing only jeans as the neighbors came out. Lily was talking to a few of the women in the neighborhood, I joined her when I finished, wrapping my arm around her waist after pulling on a white t-shirt.

The three ladies were teasing me about being the new football coach when I spotted the same women walking towards me, this time no glasses. My heart stopped. I was walking towards her, I didn't know it. I was sure I was hallucinating or life was going my way.

The women looked at me, "James?" she whispered when I was a few inches from her.

I swallowed, "Piper?" I asked.

She nodded, "of f---" she said, tears streaming down her face. "I thought…" I put my hand over her mouth and ragged her into the house before she spoke another word. Saw Lily follow and closed the door, standing behind me in the living room where I had let her go.

"Is it really you Piper?" I asked her.

She was in tears, "yea, it's me," she said, chuckling, "ask me anything!"

"Alright, when did grandpa teach us to fly?" I asked, knowing the real Piper would know.

"Grandpa Jake taught us when we were 10, but that was what we told our moms. We were only five," she smiled.

I laughed as she threw herself in my arms, "I thought you were dead!"

"Same goes for you Pipe," I told her, hoping I was awake, that I wasn't dreaming. Hoping and praying that she, my baby cousin, really was in my arms. That she was really alive, crying in my chest.

"What…how…what happened that night? I thought Voldemort killed you! S--Sirius betrayed you," she cried.

"No he didn't, you explain first."

"Alright," she nodded, pulling back and looking up at me, then towards Lily. Piper took her hand, " I was um…kidnapped…Death Eaters…they kept me 5 months, till Voldemort disappeared because of my godson," she smiled, slightly, "when I came too, in St. Mungos, I had no one left," she looked into my eyes, "or I thought. Sirius was Azkaban, he…he was someone I didn't know. You and Lily were dead. I had no one, nothing left. Remus doesn't even know I'm alive. So I went into this sort of exile, only Dumbledore knows I'm alive."

"Why exile?" Lily whispered.

"People don't generally like to sit next to the girlfriend of a mass murderer slash traitor on the Knight bus…no one was gonna take me back in…"she said bitterly, "I was surprised that Dumbledore did, but somehow I think there's more to the story. And who'd help if they ever found out I was pregnant."

"The baby! What happened to her?" I asked urgently.

She chuckled lightly, "she was strong like her father, made it out alive from the Death Eaters grip but died when she was 4...she was sick…" tears welled up in her eyes, a stream came down from her familiar eyes, "you should've seen her James, she looked exactly like her father. Her name was Emlyn, just like he wanted it."

I covered my mouth, sinking into the sofa, putting my head in my hands as I thought. Sadly, there was too much, I was numb.

"How come you named her Emlyn? Didn't you hate Sirius?" Lily asked, I could hear her frown.

"No matter how much I tried to hate him…I couldn't," she said.

"You should've known he would never do that, you knew him better then any of us," I said.

"Guess not," she said. Silence passed as I willed my temper not to rise at her lack of judgment in a man she had known so well for so long. "What's your story?" I heard her ask faintly. I couldn't answer her, how could I? It had been a lie, Dumbledore had lied to us. But she was back in our lives.

I let Lily explain what happened that night as I thought about Padfoot's reaction to her, and the news. I could see the grin on his face, how the life in his eyes would spark up, then die again when he found out about Emlyn, about the lie, about Piper's shame. And neither of us could bare it. And I didn't want to be the one to break the news to him that she was alive, but his baby wasn't. That he'd been a father of a baby girl for four years without his knowledge, then suddenly that title was stolen from him like everything else.

"James? Is it true? Sirius is innocent? I want to hear it from you," Piper said quietly.

I looked at her, and nodded seeing relief in her eyes, rushed quickly by guilt, "yeah, all Peter's fault, he's Voldemort's man."

"Then wouldn't Kat have known?" she asked.

"Not unless Peter told Voldemort about the real reason Kat as there. Voldy would've kept Peter a secret, so Pettigrew could spy on us," I said, "why do you think he killed Kat?"

"Peter killed Kat?" she whispered.

"That's what I believe," I nodded, "day before Halloween she probably found about him. That's when she was killed."

"I still don't believe it," she sighed.

"Believe it, we're all in this position because of little Peter," I said, saying his name like it was the most filthy thing on earth. And of course, it was.

"Sirius is innocent…" Piper sighed. Piper. My cousin, my friend had aged in the same sense that Lily and I had. She was beautiful beyond belief still, her turquoise eyes, her black red-streaked hair, her tall form, her Welsh hint in her speech. She was back.

After fiercely hugging Lily, Piper hiccupped then calmed enough ask if she could talk to Sirius. I went out of the room as soon as I gave her the mirror. "Aren't you gonna stick around?" Piper asked pleadingly, the mirror clutched in her hands.

"If I stay and hear his reaction, my brain will explode, plus, I need to speak with Dumbledore," I said.

She nodded with an understanding look, sitting down snuggly next to her best friend, tears streaming down her face as she called his name in the mirror. I ran up the stairs, their reaction to each other would kill me. And I might kill the old coot named Dumbledore.

I stuck my head in the fireplace after throwing the needed amount of Floo powder in the fireplace of the library. The old man was sitting with his back towards the fireplace, humming like a bumble bee, "Professor?" I asked.

He turned around, "ah James!" he smiled, "good to see you!"

I gave him a weak smile, "we found Piper," I said.

Imagine a 6'3 guy, who hasn't done anything indignant since he was 20-years-old, and had learned to be serious for the past 5 years doing a little happy dance upon being the first man to make Dumbledore's eyes widen.

And I felt the joy I had missed so terribly much after 5 years return when he confirmed her story. Harry's godmother, Sirius's fiancé, Lily's best and greatest friend, and my cousin was back. Let this day be known as the day James Atticus Matthias Potter became the football coach, but also the day Piper Amber Potter came back from the dead. And for a moment, all was right with the world.

* * *

AN: Hi kids! **Two questions for all loyal fans of this story! Should I use HBP once I read it in way later chapters or stop at OotP? And what did ya'll think about the crazed werewolf with multiple personalities?** You better be appreciative of the fact that I worked my buttox off writing this and typing it for you! Just joking, my pleasure dudes, just wanted HBP and this chapter to come at the same time. Lol. I'm going camping tomorrow with my family and let's hope a bear doesn't eat me so i can finish 8, k? Again, thank you to Amber, rock on for putting up with me and Gregory Peck rules, k? ENJOY HBP!

_smurfinator_: Hehe, thanks lovie, I love this story too.

_amrawo: _Hehe, that was the whole idea, the sweetness. Lol. Thanks! Hope you enjoy the update!

_cai-wiggins_: Thanks! Here's your update!

_queen-of-monkey-magic_: I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS! Lol. Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Thank you for the comment! And yes, Remus chasing the other two rocked, lol. I hope you find humor in thise, second to the last paragraph eh? ROCK ON!

_clumsyfaery_:tear: thanks for the support. I love you! Lol. I'm just adding a twist to the story, not changing anything that JKR wrote, just "warpping" it. lol.THANKS!

_Joanna Potter: _Hehe, yeah, the birth scene ruled, lol. Especially with the crazed werewolf eh?

_AngelGirl1517_: Hehee, thank you lovie. Thank YOU for putting up with me!


	8. Not Quite As Perfect As Yesterday

Disclaimer: Sadly, JKR owns these people not me.:sniff:.

Ch. 8, Not Quite As Perfect as Yesterday

I was filled with a naïve hope after Piper came back into our lives, though she and I didn't have the same strong bond as before. For some reason, I wasn't as thrilled about having her back as I should've been, as I had anticipated it before I could dare hope it was possible. What I was most happy about, however, was the way Lily had improved.

No longer did I wake up in the middle of the night to find her either downstairs, staring at a picture of baby Harry sleeping on my chest or, worst yet, crying silently in bed next to me. Life had returned to her vibrant eyes, but they were still dull. She and Piper had reconnected quickly, as if their time apart never happened. Sometimes, when I got back from work, and found Lily and Piper sitting and chatting away, I half expected Moony, Kat and Sirius, with Harry, to march downstairs.

What had a worse, and perhaps permanent, effect on me was Sirius's reaction to Piper. She had seen Sirius's tears of happiness when he found her to be alive; I had heard his yell echo around Azkaban. He was torn into pieces with not only the news of his daughter, but that he was missing more than he had ever projected. He had confessed that he didn't know whether to hate Piper for having lapped up the story the Ministry fed her, and actually believing that he could be a betraying Death Eater, even when all his life he detested the Dark side. But he admitted, that there was still a part of him that loved her deeply.

Dumbledore had served to be a good source of information about the matter. I loved the old man even more when he informed me that he kept his promises about keeping both sides' existences secret from each other. Lily was furious at him. Though I don't know why, I accepted it, which seemed a bit since I should have furious at him. I slowly realized that Dumbledore, unknowingly, was taking up the post of the father I had lost. I must admit, I love the old coot.

I felt much older than I was as the years progressed. That feeling wasn't from all the pressure I was under from having to be in hiding, but rather, it came from the fact that my son was eleven. That would be the age where he would, after all these years, reenter the world that he had been both born into and had unknowingly saved. From what Dumbledore told me, I was in for one hell of a ride when it came to my son and Hogwarts.

The always insightful Headmaster informed me that as long as Harry was in Hogwarts, and I was in hiding, he would need me often. By 'he' I'm referring to both Dumbledore and Harry in case you're wondering. Dumbledore had a sneaking suspicion that Voldemort would try to get to my son. He suggested that I help him because he apparently felt my need to protect Harry. As I said, there is no use in contemplating how Dumbledore knows these things.

"So, what are you going to do? Just send Harry a letter?" I asked a week before September 1st. I was sitting next to Dumbledore on the couch in our living room.

Thanks to Lily's reasoning, she and I switched roles; leaving Lily to basically wear the pants in the family. She went to work, and I was left to run to my son's aide if he needed me. I was extremely grateful toward Lily.

"There is not other way," he said.

"But, the poor kid doesn't know he's a wizard," I said.

"How would you know?" asked Dumbledore with a smile.

"In all my time with him, he's never led on," I said, knowing full well that even if he did know, the bastards would have threatened him into silence. As I said before: bastards.

Dumbledore cocked an eyebrow and looked at me with a smile.

"Fine, I was just kidding. Stupid idea," I nodded, admitting it before I was reprimanded, "So what do I do?"

"Keep your eye on your son. He will be taken to Diagon Alley by Hagrid. You remember him, don't you James?"

"How could I forget him?" I asked with a smile. How in hell could I forget a man like Hagrid? I remembered him well; all eighteen feet of him.

Dumbledore chuckled, "I hope you trust him with Harry."

"I already have," I said, remembering how he had carried him out of Godrics Hollow after Sirius insisted, "but why send me with them? Not that I don't want to," I added quickly.

"Hagrid isn't as well trained in defensive spells as you," he pointed out.

"You expect someone to attack him?" I asked, a little scared and undeniably alarmed.

"You never know, a loyal supporter may take it upon himself to get revenge for Voldemort," he explained, "Please don't be alarmed. It's only the theory of a cautious man."

I nodded, trying to swallow against the lump in my throat that had form at the possibility that my son was face danger. The theory was just helping everyone be on the alert, and I agreed with him. Just in case something happened, I would jump in. Protect him. Do my job. "When are they going?" I asked.

"Hagrid will pick up Harry very early on the first of September," he answered, "I expect at around six or seven O'clock."

I nodded, rubbing my chin, which, after two days, was developing a beard, though it was nothing compared to Dumbledore's, which must have been there for years. "Alright, now all I have to do is find an non-Atticus disguise and I'm set."

"Ah, another matter I wish to discuss with you," he said, "I would like you to go to Diagon Alley just as you are. I would like to test the boundaries of the Stella curse."

"I don't think that's wise," I told him.

"Why?" He asked sounding startled.

"It proved to not be very effective with Piper," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Piper only suspected. If you hadn't confirmed who you were, she would have never known," he smiled, mysteriously.

"So, if someone calls me 'James' and I don't deny it, they'll know it's me?" I asked, frowning.

"Yes, but only if they are as close to you as Piper was," he answered.

"What about Harry?" I asked, "The kid looks exactly like me. It's like staring in a mirror when I see him. Not to mention I had a hand in making him, he's sort of a part of me. You don't think he'll recognize me?"

Dumbledore looked at me for a minute before he spoke, "he will only have a sneaking suspicion which he will quickly dismiss. He won't be able to place you in his memory."

I sighed, "I'll try it out."

He stood up, and I followed his lead, "I will expect you to be at Hogwarts on the first day. I assume you want to see him sorted?"

I nodded and asked, "And still without a disguise?"

"Trust me," he smiled and Dissaparated.

I looked at the spot where he had just stood. "Too late to stop," I sighed, rubbing my face roughly with my hands.

"James! Sweetie, I'm home!" I heard Lily call after the front door opened.

"I'm in the living room, love," I called, dropping down on the couch, covering my eyes with my hands. I had woken up that morning at six along with Lily, who worked as a business partner now.

"Hey beautiful," I heard her say, almost being about to hear her smile.

"Hey, sexy," I said with a smile, opening my eyes, seeing her still dressed in her business suit "How was your day?"

"Let's just say I was at the brink of wishing I worked in the Department of Misuse of Muggle Artifacts," she said with a significant look.

I laughed, "Arthur Weasly made that department fun."

She lifted an eyebrow, which made me want to do nothing more than kiss her right there, as she put her hands on her hips, slowly moving towards me. "Then why didn't you work with him?" she asked.

"I'm an Auror aint I?" I asked.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Plus, working as a janitor at the Ministry was more exciting then being Muggle," I said.

She then stood in from me as I slouched back, giving her room to stand between my legs. "You bitter old man."

"That's why you love me," I smiled, reaching out as I put my hands on her waist, drawing her closer to me.

"You have no idea James," she said.

I tugged her down and kissed her; mouth for mouth, tongue for tongue, breath for breath, heart for heart. I put my hands on her thighs as she straddled my waist. My hand was in her long hair, idly massaging her scalp as she cupped my cheeks.

"Oh God, James," she moaned as she straightened her neck, leaving me ample room to kiss along it, "I love you."

"I love you too Lily, forever," I breathed as my jeans threatened to rip.

Since you guys are too young, we'll just skip the two hours that followed and I'll let you find Lily sleeping on top of me with a quilt covering her from the waist down, "you feel good Lils," I breathed, securing her closer to me as my legs entangled with her soft ones.

Waking up from her light sleep, she giggled into my bare chest. "You feel better," she said kissing my chest.

"Glad to hear it," I smiled, my hand in her silky hair, again, unable to resist the temptation to play with it.

"What if someone comes in?" she asked, moaning as she rubbed against me on accident, or that's how she made it seem, anyway.

"Then they'll find a young husband and wife naked on the couch," I shrugged.

"I wouldn't say we're young," she said.

I looked down at the top of her head, "you don't?"

"No, I mean we're thirty-one years old and we're the parents of an 11-year-old boy," she said, shrugging.

"Well, _you're _thirty-one, I have a few months left till I'm over thirty, and that's it," I smiled, "I think we're young 'till we hit sixty. Then we're middle aged."

"You're weird, you know that?"

"Yep," I chuckled.

She pushed herself up so that she was sitting on top of me, in all her glory. Lily let her head fall back as I massaged her waist, a smile twitching at my lips, happy to know that my touch did that to her.

"Please stop, I'm too exhausted for more, honey," she moaned.

I laughed. "Alright," I said as I stopped, watching her breathing return to normal and her eyes flutter open.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," Lily smiled, taking the quilt off of me and wrapping it around her body, leaving me butt naked.

"When don't you?" I smiled.

"Go to hell," she said getting off of me.

"You don't want that, you wouldn't have my chest as a pillow then," I pointed out.

She lifted an eyebrow, running a hand through her moist hair, and then began collecting her clothes. I put my hands behind my head and watched her. Lily might think she's getting old, but to me, she never looked more voluptuous, more beautiful then I ever remembered.

Maybe the knowledge that she was an 11-year-old's mother caused her to think she was old. Maybe it was because I knew everything that ever happened to her, but to me she looked more mature, smarter, you could say. But there was an undeniable vulnerability, helplessness. I could never stop myself imagining Lily as a princess in distress, and I her valiant knight in which I would rescue her, she'd fall in love, her eyes filling with admiration for having saved her.

"You're despicable," she said, standing next to me as I lay sprawled on the couch.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're not at all uncomfortable lying there in all your glory," she said with a smile, her clothes folded in her arms. She took a pillow and threw it down so it covered my middle section…erm…my…yeah…hehe. "Better," she giggled.

"Some women would find their husbands nude majesty attractive," I smiled.

Lily bent down, "I do too, but the temptation's too ripe," she kissed me swiftly and left for our bathroom upstairs. I slept there for about half an hour before looking for my boxers or jeans. I found my jeans and put them on, not bothering with underwear, as I sat there.

Needless to say, I was absolutely exhausted, and I dropped my head in my hands, my elbows rested on my knees. I forgot what happiness felt like, but at the moment, as I recalled every second of the past two hours, and I felt happy. I would be spending more time with Harry, Lily was happy and Dumbledore reckoned it wouldn't be long until I would be reunited with Harry.

There was a knock at the door, and I hastily put on my shirt and walked towards the door. Opening it, I found Piper standing there, grinning like the idiot she was at times.

"Hey, cousin," she smiled.

"Hey yourself," I smiled back, letting her in.

"What's new?" She asked, taking off her coat.

"Nothing, Lily's just upstairs taking a shower," I told her.

"Ah, am I bugging you guys?" she asked.

"No," I smiled, thankful that she had come now and not earlier, "not at all."

"Good, cause New York is bugging me," she smiled as we walked towards the living room couch.

We sat there, talking about everything from current jobs to Marauder era Hogwarts and Auror training sessions with Moody. We were talking about the time we tricked Peeves when I realized that Lily had been upstairs for a long time. I excused myself and ran upstairs to her. Our door was closed, but I opened it to find a heart-wrenching sight. Lily sat on the massive four-poster bed wearing her fluffy bathrobe, her hair slopping wet, her hands holding her head, shoulders shaking.

My heart fell, twisted then split open, "Lily?" I asked quietly. I shut the door and then, in two strides, I was next to her. I swiftly took her into my arms as she clutched at my shirt. "What's wrong, love?" I asked gently, horrified beyond belief.

She answered in form of an incomprehensible sob.

"C'mon on sweetheart, talk to me," I urged, shushing her softly as I stroked her hair, rocking her back in forth. She cried into my shoulder, her body shaking uncontrollably, "Lily, please tell me what's wrong," I begged.

"Oh James," she whimpered, my heart dividing into more pieces as she sobbed harder. I hadn't seen her cry like this for six years now, since Piper came back. She seemed happier, more hopeful, but now, here she was in my arms, crying harder then those wretched nights.

"Lily," I said desperately, putting one of my legs in her lap, the other behind her back so she was closer to me, "tell me. Talk to me, love," I implored.

"I'm just so…I don't know," she cried, "I just don't know."

"It's ok," I told her, kissing her forehead, praying to God she would stop.

"There's nothing to be upset about, we're all safe aren't we? But, I don't know, I just feel like crying," she said, being able to speak somewhat clearly at last.

"I have those days," I told her, knowing how it felt to just want to cry after a hard week, so I let her cry. I just sat there, holding her tightly, my duty as a husband.

I kiss her, held her, and loved her. I wanted to chase away all her demons. And if I caught one, stick a hot rod up their butts. I couldn't go in that deep, well, emotionally. No one can.

Sometimes, even before all this, I found tears trickling down my cheeks for no reason and more, on more than one occasion, had to dash to the bathroom so I could defend my masculinity (you guys won't tell anyone about this confession right?) I guess everyone feels helpless at some point, it's a part of human nature, you could say.

Lily sniffled softly. "James?" she asked quietly.

"Hmm?"  
"I love you," she whispered.

I smiled as she kissed my neck, "I love too Lils." She led me downstairs.

That Sunday, the morning the train was set to take my son to Hogwarts, I Dissaparated to London. I had decided to first test the power of the Stella at the Leaky Cauldron right before Harry was set to arrive. Wearing a black coat that went just beyond my waist with a beret type hat pulled down to my eyes to prevent the rain from further wetness, I opened the door and nobody knew James Potter had just entered the Leaky Cauldron. The bar was more crowded than my last memory of it, during the war. I recognized some of the faces. Some of them had been questioned by Sirius and myself during our days as the dream team Aurors, and some I had just seen around. No one turned to look at me when I entered, they just carried on.

I pulled off my hat, stuffing it in my coat pocket along with my hands. Keeping my head low, I walked towards Tom, the barkeeper to test out the spell.

I sat on the stool furthest from the crowd. With my wand pointed at him in my pocket, I was reading to obliterate his memory in case he recognized me. "Can I help you sir?" he asked me with a kind smile.

"Hot cup of tea please," I smiled, bravely looking in his face.

He nodded and walked away. I mentally decided to never, _ever _doubt Dumbledore because he's never wrong.

I waited there anxiously for about two hours, tapping my leg against the stool, the only thing that got me attention. I kept jumping every time the door opened, expecting the big man and my son to appear. "Would you like something to eat?" Tom asked.

I shook my head with what I hoped was a thankful look. I was getting worried; both Auror and paternal instincts were agreeing that something was wrong. Billions and billions of possibilities of what could've happened crossed my mind, none of them good.

The door again opened, this time I didn't turn around. "Hagrid! Will you be having the usual today?" Tom asked.

My ears pricked, but I couldn't turn around.

"No thanks Tom, I'm on duty, helping Harry to get his school supplies," the familiar, gruff voice of the Keeper of Keys said.

"Bless my soul, it's Harry Potter!" he gasped, the place going so quiet I could hear a pin drop.

I couldn't turn around to look at Harry; my body was rooted to the spot. Dumbledore was yet again right, everyone knew my baby boy. I finally got my body to twist around so I faced him. Hagrid, humungous and burly as every, was standing behind Harry. With his glasses, big green eyes, and his uncanny resemblance to me wearing huge jeans with my sweatshirt, I smiled at the bewildered look upon his face.

"Oh, hello Professor Quirrell, I didn't see you there!" Hagrid said turning to the young man with the turban sitting next to me. Hagrid introduced him as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to my son.

"O-of c-course you don't need a-any help in that d-department eh-eh Potter?" he stuttered, standing up.

I frowned, thinking I had seen something in the resemblance of evil flash through his eyes, but I couldn't tell, maybe it was my paranoia. I fought the feeling because he didn't look dangerous to me.

Harry's eyes landed on me after shaking hands with Quirrell. For a second I thought he had recognized me, and a part of me began jumping up and down with excitement while another was scared. "Mr. Potter! What a pleasure it is in finally meeting you!" I said, jumping off the stool, imitating half of the occupants after they had seen Harry, "I'm"- I wracked my name for a name, only one popped out- "Gregory Pesonni," I quickly said, "And I would like to welcome you back to your world sir." Some of the people in the bar were Muggles and I didn't think it too appropriate to use the last name Peck.

He looked at me and beamed as we shook hands, "thank you Mr. P…?"

"Just call me Greg," I smiled.

He nodded.

"Have I seen you somewhere before sir?" Hagrid asked me, narrowing his beady little eyes hidden beyond his bushy eyebrows.

I shrugged, "I don't know, have you?" I smiled.

"No, guess not, looked like….nah," he said quickly, he put a hand on my son's shoulder, "c'mon Harry, we need to get you your supplies."

"It was nice meeting you," Harry smiled looking at me, then at the stuttering Quirrell.

"Same goes for you," I smiled, at last noticing his scar, which was the first thing other's noticed in him.

I waited a few minutes before following Hagrid and Harry to the backdoor towards the brick wall. I entered Diagon Alley after taping the stones, and continued to follow, as it wasn't easy to loose track of Hagrid.

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AN: For those who have read HP6, my condolences. I spend two days crying, and now, my dad just finished reading it, same response. starts mumbeling things under breath about a certain someone I have decided that I am going to use the 6th book. There's going to be a lot of tears and lots of Spoilers for those who haven't read it yet. But those who have, all I could think of was James and Harry! Hehehe. Neways, yeah. Sorry I'm a bit late on the update, but between watching old movies, reading two books ((Gregory Peck bio and HPB)) and trying to get my sleeping habits back to normal. Yeah, boom, lol. REVIEW! RECOMMEND! I LOVE YOU! GREGORY PECK RULES:) :) **YOUR OPINION NEEDED! I was wondering if you guys wanted flashbacks in every chapter or not?**

_smurfinator_: Seeing as how i uncofuzeled you about Rose and Piper situation, and the fact that i'm planning on using HBP, all that is left for me to say is thank you for reviewing!

_Joanne Potter:_ When i was reading it, i was as numb as you and all i could, as i said in the AN, was imagine James and Harry. Just keep reading, i already wrote that chapter. Lol.

_queen-of-monkey-magic_: I have a bone to pick with you now! I'm a curious person, and you spoiled the death by attracting my attention to it! I read the first sentence and my heart dropped. Lol. But yes, i love you too. Lol. I'm very happy about Piper coming back and i'm glad i can get emotions out for ya. and the theory of the R.A.B i agree with your friend. I think it's him. And the shippys, i'm happy and will extend Harry's in my version. KEEP REVIEWING! And someone who shall remain nameless for those who haven't read it yet, he will get his thanks to James.

_Tira's Host_: I already wrote James's reaction to the stuf that happens in HBP, hahha. THanks for reviewing!

_Cai-Wiggins_: Hehe, i did it again!

_magicslifer_: More Harry? YOu got it! And yes, Piper does change things doesn't she?

_adelian: _Heheheheh, thank you! That means a lot! Keep reading!


	9. The Hate, the Greed That Feeds Me

Disclaimer: If I owned HP...HBP wouldn't have happened, LOL. ENJOY! ((Don't foget to press that little review button, hehehehe)

Ch. 9 The Hate, the Greed that Feeds Me.

Putting my hat back on and stuffing my hands in my pockets, I dashed around groups of people, practically running towards Harry and Hagrid. I never thought I would miss the hustle and bustle of Diagon Alley, but I did. Walking past the Quiddich supply store and the joke shop, I could recount every second I spent in the two stores with Padfoot.

I knew the two were headed to Gringotts, having told Dumbledore to order Hagrid to first go there. I felt that if Harry saw the gold we left him, he would realize that we hadn't abandoned him. I wish to God I could've seen the aw-stricken expressions on his face as when he laid his eyes on the magnificent stores. Or his eyes widening when he was told he was Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, and a wizard.

I stopped walking right next to the bank, standing sideways so I could see the door to the bank. I looked at the window display not really seeing it. Just using it as a mirror to look for familiar faces and potential threats to my son. I spotted a few of people that had been in my year at Hogwarts from every house. My eyes bugged when I saw Frank Longbotton's mother,along with a boy who looked around Harry's age.

My heart stopped when I remembered going into Dumbledore's Pensieve for the trial. I had seen Barty Crouch Jr., son of Crouch Sr. the bastard, along with Sirius's cousin Bellatrix and Rabastan Lestrange stand trial for torturing Frank and Alice. And their son, Neville, if memory serves, was a possible candidate for the meaning of the Prophecy. It had been up to either Neville or Harry who would defeat Voldemort. The two were born a few days apart at the end of July. But what happened to Frank and Alice, no nightmare could sum it up.

Frank was my friend, I've known him since I was 5. Our dads were good friends, so the two of us were close, hung out together during and after Hogwarts. Alice and Lily were good friends and our boys played together while we, the parents, talked.

Now, seeing him, just overwhelmed me when I remembered Dumbledore telling me that Frank and Ally, as she was usually called, had gone insane from the torture. I wanted to cry, but held the emotions in when I saw Harry and Hagrid come out of the crooked building. Harry passed Neville without knowing his baby playmate at all. It tore me apart.

I followed Harry to Madam Malkins when he got fit for school robes as I looked at the colorful owls perched on cages and whatnot. I saw this beautiful snow white owl that resembled the one I had before it was intercepted by Death Eaters; stupid bastards. There was a little whizzing fur ball zooming around the cage. I frowned, then realized it was a tiny little owl. "That's interesting," I mumbled.

Harry came out of Malkin's holding a few wrapped packages. I smiled at the excitement in his beautiful eyes. The satisfied look in those eyes made me remember Lily the first time I saw her in the Alley, around this time 20 years before.

They then went to Flourish and Blotts, and soon, he had potion ingredients, cauldrons and big, fat books in his hands. All that was left was a wand, and Harry's next stop was Ollivanders. Hagrid left Harry alone for this particular stop, and left. All I could concentrate on was Harry alone with a man I could never fully trust. I stood outside the window shop, pretending to read the Prophet as I listened and watched closely.

The old man pulled out a long thin box, pulled out a wand and gave it to Harry. Glad to see he's a righty like me, and not a lefty like his mother. Harry looked a bit startled when Ollivander barked, "well, give it a wave"

Harry obliged and managed to knock off boxes from the shelves, I chuckled, hiding behind my newspaper. I had knocked off two shelves, blew three bulbs, and nearly poked Ollivander's eye out before I found my wand.

When Harry was given the third wand and waved it, golden sparks flew out. My son had just found his first wand.

"Curious," I head the wand-maker say, "very curious."

"E-excuse me sir, but, what's curious?" Harry asked politely.

"It's curious that you should get this wand when its brother gave you that scar," Ollivander said, pointing at Harry's forehead after explaining stuff about how the wand chooses the wizard.

My ears were ringing. The same Phoenix that had given a tail for my son's wand had also produced one for Voldemort's. I didn't know anything about wands and Wizards. All I know is that for two people to share the same wand core, they have to have something huge in common. Like Sirius, Remus, and my wand have the same core. But all I could think about Harry and Voldy having something in common was they were both half-bloods.

Dumbledore and I had a lot to discuss, my first question to him was if Harry could be in any danger.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hagrid walking towards the store carrying a big cage with the snowy white own hooting inside it. Hagrid enthusiastically knocked on the shop window, "Happy birthday Harry!" he smiled.

I smiled behind my paper, it was indeed my boy's birthday. Well, the day before it anyway. And his mother and Godparent's and I had spent the day talking about his 1st birthday. We had managed in getting a mirthless chuckle out of Sirius who was steadily getting worst. But I will not discuss him if I want to keep my mind.

After that, they, um we, headed back to the Cauldron for some food before they went to King's Cross. I once again took my seat at the bar, close to the table the two were sitting at, eating soup.

"He killed my parents, didn't he?" he asked abruptly.

I chocked on the coffee I was drinking, "sir, are you alright?" Tom asked, pounding on my back.

"Yes, yes thank you," I said shakily when my air pipes had reopened, "thank you," I nodded, swallowing hard.

I stared into my cup, listening to Hagrid explain to Harry, that some wizards went bad and how Voldemort killed anyone who got in his way. He meant the Potters.

As Harry asked the name of the man that had made him an orphan, I remembered the night bitterly.

We had just left Remus and Kat's flat after our annual Halloween grieve-athon. Disaster always struck on Halloween for us. This year, we only thought Piper's disappearance was the disaster as we sat in silence for most of the night.

Lily had just come downstairs after putting Harry to bed. She came into the kitchen, looking extremely beautiful in her black turtle neck. She wrapped her arms around my waist as I washed the dishes having been forbidden to them by magic.

"That was horrible," she stated.

"He's better then he was a week ago," I said.

"Question, did you find Peter leaving early a bit odd?" she asked, kissing my shoulder.

"With the war, everyone's busy," I shrugged.

"Do you really think we should've switched with Sirius?" Lily asked as I finished.

"I've known Peter for years, I think he's safe, really safe actually," I turned around so I faced her worried eyes, "don't dwell on it much, he's practically a Squib. No one will give him a second thought."

"But Sirius is still in danger," she breathed.

Sighing, I nodded, "he's a big boy," I swallowed as I led her back to the living room. We were bout to go upstairs when I heard something outside, stopping me.

"What's wrong honey?" Lily asked.

"I thought I heard something…" I said frowning, my arms still around her shoulders.

"James?" she asked, "what did you hear?"

I didn't have a chance to answer because Harry let out a heart-wrenching cry from upstairs. Lily was about to run upstairs looking as terrified as I never having heard him wail this bad, when the door blew off it's hinges. I immediately shoved Lily behind me, and took out my wand. Lily's nails dug into my bicep as a tall figure wearing a black cloak. Beneath the hood of the figure red eyes glowed as I raised my wand. Harry's crying intensified by ten octaves .

"Go to him," I said as the figure known as Voldemort, walked in.

"No," she said, tears evident in her voice, "I'm not leaving you."

"Lily," I growled, her grip increasing on my arm.

"Ah! I'm glad I found you both home today!" the cold, soulless voice behind the cloak hissed, "my, Mrs. Potter! You won't invite me in for tea? What manners your wife has James!"

"Get out," I snarled, standing protectively in front of Lily with an arm in front of her, preventing any movement from her towards him. Not that I had to worry.

"Not until I get what I want," he said, "and just for that Potter," I don't know what hit me except millions of white, hot knives pierced every inch of my body. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think about anything except say, "Lily, go!" I bit my lip so hard to prevent the oncoming scream that I felt it began to bleed.

"James, no," she moaned as Voldemort cackled.

"GO!" I yelled, holding on to the banister with both hands, trying to regain control over my body and not topple over.

"That's enough," he said coldly, and it stopped. But the ringing in my ear and spots around the room didn't disappear, neither did the painful memory. "Now, I want to do this quick and easy Potter, get out of the way."

"Or what Voldy?" I asked, trying get my breathing back to normal, giving him the dirtiest looks I could manage. And if looks could kill, Voldemort would've long been dead.

"You really don't want to know," he sneered as I spotted Wormtail behind him, though I couldn't see his face, I knew it was him. Who else could it be?

"I see you brought your henchman to kiss your ass," I nodded towards Peter, wanting nothing more then to jump on him and kill him with my bare hands. No wand, no curses, just bare hands. "Tell me Voldy, how's the sex?"

I'd gone too far but oh well, "THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU!" Voldemort yelled, sending green sparks towards us. I pulled Lily down with me just enough time.

"Go to Harry," I hissed.

Her teary eyes stared into mine, "James, no," she moaned.

"Do it!"

"What if he kills you?" she asked. This quick conversation took less time then when said then written.

"If you and Harry are safe, I'll be quite satisfied with my fate, please Lils," I begged as Voldemort ducked his own curse as it bounced off the handy family shield hanging on the wall of the landing upstairs.

"No," she whimpered.

"Please," I said again.

She looked at me for a moment, "just come back to me."

"I will. I'll hold him off long enough for you and Harry to get the hell out of here," I said. I remember those two minutes now, how I was getting ready to die for my family. To say good-bye. How I was mourning over the fact that I would never taste her again, never hold him in my arms.

We both stood up, I sent a well placed Impedimenta towards him. To my surprise, he blew across the room, landing against the wall with a thud, "not as powerful as you claimed ha Voldy?"  
"I'll kill you!" he yelled.

"There are worse things then dying," I said, thinking it was my last stand. Nothing got in his way, especially a wise-cracking victim like yours truly.

"Dumbledore's man still are you Potter?" he asked.

"Through and through," I bowed, keeping my eyes on him.

"I like you Potter, you would've been a good Death Eater," he said.

"Now _that's _worse than death," I pointed out.

He cackled and there was a pop. He had Dissaparated. As I was wondering where he went, I heard Lily shriek. My question was answered, cursing Voldemort and Lily for not having left, I flew to Harry's nursery. As I burst through the door, I stopped, horrified. "Oh Jesus," I managed as I saw Harry floating in mid air.

When he saw me with his big, wet green eyes, he reached out his hands and said, "dadda."

I wanted nothing more then to run to him, grab him and comfort him. But as I looked at him, I was sure that if I died trying to save him, it would perfectly OK with me. "James!" Lily yelled. I knew enough to jump out of the way when someone yells your name with that much terror. I saw the nursery wall explode.

"You'd better pay for that," I said as I saw Lily send the Craciatus on him.

"Holy shit," I muttered as Voldy, that's right, Voldemort himself howled with pain. But my satisfaction was short lived, suddenly he stood up straight again, cackling.

"That was mighty brave Potter, Mrs. Potter I mean," he laughed, making Harry cry harder.

"You know I can kill you," she breathed, "you also know that Harry can too. So get the hell out!"

"No, I think not," he sneered. My heart missed about five beats as he flung a hand out, waved it and Harry zoomed across the room, hit the wall and landed crying on the ground.

"NO!" Lily and I both yelled and made to go to him but met the same fate and slammed against the opposite wall. My back gave an unhealthily loud crack, and I couldn't move my arm. All I could do was put my arm across Lily's chest and draw her near.

"It's us you want you despicable coward! LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS!" I yelled, fearing my throat would rip into shreds.

"That's right Potter, that's why I'm here," he smiled, "to cut a deal with you."

"You mean with the devil?"

He cackled, "never stop with the jokes do you? According to Wormtail anyway. He claims you're incapable of two seconds without wise-cracks."

"Did he also tell you he thinks you're a coward and an asshole, maybe he mentioned it when he was kissing your ass?" I asked, looking at Harry who was crying so loud all Heaven's Angels and those in hell could hear him.

"I'll ignore that," he said, advancing towards us.

"Darn," I said sarcastically, trying to get Lily closer to me, her body screaming at me to rescue her from this menace.

"The deal is that you leave your son forever, so you will not bestow any of your powers upon him," he said.

"You mean just leave Harry and go?" asked Lily, shock and pain in her voice.

"I'd rather die," I said through clenched teeth.

"Isn't this situation one you might consider worse then death, Potter?" he asked, "therefore, I won't do you the horror of killing you or your lovely wife or son. This is the first time ever that I am giving anybody an option. And if you are as smart as you claim, you will consider it. You vow to never set a foot in the Wizarding world after tonight, and I will not kill your son until he's ready for a duel, where he will die at my wand."

"What the hell makes you think he won't kill you?" I yelled, my eyes were only for my crying son.

"You and your wife won't be training him. As I said, I promise never to harm Harry until he's ready to face me only on the basis that you two are never heard from again. And if you don't obey, your precious heir will die before he lived," he cackled as I saw blood. I would've jumped him right there but my back and Lily's tight grip on my arm prevented any movement.

"James? M--maybe we should deal," Lily whispered, fear ravaging her face.

"What!" I yelled.

"DADDA!" Harry wailed.

My heart skipped again, I couldn't go to him. I couldn't ease his pain. But I looked at Lily, "you can't mean that."

"It would mean Harry's safety," she breathed, "we need time to consider."

"Wrong Mrs. Potter, because unlike the villains in those books you love, I will give you no deliberation time. You answer right now," the cold, soulless voice said.

"He'll be safe," Lily cried.

I shook my head, the idea of him being away tearing me apart, "I can't."

"James, there's no other choice," she said, squeezing my arm.

I looked at her, hating her for making sense. I turned my eyes to the red, snake eyes behind the hood, "alright, you got what you wanted now go!"

He sneered and turned his back on Lily and I. I heard the words. Saw the green light. Saw Harry's eyes begging me to help him, to keep my promise and save him as he said, "dadda," again. I couldn't act. Couldn't move fast enough to shield him from the curse, but lunged at him anyway.

"HARRY!" I yelled as the green hit him.

But the prolonged moment ended by a scream, not the throaty scream of the horror-struck mother laying behind me, not myself, and not my baby boy. But from the murderer. I looked at Voldemort and saw, well, light coming out of his stomach. Then suddenly, nothing was there anymore except a cloak. Grabbing the side of my son's crib, I stood up shakily. As I did so, a wisp of smoke rose from the cloak with Voldmort's hideous face screaming as he went through me. I lost my balance but held on to the banister.

The house began rattling, it took no genius to figure out that the house was about to collapse. Lily dove for Harry, covering him with her body as she clutched him to her chest. I, in turn, dove for Lily and covered them both, praying as beams fell through the roof. An idea hit. A Godsent. I got a hold of Harry's hand and Lily's wrist and Dissaparated the three of us the furthest I could take them, our backyard.

I didn't get off of them until my home was only a pile of dust, like Voldemort. That's what you get for breaking a promise. Kissing Lily's cheek, I got off, realizing my arm was broken in more then one place.

"You alright?" I asked Lily as she sat up, Harry on her chest.

Lily nodded erratically as Harry reached for me again, "dadda," he said again. He threw himself in my arms. I squeezed his body close as he stood on my upper thighs in his blue pajamas.

"Oh God," I said in his little shoulder as I remembered how close I had come to losing him. I rocked us back in forth for an eternity, hoping I could make everything all right again, make him forget. Lily joined us and it turned into a group hug. One of her arms was in my hair, the other around Harry's body.

I pulled back maybe 10 minutes later and looked at Harry who had calmed despite the rolling stream down his cheeks, "alright Emeralds?" I asked, examining his dust covered face.

"House go boom," he said sadly, bluntly putting his head on my chest.

But I didn't notice that, too busy with something else. I pushed aside a few strands of hair from his eyes to reveal the now legendary scar, "hey Lils, look at this."

She looked and her eyes bugged.

"His mother's boy," I chuckled half-heartedly, trying to swallow everything that had happened. "I need to get Sirius and Dumbledore down here," I pushed Harry away from me lightly, well attempted to anyway.

"No," he said firmly, finding his place on my chest again.

I looked at Lily, "you mind?" I smiled, "he's got a death grip on me--pardon the jibe."

She nodded, "since we have no way to contact Dumbledore, I'll get the mirror for Sirius."

"In my pocket," I nodded, she moved my right arm to get to the mirror, "watch it!" I yelped.

"Sorry," she said, managing to get to the mirror without further murder of my arm.

I didn't hear Lily's conversation, I only could hold my son.

When I came back to reality, Hagrid was taking the 11-year-old Harry to catch the Hogwarts Express. I ran behind them, though keeping a fair distance.

I walked behind Harry as he tried to find platform 9 ¾, Hagrid having abruptly disappeared. Harry pushed the trolley back in forth between 9 and 10, looking as puzzled as Lily had her first time. I was about to go tell him where it was when I spotted 6 redheads, 4 of them pushing trolley's full of equipment head to the barrier.

I smiled, Molly Weasley. Praying that somehow Harry would figure out they were Wizards, I hid behind a Muggle newspaper. And Harry did catch on they were wizards as the three tallest boys ran through the barrier. I saw Harry approach Molly, she smiled. He looked at the boy, I'm assuming he's a 1st year too. With a nod and a determined look, Harry ran into the wall and disappeared into such an adventurous world! And such adventures.

"Welcome back Mr. Harry James Potter," I smiled. I decided to head home, spend time with Lily and go to Hogwarts the next day for the sorting ceremony.

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AN: Hello my lovlies. Proud of me, ha? Ha? I think I broke my own world record when I wrote this chapter!((But my finger joints hurt now...arthritis..?)) Hehe. It would have been up sooner but you all better pray for my editor, she's sick :( Um, yeah. The suggestions for the flashbacks, I think I'm going to go with every other chapter. **I hope you found this flashback satisfying COMMENT ON IT!** And Gregory Peck, as always, rules all! And I love you! OH**! _Btw, the names_**. Well, Emlyn is my middle name((Sirius's daughter)) and Amber, Piper's middle name, is Sirius's girfriends middle name. Hehehehe. And do I really need to point out Gregory and Atticus, COME ON! Lol. VUV YOU! _

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Joanna Potter:I agree with you guys getting the backstory on what's in the past, sorta brings my ambitions of writing a Marauder era story which has prooved uncsuccesful. But this way, I can have flashbacks left and right! Thank you for your review! Keep reading and I'll love you more then i do now.  
__queen-of-monkey-magic_:I'm gonna take your advice on the flashbacks and won't kill you for ruining it for me. Lol, it's ok, the blow was less harsh but the cave...the cavebegins weeping but don't worry, James will get Snape, oh yes, he will get Snape. MUAHHAHAHAH! You will love James more then ever when he gets revenge for the two of us...stupid Dumbledore killer...Love you! Keep reviewing! :I agree with you guys getting the backstory on what's in the past, sorta brings my ambitions of writing a Marauder era story which has prooved uncsuccesful. But this way, I can have flashbacks left and right! Thank you for your review! Keep reading and I'll love you more then i do now.:I'm gonna take your advice on the flashbacks and won't kill you for ruining it for me. Lol, it's ok, the blow was less harsh but the cave...the cavebegins weeping but don't worry, James will get Snape, oh yes, he will get Snape. MUAHHAHAHAH! You will love James more then ever when he gets revenge for the two of us...stupid Dumbledore killer...Love you! Keep reviewing! 

_amrawo_:I dunno why I changed from Atticus, I guess because Harry would've tweaked out or something...I honestly think I just wanted to shove Gregory Peck's name in there...I'm sad, I know. Keep reviewing!

_Adelian_:I love you! You're so hyper about the story! Gave me a boost! Lol. keep reviewing like that i'll write a chapter per day! Hehehehe.

_Cai-Wiggins_:Thank you lovie, hope you enjoyed this chapter too!

_JeNnIfEr88_Well my lovely reviewer, you have found out what happens next, what do you think:) :)

_smurfinator_:Hhehe, just email me the question when you remember it. Thanks for reviewing! Keep reading! Thanks!

_Vanishing Roses_starts grumbeling obsenities THAT IS THE LAST TIME YOU EDIT SANDY! Lol, you suck! I prefer Amber, heheheheh. Don't kill me please!


	10. Consequences of Falling

Disclaimer: Aint mine! Come on now! You should know that by now! Getterdone!

Ch. 10 Consequences of Falling

I Apparated into our backyard after I saw Harry off at King's cross, it was night in America. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. That question he had asked Hagrid had hit me like a brick wall. I now knew exactly what it would be like to walk into a barrier that didn't led you to the Hogwarts Express.

I opened the sliding doors after examining my precious flowers in the moonlight, having found a great love for gardening. "Hey! Lily! You home love?" I cried closing the door behind me as I walked into our kitchen.

"Jaime, that you?" I heard her voice ask, sounded like she was upstairs.

"Well, no, not Jaime, James," I said, never having liked that nickname. I prefer Prongs and/or James. Jaime never really clicked with me.

"Right, sorry," she giggled, "I'm upstairs sweetie."

I walked up the stairs using the staircase that led there from the kitchen. Eager to see her, I took the steps in two's. I walked into the bedroom to see her in her pajamas, sitting Indian style on the bed with a beautiful song playing in the background. Candles were lit everywhere, and they were the only source of light in our room. I frowned as I stood in the doorway, admiring my wife's beauty in the candlelight.

She beamed at me, "hello."

"Hello," I smiled back taking off my hat, "what have you been up to?"

Lily shrugged with a secretive smirk on her face, "oh nothing, working, waiting."

I nodded with a cynical look at her.

"What?" she asked indignantly, she failed to hide her smile from her tone.

I raised my eyebrows, and then lowered them with a smile. Knowing her, knowing me, that look meant "tell me what's going on or I'll tickle it out of you".

"How did it go?" she asked me.

"It went, I'll tell you when you tell me what you're up to," I smiled.

"Two can play that game James," she said enticingly.

"They can?" I asked slowly walking towards her, taking off my coat and throwing it on the chair.

"Mmh," she answered beaming at me.

I chuckled, "you're becoming as fastidious as I love," I said, close enough now to bend down and kiss her.

"Right," she smiled as she pulled me back with her on the bed so I was on top of her. She put her arms around my neck and drew me down, "I wanna die in your arms James."

Her breath tickled the inside of my ear as I snaked my hands behind her waist. But this confession from her surprised me, though I had heard her say it quite a lot. Something about the way she said, the authenticity in her voice caught my attention, and the way her arms convulsed around me like she would never let me go.

"What's going on with you?" I asked, kissing the inside of her ear, settling down on top of her so she was comfortable and not smashed.

"Nothing," she whispered, her fingers running through my hair at my nape, "I just want you to hold me…squeeze me and never let go."

"Ok…" I said slowly, increasing my grip on her.

"I want you to hold me so close, so tight that I can just melt into your body and live there for the longest time," she whispered, "have you ever had the murderously obsessive feeling of wanting climb into someone's skin, in my case yours, and live there?"

"Being a man, I'm inclined to deny such things," I said.

"Every single time I see you I want to climb inside your skin and never let go," she whispered, "just so I can be close to you, protected by you."

"Something's bothering you," I whispered and flipped us over so that she was on top. She settled down now, her head on my chest, arms around my waist now as I secured her there, squeezing her as hard as I could to comply with her request. She was hiding something from me, something was wrong because she was never this vulnerable. Sure, she always asked me to squeeze her to me, but she sounded desperate.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready, k?" she asked, placing a kiss on my heart.

"Right," I sighed, and began massaging her scalp. I don't know how long we were there, but she felt good, I must admit. I think maybe three hours passed, with me staring up at the ceiling of the room and Lily lying motionless on me when I felt a tear drop on to my thin shirt.

It didn't take me too long to figure out Lily was crying, why, I didn't exactly know. If I asked she wouldn't tell me, if I comforted her with words she wouldn't respond, perhaps cry harder. What else was there for me to do except let her cry silently on my shoulder and pretend I don't hear her?

So I held her close, kissed her head and rolled us so we were on our sides, facing each other. She fell asleep just as light was protruding through the darkness, tears dribbling down her cheeks; I had to get going to Hogwarts with the helpless feeling.

"Baby, I gotta get going to school, wanna come along?" I asked, brushing a finger down her cheek to wake her up from fitful sleep.

She shook her head, "I have work," she whispered, burying her head in my chest as though light was offending her.

"Alright, I guess we can use a Pensieve," I smiled, "you gotta let go of me now," I smiled, slowly unwrapping her arms from around my waist, Harry had apparently inherited the death grip from his mother, "I'll be back before you know it," I kissed her head as she curled up with my pillow.

"Ok," she yawned, her eyes still closed, her cheeks stained.

"I love you Lily, more then you will ever now," I assured her, kissing the inside of her ear and got off of our bed. I grabbed my Invisibility Cloak on my way out after changing into another pair of jeans and t-shirt. I paused to look at Lily for one last time, she was slipping away from me…just like I had expected her to those first few days.

"Bye James, give my love to Hogwarts," she said in her sleep.

I chuckled and closed the door behind me. Throwing the cloak on, I Dissaparated to Hogsmead. I made my way up the familiar driveway to the beaming castle in front of me. I passed Hagrid's hut, smiling when I spotted the beech tree the Marauder's had deemed their own. Which was also the spot Lily Evens agreed to go out with me after that famous night you now know about. So many memories, I was about to scream with them buzzing in my ear. The Whomping Willow, I chuckled silently when I remembered the Marauder's endless exploits. I suddenly had the urge to transform into a stag again, and run the woods for a sentimental reason I knew not of. But I decided to do it after the sorting.

I went up to the castle, and on Dumbledore's orders in an earlier conversation, made my way up to his office. As I stood in front of the gargoyle that I knew for a fact led to Dumbledore's lavish office, I remembered having forgotten to ask the password. It wasn't hard to figure out what it was, just the details were missing. I began naming names of different candies--lemon drops, liquorish wands, Berty Bott's Every Flavored Beans--until I finally surprised myself, having said, "Snickers?" with a growing hopelessness. The gargoyle came to life and jumped to the side to reveal the famous revolving steps to his office.

"Snickers? Really?" I asked, expecting it to answer me as I walked up the steps. I reached the door when I was thinking about how an old man could like Snickers…wouldn't they stick to his frail teeth? But then again, we're talking about Albus Dumbledore.

I arrived at the door and didn't take the cloak off as I knocked on it. The door opened and Dumbledore himself stood there with a smile, "James?" He asked, staring right at me.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"Come in!" he smiled and let me enter. To signify that I was inside, I let my head show and I smiled at him, wondering how people would react if they saw a dead man's head floating in Dumbledore's office…Then again, Dumbledore has a way of attracting the attention of strange things so it wouldn't look too suspicious.

"Everyone has just arrived," he smiled, "they are in fact about to be escorted into the Great Hall," he said, looking at his watch as I noticed not one of the former Headmaster's portrait was occupied. He probably ordered them to scram.

"Cool," I nodded, smiling as I once more wanted to see the aw-struck expression as Harry laid those eyes on the castle, "where do I go? Where do I stand?" I asked.

"I want you to stay close to Harry, as I believe that if I asked you to stay behind my chair, you would go to him anyway," he smiled, his eyes twinkled as he looked at me over his half-moon spectacles. As a man doomed with the Potter-man's curse of failing vision, I couldn't imagine myself being able to see through those glasses.

I chuckled, nothing passed the old kook, not even Invisibility Cloaks.

I followed Dumbledore silently down to the Great Hall, standing right behind him when he sat down. The four large tables will filled with eager young students, excited about being back at school for a change. I smiled when I remembered my own first day, how fun and excitingly hilarious it had been when I discovered that I was in Gryffindor with my new friend, Sirius Black. I had to put my hand over my mouth to prevent a chuckle from escaping when I remembered how unbelievably terrified I had been at the prospect of Hogwarts. McGonagall had wasted no time scaring the crap out of me, Professor Slughorn who has long since retired, wanted to make me part of his elite club of Slugs, but discovered I wasn't exactly a catch. And Dumbledore wasted no time in making me feel like he knew things no one should ever know, especially with that knowing look when I tried to deny something I had clearly done.

The doors of the Great Hall opened and McGonagall appeared, looking older then I had ever seen but still hadn't lost that look of authority in her emerald green robes and her hat with that feather stuck in it. Before I begin to describe my son and his cohorts with sheer joy and excitement, let me point out that I had spotted the Potions Master sitting at the staff table. And this particular Potions Master just happened to be my worst enemy, Severus Snape, the biggest slim ball and git to ever set foot on God's good earth. And next to him was Quirrell, whom both my son and I had met at the Leaky Cauldron.

Now I can start ranting about Harry. He looked marvelous in his Hogwarts uniform, like his proud old man. He looked nervous as he walked alongside a boy I immediately recognized from Kings Cross as being a Weasley, a fact that didn't take much thought to figure out with flaming red hair and freckles. My son looked nervous beyond belief, like I had my first day. I knew the overwhelming feeling of the Staff Table, the elite headmaster sitting there, eyes twinkling. His eyes drew towards the magical ceiling that reflected the sky outside and they gleamed. I smiled, my son was back where he belonged. I was too caught up memorizing his face when the Sorting Hat began speaking to pay attention to what it was actually saying. His expression was absolutely wonderful and better to observe then the old talking hat.

My former Transfiguration Teacher began reading off names of students, and one by nervous one, they sat on the stool and she placed the hat on their hat and the hat shouted one of the House names. Of course the Houses are named after the founders, Godric Gryffindor, Ruvena Ravenclaw, Helga Huffelpuff and the dreaded Salazar Slytherin. By the way, just a tid bit of background on the Potters; I'm related to Gryffindor from my dad's side and Ravenclaw from my mother's side. I was just itching to find out which house my baby boy would be, more than likely Gryffindor of course!  
A bushy, brown haired girl was called and she seemed to be muttering to herself. I saw the Weasley boy lean towards Harry's ear and whispered something, making him nod with a smile. The girl was placed in Gryffindor, and the house table erupted into applause. After a few more G's, they moved towards P's, finally getting to my son. He nervously walked up the few steps and sat on the chair. I would've thought the hat would shout Gryffindor or Ravenclaw the second it touched his messy hair. Surely Gryffindor since both his parents were in that House, and his paternal grandparents, it shouldn't debate it that much. But it did. The hat was on Harry's head for about ten minutes, I knew those ten minutes seemed like a lifetime to the nervous Harry.

Finally it shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" the entire hall, except the green and silver Slytherin table, erupted into whoops and applause as Harry happily jumped off the stool and walked towards the table. He flashed a smile towards Dumbledore who was actually applauding for him full force, but I could swear he was looking directly at me.

I was drawn away from my son's face when the Longbotton's boy was called and placed in Gryffindor. He looked nothing like his always brave looking father and beautiful mother, I'm not trying to be mean, but he looked like a bumbling fool! Shame, he would've made such a cunning and charismatic young man if Franky got to raise him. I frowned when I heard the last name Malfoy, and a boy with white blonde hair walked towards the stool. I knew him immediately; the resemblance to his parents was unmistakable. Narcissia, his mother, was Sirius's cousin and his father, the asshole named Luscious had been in the same year as the Marauders. I had wasted no time in hating the bastard, especially after the stuff he said and called Lily. I don't think the hat even touched his slime covered hair but it shouted "SLYTHERIN!" before touching his head.

Same was the case for Ronald Weasley, Harry's new friend who ran towards Harry and joined three other redheads that had to be his brothers. I rubbed my face roughly with my hands and barely heard Dumbledore give his welcoming speech. Suddenly something shot through my body, an urge to get back to Lily.

I had never felt like that before, this obsessive, impulsive feeling to get to her and hold her and tell her I love her over and over again. It was so strong that I actually began shaking! I don't know what came over me, where the murderous urgency came from, but it didn't matter. It was there, and it was torturing me. I waited until Dumbledore sat down and I bent down and whispered, "I'm leaving sir, I'll Floo you tomorrow," and he gave a nod only I saw.

I decided to go out of the front doors so I could pass Harry. I paused behind him, hearing him ask the oldest looking redhead whom the person talking to Quirrell was.

"Oh, that's Professor Snape, he's the potions master. But everyone knows it's Quirrell's job he fancies," the Weasley boy answered.

I wondered what had drawn Harry's attention to the git, but I saw his hand slowly reach to his lightning shaped scar and rubbed it. I frowned, wondering what it meant. Maybe a habit, I shrugged, and kissed his head lightly so he wouldn't feel it. And I left the great hall, passing Filch, the hideous caretaker, and his cat that must have been 100 years old now.

I walked out of the castle, walking down the driveway and paused when I reached the edge of the lake, the exigency actually tearing me into pieces. Well, the need to get to my wife and crush her to me along with a want to turn into a stag and begin running around. So I thought of something.

It had been a long time since I turned into the great stag my friends called Prongs. Occasionally I turned into the stag at home in the backyard in the dead of night so no one would see, the neighbors anyway. I don't know how quickly they would call the cops, reporting two majestic stags standing in the backyard. A humongous silver one, the other one a dark red color. But it felt good to stretch my legs, as it were. Four legs are better then two for running, and the heavy pockers on my head didn't bother me all that much anymore. But oh, it felt good to be out of my body, my human body.

I removed the billowy cloak from my back with my teeth, and held it there being sure no one would see me since they were all caught up at the Feast. I ran towards the gates down the winding driveway. If a stag can smile, this silver one sure as hell was trying to, perhaps even succeeding.

There's an enormous harmony that passes through me when I'm a stag, like nothing matters and nothings happened. Maybe because I'm out of my body, so I'm not obliged to think about my problems. Or perhaps the millions of memories attached to the deer made me all peaceful and hippieish inside. But it felt good, better then anything ever. Aside from holding Lily and talking to Sirius or Harry. I was free for a minute or two as I hurtled down to the gates of the castle. And when I turned back to a human, there was an idiotic smile on my face that I felt.

I Dissaparated home to find a note from Lily on the dinner table, next to a bottle of my favorite bear. I didn't even need to look at her signature, that beautiful handwriting of hers was a trademark.

Hey sweetheart,

Hope you had fun at Hogwarts,

And I dearly hope our son is in Gryffindor.

I may not be back until 9 or so, but I want you

To meet me in the David Bowman Football field at 8:30.

I'll be the one lying on the grass. Bring a blanket with out you love.

Love you HEAPS!

Forever is forever,

Lils

I smiled, wondering why she wanted me to meet her at the football filed. Boy is my wife weird, but she's my life, hence my own oddness. But I needed to see her, maybe even talk to her. So I picked up the phone (I admit I still sometimes call it fellatony) and dialed her office number. Her secretary picked up, and she sweetly directed my phone call to my wife.

"Hey sweetie," she said.

"Hey yourself," I smiled, sitting on the couch with a loud sigh.

"What's up?" she asked me, all signs of her odd behavior that morning gone now.

"Nothing," I smiled.

"Bastard, c'mon, tell me, what house?"

"What do you think?"

"Ravenclaw?" she asked hopefully.

I chuckled, "is that what you were rooting for?"

"No, Gryffindor, but still, would be nice if he was in Ravenclaw," she sighed but I heard her smile and satisfaction in her voice.

"Well, I guess he's braver then smart," I smiled.

"How did he look?" she asked.

"Excited, gitty, and nervous beyond hell," I laughed.

I heard her muffled voice, as though she had put her hand on the speaking end of the phone, when she got back to me she sounded apprehensive, "I gotta go sweetie."

"Tell me why you want me to meet you at the football field first," I said.

"I'll tell you there, I have to go, I love you," she said hurriedly.

"Love you too, I'll see you there then," I said and she hung up. I decided to watch some TV, and found an old movie on the Muggle device. I woke up from the nap in front of the TV, to find the time nearly 8. I got me some food, and drove like a respective Muggle to the other side of town where our only football field was.

I saw her car parked there, and I parked mine next to hers and got out. Walking into the green field of grass lined with white markers and two massive posts at either end of the field. I saw her lying right in the middle of the field, looking up at the stars apparently in the dark stadium.

"Isn't this illegal?" I asked, walking towards her.

"Eh, maybe," she answered, after relaxing her hand, it had flown to her pocket to no doubt get her wand. She looked at me as I stood right next to her, "c'mon, plenty of room, just put down the blanket, or you'll get sick."

"Yes sir," I smiled and arranged the blanket on the ground next to her and lay next to her with my head on her shoulders.

I began chuckling after a few minutes of staring up at the constellations, "there's Sirius," I laughed.

"I know, he's been watching me since I got here," she sighed.

"Talk to me," I insisted, "what's going on with you lately?"

"Stuff," she answered lamely.

"Like…?" I pressed, playing with her fingers with mine.

"Stuff," she chuckled.

I flipped on my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows and looked down at her, "talk Lils," I smiled, brushing back a strand of hair from her face.

"Promise you won't get mad?" she asked, I heard fear there. A fear I never wanted to hear.

"If it doesn't have anything to do with you leaving me, then I'll be a perfect gentleman," I said firmly.

She looked pensively at me.

My eyes bugged, "you--you want to?" I asked.

She shook her head quickly, "I'd rather die."

"Then?" I urged.

Lily stared into my eyes with fear and anxiety I wanted to kiss away, "I'm 3 months pregnant."

* * *

AN: Sorry for the late update, but is it? Lol, I don't remember when my last update was…woe…my mind is slipping hehehe. Hope you like the chapter, and find it satisfying because for some reason, I'm not that happy with it!_

* * *

Selsha: Thanks for the review and words! Very encouraging and it got my mind working. Lol. I was up at 4a.m crying to don't worry, but instead of crying now, I curse, heheh. Again, thanks for the kind words, and keep reviewing! You think I'm funny…? Why? Lol._

_Joanna Potter_: Hehe, yeah, the Dumbledore's man through and through rocks, lol…Imagine how proud James would be if he knew his son would be saying the same thing soon…interesting…Lol. And the entire purpose of the flashback to inform you just exactly what happened that night. Keep reviewing! I love you!

_Smurfinator_: Hehehe, thanks, lots of people have broken promises to me so I thought why not make it deadly. But my own dad has a guilt factor when it comes to protecting me, that's where I got James's guilt. Keep reviewing! And as I said, whenever you remember your question, you know my email, lol.

_Adelian_: Hahaha, maybe I'll take you up on that offer, but I only have like maybe three or four things planned, everything else I just write when I'm typing. Lily's pregnancy wasn't planned either, but I know what's going to happen so yeah, hehe. Keep reviewing! You rock lovie!

_Amrawo_: Hope the update satisfies you!

_JeNnIfEr88_: Great review! Lol. What happened? All you wrote was I…lol. Thanks anyway!


	11. I Know It Hurts

Disclaimer: Come on, if yours truly owned Harry Potter, then I would be a lot happier so would a lot of Sirius/James/Dumbledore fans!

AN: I need to clear up something to you guys, I'M A GIRL! Call me Mav! It's a nickname!

I Know It Hurts

Lily announced she was pregnant with Harry on New Years Eve when we were all cooped up together with our parents for a party. I have never seen her smile that happily, speak that excitedly, or hug me that fiercely after I could swallow the fact that I was going to be a dad. She looked wonderful when she told me about the baby. I was happier then a clam, I was becoming a dad.

But now, as I stared into her eyes, my throat extremely tight so I could sleep. I didn't see that glowing expression, not the excited smile. She looked grip actually, like it was the worst thing on earth. And she looked at me fearfully, something I had hoped to never seen in my entire life.

"James?" she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes, "J-James?"

"Yeah," I managed, closing my eyes, hoping it was true I asked, "you're sure?" I asked.

She nodded, sitting up, tugging her knees in front of her chest.

"How long have you known?" I asked sitting beside her as she looked anywhere but my face.

"Three weeks," she answered quietly.

I put my hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles on it, "why didn't you tell me earlier?" I whispered a little angry at her for not sharing. But then again…she was drifting away.

She shrugged, "I don't know, I-I guess I didn't want to make it official by telling you."

"Lily, for God's sakes, why? Don't you want another baby?" I asked.

"Do you?" she asked with surprise evident in her voice.

"Yes!" I laughed, "I want another baby! I had to give up one that I couldn't raise, I want to be a dad again…" she looked at me with a confused face filled with pain, "sweetheart, don't you want another baby?"

She slowly shook her head, her beautiful, dim eyes dropping to her lap.

"You were the one who was planning on having 4 kids babe," I reminded her, keeping my voice as gentle as possible.

"That was before my first born baby was ripped away from me," she said bitterly, "now I don't want any kids at all."

"Nothing will happen to this child Lily, Voldemorts' gone, he can't hurt us anymore," I reminded her.

"He already did his damage," she said, "look James, this child…I can't love him or her."

"Why?" I asked, trying to contain my own excitement at the prospect of being a dad again. I wanted to teach this child everything, experience everything I had been denied with Harry. I wanted to compensate for that empty lost feeling both of us had.

"Because, Harry, he was my first love," she said with a mirthless chuckle, "I look at this baby and all I can think is…is how Harry is missing out on having a baby brother or sister. every time I look or think about this kid, I'll think about how Harry is missing out on having a family. This kid isn't happy…I want an abortion…"

"Lily, no," I said firmly, standing up, horrified at the prospect of having my son be killed by some drug. I want a son, I want a daughter, I want a big, happy family.

"James, it's not your decision to make," she said standing up like I had.

"It's not yours alone either," I reminded her, my voice as sharp as hers, "if you kill this child we created together…I won't be able to look at you straight in the eye without…without…"

"Hating me," she said, seeing as how I couldn't really say the words, "I would rather have you hate me then deny a baby love and nurturing."

That was a stab in the heart, a blow way below the belt as my knees buckled, "you're willing to risk what you and I have?"

"You obviously are," she said sharply, staring into my eyes with her defying expression.

I swallowed and nodded, "thirteen years together…"

"People change," she said coldly.

My eyes bugged, they were about to jump out of my sockets, "you don't love me anymore Lily."

She didn't budge, but licked her lips and I got the massage. She was drifting away, she had already drifted away from me. She was miles and miles away from me. I was living in a lie.

I nodded in defeat with a bitter laugh, "I thought ours was the ultimate love story. But oh, how wrong I was."

"You're not the only one James," she said.

I sighed, "does it have to end this way?" I asked, "bitterly, with a fight."

"It doesn't have to, but we have no choice," Lily sighed, "I don't see how else we can get through this. I can't keep the baby, I'm not in love with you anymore…and I'm confused beyond belief."

I rubbed my face roughly with my hands, "I thought if I ever was in this situation especially with you, I would grovel and beg on my knees shamelessly for another chance. But I can't."

"I was never fit to be a parent, a mom, a wife," she said quietly.

I didn't answer but she leaned towards me, resting her lips against my jaw and leisurely sucked it, "James, baby, wake up."

"What?" I asked.

"Sweetheart, c'mon, wake up," she said, still kissing my jaw, caressing it with her hand.

I realized I was asleep and slowly opened my eyes, happy that Lily was still in love with me, still wanted me. And she was kissing my jaw, attempting to wake me up from the horrible dream I had. She was in love with me still, she was still there with me. She wasn't leaving me.

"You alright?" she asked, tracing my bottom lip with my thumb.

I was on our fluffy green couch in front of the TV that was now playing one of my favorite movies, "dream…just a dream, thank God," I sighed as she kissed my lips. I moaned, "that feels good," I murmured pressing her closer to my body, we were both on our couch, she was lying in my arms.

"What did you dream about? You kept saying 'no Lily, please don't'," she smiled, wrapping her arms around my waist, "I know by that phrase it wasn't anything like your usual perverted dreams."

"You told me you were pregnant…then you told me you wanted an abortion and a divorce," I said, realizing now just how stupid the dream and the idea of my love leaving me.

She chuckled, "I don't want an abortion, and I don't want a divorce," Lily smiled, kissing my lips again.

"So you _are _pregnant?" I asked, looking at her.

She nodded, "you lost your memory or something?" Lily smiled, running her hands through my hair, kissing my forehead.

"Seems I did," I frowned, not remembering one thing after I came home that afternoon.

"Ok, you came home, found the note on the table, called me, then met me at the Football field where I told you I was going to have a baby, we came home, celebrated and fell asleep on the couch," she smiled.

"Ah," I nodded, finally remembering the lost moments of time. You have no idea how glad I am this was just a stupid nightmare some cheap shot author came up with. And should someone up there be in charge of my life and put me through that nightmare, that illusion of how wrong things could go, then I want to kill that miserable person!

"You still look terrified," Lily said.

I nodded, "I know, the thought of you leaving me just kinda killed me," I smiled and gave her one of the deepest kiss of her entire life, when I pulled back, she giggled.

"Get off of me now," she smiled as I kissed her neck.

"No," I answered, my lips still against her neck, my head buried there and I didn't want to come out ever.

"Yes, you're hurting the baby," she said and I immediately pulled back.

Laughing she stood up, "you were the same way with Harry."

She walked away and I caught her wrist when she was over my head, about to walk into the hallway towards the library, "did you say something about being scared about how this kid because of Harry?"  
"Yes," she answered quietly, "just scared he won't get the same love as Harry did. I mean, he doesn't have Sirius nor Remus, he won't live in the Hollow, and he won't be in England. And you and I will constantly be fearing about the same thing will happen with this baby," she let out a ragged sigh, "I'm just scared."

Still gripping her wrist, I drew her close so she was standing at my head, "this baby will have the same love, the same care and nurturing as Harry, alright? I mean, sure, you and I will be paranoid and he won't have Sirius Black as his Godfather, but he'll still be ours…if that helps any."

She smiled, bending down to kiss me she said, "it does," and walked away.

I closed my eyes now, remembering the day I found out about Lily's pregnancy with Harry. It was sort of cliché, sort of. Nothing can be cliché when it's Lily and James Potter. She was waking up every single morning, throwing up like there was no tomorrow. And I being the dutiful and loving husband, would sit next to her on the bathroom floor and hold her hair back while she puked her guts out. A few weeks passed, and I thought she just caught a flu of some kind causing her stomach to be distressed.

A week before New Years I was sitting at my cubicle next to Sirius's in the Auror's Headquarters at the Ministry of Magic, pouring over papers. "Potter!" barked Mad-Eye Moody's gruff, unmistakable voice.

"Yes sir?" I asked turning around in my seat, I hadn't slept in the longest time. As Voldemort started taking over, more deaths happened, more battles, more sleepless nights because of nightmares and work.

He threw a stack of papers on my desk, "have those filed all nice in triplicate on my desk by the end of the day," he said.

I looked through the stack, "sir!" I yelled, "I can't finish all this by the end of the day! I'm still working on that damn report for the battle last week in Plymouth!"

"Well then you'd better be prepared to stay here for the night, because I need that report on my desk by tomorrow as well," he said, clanking away.

Sirius, who was leaning back in his chair, his head looking around the wall of the cubicle with a smile playing at his smug lips, "haha," he mocked, "you have to stay here for the night working on Moody's reports cause he was feeling moody!"

"Go to hell," I told him, standing up I yelled, "I WILL NOT WRITE THESE REPORTS! I HAVE NOT SLEPT FOR NEARLY FOUR DAYS! AND I HAVE NOT SEEN MY WIFE IN NEARLY A MONTH EXCEPT IN THE DAMN MORNING WHEN SHE'S THROWING UP! I WAS WAITING TO USE TODAY AS A DAY OFF BY FINISHING THIS FUCK DAMN REPORT AND HEADING HOME! SO SIR, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I WILL NOT FILE OUT THESE REPORTS!" I bellowed, getting everyone's attention in the office as Frank Longbottom and Sirius smiled proudly at me.

Moody looked like he was about to fly and grab my throat. Never had anyone in his entire life ever yelled at him or defied his orders. I was about to be made ferret…or worst, his foot stool. "Alright Potter, finish the report on Plymouth and you get going," he said calmly, nodding, he looked at the gawking Sirius, "Black, Longbottom, take care of the paperwork," and he clanked back to his office.

I just stared after him, not believing my ears or eyes, neither could Frank and Sirius I guess, "what just happened?" Piper asked from behind me, her office was right across my cubicle. She was standing so she could see over the top of my cubicle at me, "apparently James Potter just yelled at Mad-Eye…and you got his assignment."

Sirius looked at me with envious eyes, "so I get the dubious pleasure of writing your reports in triplicate?"

I beamed at him, "all you've been doing these past few days is sitting on your arse, except for the occasional duel while I fill out reports. About time things changed around here," I smiled.

"Mr. Potter?" I heard a squeaky voice from behind me, I looked around to find one of the young Aurors looking at me nervously, he gave me a piece of parchment and left.

"Oo, that from your mistress?" teased Sirius, wiggling his eyebrows.

I ignored him as I read the note. Lily's beautiful hand writing graced it, saying

Meet me in the cafeteria in ten minutes,

I need to tell you something.

-Lily

I frowned looking at Piper, "know anything about this?" I asked giving her the note.

She smiled at me without even reading it, "of course I do, but I'm not gonna tell you."

"But I'm your blood relative," I reminded her, "I'm entitled to hear your honest confession about this."

"Yes, but I'm also Lily's best friend, so I'm not gonna do you the courtesy, go find out for yourself!" she said giving me back the note.

"Evil," I muttered.

"Tell me love?" Sirius said, batting his eyes sweetly at her.

"Sure," she giggled and bent down to whisper something in his ear while I looked enviously at him.

"YOU'RE KIDDING! THAT'S GREAT!" he laughed.

"Hey Sirius, come on man, he said Black and Longbottom, not just Longbottom," Frank said from his cubicle, poking his head around his wall to look at Padfoot.

I shook my head and left them without another word. I walked casually to the cafeteria down the corridor from the Auror HQ, apparently we're the only ones that get hungry. Among the sea of witches and wizards of the Ministry sitting at the tables and eating, I found my beautiful redheaded wife among the sea of black and brown hair. "Hey," I said, putting my hands around her shoulders, and kissed her cheek.

She stood up and turned in my arms, "hey," she smiled, her eyes oddly bright.

"What did you want to tell me?" I asked putting my arms around her waist.

"Well…you know how I er, sorta have been sick lately?" she asked slowly.

I nodded.

"Well, I went to St. Mungo's this morning, turns out I'm uh…I'm well…I'm kinda pregnant," she smiled.

"Sorta pregnant?" I asked, "how pregnant?"

"Two months," she said drawing in a deep breath.

"We're going to have a baby?" I asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, that's what you wanted isn't it?" she asked, suspiciously gazing into my eyes like she was reading my mind.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, and began laughing like a maniac, "yeah that's what I wanted!" I yelled getting everyone's attention, "I'm gonna be a dad?" I asked.

Lily laughed along with me, "yes," she began laughing harder when I picked her up in my arms, kissing her as passionately as I could.

When I lowered her to my level, she threw her arms around my neck. I could feel her tremble with happiness as was I, and I held her close, thinking that two people were in my arms now, not one. I also realized that I wasn't going to live for myself now, whatever I did, whatever I said, what decision I made was going to be for my child. And I accepted that horrifying responsibility with bravado.

Presently, I was helping Lily and Piper out in the kitchen as they cooked by sitting on the counter with a book in my lap. I was reading about Dementor's as usual, trying to get my best friend out of prison. We had discovered that animal and human emotions were different, and Dementors couldn't read animal emotions. That was a good discovery, and Sirius could turn into Padfoot whenever he began feeling over depressed. They never knew the difference between Padfoot and Sirius.

"Hey, babe, taste this," Lily said, holding out a stick spoon red with sauce at it's tip.

I allowed her to put it between my lips and smacked my lips enthusiastically, "mmm," I smiled, "good."

"Really? Doesn't taste like crap?" Piper smiled, looking at me.

"Did you cook it?" I asked her.

"No," she shook her head.

"Then no, it doesn't taste like crap," I smiled, ducking as a dish towel was hurled my way.

"Play nice children," Lily said warningly.

"You're gonna be saying that to a real kid soon," I pointed out, going back to my reading.

"I thought I already was," Lily smiled, smiling broadly as I glared at her.

"What do you want it to be Lils? Boy or girl?" asked Piper, adding a bunch of seasoning to the already delicious sauce.

"Girl I think," she answered.

"Harriet?" I teased, regretting the word immediately after it escaped my lip. Since we found about her pregnancy, three weeks ago now, Piper and I, even Sirius, were trying not to make her sad like she usually became when we hinted something about the baby's brother.

To my great delight, she laughed, "I wanna get away from H's."

"What do you want to name it if it's a girl?" asked Piper distractedly.

Lily looked at me and I smiled, knowing she remembered our pact a week before Harry was born, when we were arguing about names. The pact was that if it was a boy, Lily named him, if we had a girl, I would name her.

"James's decision," Lily smiled.

"Oh yeah," Piper smiled, "well then Prongs?"

I nearly jumped at my nickname. Nobody really called me that anymore, I was James. Even Sirius called me James now, depression had ravaged every inch of him. "Um…" I thought hard, "what about…Helen?"

Lily made a face, "no H."

"Alright…how 'bout…Linda?" I smiled.

My wife beamed, my cousin nodded approvingly then turned to Lily, "what about a boy?"

She thought for a minute, "oo, what about Gregory?"

I snorted, "lets leave dead relatives out of this please," I smiled, knowing she referred to my grandfather.

"Alright…John?" she suggested.

"Doable," I nodded, "what else?"

"Um…Matthew?" she smiled.

"You're going with Jesus disciples but I like Matthew," I nodded.

"Good, then he'll be Matthew, and if it's a she, then Linda!" Piper said excitedly clapping her hands together.

I scrunched up my face, "how about Rose for a girl?"

"That's even better!" Lily laughed.

"Right then, in a few months, either a Rose Potter or Matthew Potter will be running around this house!" Piper giggled.

I laughed, "should be an interesting ride. Two old farts raising a baby."

Lily raised an eyebrow at me, "I thought you said people were old when they hit 100."

"Well, that was only to soothe you," I smiled, "I'm an old fart, but you're not."

"I'm older then you," she said dryly.

"But men age quicker," I pointed out, literally, pointed.

"You guys haven't changed one bit," Piper smiled.

"And you have?" I smiled, looking at my cousin.

"You know what? This moment would be perfect, absolutely perfect if Harry and Sirius were here," Lily confided.

Piper and I didn't hesitate in agreement with her, it would be perfect if they were with us. One big happy family.

"James? Lily? Are you home?" I heard Dumbledore's voice from the living room.

"I got it," I said and jumped off the cabinet, putting down the heavy book. I went into the living room to find Dumbledore's head floating in the green flames, "hello sir."

"Hello James," he smiled, "how is Lily doing?"

I smiled, we had told him about the baby a few day's before, "they're both doing well sir. What's up?"

"Well, knowing your love for Quiddich and your skill at flying, I thought you might like to know that Harry and his mates will be having their first flying lesson tomorrow," he said, smiling at me.

"I'll be there!" I smiled.

"I suggest you bring the invisibility cloak," Dumbledore said with a wink.

"Right," I nodded smiling, "can't wait!"

* * *

AN: REFRAIN FROM KILLING ME!_

* * *

Queen-Of-Monkey-Magic: Glad you liked it love! Just don't kill me now k? But this is the deal, if you like it, I'll like it, heheh. I thought the part with Harry and James was cute too because I'm cute hehe… jk, thanks!_

_Adelian_: Well, you just basically read James's reaction. And I'm not flattering you, it's true…whatever I said…jk. I'm glad you like this story, judging by the lack or reviews, it's not that eye catching tear but hey! Who cares? I got you guys!

_JeNiFfEr88_: Well, don't hold back! Tell me what "I" thinks!

_Joanna Potter_: Of course James will be at Hogwarts more often! I have a really sweet part coming up in a few chapters I guess that will blow all of you away! I'm trying to get Lily to see Harry often too, don't worry though, her being a multi-form Animagi will come to use muahhahhahaha. cough Hedwig! I shouldn't have said that…I should _not _have said that…

_Tira's Host_: LOL, wow, I'm glad it's very exciting for you darlin'! Very glad! Keep reading!

_Cai-wiggins_: Glad you loved it! And you can put wondering aside lovie because you have just found out.

_Jenny!_: Hey sweetheart! Thanks for the review, and fyi, I'm a girl lol. Happy you enjoyed chapter one, what about the rest? Lol. Well, recommend me to your friends and I'll get more reviews. But yours is enough. Thank you!

_Smurfinator_: Woe, u lost your luggage? That's not cool! I'm sorry! I hope you at least had fun during your vacation! And yeah, them having a kid...yeah...Lol.


	12. The Soul You Cut

Disclaimer: Still aint mine!

Ch. 12 The Soul You Cut

It was Wednesday night, I was on my back in the living room with Lily's thigh serving as my pillow as we reminisced about Harry's flying skills. We had just returned from his flying lessons yesterday, and thanks to our busy schedules, we just only had time to sit down and talk.

Nothing in my life ever made me as proud as I was when I saw Harry fly. I don't know exactly how things reached the climax they did, but all Lily and I saw was Harry zoom up like a profession flyer a few hundred feet. And with the skills of a Seeker, dove for something small the smirking and obviously vile Malfoy boy had thrown. Minutes later, McGonagall had appeared and asked him to follow her. We had just gotten word that Harry, a First Year, and first time flyer who didn't know what Quiddich was, had made the House Team as a Seeker.

Needless to say both his godfather and I were bursting with pride. A true smile appeared on Sirius's face, hinting at his face that so many people had worshipped. My heart swelled when I saw him fly up, yell at the Malfoy boy to give back whatever it was he had that belonged to the Longbottom boy. As I said, I don't really know what happened because Lily and I were late because she was doubled over in the bathroom throwing up. But God! The pride! The satisfaction I felt knowing that it was my blood running through his veins!

"What do you expect?" I smiled, the music Lily had put on long forgotten as we enjoyed each other. "His father was a Beater, so was his godfather. His Godmother and Kat were Chasers, and his mother was a Keeper."

She laughed, better then any music I've ever heard, "the legendary Gryffindor House Teams," she chuckled, "those are some of the best memories of Hogwarts I have."

"How could you not?" I smiled, "remember at practice Remus used to use the excuse of Sirius and me to talk to Kat? Or the few times Sirius and I crashed into Whomping Willow? Hmm?" I sighed, "great memories."

"That was fun, especially when Remus and P-Peter came to the practices, that was just entertaining moments," she nodded.

"Yeah, Harry's gonna have so much fun with Seeker," I smiled, frowning I asked, "who was our Seeker anyway?"

"Frank Longbottom for a few years, remember? Then the Slytherins jinxed his broom and he never played again, remember?" she asked, "after that, our Seekers sucked. The other side usually used to get the Snitch!"

"But we'd win anyway, with your Keeper skills and Padfoot and my savagery…darlin', those other houses didn't stand a goddamn chance," I smiled. Turning my head in her lap, I looked at her steadily growing belly, "and you my boy, or girl, will learn Quiddich straight from your old man. And hopefully someday play with your big brother."

"That would be great," Lily said heaving a sigh, "when did Dumbledore say is their first game?"

"Day after Halloween," I answered.

"Urgh, Halloween," she sighed.

"Yeah, that's what I said, let's hope he has better luck with it then us," I said, "I don't remember ever spending one good Halloween since I started going to Hogwarts."

"Me neither, it's a curse I guess," she shrugged.

"Perhaps," I yawned, "lets hope so."

After a few minutes of silence on both our parts, and I listened to the old lyrics of Frank Sinatra, "_cuz you know you fool, there aint no chance to win, why chose your mentality, wake up, step up to reality, and each time I do just the of you makes me stop just before I begin". _Lily had gotten me into Frank Sinatra when we started dating, she was and still is a hopeless romantic. The last night of Hogwarts, at about 3 in the morning after the Marauders and the girls had stopped celebrating in the Common Room, we had sneaked for a party of our own. With the Marauder's Map in tow, I took her to the Room of Requirements and we danced the night away.

"You know what?" she asked.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"I want to kiss you till you drop dead," Lily smiled.

I looked at her and chuckled, "God forbid I drop dead in the middle of a kiss sweetheart," I said. I raised my hand and cupped the back of her head, lowering her head.

"Amen to that," she smiled right before I kissed her.

The dream never left my mind, the heartache I endured during the dream still haunted me every time Lily touched me. And it's recurring unfortunately, so I have been waking up in the middle of the night moaning out Lily's name not in a wet dream, but a mind and heart wrenching separation. And every time she wrapped me in the security of her arms, I would thank God that she was mine, that she wasn't leaving me. That she still apparently loved me still.

Well, one thing led to another and I ended up sitting up on the couch with Lily straddling my waist, her head back with her mouth open. My smile never left my lips, nor did I want it to because I was happy here, in her arms, forever protected by her enchanting, intricate web of love. But that didn't mean she wasn't drifting away from me, making me realize my worst fears. She was keeping to herself, not talking to me about anything that was too deep. What you're seeing just now (well, reading about) is something of an improvement from the past few days.

We would talk about different things at the dinner table, and have the most uneasy conversations when Piper wasn't there. She would make sure to keep our conversations light, about work and how Harry was progressing. And when I brought up the subject of how this baby was going to grow under our care and my watchful eye so that no harm would come to him or her, her spine stiffened. She didn't like discussing it's future if it didn't include her first born. Like just now, about Quiddich.

I think she feels guilty about this baby being with us, in our care and under our eye. She felt guilty and sometimes I even think the smallest bit of hate for the baby because he/she wasn't going to meet the same fate as Harry, he wouldn't be wrenched from his parents arms. The worst part about this theory is I don't have a confidant to tell it too. Sure, there's Sirius begging me to tell him what's bugging me, but c'mon. He's in Azkaban. Telling him my unsolvable problem is like asking a man in a hell hole for a cup of ice water, it just isn't done if you've got a brain. And Piper, w still haven't exactly gotten over the tension.

I admit, my mood has darkened terribly in these past few weeks, since the dream I think. And watching my son fly today, and know that he will play Quiddich hoping his dad could watch, well, that just left a huge hole in my heart. I watched him today, knowing that I wouldn't be one of the yelling fathers in the crowd when he played the day after Halloween. And it ripped me, sent me to hell and back. But the baby growing in Lily's womb kept my mind from going completely dark. He or she was a tiny burning light bulb in a world of such unbelievable darkness.

The next morning, Lily left me asleep in bed for work with a kiss on my cheek and had murmured, "I'll see you later."

I was asleep until about 10:40 in the morning. I had no distractions, and I was exhausted. But the weird part, I was still sleepy by 3. I had a sandwich next to me as I sat in the library, reading up on Dementors. But I woke up. "OH SHIT!" I yelped, looking around me like a maniac, trying to find someone to tell. "OH MY GOD!" I yelped, jumping up and down with the heavy book in my hands, "I'M BUSTIN' YOU OUT SIRI!"

_Padfoot_. That was the answer. _Padfoot_. The big black dog was a dog! All this time, it was in front of my eyes, right under my nose and I hadn't seen it! Well, that may have something to do with the fact that I thought an Animagi's mind was still human, still readable by Dementors! But my God! But when Sirius or I switched to our respective Animagus forms, our minds transformed too! That's why Sirius hasn't lost his mind! _That's _why he's not affected!

I was jumping up and down like I was the day Harry was born, Sirius at my side. I hopped like a rabbit upstairs to get my mirror to tell my best friend that I was going to bust him out soon enough.

"Sirius? Hey! Sirius, you there mate?" I asked.

"Where else would I be?" he grumbled, his horrifying, wasted features appearing in the mirror.

"How you holdin' up?" I asked him, sitting on the edge of the four-poster bed.

He gave me a look that told me to never ask him that again, "what's new?"

I beamed at my best friend and former roommate, "I just found a way to bust you out!"  
Sirius dull gray eyes bore into mine, "how?"

"Well, Dmenetor's can't see right, and they can't feel an animal, even when he's an Animagus!" I laughed, but stopped when he gave me the same look.

"I could've told you that you dip wad," he said without any emotion.

"Well then why haven't you used it all this time?" I asked him, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Because I can't just waltz out of here James, use your brain!" he said angrily.

"Whose gonna see you?"

"The prisoners? The Aurors? Fudge on his daily tour!"

"Mate, no prisoner in that damn place will even look out of their cell door, no Auror's are stationed there, and you can slip away from Fudge easily! All you have to do is creep past the creep or leave after he comes!" I looked at him, he was still skeptical, "Sirius, this is the only way out! You have to trust me!"

"What if they catch me? Hmm? Ever thought of that?" he asked coldly, "the Dementor's have been after me since I came here. On Fudge's order, they can give me the Kiss if I step out of the line in anyway! I'd rather suffer with my soul then without one!"

I nodded, "I understand Padfoot…but God… it's the only way I can think of!"

"I don't want to risk it, I know it's really stupid to say that…but damn it Prongs, I can't," he said, he didn't sound angry, just numb. More numb then I felt.

"Yeah, I'll keep looking into it, k?"

He nodded, "don't think I don't appreciate this…"

I didn't let him finish, "don't finish that, this is nothing compared to what you've done for me."

He gave a tiny smile, "never mention it."

"Right."

"How's Piper?" he asked.

"She's good," I nodded, "she and Lily are going to the local mall to look at stuff for the baby today."

"Good, how's Lils?"

I nodded again, "good I guess."

"Tell me something, has Piper changed?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"We've all changed Sirius, we're not the naïve tweekers we were 15 years ago," I sighed, "no ones the same after what happened."

He scoffed, "you don't say."

I sighed, "she's the same person she was years ago, but it's me that's changed. She's still her, crazy, hyper, and optimistic like she was years ago, but I'm not that bright-eyed bushy-tailed dork I was back then."  
"You think if what happened hadn't happened, you would have changed? I mean, do you think you and I would still be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed?" he asked with a loud sigh as though he was tired, it was his last stand.

I shrugged, "maybe, I don't know," I said, "we would have had a lot of kids running around, and with the two of us as their dad," I chuckled, letting the sentence fall.

He grimaced, but I think he tried to give me a smile that wasn't there, "yea, probably raising hell now."

"More then likely," I nodded looking into his eyes.

"You'd better go Prongsie," he said quietly.

"No, no," I said quickly, "you're bored, I'm bored, let's just talk like the old days Padfoot."

"The old days are gone mate, you just said it yourself," he sighed, "you go back to whatever you do when you're bored…"

"I talk to my best friend, always have," I interrupted, "no matter how much things have changed, no matter what hell we've endured, you've always been there for me, let's consider this payback."

He looked at me, "there's nothing you and I can talk about James," only on rare occasion do I hear James come out of his mouth, but lately, it's been frequent, "I don't know what's going on there, there's no discussion to have."

"So? We'll reminisce," I shrugged, trying to prove to him that there was no difference where we were. He was still my best friend, my mate to till the end, and I wasn't going to let him just drift away from me like my wife was. I needed someone who knew me in my life, someone who didn't hate me. Sirius puts a difference between us now when we were always equals in our youths, but now…now he thinks I'm better, that I'm more sophisticated, I don't know what he's thinking. All I know right now is I need him to be there without really being there.

"I'll only remember the horrible memories," he said looking into my eyes.

"At least you'll talk to me," I said.

"What's going on with you?" Sirius asked me with a cocked eyebrow.

"If there was something wrong, you're the last person I'd want to tell," I smiled, and realized to late it was the wrong thing to say, "I mean, I just don't want to burden you with my stupid problems."

"What are friends for James?" he asked, his mischief obvious in his voice, the old Sirius Black mischief.

I smiled at him, "what you're doing right now…that's exactly what friends are for."

"And they're for listening."

"And helping your best friend lie to his wife or girlfriend about their whereabouts."

"And lying to McGonagall after we levitated a few Slytherins to unhealthy heights."

"And turned a certain group of Slytherins into pink-haired banjo players."

"And, most of all, to maraud the areas that no one ever has considered marauding."

I laughed, he always said that. It was sort of motto with the Marauders, but Peter never remembered it.

"Hey, by the way, do you have the Marauder's Map?" he asked.

"No," I shook my head, "I gave it to Dumbledore hoping he'll someday give it to Harry."

"Idiot, you gave the Headmaster the Marauder's Map?"

I smiled, "if Harry gets it, you'll be thanking me buddy boy."

"What about the Cloak?"

"I have it, but I'm thinking of sending it to Harry as a birthday present. Maybe he can carry on our legacy," I smiled.

"Yeah," he nodded, "how old would Emlyn be now?"

"Same age as Harry I'd imagine," I said, my spine stiffening noticeably, he never mentioned Emlyn. Ever.

A ghost of a sad smile crossed his wasted, waxy face, "they probably would've been the same class, and House."

"More then likely," I told him, "probably made the House team along with him too."

"Beater like her old man," he barked.

I smiled at him, "Remus may have been married and have had a few kids by now, and the Marauders would've been back on their feet."

"Probably, we'd be getting letters from Dumbledore and McGonagall everyday," he said, "and you know, they do need a Remus to keep them level sometimes."

"Remus only succeeded sometimes," I chuckled, "sometimes he could be worst then us!"

"True," I nodded, "very true."

"The kids, if what happened didn't happen, would drive us up the wall, you know that?" he asked.

"Worrying us half to death," I nodded.

Our conversation was interrupted with the front door banging open downstairs, "JAMES!" I heard Piper's panicked voice yell from downstairs.

Giving Sirius one last glance, and concluding that he was panicking as much as I was, I dashed downstairs, nearly slipping on the carpet, "Pipe? What is it?" I asked.

"Oh James," she whimpered, her shoulders shaking as I flew the last of the stairs.  
"What happened?" I asked, immediately knowing that something had happened to Lily.

She was shaking so hard, her shoulders hunched over as she stuffed both her fists in her mouth, making me wrap my arms around her, "Lily…she…she wanted to go to the mall right after work…so I went to pick her up and we went….oh God James…she fell down the stairs…" her trembling increased with mine, "she's in the hospital."

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T ANYONE CALL ME!" I yelled.

"You wouldn't answer…" she said.

My heart dropped into pieces for the millionth time, and I was collapsing, my world darkening. My life was in the hospital, and without another word, I Dissaparated to Lily.

* * *

AN: Hey! Wow...lol, Jimmy Potter's mind isn't one to dissapear eh? Thank YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT! I am just going through some stuff, found out things that you should never find out...but i'm putting them far back in my mind and i'm hoping it wont come back and bite me on the ass. **For me to sit here and individually thank each and everyone of you will take way too much time, but know this, each reviewboosted my Jimmy Potter mind**. and i don't think the people of FF like us authors responding to our reviewers. But know this, YOU GUYS ROCK! Keep the encouraging words coming because i need 'em! ROCK ON! **Btw, sorry about any mistake you may have found, i was in a hurry to get this up!** LOVE YOU!


	13. Recalled to Life!

AN: **_To all former readers who read this before the change in the plot line, the story, the dialogue and stuff is the same until the indicated point, it's marked and bolded for your convience...much like this AN!_**

Ch. 13 Recalled to Life

Piper and I were ready to have a heart attack and collapse on the ground of the waiting room of the hospital. Lily was in surgery, had been there for a few hours now, since I arrived. They hadn't let me see her, said that it wasn't good for her or some shit like that.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to pound out someone's brain, most of all though, I wanted to have my wife in my arms, safe and secure. But yeah, since when the hell have I ever gotten what I wanted? Since when have I ever been happy? For me, everything starts out absolutely perfect, then ends up in the worst way.

"What are you thinking about James?" Piper's voice asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Life," I said quietly, my throat too dry to handle me speaking in normal tones, "and death."

"That's not good," she said, "just think about Life and we'll be happy."

I scoffed, "happiness has a tendency of cheating me out every time."

"C'mon you've been happy in your life, just remember the good times," she said, putting her head on my shoulders, the way I had on Sirius's shoulder when we were waiting for Harry's birth. How different was this time from the last?

The Doctor, a Muggle version of our Healers, told me that they would probably have to get the baby out now because the womb had been ruptured or whatever. They said that there was a chance either the baby or the mother wouldn't make it. He asked me if worst came to worst, which it already had, which one I wanted him to save. The mother, my wife, and love for over 15 years or an infant I had come to love for the past 6 months. I told them I wanted Lily. Lily, _always _my beautiful Lily.

The difference between Harry's birth and this child's…I was excited back then, filled with thoughts of holding my baby boy in my arms and teaching him to Fly and Quiddich and all that stuff. I was filled with optimistic ideas for my family. I even imagined winding up back in that waiting room a year or two after that, with Harry in my arms as I waited the birth of my second born. Then with both Harry and my second child in my arms, we would wait for the arrival of the third.

My fists clenched at the thought. Harry wasn't here, didn't even know he had a brother or sister growing in his mothers womb. He didn't even know his mother was alive to bare a child! This child's birth…this baby that had basically been cursed from the beginning with a mother who felt guilty, who basically didn't want him…His or her father's mind was filled with hate, with grim thoughts about the near future. This baby's father wanted to kill someone, the father Harry was born to was long gone. Dead for 10 years now.

Sighing, I understood why Lily was so reluctant about having him or her. This child would be deprived of everything Harry had, and Harry would be deprived of everything this child would have. Harry had Sirius, Uncle Remus, Aunty Kat, grandpa Zach, or maternal grandma Rosemary, he had all of us and we were happy and we were together. But this child didn't have any of the people Harry had to love him. Sure he had Piper, Lily and me, but that's not enough, plus, we're not the same as Sirius and I had pointed out to each other.

And this child was going to grow up and know his parents, know that they were alive and be loved and be with us while Harry probably didn't have one single memory of a father. This boy was going to be happy.

Now, I was at a high risk situation where I could lose Lily and keep the child, or lose the baby and keep my wife, or lose both of them and live alone until the day it was time for Harry to know the truth. The worst case scenario right now, to me, was I committed suicide to rid myself of the headache before I found out who died and who lived.

God! The agony of being put in a position to chose who gets to live! The sad part is it's not really your choice, one of them will, one will die. Which one goes and which one stays is not up to me, or the doctor, or anyone except goddamned fate!

"James? You need to talk sweetheart?" Piper quietly asked as these thoughts rushed through my head.

"About what?" I asked her.

"About this, about where we are," she said softly.

"This, Piper, is a hospital and we are awaiting for the good doctor to get out and tell us how it went…and where we are is a cheap Muggle replica of St. Mungos Hospital," I told her.

"I hate it when you're so…so _cynical_," she said, her head still on my shoulder.

"Would you like me to dap dance to make you happy?" I asked harshly, "because I can't, cynical is all I have left kid."

She sighed, lifting her head from my shoulder and looked at me as I kept staring ahead at the signs in the emergency room, "I wish Sirius was here, he would know how to handle you."

"Well, he isn't. He's locked up in Azkaban because I'm a coward," I told her, my insides boiling dangerously. Behind the anger, I assure you, is sadness beyond your realm of imagination, and behind that sadness is a murderous guilt factor that makes you boil, simmer and want to cry out. Yell for someone to help you out. But there's no one to answer your call. Well, there is, but because of your cowardice, he's locked up thousands of miles away.

"I thought you would be over that now," she said softly.

I chuckled bitterly, my breathing becoming shallow, "the guilt?"

"Yes," she said, not taking her eyes off of me.

"Well, news flash, you don't get over something like that," I sighed, "never."

"This isn't your fault James," she said, "and the only person that knows how to convince you of that fact is Sirius."

"What is _this_? Which _this _do you mean?"

"This, as in everything. What happened to us…what happened this morning…nothing is your fault," she said quietly.

I finally met her gaze, "everything is my fault--ah, listen to my reasoning first before you go on a speech about things just having a tendency of happening--All this is my fault because if I hadn't gone along with Sirius's plan and switched to Peter as Secret Keeper, we wouldn't be here at all. And ok, if I did, I could've prevented this, I could've…I could've…I dunno…sacrificed myself for my child and wife? Begged Voldemort to leave them alone and vow to do whatever he wants so long as my baby and my wife are safe. I could've done that…but I didn't. Instead, I went ahead, agreed to Voldy's plans. That's what got Sirius arrested, that's why you and Emlyn went through life without Sirius…that's why you're sitting here, that's why I'm sitting here. And that's why that child in there is going to grow up, if he's even born that is, being deprived, compared to Harry every second of his life because he's not his brother, because we didn't give him up for our own safety."

"I'm just beginning to notice your change James," she said, frowning, "the old James Potter would never have said that."

"Yeah, well, like I keep telling you and Lily, the old James Potter is dead, and he'll never come back," I said, shifting my gaze to look at the wall again.

Piper sighed, giving up on trying to convince me that nothing was my fault, and shrunk back in her seat, her head on my shoulder. "I wish Sirius was here."

"I wish I wasn't," I said softly, a few tears escaping my eyes.

Oh how I wasn't in this godforsaken situation. Right now, I'm actually begging something to happen to me. Like my mother and father had never had sex and had me. I actually wish they never met! Because if they hadn't, I wouldn't be here. Sitting. Waiting hopelessly for a Muggle to come and tell me whether I get to have another baby and raise it with my wife or not.

"Maybe this is a way for God to tell me I'm not father material," I said softly.

"What do you mean?" Piper asked.

I hadn't meant for her to hear it. But I went on before I could stop myself, "maybe taking Harry away from me and taking this baby away from me is a way of telling me that I'm not cut out to be a father, that I'm too irresponsible for it."

"You're an asshole you know that?" she asked, sitting up straight.

"Which is aspect?" I asked.

"Because you can't remember Harry's eyes when he looks at you, even when you're Atticus! Or the way he used to stare at you when he was a baby! You were the only one that could calm him down when he was having a fit!" she said loudly, "remember that and shut your mouth because I'm about to slug you."

"Would you please?" I asked, sighing, starting to beg for memories to flood me again, but they wouldn't!

"God James! I know what you're going through is beyond me…but for the love of God, don't be so pathetic! So--so self-centered, so blind that you can't see you're not the only one hurt here!" she said.

"I'm blind?" I asked, "_I'm _blind? I feel like shit now, like I can't look into your eyes like an honest man because _I'm _the reason you aren't being banged by Sirius every night! Why my best friend hasn't ever held is baby daughter in his arms! Why he wasn't there for her funeral! You're here, right now, Piper, because I didn't stand up to Voldemort, because I let Sirius go after Peter and didn't follow him! You're sitting her without a husband or a child because…because I couldn't…"

"Because you loved all of us too much," she said with a sad smile, "love blinded you."

I scoffed, but begged her to go on silently. My heart needed to hear that I was a coward because of something other then the reason that I'm a coward. It needed soothing in any form I could get!

And bless her soul, she did. "You were always over-protective of us. Remember that time Luscious Malfoy spread that rumor about me at Hogwarts, you hung him up on the ceiling of the Great Hall with his underwear the first day, then you cursed him every day for a month whenever you could!" she put her hand on mine, "love has blinded you sweetheart, if it hadn't…"

I turned around in my seat, letting tears fall as they may, burying my face in her shoulder I confessed, "it just hurts so bad."

"I know," she said, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, "I know you feel torn, I know the feeling of just being unbelievably lost…but you have to hold on, for Lily, for Harry, for everyone you ever loved and cared for."

I swallowed and began to sob like a baby in my cousins shoulder as she rubbed my back, whispered words of comfort that never reached my ear. Pain. That was all I knew. Numbing pain. I was angry. I was sad. Mostly I was confused though.

"Mr. Potter?" I heard someone ask.

I lifted my head from Piper's shoulder, quickly wiping my eyes I looked at Lily's surgeon, "yes?" I asked hoarsely.

**_((Here's where the fate of the story changes!))_**

I looked up into her eyes and saw a glint of happiness, she didn't bare the blank expression of someone who was about to tell someone else the love of their life was going to die. "It's remarkable, but both the mother and daughter made it!"

I looked at her, knowing my face was fit for a Kodak moment, "daughter?"

She beamed at me, coming forward, she extended her hand, "congratulations Mr. Potter, you have a baby girl."

I began to laugh like a maniac, grabbing my head with my hands as I stared at the floor. Happiness didn't cheat me. It kept me in its grasp. "I have a girl," I laughed at the ground, tears falling, "is she alright?"

"Both of them are doing alright, although your daughter will have to spend a week or so in the hospital, just in case. But she seems to be in an amazingly good health!" the doctor beamed at me.

"Can I see her?" I asked, standing up. Everything's gonna be alright…I haven't been cheated….we're gonna make it through…

"I don't know which her you're speaking of but both ladies are in the same room, and yes, you can go but only for ten minutes," the doctor patted my arm, "they both need their rest."

I didn't even stick around to hear it, I was walking, actually jogging towards the room I knew held my beautiful Lily, my one and only love along with our baby, the very evidence of our love for each other. I gently knocked on the door, surprised that I could be so calm when my insides were aching to hold both of them. I turned the handle of the door and slowly pushed it open, the small crack revealing my red-haired Lily sitting half-up on the bed holding a bundle in her arms.

She looked up when I came in, "hi," she whispered, her beautiful emerald green eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Hi," I answered, I don't think she could hear me, I certainly couldn't. Then again, my mind was buzzing as I walked towards my girls. I stood by her bedside awkwardly, reaching out a hand to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, "how you doin'?"

She nodded weakly, I could tell just how tired she was, "we're both doing ok," she smiled, then turned her gaze down to the bundle she was holding.

I couldn't believe how small she was, how frail but so beautiful at the same time as our daughter nosily gurgled against her mothers breast. She was dark-haired, her eyes were closed so I couldn't tell what color they were, but she was a red-faced angle.

"For the love of God James, sit down, we won't bite," Lily said gently with a laugh, then turned back to our daughter, "will we?"

Chuckling I sat down beside Lily, who instinctively leaned towards me, her head on my shoulder as I stared down at our little miracle. "you're sure you alright Lils?" I asked her, kissing her hair that was know wet from hours of laboring sweat.

She nodded silently, "just feeling extremely lucky, like our Lucky Stars were all aligned in the right direction," she sighed, "I'm just confused, that's all."

"About what?" I asked, gathering the strength to trace our daughters fragile, fisted hand with the back of my index finger, smiling at the familiar baby soft feel.

She shrugged, "dunno," she answered, "but let's put that aside, we need to name our little lady."

"Lils?" I asked in a voice I was sure would make her turn to face me. And my guess was correct, she did and I wasted no time in putting my lips against hers. Love her, tasting her, thanking her fold holding on, for not letting go. She smiled lightly when I pulled back to look at her, "love you."

"Love you more," she assured me, "you still want to name her Linda?"

I looked at my daughter, hehehe, _my _daughter, "albeit the fact that she is beautiful, I don't see it."

I could practically see the face Lily was making, "what about Harriet?"

I chuckled, "we did this with Harry at the hospital remember?"

Lily laughed too, "still want to name her Greg?"

I shook my head making a face that made her laugh, "something exotic?"

"Shaniqua?" I suggested.

Lily looked at me with narrowed eyes, trying to hide the amusement in her eyes and failing miserably, "did you just pull that out of your ass?"

I shrugged, "you said something exotic."

A few silent moments passed, comfortable as ever as the baby rested in her mothers arms. I took this silence as an opportunity to properly assess the damage to Lily from her fall. She had only gotten bruises on her face, but no one could hide her beauty from me. "What's that name you've always liked?" she asked abruptly.

"Which one?" I asked.

"That…that city in Greece," she said, turning her head on my shoulder to look at me.

Glancing down at her, we were almost nose-to-nose, "Janina?" I asked.

She beamed and nodded, "Nina."

Averting my gaze to the candidate for Janina, I smiled, "Nina, fits her."

She nodded, "like a glove."

"Wow…"I laughed, the finality of naming her flustering in a positive way, making the fact that I had a daughter final, "Nina Potter."

The unshed tears in Lily's eyes fell as she looked at her, "Janina Emlyn Potter?"

"Emlyn…."I sighed, "yeah, perfect," I looked at Lily, "just perfect," I said.

"I love you James," she smiled.

"Promise you'll be with me when I take my last breath," I whispered, leaning towards her, my lips implanted in her ear.

"You'll never get rid of me," she smiled, bringing her hand up from behind Nina to place it on my cheek and gently caress it, the gesture unbelievably tender.

"Good," I sighed, "very good."

By the time the nurse shooed me out of the room, I felt the same, old feeling of what I perceived was happiness return. The section of my heart marked "Happy" had the cobwebs dusted off and replaced by a glowing new word, "Janina Potter".

All was well…for now…I still have a son who's like me in more ways then one…much to everyone's disappointment….I wonder how my blue eyed angel will turn out….Well, all is well in war and peace.

_**AN: Kill me if you want, I don't care, I'm there anyway. Lol. Please, PLEASE have patience with me and my updates and my changing my mind! And I got the title from A Tale of Two Cities, and Recalled to Life just sounds odd to me. As always, thank yoU! -Mav**_


	14. Drain the Cup Dry

Disclaimer: Monkies may or may not have flown out of Madonna's butt but I still haven't seen pigs fly.

Ch. 14 Drain the Cup Dry

I was on the couch three months later, on my back with Nina sleeping soundlessly on my chest. She had assumed her big brothers position, and my hands had slipped almost automatically to her back, and the other cupping her diapered bottom. She was on her stomach, her fists holding a handful of my t-shirt.

I was smiling at the white ceiling of our living room, enjoying the feeling of the little body on my chest. Enjoying the peace that was there before she woke up wailing again, like all babies do. Lily was at work, still paranoid about the baby weight only she could see. To me, she was the beautiful angel I loved, and will forever.

And even though I took care of Nina whether Lils was home or not, Nina wasn't at all neglected in the love field.

So much had happened and I wanted to explode my brain as I tried to keep up. Halloween had been the most interesting of them all. It concerned a certain incident that included my one and only adventurous son, a certain redhead and know-it-all and a Mountain Troll. Good combination right? It is if you're not the adventurous son's over-protective father.

My son, at the tender of age 11 with no prior experience nor knowledge about the Wizarding world had survived the attack of a Mountain Troll (then again, he survived Voldemort). The day Dumbledore delivered the news, about three days after Nina's birth, the incident filled my mind with temporary distraction from spending the entire day at the hospital with the baby. In place of that heart-clenching concern for Nina, pride and concern of my firstborn's health occupied me, and I was thankful, for the first time, Harry had gotten my mischievous streak.

According to Dumbledore, a troll had been allowed into the Castle, but Quirrell, the Professor who spotted the troll, had said it was in the Dungeons. But the fun part is, the troll was in the girls bathroom and apparently Hermione Granger, the bushy headed girl I had seen talking to Harry and warning him during their flying lesson, had gone after the troll. Naively thinking she could take him on because of all she'd read about them, she'd risked her neck in the line of pure stupidity. And my son had gone to her rescue with the Weasley boy.

I was quite amazed at the paternal concern and anger that suddenly overtook the pride I had felt after hearing the news. It was weird but I was angry at Harry for being so frivolous and so much like me to go rescue a stupid Damsel in distress. If I was his father, I mean like involved father, he would've gotten an Howler in less then two seconds with such scolding words of warning that it would freeze him on the spot. I was basically thinking "how dare you scare me to death like that Harry!" Dude…being a father of a preteen is harder then I thought, I only thought Harry would scare me when he was a baby, never when he grew up. But apparently, they scares you most when they're growing!

And Lily has assured me that Nina will be a lot like her brother, for that, I wasn't that thankful. How much I had come to love and depend on this little girl is almost baffling. She looks a bit like Harry, Lily's sharp nose and her bone structure was all she inherited from her mother. Her eyes were the same color as mine, unlike Harry's they are my midnight blue colored eyes. She looked like a black haired angel from my point of view, nestled into my chest peacefully.

Having been sleeping on my back for over an hour, I squirmed to a new position, causing Nina to make a cute, disgruntled sound. "Sorry babe," I whispered, watching her for any signs of awakening. She went back to her comfortable position, and I settled back. Thinking. Thanking.

Everyone who knew about Nina had shown so much love for her. The lost love, the missing love of Remus, Kat and Sirius's lack of presence was almost filled by Dumbledore and Piper. Though Dumbledore's approach towards her was a little more subtle then her jumping Godmother who did all but faint when she laid her eyes on the dark-headed angel. And Nina cooed every time she saw Sirius in the mirror, never minding his wasted good-looks, never fathoming how much he would've loved her had he not been so far away. She didn't mind, she seemed to love Sirius despite his haggard appearance, and after all, he is her godfather.

Sirius had been thrilled to hear that I had a daughter, and was even more thrilled to hear her middle name, though I could see tears in his sunken eyes.

My butt hurt again and I squirmed under my daughter, she didn't waste her precious time protesting, "sorry sweetheart, but my ass hurts," I slowly sat up, my hand still under her butt and my hand supporting her back. Her head slumped on my shoulder, and I slowly stood up. I went up the stairs slowly, taking care not to move her too much.

Her bedroom was the room directly connected to Lily and mine so we didn't have to travel much to reach her at night when she wailed. And using our old friend magic, we had busted a door from her bedroom to ours in the wall that connected us. I paid little attention to the artwork and decoration her mother and godmother had decorated her room with, although they were quite remarkable. Though it was covered with little teddy bears with a light green background, they had used the old charm they had learned when they were decorating Harry's room. Like Nina's, Harry's nursery had a wolf, a dog, a stag and a rat who disappeared when the human form wasn't in the house. For example, if I was at work and Sirius had slipped out and had gone to Lily for food with Remus, a dog and a wolf would appear on the wall. And right now, a stag was the only thing that appeared there, waiting impatiently for Padfoot and Moony to follow suite. I prayed and hoped that they would join the doggy one day, he was way too lonely and Lily refused to add a female dog there with a red coat.

Nina only protested slightly as she was put in her bed, her tiny hands in fists in form of a surrender, her head to one side with her eyes squinted close. Using the same spell Lily had taught me when Harry was born, I went to the library again. The spell was to set off my wand when Nina cried, very efficient for the parent and the baby.

I went through my books in the library, looking for the one whose singular passage had been pounding my brain for the longest time. I found it, an old favorite of Sirius's, _A Tale of Two Cities._ Though I didn't enjoy the book as much as others, there was a passage there, dialogue which shook me every time I read it: "buried how long?" "Eighteen years." "You had abandoned all hope of being dug out?" "Long ago." "You know that you are recalled to life?" "They tell me so." "I hope you care to live?" "I can't say." And selecting the answer that fit my imagination from the three choices offered, "shall I show her to you? Will you come and see her?" "I don't know her, I don't understand."

With a hollow, bitter laugh I dropped on the leather couch with the book in my hands, finally understanding why I was drawn to it. Sirius. My best friend Sirius was the man that was answering the questions I asked him. He was buried, and soon, I would recall him to life (hopefully soon!). And I would ask him those questions, and his deadened eyes would stare at me lifelessly as he answered me.

I'm so torn with the fact that my life was starting to finally work out, happiness was finally coming to me. The thing that tore me to ribbons was that, for the first time, I couldn't truly share it with my best friend. And that hurt more then anything else. It just sort of felt wrong not to see him play with Nina, or tease me about having to change diapers. He and I have always shared our happy moments together, it's weird for him not to be here corporeally.

The library door opening got my attention, and Lily entering the room provided a wonderful distraction from my thoughts. "Hi," she said brightly, leaving the door open as she advanced to me.

I looked at her with a smile, "hi," I said as she sat next to me on the brown leather couch.

"Nina asleep?" she asked, pulling out the pin that kept her hair in a bun. I watched in rapt attention as it fell to her waist like a red waterfall. It looked so soft I couldn't resist reaching out a hand to play with a stray strand.

"Yeah," I answered, smiling sensually at her as she gazed down at me sprawled on the couch with a _Tale of Two Cities _on my chest.

"Was she fussy?" she asked, running a finger up my chest making my sigh.

"No, pretty quiet actually," I frowned, still playing with her hair.

"She asleep long?" she asked, watching her fingers as they trailed lightly down my shirt.

I closed my eyes as the feather-light sensation of her finger drove me nuts, as always, "not really, maybe fifteen, twenty minutes," looking at the fire in her eyes, I looked at her curiously, "what do you have in mind sweetheart?"

With a coy smile she tried unsuccessfully to suppress, she giggled, "I've been thinking about you all day," she murmured, suddenly turning shy and staring at her fingers instead of my eyes.

"Oh?" I asked curiously, softly knowing what it did to her.

She nodded, "James?" she asked after a few minutes of silence I enjoyed, staring at her face as she played with my shirt, running her fingers down the crevices beneath.

"Hmm?" I asked.

Her gaze turned up to meet mine, "I love you."

I smiled at her, and couldn't resist wrapping my arms around her waist and drawing her to me, "how much?" I asked with a smile, my lips an inch away from her as she placed her hands on my chest.

Her breathing seemed to become shallow as I pressed her verbally, "without limit James…beyond forever."

"Promise?" I asked.

She nodded with a smile, kissing my chin, "how 'bout you?" she asked, lifting her head to look into my eye's slyly.

Looking into her exquisite emerald eyes, I could see all her love for me shine in them. I suddenly remembered the first time I saw her on the platform in front of the Hogwarts Express, looking so nervous despite her efforts. I remembered the first time I made her laugh, right after we were grudgingly assigned together for a potions project and it blew up in our faces. I still remember the purple-faced beauty laughing as I made stupid comments. I remembered, in those reflective eyes, the times when she would admittedly laugh at something I did, then stop abruptly remembering she hated my guts. And I remember that special night, as I sat frustrated, ready to strangle Peter, and she asked me to speak with her privately. And the bliss I lived in after that night she admitted to loving me with all her heart, although grudgingly. But oh, all these years I've been with this women, and all those foolish times these past few years when I doubted, I have never stopped loving her for one second. And I would never stop, till my last breath.

"What do you think Lils?" I asked, pushing back a tendril of her hair.

Her eyes softened remarkably, making me drown in the passion they displayed, the love I had for her pounded through my every pore. "I just want to hear you say it, James," she said softly.

I looked at her and smiled, "I love you Lily," I whispered.

She gave a genuine smile and reached for my lips asking, "you think Nina'll be up soon?"

Shacking my head, I let Lily wrap in the intricate web of her undying love for me. Hence me finding myself on my back on our bed upstairs with the very naked Lily using my chest as a pillow, a sated feeling pounding through both of us. With a sheet covering us from the waist down, we enjoyed each other immensely. As I mentioned earlier, Lily still has the mother figure, and I'm incalculably happy about that.

"I'm gonna go check on Nina," she said silently, my hand moving up and down her back.

"Alright," I said just as quietly and cursed silently when she got off the bed, the cool air surrounding me immediately without her.

I smiled to myself once she left our room with her peach colored robe on. Turning to sleep on my stomach, never having been accustomed to sleeping on my back without Lily, I nearly laughed out loud in the pillow. In the middle of all this misery, all this shit I'm being put through by some unseen force, I still managed to smile, and feel my heart flutter every time I thought about the fact that I had a daughter now, and I loved my wife more then ever, and, Dumbledore keeps telling me that someday soon, Harry would rejoin us.

Looking at the picture of Harry on the nightstand, I suddenly began to go over the problem that had invaded my thoughts for a while now. What to get Harry for the fast-approaching Christmas?

It was already December 22nd, the air in England and Turlock were freezing and everyone on earth was hunkering down for the happiest time of the year. For four or five years now I'd been giving him birthday and Christmas presents from Atticus. This year, I decided I would be giving them to him, just not putting any name on the presents. For his birthday, I hadn't been able to give him anything this year, unless you count the money in the vault Lily and I left him. But that didn't satisfy. To make up for that, now I wanted to give him something he would always remember.

For some reason, a thought kept nagging at me to give him something that I valued, to pass on to him something from his father would maybe make him feel less lonely. That's why I've been thinking of something I value deeply. The first thought was my wedding ring but I sorta think that's stupid to give your 11-year-old son. Second choice was a photo album, but I wanted to give him something more then that. Something I valued and loved more. I was thinking of an item that had significant memories for me, something that had been present when something important happened to me. Something unbelievably significant.

I knew it had do be something involving the Marauders, whom had been a large part of my life. It had to of course include memories I cherished with Lily with that object present, and my parents, Harry's grandparents.

It was like lightning struck I sat up so fast with the idea flashing brightly in my mind. I smiled, then scolded myself for not having come up with it sooner. Dolt that I was, I couldn't remember one of the most important objects in my life. This particular item was given to me by my father, and had been passed down from one generation of Potter to the next mischievous one since before the Middle Ages, starting with Bartholomew Potter who bought it. It had taken a significant part in our Marauder days and saved our necks during and after Hogwarts, I even mean during the First War. Lily and I often used this object to sneak out and share a privet minute or two by the lake, just to talk or to share affection.

I started to chuckling silently as I stood up, wrapping the white sheet around my waist, I walked towards the walk in closet. Turning on the little light in the over-sized closet full of our clothes (Lily's dominant in quantity) I knelt down beside one of the two trunks that lay on the ground with the initials JP on it. Unlocking it, I began rummaging through various memorabilia I had kept from Hogwarts. I smiled brightly when I found the beautiful, billowing, silvery Invisibility Cloak that had survived countless Potter pranks, wars, and heavy passion.

This was perfect for Harry, of course, he would use it to get into trouble but ey, he's the son, godson, and surrogate nephew of the Marauders. I picked up the cloak and walked back to the bed with it in my hand, sitting at the edge, and staring at it released countless memory rushes. Sirius, Peter and myself huddled up under it, running slowly across the lawn of Hogwarts under the Full Moon to join our friend when he needed us the most. I remembered every time Lily and I sneaked out of the castle for a few stolen moments when we discovered that we could actually be very intellectual companions to each other.

I remember one time she and I decided to go and have a picnic by the lake the last week of 7th Year. It was as romantic as I could make it, which was pretty romantic. Her eyes sparkled like champagne in the moonlight, setting my heart to beat with a newly found passion. We had talked about our plans for the future. She was signed up for training as a Healer, and I was going to the Auror training academy and on to living with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin in a shabby apartment in London.

It was decided, as Lily came back to me with the news that Nina was sound asleep and began massaging my bare shoulders, I would give my baby boy the Invisibility Cloak.

The next morning I woke up early with the sound of Nina's cries and the beds weight shifting as Lily hastily went to our daughter. I lay a little disoriented for a while, never having been a morning person and was never able to speak in full sentences until 9. I sat up, and almost instinctively went to the writing desk in the corner of the room. Picking up a piece of parchment and a quill I began writing the following note:

_Your father left this in my possesion before he died_

_It's time it was returned to you. Use it well!_

I didn't sign a name and left it a mystery to Harry. And I had no doubt he would somehow link it to Dumbledore and lose the trail. After telling a protesting and pretty happy Lily about giving the cloak to Harry, I wrapped it up and went to Hogwarts to give the present to Dumbledore to put it under the tree for my son.

I've never been happier.

* * *

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Sooo sorry about the late update you guys! But I've been sooo unbelievably busy with school and life and stuff. And I'm writing a short about Lily and James' wedding. For those who know Alan Alda, the actor/writer/producer dude, he's my hero and I got to meet him on Friday. He has wanted to be a writer since he was 8 (He's 70 now) and he just published his first novel, Never Have Your Dog Stuffed ((I recommend it!)) I went up to him and told him that I'm a writer and he told me to promise him to keep writing. **_So I'm gonna do that and try to do my homework and that. So I need you all to have patience even though it's not a common virtue_**. Please, please have patience! I've come up with a concept for the story that has me going to back to read books 1-5 since I already wrote six. And it's still on fresh on my memory. PATIENCE! I LOVE YOU! REVIEWS POSTED ON MY BIO PAGE! SHOUT OUT TO NEUROTICA!


	15. Fade In, Fade Out

Ch. 15, Fade In, Fade Out

It was about 4 in the morning and Nina started to cry indignantly for her mother's breast or helping hands to change her poopy diaper. Which ever it was, Nina could be rest assured that Mommy and Daddy weren't very happy about waking up. "Nina! Go back to sleep!" I called as Lily grabbed her robe and jogged towards the door to Nina's bedroom.

I stuffed my face in the pillow again with a humph. I always get extra sleepy in winter-time, I don't know why but it's like my trademark or something, just like not being able to put together two and two before 9. It had gotten so bad that naptime wasn't just for Nina anymore. Every time my little girl is too tired and starts falling asleep, I waste no time curling up next to her. She's become a great excuse.

The chicks on the block go absolutely insane when they see me with her. The girls held this little chindig for Lily, and I had taken Nina out for a stroll to the nearby University. When we got home, all of the neighborhood women swarmed me and Nina, who was in those little jumper thingys. They started cooing about how adorable I looked, something about a man looking downright sexy when he puts down his virility for his baby. Seriously, why wouldn't I? And who the hell came up with the concept that I'm virile? Not that I enjoy the term, but still…ugh, let's give it up! I'm not modest! I'm virile! I'm manly! I'm sexy! That's why the women love me!

…I'll shut up now k?…

I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking the same thing. My attitude towards life changed by multitudes since that day at the hospital. I thought Lily would die, I thought I'd never see my b beloved again, kiss her, hold her in my arms. I had thought, in those almost foolish moments, about the thousands of days I grew old, and Lily stayed forever young in my memories. And to have her _and _Nina with me now…Who in their right mind would be depressed. I fell in love with Lily again, more deeply.

I was almost asleep when Lily came back, Nina back to sleep again. I began to laugh breathless when she straddled my waist and began massaging my back. I smiled at her new sense of sensuality, which had only improved since Christmas, three months ago.

"She went back to sleep almost immediately," Lily murmured in the dark, her fingers kneading my shoulder and back muscles, making me clamp my eyes shut and suppress a moan.

"Good," I breathed, "holy crap Lily," I breathed as her lips landed at my nape. After a few minutes of this torture, I flipped so I was on top. And we engaged in our usual rhythm, rocking to pleasure with an explosive sigh.

The next day I was sitting on the ground in front of the couch with a book in my lap, watching Nina a play with her newest toy kicking thing, with Blues Clues singing on the TV. We were both bored out our wits, it was about 1, and father and daughter were getting stir crazy!

I looked at Nina, who had grown remarkably, and her hair was turning into the blue-black of Harry and my hair. Her eyes were now officially the midnight-blue of mine. She was the most beautiful creature ever. I'm weird, I love my two (hehe, 2!) kids more than my wife. Lily is my life, she's what I've always needed, but Harry and Nina…they're a part of me. My own flesh and blood and I've never gotten over that. And I don't think I ever will. They're a part of me! Part of me, both physically and mentally, they're all my thoughts, all my decisions.

"You bored Nina?" I asked, her kicking stopped along with the music as her gaze turned towards me questioningly. "Sorry kiddo…but it's too cold to go outside," I put down the book and crawled to her and slept next to her on my side, playing with the wheel on the kicking thing, "and so, my little lady, you and I are stuck here, bored out of our wits."

She giggled, watching her dad play with her silly toy. I smiled at the expression on her angelic face, and couldn't resist kissing her head, her baby smell filling my nostrils. I suddenly heard the flames come to life, I sat up to see Dumbledore's smiling face in the flames. "Hello James, Janina," why he doesn't call Nina, Nina, is a mystery of Dumbledore.

"Hi," I smiled, helping Nina sit up, putting her in my lap.

"As is my duty as Headmaster and your Secret Keeper of sorts, it's my duty to inform you that Harry, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy have all received detention tonight with Hagrid," Dumbledore said, almost cheerfully.

I blinked, holding on to Nina as she squirmed, "detention?" do I get angry or do I whoop in triumph? "What did he do?"  
"Mr. Malfoy found them visiting Hagrid after hours," Dumbledore's eyes sparkled merrily, "I assume they used your cloak."

I blinked again, a smile trying force its way past the unbelievable rage! How could he be so stupid? Doesn't he know all the Death Eaters are after him? Doesn't he fathom the danger Voldemort presents? And why in hell is he so much like me! "Why with Hagrid?"

His face turned dark, "there has been a fair amount of dead unicorns in the forest, Hagrid has found new blood and the four students will help him find the creature."

I frowned, Nina was gurgling, "who would do that?"

"Can you think of no one who would need the immortality Unicorn blood offers, James?"

My heart stopped abruptly, "Voldemort?" I gulped, "seriously?"  
He nodded grimly, "seems he is lurking about, he's gotten a whiff of the Sorcerer's stone."

I cursed silently, "but then all the spells and stuff…they'll work, right Headmaster?"

"Only the wisest of Wizards can pass through that maze James," he assured me, "Harry is as safe as can be, I promise you."

Sighing I nodded, my mind still buzzing with Harry. I never knew 'till that point just how worried a human can get. I was ready to follow Harry around for the remainder of the school year…and the rest of his life. Running a hand through my hair, I sighed. My worst fears realized…for now.

"I have to get back to work James, take care," he smiled and disappeared.

Looking down at Nina who looked back with a half smile, "Start praying your brother has a brain, babe."

That night I mirrored Sirius to tell him about Harry's detention. A grimace I now took for a smile appeared on his skeletal face. He called Harry his father's son, and I nearly wept at the injustice that my best friend's in jail.

It was March now, a few weeks after my conversation with Dumbledore. Spring was coming into bloom, and so was Nina Potter. We were all relatively happy, sitting in the backyard one day when disaster struck.

We were all in the backyard, drinking lemonade while I knelt beside a flower bed. My beautiful wife was playing with Nina who laughed her own baby laugh, "James, have you ever seen anything as cute as this little kid?"

Turning to face her, I smiled, "Harry, maybe?"

"He was different type of cute," Lily laughed, a spark in her emerald green eyes that hadn't been there since Harry's birth.

"Right," I smiled, still on my knee.

"Lily! James!" I heard Dumbledore voice suddenly boom worriedly from the house.

I don't know how fast I dashed towards the house. My heart had dropped, an odd feeling gripping my gut. I slid into the house, sliding in front of the fireplace to see a passive Dumbledore, "what's wrong?" was my greeting.

"I got a massage from Miss Hermione Granger that Harry is down in the chambers, trying to save the Stone," he stared at me for the fraction of a second, seeming to know that I needed to swallow the information, "I don't think I can stress the danger he's in."

My heart only beat faster when I heard a gasp behind me. The gasp of a horrified mother. I turned to look at her, not liking the wide eyes, the trembling lips, the unshed tears, "I'm on my way," I told him. Dumbledore disappeared with a nod. I wasted no time bounding to Lily, taking her in my arms and kissing her head, "it's alright," I crooned.

"Go to him, better as Atticus," she told me, her voice slightly muffled by my shoulder.

"I love you," I smiled.

Turning into Atticus, I went to Harry's rescue as Atticus Evens, his ever trusted friend. My mind was swimming with terrifying thoughts about disasters that could occur to my son. I went to the third floor, ignoring the portraits and memories the halls offered. I got to the trap door on the third floor to find Dumbledore and McGonagall standing there. The three-headed dog that had nearly eaten my head off the first time I saw him, was asleep as an enchanted violin played merrily.

"Professor," I said, my eyes on the open trap door.

Both their eyes swept over me. To Dumbledore, I was just James Potter, and he'd known me since infancy. I just looked a bit different. To my old, favorite Professor McGonagall, I was a stranger about to be trusted with the most important mission, Harry Potter, son of James and Lily, grandson of Zach and Linnet, the latest generation in a long line of powerful wizards. Hell, I was ever overwhelmed with the gravity of the situation, more, actually. Since he's my flesh and blood.

"I trust you know all the charms and tricks down there?" Dumbledore asked.

I nodded, praying my son was the son of a Marauder and Lily Potter, hoping he was powerful beyond reason, smart beyond anything. Because that would get him through. And the old, paternal anger and fear returned and petrified me. "Who else is down there?" I asked, one foot at the edge of the trap door, ready to drop to my son.

"We think it's Professor Snape sir," said a quite voice from behind me. I finally noticed Hermione Granger, my boys friend.

I smiled at her sweetly, father and turned to Dumbledore, "Snape?" I hissed.

"_Professor _Snape is in the dungeons, it is Professor Quirell that's missing, Atticus," he said softly.

I was off even before Dumbledore spoke another word. How could that stuttering fool be Voldemort's accomplice? That was all I could think.

Dumbledore, knowing I would need to know everything about the Stone and all the curses and spells around it had told me everything, every detail of it's existence. He had laid down a map for me, and all the precise movements and spells I needed to get through the maze without any trouble. And I was thankful because I didn't have time to dally at all. I didn't have any patience, never had. And right now, the only thing was going to the center of this maze and getting my boy back to safety then throttle him for being so unbelievably flippant with his life!

I didn't notice the dangers I came across, they looked like nothing because all I could focus on was Harry. And him out. And fast!

I was suddenly standing at the first step to the chamber where the mirror of Erised was set with Dumbledore's trickery. But the room was surrounded by a ring of fire, and to my disappointment, my son was standing valiantly right in front of the fire. I looked him over, making sure that there weren't any missing limbs. Thankful that there wasn't, I followed his startled gaze to see Quirrell against the wall, his hands covering his face as his face turned to ashes…literally. I was actually nauseated by the site of human flesh just deteriorating at a rapid pace. But something happened that I never thought I would ever see again. A wisp of smoke, familiar to me from the night Voldemort invaded our house, rose from the dust of Quirrells remains. I breathed in a sharp breath, that Voldemort, the wisp of smoke that was him flew right through Harry as it had through me. His scream was accompanied by Voldmorts, and my heart wrenched painfully.

As soon as Voldy disappeared, I used some cheap trick I had learned when I was training for Auroring to extinguish the flames and stepped across the singed cement to Harry's unconscious body. Thankful that he was alive and yet I wanted to choke him. _Fool_! _Fool_! I kept repeating as I went to him. Kneeling down beside him, I ignored my knees cracking and put my hand on his cheek, tapped slightly, "Harry?" I asked softly, thousands of emotions crushing my throat. Concern. Fear. Anger. Dread. Pride. Joy. And other conflicting emotions. "Harry? Can you hear me Emeralds?" I risked his nickname. But I didn't care. Anything for him to open those eyes.

"D-dad?" he whispered finally groggily.

My heart did a little dance then immediately ripped in half when I said, "no, Atticus, Harry," I whispered. Gathering his limp body in my arms, I picked him up, his head on my shoulder, "you alright?" I asked as I walked down the steps towards the Mirror of Erised.

He looked at me with confused eyes, "Atticus?" he asked tiredly.

"Yeah, just hang on to me ok?" I asked, placing my hand on the mirror's surface where Dumbledore had made into a portkey that would transport anyone with the proper identity to the Hospital Wing. "Hold fast to me," I told him as I felt the familiar tug at my navel and we were standing the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey ran to us as soon as she saw us with Dumbledore at her heals.

"Put him here," she told me.

I gingerly lay Harry on the indicated bed covered with her familiar spotless, white sheets. Harry groaned a bit when I lay him down, and eased into my hand like a cat when I stroked a lock of his hair back. I looked up to see Pomfrey looking me with a tenderness in her eyes, and genuine surprise.

"I-if you will excuse me sir," she said, and I wondered if she thought she saw James Potter, the boy who landed so many times in her hospital bed with Sirius next to him.

"Ah, Poppy, I would prefer if Atticus remains with Harry until Mr. Potter awakens," Dumbledore interrupted.

I walked to the foot of the bed, watching Pomfrey perform different spells and charms and rubbing salves here there on my boy's body as I fought inevitable tears. I had failed him almost completely! Harry had faced Voldemort at age one, and had defeated him, sure. But Lily and I were there, I had tried to save him, tried to protect him. And we both knew what had happened, exactly what had happened because it was tattooed on our brains. But this time, none of us had been there. _I _hadn't been there to spit out wise cracks to buy time so I could think of a plan. I hadn't been there this time, to at least be able to give him the luxury of thinking I would throw my body on his and shield him. Die, happily of course, with the curse that had been aimed at him.

One-year-old Harry's eyes bore into me suddenly, criticizing my paternal skills.

I watched his quiet face, an expression of pain on his sleeping face as Pomfrey rightly fussed over him. His hand was burned, he was bruised and had managed to twist his wrist. Not bad for a Marauder in training, I thought wryly. I wanted to grab Harry in my arms, tell him I was there, that I would protect him, that I loved him more then life itself.

Pomfrey left us, still a tenderness in her eyes when she looked at me. I just stared at Harry. My mind had stopped…I was more numb then I had been in a while.

"James," Dumbledore said softly, grabbing my shoulder firmly.

I turned to face him, "have you called Lily?" I asked gently, my gun wrenching for her, knowing just how worried she would get. At least I was with him.

He nodded, "she was glad to hear you and Harry are alright. Now, please share with me your theory about what transpired down there.

So told him. Simple really. Voldemort had found out Harry Potter was alive and in Hogwarts along with a tool he could use to regain his body. So he had possessed, or rather shared, a body with his servant Quirrell. And so, Quirrell helped Voldy to the stone, and Harry, being a Potter, went after the Stone to protect it and the Wizarding world from Voldemort for a while longer. I smiled to myself, knowing I would've done the same thing if I had been in his shoes. Sirius would be where Ron Weasley lay, and Remus, like Hermione, would enter the Wing quietly, looking as disheveled as I felt. Her eyes landed on me, and she studied me. I gave her a smile.

"Ah, Miss Granger, I would like you to meet a dear friend, Mr. Atticus Evens," Dumbledore introduced.

"Hello," she said shyly.

"Hi," I smiled back, offering my hand, "you do you do?"

"Well, thank you," she said quietly, taking my hand.

I refused to eat anything or move an inch for the next six hours. I just sat there and watched Harry. He fidgeted, muttered something incoherently, then quieted. Then suddenly, "Atticus?" I heard him ask hoarsely, not noticing all the candy and treats his friends had sent him.

I bravely smiled at him, "morning…" looking out the window, "well, noon."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, almost defensively.

Lily's boy, all business, no fooling around, "I could ask you the same thing kid."

"You're a wizard, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

I beamed and nodded at him.

Seeing as how as he was struggling to sit up, I helped him and ended up sitting on the edge of the bed by him, "so, you knew all along that I was a wizard?" a flicker of anger lit his eyes.

I sighed, knowing that he would be even more furious when he found out who I really was. His father. And that we had lied to him. "Yes, I did Harry. But I'm still me, kid," I shrugged.

"I still would've wanted you to tell me," he said tiredly.

"I know, but Dumbledore thought you'd be safer," I shrugged again, "Dumbledore."

He chuckled, "but…that's a bit weird…" he sighed, I knew he was confused.

I reached up and cupped his cheek, "you have no idea," I told him, "remember that first time we met, I made you promise me to never to go out in the park alone."

Smiling, he nodded.

"Can you promise to never do something as stupid as chasing after Voldemort?" I said quietly, delving into his eyes.

He returned the gaze, "yes," he said.

I nodded. Then I remembered my promise to Dumbledore to go home right after Harry woke up, "good, I hold you to that promise buddy," I pretended to look at my watch, "I have to get going now."

He nodded too, I nearly hooted when I saw disappointment.

"I get a whiff of your risking your neck for nothing, I'll kick your ass, understand?" I asked.

He nodded again.

"Alright," I gathered him in my arms, and he returned the hug enthusiastically. I held my son in my arms, so glad that I could. He laid his head on my shoulder, years of trust in the simple hug between father and son came out.

"Take care of yourself ok? Keep in touch, your owl will know how to find me," I whispered in his ear.

"Ok," he nodded, increasing his grip on me, and I returned the gesture.

I swallowed, not knowing whether to tell him what was bubbling up, "love you kid."

A pause, "I love you too Atticus," he said quietly.

I smiled, pulling back, I kissed his forehead, "take care of yourself."

"You too," he answered as I stood up.

"Bye for now," I said and began walking away from him. Elated. Happy. Sated.

"Atticus?" he called.

I turned to face him.

"Remember that time when I was 6? When you told me about your son? In the park?"

I nodded.

"Did Voldemort have anything to do with his…his disappearance? Did he take him away?" Harry asked quietly, his green eyes shinning.

I nodded, "he did, he ripped him away from me, then gave me you," I smiled. And I went home.

Lily flew into my arms when I got home. And I told her everything that had happened without hesitation. Then I kissed her, my medicine. And I kissed her thoroughly, delving my tongue into her mouth, exploring, ignoring both our tears.

Harry's first year ended. A phase of my life seemed to end, and with his second year, another would end.

* * *

AN: Hey kids! Sorry about the late update, but it was faster then last time, right? As I said, school's keeping me very busy so have patience and keep your faith in me. Love you all! Read, Recommend and Review! 


	16. Your Are Being Recalled to Life!

Ch. 16 You Are Being Recalled to Life!

Piper was staying home with Nina, being too nervous to join Lily and I. And who could blame her? I actually couldn't. I'm about to piss my pants here!

"What was that?" Lily whispered from in front of me.

"Lils, we're standing in the middle of the forest at the dead of night, could be anything," I told her, my gaze at the imposing dark fortress visible through the woods.

"Thanks for the reassurance love," she said, peeping through the branches like I was.

"No prob," I whispered back, looking at my watch, I said, "all right sweet, time to go."

She turned to face me, "kiss for luck."

Smiling, I quickly obliged and watched as Lils turned into a mockingbird and flew to the fortress we'd been spying on. I sighed, my breath coming out in a foggy huff as I stared at the familiar hellhole.

Azkaban prison.

And guess what we're doing here kids! The mere thought of what would happen in the next fifteen minutes made me want to jump around in circles and clap my hands and sing in joy like a madman. A madman who was about to compensate for twelve years with just this one obvious trick. So the madman was a little blind, but eh. He's happy, I'm happy my brother is about to rejoin the living and I'm about to go off life fireworks!

12 Years he's been here man! How long and awful is that? We're 34 now, and our lives have been turned into a living, though mine's a bit more bearable with an adorable daughter who helps me out of my moods and a wife who makes the world disappear and watch my oblivious son go through life, proving to everyone that he's James Potter's son.

This is the summer after Harry's 2nd Year; he's about to turn 13 and start 3rd Year, Hogsmead Year, as we dubbed it. In his 2nd Year, things got so weird that I even got chills. Someone was attacking Muggle borns and kids with mixed bloods, they were Petrifying them and then writing bloody massages on the walls of Hogwarts. And each time, my boy found them until he was attacked by a Bludger and fing Gildory Lockhart took out all the bones from his arm and Harry wound up re-growing his bones! Then Hermione Granger got attacked and Harry and Ron found the legendary Chamber of Secrets. My son slew the basilisk that resided there. And rescued Ginny Weasley, who'd been possessed by the spirit of Voldemort…long long story.

I was under the Invisibility Cloak the day Dumbledore spoke with Harry after the incidents. He'd been scared the shit out of and was questioning whether or not he belonged to Gryffindor since we found a new talent in him this year. My son is a Parcel Mouth. Kinda creepy but he's still my boy. And Lucious Malfoy showed up! Slick white hair and evil blue eyes and evil black blow in his hair, and I honestly nearly jumped him but my sons calm rage inspired me to shut up. On, and Harry and Ron crashed a flying car into the Whomping Willow. A month of detention followed and I was once again torn between rage and pride.

All my thoughts about Harry and his detention scattered away as I saw a large bird carrying something that looked too small to be anything approach. My heart stopped. I hadn't expected him to look so bad! But he's out. Piper and I'll stuff him, no worries in that department.

Lily landed him right where she had taken off, a few feet from me in a tiny opening. As soon as the scrawny, four-legged creature landed on his feet, he ran towards me, "James," Sirius sighed, standing where the dog had been.

My breath lodged in my throat and I hugged my best friend. The naivety of the old days when happiness seemed so close returned as my brother embraced me back in frail arms. Suddenly I remembered the first day I saw him, the hells and heavens we saw together. The times we tackled each other awake at Hogwarts, and fell asleep on each other's shoulders in History. Or taking care of Harry, the image of him holding Harry at his Christening filled my mind when a sob escaped him.

I pressed him closer, "save the water works for later Padfoot," he chuckled, maybe he's as unused to his nickname now as I am to mine, "we have to get home."

Sirius, my height but way too thin and way too haunted, pulled back nodded. Giving him the biggest smile, I looked at Lily, whose green eyes were shimmer with tears, "I'll Dissaparate with Sirius," I told her.

"See you guys at home then," she smiled and Dissaparted with a pop.

"Ready?" I asked looking at him, still holding his elbow.

"You have no idea," he croaked and we followed Lily.

We were standing in the living room not five seconds later. Piper stood frozen behind Lily, who beamed. Nina was more than likely in bed by now, and she had a fever. So I hope she's asleep.

But I could only stare at Piper and Sirius, staring intently at each other. How long ago had it been since these two were willing to die for each other? And how they seemed to be complete strangers, meeting for the first time. I had always thought their strong love would jump any hurdle. But here they are. Strangers.

Instead of addressing her former fiancé, the father of her daughter, Piper turned to me, "Nina was asking for you James," she said with a cracking voice.

I nodded, with one last look at Sirius, I went to her nursery. I entered her room, now decorated in pink and Cinderella, bathed in blue light from her nightlight. I saw that a black dog accompanied the lonely stage on her wall. Smiling, imagining her reaction to Sirius, I walked towards her bed.

"Hi," she said, apparently she hadn't been asleep in the first place.

"Hey," I smiled, feeling her forehead. She was burning up, like I expected her to be, "how you feeling?"

She scrunched her nose.

Smiling, I took out my wand and summoned the fever-reducing potion from downstairs.

"When do I get to do that?" she asked as I pulled the stopper.

"When you're 11," I told her, helping her sit up.

She giggled, "can Harry do that?" she asked as I put some of the potion in her cup.

"Mmm-hmm," I nodded, "drink this."

She complied readily. I imagine she's a little peeved about being sick, but her smiles are ready and her 3-year-old charm was intact. I kissed her forehead when she was done and took the empty cup from her, "try and sleep ok?'

"K," she nodded, lying down as I covered and cocooned her in the blanket.

"I love you," I told her, kissing her cheek.

"I love you too papa," she smiled, snuggling closer to her pillow.

"Holler if you need anything," I told her from the door.

"I know," she mumbled sleepily.

I took the route to the kitchen this time, and found Lily sitting there, staring pensively at the fridge. She looked up when I came down and asked about Nina, "they're talking," she told me, "let the tears fall."

I had never considered the bad side of breaking out Sirius. There never seemed to be one, actually. But he was fears and anger in there that would drain him completely. And only minutes after he came out of hell.

We sat in the kitchen for about two hours in each other's arms, booring over everything that was happening, that would happen.

"How would you react if you were in Sirius's shoes?" she whispered, her head on my shoulder.

"I don't know," I whispered, tightening my grip on her.

"I don't know how I'd survive 13 years without you," she told me, "I'd probably die."

"You need never find out," I assured her.

"Good," she moaned softly, her hand on my knee.

Twenty minutes alter, Piper burst in with Sirius trailing behind her. They looked so much younger, so relieved, "fire-whiskey Padfoot?" I smiled.

He beamed at me, "thought you'd never ask Prongs," he smiled.

We embraced again, brothers untied again after years of hell. I heard him laugh that night; cry sometimes and pressure kept reducing from his face. Piper and Lily kissed Sirius on the cheek before going to bed, leaving my best friend and on the couch alone.

"Remember when we decided to cook dinner?" I laughed.

He chuckled lightly, "I burned my hand."

"Screw your hand, what about the stove?" I asked.

A few silent, pleasurable minutes passed as were reminisced, "remember the time you and I had that cold?" he nodded with a silent laugh.

After Hogwarts, Sirius and I moved into an apartment together near the Ministry in London, Kat and Piper a few floors beneath ours. The two us decorated the studio apartment to our liking, I had to beat up Sirius to prevent him from putting up Playboy posters. We were both pretty happy. Our loved ones surrounded us; the most beautiful witches loved us and warmed our beds. Nothing could go wrong now…. Except one tiny thing.

We were sprawled on the couch one fall morning; both hanging on the arm rests and moaned like babies. The two of us, always thought to be strong and virile, were pale and frail. I remember my eyes felt like someone had lit them on fire. My nose felt five pounds; I was hot but shivering with a blanket on my shoulders. It even felt painful to put on my glasses so everyone was blurry. Sirius wasn't doing any better.

"My head," I groaned, grabbing a fistful of my hair in agony.

"My throat," Sirius moaned.

"James, stop pulling your hair," said Piper, who had turned into our nurse and was running around the flat trying to get us to shut up, and succeeding not at all, "and if you could only shut up for a second Sirius, your throat wouldn't hurt."

"Some nurse you are," he rasped. And I thought my handsome friend couldn't look worse. How wrong I was!  
"Like you're any better," she grumbled, carrying two steamy mugs towards us, "drink that, it'll help your throat."

There was a knock at our door, and I groaned. It sounded magnified just to annoy the crap out of me. Piper opened it and let my beautiful 18-year-old Lily come inside. "Oh baby," I heard her voice murmur, kneeling in front of him. She planted a kiss on my cheek, "feeling any better?" she asked, caressing my jaw.

I think that was the moment I decided I would die without Lily by my side.

"They've improved since yesterday, except something new happens when they-" both Sirius and I sneezed- "sneeze."

Remus and Kat (who were across the room) Lily and Piper began laughing as my entire body ached and everyone doubled over in hilarity, "shut up!" Sirius yelled making us both groan.

"Retard," I mumbled and rubbed my head. Ok, close your eyes and image this. Two grown wizards disappearing and being replaced by a dog who can eat your grandmother's head and a silver stag who can eat her vegetable garden appearing every time the men sneezed. That's why our "friends" are all laughing at us.

Despite our bodies aching terribly during our out-of-control transformations, Sirius and I had good laughs during our cold.

"How's your transformation these days?" presently Sirius asked as the sun began to cast its glow over the tiny city.

"Pretty good," I smiled, "I gave Nina a ride the other day…"I trailed off, feeling guilty talking about my happiness when he's in hell. Talking about my 3-year-old Nina when his daughter died after surviving the worst fortune.

"Same thing we did with Harry," he said holding my gaze, "Piper said she has a cold?"

"Yeah," I answered in wonder, he can still read my mind, as well as I can read his after so many years of corporeal separation.

"When do I get to meet her?" he asked with the ghost of a smile.

As if on cue, a tiny voice whispered, "daddy?" I turned around to see my daughter standing still behind me, staring at Sirius.

"Hey baby," I said, and knew she was surprised and shy about finally meeting her godfather. "Morning."

"Good morning," Sirius said from behind me

"Hi," she answered shyly, walking towards me and climbing into my lap and looking at Sirius, pressing to my chest and lolling her head on my chest.

"Nina, this is Sirius," I told her, pressing a kiss to her temple, "he'll be staying with us from now on."

"Really?" she smiled shyly at him.

"I hope you don't mind," Sirius said gently.

Smiling, she shook her head and pressed back against me again.

"Wow, where did you and your brother get the shyness factor?" Sirius mused with a gentle glint in his eyes.

"I've no idea," I informed him, relishing in the smile my daughter presented him. She was so shy around strangers, it seemed only Lily and I saw her over-hyperactive antics. Everyone else thought she was a shy angel.

"And she looks exactly like you James," Sirius said, "She even has your eyes. If you were a girl, you would've looked just like Nina…wait, you are a girl James."

That got an indignant defense from my daughter, "my daddy's not a girl!" she laughed.

"No?" Sirius smiled, "that's interesting. But you know what Nina?"

"What?" she asked, and I felt her defensive weaken and she warmed up to her Godfather.

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever met," he told her sincerely.

She giggled softly and thanked him as she pressed closer to me, and I reflexively tightened my arms around her.

"Can I kiss your cheek Nina?" he asked her.

Looking at me, and getting two raised eyebrows suggesting it was all her choice, she looked back at Sirius and nodded.

He slowly leaned forward and kissed her soft cheek and she held still for him. He pulled back and I saw old Sirius behind the haunted eyes. "What do I call you?" she asked.

"Oh, you can call me Sirius, Padfoot-"

"Idiot," I suggested.

"Yeah, anything you want," he promised her.

"Padfoot," she smiled.

"Alright then, since we've broken down all the walls of formality, it's time you get some sleep Padfoot," I said rising, and throwing a squealing Nina over my shoulder, "I'll show you to your room."

"All right," he said and I led him upstairs to the guest room at the end of the hall.

He was about to go in when I stopped him, "hey Sirius."

He looked at me, "yes?"

"Buried how long?" I asked straining to retain my hold on the squirming daughter I had on my shoulder.

He smiled, "12 years."

"You had abandoned all hope of being dug out?" I asked.

"Long ago."

"I hope you care to live," I suggested.

"Can't say," he said gently.

"Shall I show her to you? Will you come and see her?" I asked gently.

He replied, "I don't know, I don't understand…yet."

AN: SOOO sorry for the loong wait! But I didn't have time to type it! I got it written a week ago, but I never found time to type it and I'm so anxious to get it up, I didn't get it to my editor! So pardon the mistakes. It's way too late for me to go through it with a fine tooth comb so just enjoy the story and I LOVE YOU! Review replies are probebly going to be on my Bio page. Rock on! Keep on reading and PLEASE, be patient with me.

-Mav


	17. Let's Get It Started!

Ch. 17 Let's Get It Started

So, I was going crazy right now, not because I was happy that Sirius was out of Azkaban (which I was) but my best friend was sort of getting on my nerves right now. It was the second day he'd been out and he was insisting on seeing Harry before we took him under complete exile, which meant not one step out of the house. I would've let him take over my brain and convince me that seeing Harry was a safe thing and I would've taken him to Harry willingly. But, damn it! Dumbledore was buzzing in and out of the house like a fly with news about the turmoil in the ministry and how every Wizard and Muggle was on the prowl for Sirius Black.

He and I were sort of smug about that, having fooled the Ministry and the revered guards of the prison. We were basically thumping our noses at the asses. And we were as happy as the dickens until my best friend, the idiot of the Marauders, decided he was going to see Harry before the hunt _really _started, which it had. Retard, was the only word I could think of.

"Look, James," he said staring square into my eyes as we discussed the matter, each standing on either side of the kitchen island, each fighting our own side of the battle, "I've got my wand. I can go to Harry with or without you trailing behind me."

"Sirius, you just escaped Azkaban prison, there is no way in _hell_ I'm letting you go to Harry, especially now!" I yelled, "when the protection and awareness around the damned neighborhood is toughest to break. Any magical activity there will get attention."

"James, for the love of God, Dumbledore's in charge of that sector!" he said, looking at me with tired eyes.

"Look, we just got you back Sirius," I said, taking my last stab at stabbing some sense into the dolt, "and I sure as hell won't sit back and watch you tear that woman's heart into pieces again because you have the head of a fuckin' bull!"

That seemed to derail him for a second, "I'm not gonna get caught. Just one glimpse."

I looked at him. There was an almost desperate glint in his haunted eyes and I couldn't deny him anything with those eyes. God! This guys been so neglected since the day he was born, I would rather die than hold him back from anything would make him happy. And I mean that sincerely. But if that thing is going to kill him, well, I'm willing to tie him down to keep him safe. I may sound a bit weird, but I lost him once already, I would rather chew a Blast-Ended Skrewt then lose him again! But I know seeing Harry for a mere second, in person and not through me, would make some of the deadness of his eyes disappear. "Sirius…I don't know."

"You don't even have to come along," he said quietly, knowing he'd broken my defense. Seriously, he's worse than a kid! "I have my wand, thanks for keeping it by the way, I can Apparate there and back in a second. As Padfoot of course."

I stared at him, "right then."

His eyes grew large, "_right_? Did you just agree with me?"

"I didn't agree, Padfoot. Let's not mistake agree with giving up," I pointed sipping my tea at the same time. Hey! America hasn't changed all of my likings! I'm still English all the way.

"Have I ever told you that you can be a smart ass sometimes?" he asked with a smile.

"About a hundred and fifty times, yes," I smiled, remembering the olden days when all we did was bicker and Remus would just sit there and shake his head, having given up on us for a while. Oh hey, speaking of Remus. "Speaking of Remus," I said, "did I tell you he's the newly appointed DADA teacher?"

Sirius almost spat out his coffee, well, there was no almost about it, he did and I ducked to miss it really. "Remus is a _dada _teacher?" he laughed, "that's great! One of the Marauders teaching, well know I've seen everything."

"Hey, he was always smarter then all of us when it came to school," I grew solemn, remember what Dumbledore had told me on his occasional updates on the guy, "he's nearly flat broke, the entire Ministry knows he's a werewolf and he can't get a job!" I smacked my fast on the counter, "those little Ministry idiots have no inkling of how much that man can improve the world if they only let him work!"

Sirius shook his head, "it's a shame," he agreed.  
Poor Remus. He is one of the smartest men I have ever met, second next to Dumbledore of course. Moony was always passing every class with a few points to spare, and he can't even get a job because he's a goddamned werewolf. And a tamed and gentle one at that! I have never really seen Remus, well, Moony lose control during a full moon. Sure he doesn't know what the hell he's doing sometimes, but he's never hurt any of us. And if he did, it was pure accident and the other party (most likely Padfoot) would be guilty. Never our gentle Moony. Even his name is gentle eh?

"I wonder how he's handling the news of his former best friend now worst enemy running around the country," Sirius wondered out loud.

My eyes snapped to his and you needn't have known this guy for over nearly three decades to know he was hurting at the notion that his best friend thinks he betrayed his other best friend to Voldemort. How I wish I could just go up to Remus's little cottage and tell him that Lily and I are alive. But alas, we can't. For everyone's best interest.

And what the hell do I say to Sirius? There is nothing to say except just stare him in his dead eyes and hope to God he understands that I don't have a clue what to tell him.

And God bless his soul, he did understand and kept sipping his tea. Nina chose that particular moment to come into the kitchen from upstairs, wearing her dark hair in braided pigtails. The little sugar monster had been up since 9 that morning, and it's like 11 right now.

"Hi," she said brightly, and climbed up into my lap, her usual morning custom.

"Hey," we both smiled, I planted my lips in her hair and put my arms around her to keep her from falling. She reached for a cookie. "Oy, haven't you had breakfast already?" I asked.

She looked a bit sheepish but Sirius answered for her, "c'mon James, let the poor kid have a cookie."

Nina gave him an appreciative smile and looked at me expectantly, "fine, but split it with Sirius," I said, reaching for one of Lily's delicious cookies. I broke it in half and gave one to her, the other to Sirius who looked at me through narrowed eyes.

I laughed, knowing why he was because I just treated him like a child. Well, you know my philosophy, if the shoe fits…

By 6 in the afternoon, Sirius had caught up with everything that was going on, including the fact that his picture was posted everywhere. "Nice picture Sirius," I said, looking at the front page of the prophet.

I got a pillow in my face, "shut up," he grumbled. He had left a few minutes after five, when it was about 8 in the afternoon in Surrey. I was sitting in front of the fireplace reading the newspaper while Nina and Lily played with blocks, when Dumbledore's head appeared. He looked a bit alarmed when he didn't see Sirius. "Where is he?"

"Er…" Lily and I began hesitantly.

"Never mind, never mind," he said, waving his hand, "Harry has just run away from Surrey."

"WHAT?" I bellowed.

"He did what?" Lily breathed, walking towards me. And I apparently stand up when I yell since I was standing in front of the fireplace, staring down at Dumbledore.

"We found his aunt, Vernon's sister, Marge, blown up like a balloon and floating about," he said, "the magical wards have gone off."

"He performed underage magic," I whispered, rubbing my hand over my mouth to stop it from fuming. Sure, I had never respected authority, but damn it! I never performed magic outside school until I was of age!

"He'll be suspended then?" Lily whispered, having shoed away Nina to her room.

Dumbledore shook his head, "I wouldn't permit it, and because notorious Sirius Black is after Harry and the Ministry knows that Hogwarts is the safest place for him, they will not suspend him. The Ministry has sent its agents to control the situation. I just got word that he's arrived at the Leaky Cauldron via Knight Bus."

"That little idiot," I grumbled.

And just for the sake of interest, I disguised myself as Atticus and went to see him while he stayed in the Leaky Cauldron. It was a pleasant surprise for both of us.

Everything was relatively settled after that, except Sirius's picture was popping up everywhere, my best friend Moony was teaching my son Defense Against the Dark Arts, he fell off from a hundred feet because the stupid Dementors had come into the field during a game and my son kept fainting because of the stupid Dementors. Hence him falling a 100 feet. I can't imagine the memories he experiences when he's around those filthy creatures. I just wish I could protect him, and as the school year went by, Remus began to teach Harry how to conjure a Patronus. Remus had reported that Harry was making excellent progress.

But as time passed by, things became unbelievably weird. Starting with Sirius's theory that Peter Pettigrew was disguised as Ron Weasley's rat. I didn't believe him, called him insane and privately thought he'd be in Azkaban too long and let it go. Until one day, his frustration grew as we argued, watching my now four-year-old daughter play with her broomstick.  
"Why is it so implausible, you believe I didn't kill him right?" he asked, hissing.

I glared at him, "if you ask that question again I'll kick your ass. Sirius, why the hell would he be hiding in broad view of the world."

"To be closer to your son!" he hissed again.

My nostrils flared, "how the hell would he know Harry and Ron would become buddies when they were one at the time of the friggin' incident!"

"Listen, I've seen him in the papers! I know it's him!" he nearly yelled.

"Eh?" I asked frowning, really getting worried that my best friend had been affected by the Dementors. I was seriously worried about Sirius.

"You get the Prophet, didn't you read the article on the Weasley family going to visit Egypt?" he asked.

I nodded, apparently they'd won a contest or something. Pretty cool actually, I didn't know of a family who deserved that vacation more than the Weasleys. I had known Arthur since school and had teased Molly endlessly when the two had hooked up in 7th Year. They were both unbelievably kind people by nature and I was thanking every single god and power out there that my son had befriended their son. I remember when Ron was born actually, Arthur was bouncing about the Ministry like it was his first child.

"He was on Ron's shoulder, James!" Sirius said excitedly.

"It could be any rat. Their population isn't exactly low you know," I said, "it could be any rat," I repeated.

"Listen, the front paw, it had a little finger missing," he explained, his haunted eyes looking determined behind their mask.

I blinked, "the article was out a month before you escaped, and I don't think I gave it to you."

"That's because _Senior _Fudge did," he said lightly, "he was taking a stroll through one time and I asked him for the paper. He was spooked but gave it to my anyway. That's when I saw that little shit," he looked at me, "listen, you and I taught Peter how to transfer into a rat. How many thousand times had I seen him turn into a rat? I _know _it's Peter."

If it was Peter that was posing as Ron's rat, then Sirius would be a free man soon and he could take custody of Harry once Dumbledore decided it safe to come out. Well, we may be able to come out once Peter is out, I don't know. But a question still nagged. Peter was unbelievably faithful to his master, I had found that out first hand. Why hadn't he attempted killing my son when he slept right next to him in the Hogwarts dorms we had shared previously? For three years now he'd had perfect opportunities to attack him. Why hadn't he? But I knew the answer to that, having known Peter for longer then I'd care to admit. He didn't do things unless he knew he would be rewarded. Simple enough.

"It's just too simple," I breathed.

He looked disappointed, "come on man, you were taught by Mad-Eye himself. His first rule was that the best crimes are the simples."

I frowned, "actually, it was constant vigilance."

"Whatever, it was his second rule then," he snapped. He took his wand out of his pocket and pointed it towards the house, muttering under his breath. A piece of paper zoomed towards us, and I saw Nina watching curiously. "See?" he asked, shoving the paper in front of my face.

Indeed the front paw was missing a finger. And so, our mission to get Peter began.

It became stupid and dangerous and Sirius lost his temper so much one time he actually had gone into the dorm after stealing the password from one of the kids, Neville Longbottom I think, and had nearly killed Peter in his sleep but Ron waking up had stopped him. Thank you God.

Lots of even more bizarre things had happened that year apparently, like Hagrids Hippogriff, Buckbeack was going to be executed. And on that day…well…interesting things happened.

AN: Hey kids. **Consider this a prologue for the next chapter, k? **That's why it's short and gets to the point quickly. And I decided to give you guys a break so I'm mixing the movie and the books together and mushing them up to fit my story. So be happy k? And um...I'll try to get the next chapter up very soon. Now, for a little shameless self promo. **I have a new story up which no one reads called the Vicious Cycle**. PLEASE read it! And GoF RULED MAN! Got soo many ideas off it. Rock on!

-Mav


	18. The Beautiful Letdown

Ch. 18 The Beautiful Letdown

It was a week or two before Hogwarts started and as I sat watching my little girl play with her dolls, I had the sudden urge to go and tell my wife how much I loved her. And so I did. She was sitting in the study, working on some reports for a meeting she had the next day. I couldn't help but fall in love with her again, watching her there, her face so intense as her pen zoomed across the paper, her glasses magnifying her magnificent eyes, a finger twirling a strand of hair as she thought.

"Hey," I said quietly, shutting the door and walked towards her.

"Hey," she answered back, setting down her pen and turning in her chair to face me."Bad timing?" I asked.

"Perfect actually, I needed a break anyway or I'd start pulling out my hair," she said as I knelt in front of her. She spread her legs and I slithered in between her thighs, my hands on the armrests of the chair.

"Don't do that," I said gently, staring fixedly at her lips, "it's too beautiful and I love running my fingers through it."

She smiled. Have I ever described my wife to you? Well, even if I have, I'll do it again. She has almond shaped, gorgeous emerald green eyes that I can get lose in. She has wavy long, red hair, my fiery angel. Plumb lips that looked swollen and irresistible. Her face was delicate and absolutely beautiful with her straight chin, prominently delicate nose. And you knew, when she looked at you, you would melt. And when she looks at me, tells me she loves me or when I'm on top of her, the way she stares at me, _only _for me, I can die happy at that beautiful minute.

My beautiful Lily leaned forward and pressed her lush lips to mine, my blood boiling the second the contact was made. I growled deep in my throat and pressed closer to her as she arched closer, dearer to me. "Daddy?" I heard Nina from behind me.

Groaning in frustration, I turned around to see my little daughter standing in the doorway, not looking at all surprised to see mommy and daddy kissing. "What's up?"

"Can you play with me?" she asked.

"Sweetheart, I'm working, find Sirius," I told her, irritated at her for interrupting my seduction of her mother.

"He just left," she said quietly, and I hated myself for having said something scornful to her.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "what do you mean he just left Nina?" I knew the answer. Why did I even ask?

"He said he wanted to see Harry," she said quietly, a little protectively, my tone with her was probably the reason for that little withdrawal.

"Is he crazy?" Lily asked.

"More than likely," I said and stood up, kissing the top of her head as I did, "I'm going after him."

"Use the Disillusionment Charm sweetheart," she said, knowing there was no way to argue with me about going after my best friend who was dumb enough to sneak into a place where Dementors wreaked havoc.

"Yeah," I nodded, and kissed her quickly, heading for the door. I stopped in front of Nina and swiftly picked her up, "good luck kiss?" I smiled.

She giggled and nodded, planting a big smacker on my lips.

"That's a good girl," I said setting her down.

I walked out of the house into the backyard with Piper, whom I had contacted, in tow behind me. "That man," she grumbled, "what the hell was he thinking?"

"Vengeance," I answered before popping to Hogsmeade. The stupid Dementors couldn't sense Animagis, as I have pointed out and Piper was going through Dumbledore's fireplace. I turned into Prongs, under the DC (Dissillusionment Charm) of course, and cantered off through the open gates. I stopped dead half past Hagrids hut. There was the Hippogriff they would execute, he had apparently "attacked" Malfoy's son. I'm so very fond of that Hippogriff, seems he knows evil when he sees it. It was getting dark outside, but instinct told me my son and his friends would want to be with Hagrid for that moment. "Hey, the retards here," I heard Piper hiss in my ear.

I looked towards the castle to see Dumbledore and Fudge walking down the path from the castle with an executioner in tow. I turned back to a human to ask her how she found me.

"Dumbledore," she answered, putting her arm through mine so we wouldn't get separated.

Her explanation was simple enough, the seemed to know everything and nothing could get passed his crooked nose. He never ceased to amaze me really. "There they are," Piper hissed as the backdoor to Hagrid's hut opened. The three of them, out of their robes and into normal clothes, sneaked out and hid behind the pumpkin patch next to the hut.

"Sirius should be around here," I said, "c'mon, let's go look around."

We walked up to the natural steps towards the castle, our eyes scanning the area for any sign of Sirius. There was none yet. So I decided maybe a visit to Moony wouldn't hurt. We found him in his office, odd trinkets hung here and there. One of my best friends sat there, wearing dark robes, sitting at his desk, looking at a piece of paper I immediately recognized as the Marauder's map. My heart froze, he would've been able to see us on the map. And I don't think I really wanted him to see us. But thank God, he was only looking at the area of the grounds. Smart man. I had a feeling he was keeping an eye out for Harry, thanks to stupid Sirius, there wasn't one professor (save Dumbledore) in the castle who wasn't on their toes for any sign of black. And Harry being his surrogate nephew, Moony must have felt a greater responsibility.

I looked at the map over his shoulder to see little dots with names moving about the labeled grounds. It had taken the Marauders the better part of three years to put the map together, and it had proved unbelievably helpful for us. Especially during the war since Sirius, Remus and I teamed up to make a map of England that was like the Marauder's map.

Remus's gasp made me look at the map and knew immediately why he'd gasped. A dot titled "Sirius Black" just connected with "Ron Weasely" and, who else? Peter Pettigrew. I knew he was going to take Ron into the Shrieking Shack, and I gripped Pipers hand and dragged her behind me out of the office and out of the castle to the Shrieking Shack. We froze the tree and went down the familiar tunnel, memories flooding me but I pushed them aside. Harry was under the same roof with Sirius. And knowing that Harry had thought Sirius, like the rest of the world, was a murder, our murderer for that matter, things between godfather and godson couldn't be pleasant. That was for sure. And there was nothing Piper or I could do to stop them.

I watched helplessly, with Piper shaking next to me, as Harry attacked Sirius in blazing fury, crying out that he had killed his parents. Sirius let out a chuckle as he was pinned down by my son with his wand in the middle of Sirius's forehead, asking if he would really kill him. Harry seemed to have this idea that Sirius was there to kill him, finish the job. And when Sirius told them only one would die tonight, meaning Peter, his friends took it the wrong way. And said that if Harry was to be killed, then well, they would have to be killed too.

"Shit," I murmured, it took all of Piper's strength to keep me from going to Harry. Sirius's hand was clasping his neck, and well, you don't mess with James Potter's son, no matter who you are. The struggle ended with Sirius against the wall, Harry's wand pointed directly at his heart. Those eyes, I knew from those eyes, that had looked at me as an infant for help, wanted to get revenge. I knew from that look on my boy's face, that killing the man who deprived him of his family would take no effort or guilty conscience. Those innocent eyes that had stared at me so many times, begging me for help were now green flames of hatred.

"You killed my parents," Harry hissed.

Sirius started for a moment, looking his godson directly in the eye and gulped, "I don't deny it," he said weakly, "but if you knew the whole story."

They argued for a few moments, Harry asking that there was nothing simpler then what had happened to his parents and Sirius telling him firmly that if he didn't listen, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

And then I heard something that made me take a step back, gasp and rely on Piper to keep me standing, "you never heard her did you?" Harry whispered, "my mum, screaming, trying to keep Voldemort from killing me. Did you hear her calling for my dad? Crying? You're the reason for all of it!"

I swear to you, dearest reader, if a bolt of lightning landed on me, electrocuted and Snape turned into a human being, I wouldn't have noticed. And if you had stabbed with a knife, no blood would come out. He remembered Lily's screams? Her pleas with me? He remembered all of that? God almighty, the hell the poor kid has to go through every day! If only there was some way to protect him and still be able to come out from hiding, hold him and tell him that I love him, that his mum and I were still alive, that those screams from his mum weren't her last words.

Hermione's cat was on Sirius's chest and he was trying to push it away, but the cat seemed to be trying to protect Sirius from Harry's wand. And then things turned _very _interesting, Remus Lupin walked through the door. The ultimate Gothic hero, I thought as he pointed his wand at Harry's, murmuring "Expelliarmus!"

Harry's wand shot to Remus, and Harry backed away towards Ron, who was lying on a bedraggled four-poster, his leg injured apparently. Remus seemed to ignore them and stood over Sirius with a confused expression, "where is he Sirius?"

I was smiling, I could feel it. The Marauder's were standing under one roof, though two of them didn't know it, well, I don't know if Sirius knew we were there or not.

Sirius slowly pointed towards a very confused Ron. And Remus's expression cleared while Harry's deepened, his anger feuding. "But then…why hasn't he shown himself before now…?Unless…" I was about to yell "good morning Remus!" "unless _he _was the one…unless you switched…without tell me?"

Sirius nodded, his gaze boring into Remus's gaze.

A tiny smile appeared on Remus's lips, ignoring my son's attempt to clear the fog that had no doubt settled on his mind. He held out a hand for Sirius, and he took it. I nearly did my happy dance when the two hugged, aw, the brothers were back. And God how I wish I could've been part of that hug!

But that hug sort of sent the kids into a frenzy. Causing Hermione to exclaim about how she had trusted Remus and had even known that he was a Werewolf. He took the information lighter then Harry had taken the fact that Remus and Sirius were friends. Harry was even more surprised to find out the fact that I had been an Animagus and Sirius Black's bestest friend. It took my two best friends to explain about Peter being an Animagus, and Hermione seemed to find the information fascinating and Ron kept telling Sirius and Remus they were mentel for thinking "Scabbers" was Peter. And it took Remus a few times to yell some sense into Sirius before he killed Peter, telling him to wait because Harry had the right to know everything.

I don't know how long it took, but Sirius and Remus, well Remus mostly, managed to shut the kids up until stupid Severus Snape interrupted, right when they were telling Harry about the time Sirius tried to kill Snape with a prank that involved Moony the werewolf. I hadn't seen the git for 12 years but it seemed he had become uglier, gittier, and greasier, if such a thing were possible. And so Snivelly tried to kill Sirius, well, threatened him by saying he would turn him to the Dementors, who wanted to give him the Kiss.

Seriously, can I kill him? Like strangle him with my bare hands? You don't know hatred until you've gotten inside my head and looked for a file labeled Snivelly. Then you would know what hatred was. Snape wasted no time in binding my two friends, and ordered the kids to go back to the castle. Hermione and Harry both tried to reason with Snivelly, asking if it would hurt to hear the two of them out only to be told to shut up. Harry did something that made me very proud of him. He took his wand and yelled the old phrase that translated into "expel arms".

Snape flew across the room and landed on the wall, and he was out cold. "You shouldn't have done that," Sirius said quietly, but I knew he had loved that attack, "you should've left him to me."

So Padfoot and Moony proceeded to explaining everything they knew about Peter to the kids, who devoured every morsel of information, accepting it bitterly. Then they started pointing out facts about the rat Scabbers, like his toe, to Ron who wouldn't believe them for a thousand years. Harry lost his temper and pointed at Sirius when Remus told him the truth, that Sirius was innocent. "HE'S THE REASON THEY'RE DEAD! HE BETRAYED THEM!"

"Harry, I as good as killed them," Sirius croaked, I saw tears there, "I persuaded James and Lils to change to Peter at the last moment as Secret Kepper instead of me…I'm to blame, I know it….The night they…they died…I'd arranged to check on Peter, I wanted to make sure he was safe. But when I arrived, he'd gone. There was no sign of struggle though, and I knew James and I had a big mistake….I set out for your parents' house straight away. And I saw their house, destroyed, their bodies," big lie but my dear friend's a good liar, and he had seen our bodies, we were all knocked off pretty good, "I realized what Peter must've done, what _I'd _done."

Piper's grip on my arm was painful was Sirius turned his back on the kids, to stare at us. I saw tears in his eyes and in Remus's voice when he said, "enough of this. Ron, give me that rat!"

So he surrendered the rat and Remus and Sirius turned him back to human form. It took all of Pipers strength to keep me from flying across the room and attacking the little piece of shit. But oh, how I relished seeing him terrified, peeing his pants practically. He was so skinny, so frail and tired and he deserved every pain and torture. It was because of _him _we were all in this mess. The three argued and I seriously wanted to pound Peter when he finally admitted, sort of admitted, at least, why he'd betrayed Lily and I to Voldemort. And so, Peter began to beg.

Sirius began to explain how he'd managed get out of Azkaban, it was kind of funny but he was a pretty good damned actor. I swam as a dog back to the mainland," he explained, I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwards grounds as a dog. I've been living in the forest ever since," I nearly snorted, actually, he lived in my fridge, "except when I came to watch the Quiddich match, of course. You fly as well as your father did, Harry…" I smiled.

But Harry and Sirius looked into each other's eyes, a staring contest.

"Believe me," Sirius croaked, "believe me Harry, I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed."

And with that Sirius Black charm and sincerity that Harry believe him. And Peter seriously pissed his pants. After Sirius explained he'd suspected Remus of being a spy, which he had, everything fell into place and the kids believed the two. And Sirius yelled at Peter for even talking to Harry about me, telling him how much he looked like me. But when Remus and Sirius raised their wand to finish off Peter, Harry stopped them. "We'll take him to the castle," he said evenly, staring at Peter who was on his feet, begging Harry for mercy. "Then the Dementors can have you."

Piper and I waited inside the Shrieking Shack and walked outside when everyone was out. Sirius and Harry were off to the side, having their privet conversation. Smiling, I looked at my son and his godfather, suddenly my mind conjured up a scene of Sirius playing with baby Harry on his first Christmas. They were the same height know, I noticed and smiled. But trouble began again. The full moon.

"Shit," I muttered and ran to where Remus stood, his body rigid as he turned into a werewolf, Sirius holding him as we had always done to lessen the pain of the transformation. Remus hadn't taken his potion so he was a fully pledged werewolf and he nearly attacked the kids and Snape, who had come out of his unconscious state to see the werewolf. But Padfoot intercepted. Moony nearly killed Padfoot, but a howl from the forest drew his attention.

I dashed to the spot I knew Sirius to be laying and bent down next to the massive black dog, "you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, fine, Peter got away," he croaked, sitting up.

"I know, but I can't go after him," I said, "I'll go after Remus."

"Yes, yes go!" he yelled.

"Piper's here," I said and turned into a stag and ran down to the forest. I heard his howl and found the werewolf walking around lake. "Hello buddy," I thought and in my stag form, jumped in front of him. He looked startled, then the werewolf recognized me and rammed me playfully. I'm not sure if Remus recognized me, but the wolf sure as hell did.

I stayed with him throughout the night and played with him. We fell asleep under an oak deep in the forest. When I woke up, the werewolf was gone and it was daylight. Remus sat there, staring at me.

I realized I was still a stag, but damn him, he recognized me. I mean, c'mon, how many times do you get to see a massive silver stag? Eh? So I turned back to human form and sat Indian style in front of Remus like a good little boy. "Hello," I said quietly.

"Am I hallucinating?" he whispered.

I looked up at him, he was only 34 and looked 60 goddamn it! "I don't know. But if we are, we're having the same hallucinations."

He dropped down to his knees in front of me, "is it really you James?"

"No," I answered seriously, staring him in the eye, "I'm your grandmother from Kent you retard."

He stared at me, "you didn't die that night did you? Just went into hiding? Because Voldemort threatened to kill Harry."

I grinned at him, "see? This is why you're the only Marauder that ever became a professor."

"And Sirius knew about all of this. You helped him escape," he said, making me happier then hell because I needn't explain everything to him. He could put everything together without me. "Lily?"

"Alive, in America, with our daughter," I smiled, "we have a lot of catching up do Moony!"

He flinched at his nickname, "daughter? America?" he asked, then added thoughtfully, "we do have a lot to catch up on."

I chuckled, slapping him on the back, "why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because the people that know are already in danger. I didn't want to put your life at risk Remus," I said, "the people that know…they have to or our hiding would be useless."

"Dumbledore?"

I nodded.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Piper find you yet?"

I chuckled, "yeah, she was with me when we came. I don't know where she is though," I sighed and looked at Remus to find him staring at me, blinking unshed tears.

"Do you know what you put me through, you git?" he asked.

"Had to," I answered and squeezed his shoulder, "you have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you about all this…but you're life is more important."

"My sanity, actually," he said and hugged me. Ah, the Marauders are back baby!

* * *

AN: Pardon any mistakes you might find kids, but it's 12 A.M. This chapter it's a bit boring and I don't particulary like it but it's something that would have to happen but the most important part is the end. It's sort of a foreshadowing really, but you catch it or you don't. And don't worry if you don't. Lol. Um...The Fourth book's next so yey and you might like that A LOT lol. Keep reading this and **recommending **this and **_Vicious Cycle _**to your friends! Rock on! -Mav 


	19. Fly Me To the Moon

19 Fly Me to the Moon

Currently, if you came to out to our backyard, you would find the trees had turned color and were preparing for the winter. You would find the colors absolutely beautiful and mesmerizing to look at. You would find a long haired burnet and a former long haired redhead sitting on lawn chairs, the redhead had a little girl with black hair sitting in her lap, all three watching the three men in front of them.

One of the men had sand colored hair, one had unruly, thick spiky black hair, and the other was thin but had long black hair. They were staring at each other intently, not blinking but narrowing their eyes. Finally, the one with the spiky hair burst out laughing and, being on down on his haunches, fell back and began laughing.

"You guys are retards," I laughed.

"Look whose talking!" Remus yelled indignantly, standing up and brushing the grass off his pants.

Sirius began to laugh as well, "staring contests at the age of 35, well, know I've seen everything."

"Well, we've seen everything know haven't we?" I asked, drying my eyes, sitting on my butt in the grass.

Remus shook his head, "I thought this was all lost," he chuckled.

Sirius stared up at him, "well, we've been having staring contests since we were 11, I think we'll get the hang of it," he laughed, knowing fully well that Remus meant the fact that we were together again.

"I think so," I agreed, accepting Remus's hand and he heaved me up. It felt so unbelievably good to have Remus in on the secret! My God, so much of the weight's been lifted off my shoulder, it's incredible! Sure, Dumbledore was a bit pissed at me for revealing myself to Remus, but who cares? I'm happy! He's happy! We're all happy!

And Sirius and I weren't the only ones that wanted to do the happy dance every single second, Remus seemed a tad happier then us. The gray's seemed to have disappeared from his sand-colored hair, life had returned to his blueish eyes. And he was happy, and you could tell just be the smiles he shot us every time Sirius and I made some lame ass comment about something.

And not only had a wolf joined the stag and dog on Nina's wall, Nina herself was starting to adore Moony. And like Harry, he had promised to teach her everything from English to math, and allow us to do the corruption. She loved him, and Sirius. Sirius maybe a bit more but you can be sure that she would quietly sneak onto one of their laps and set up camp their for the remainder of the day.

And with everyone back, I was sure, had a feeling in my gut, that Harry would soon join us and would start calling Sirius and Remus by what his baby sister called them. Uncle Moony and Padfoot. I couldn't wait for him to join his family again. And yes, despite everything, my boy still occupied every single crevice of my mind.

Everything we did, our dinners together, stupid little backyard events like this one, I just wondered what it would be like to have Harry with us. What would he say? What would he do? Would he laugh? Maybe call us idiots with a chuckle and join the idiocy himself? I miss that kid so much. I miss him not being around, not being about to see his reaction to his weird yet unbelievably loving family. I can't wait for him to join us.

But thanks to Dumbledore, I knew he was going to the Quiddich Cup with the Weasley's, and Sirius and I were unbelievably envious about that tiny little fact. The game between Bulgaria and Ireland is today in fact, he should be watching it by know…wish I could be there. But I know he's in wonderful hands, and I know he can't be safer with anyone then the Weasleys. I wonder if he's rooting for Ireland? He better be…

"Oy! James? You up for a game of poker or something?" Sirius asked, then the most evil grin, the same that crossed his face when he had a plan of attack against the Slytherin, appeared on his face. "Or how 'bout Quiddich?" he grinned.

I looked at Remus whose grin was as wide as Sirius's, and almost as devilish, "good idea, we can put a charm so Muggles won't see us."

I began to laugh, having missed Quiddich and flying around with my friends almost as much as I missed Harry and England and Wales. In ten minutes, we had our brooms and the charm was set but we couldn't fly over the 80 foot mark. Piper decided to play with us so it was two-on-two since Lily needed to stay grounded.

"I can hook Nina on to my broom, put a spell on it so she won't fall," I suggested.

She shook her head, "it's ok, you'll be uneven if I play anyway."

"If you're sure," I smiled and bent down to kiss those beautiful lips of hers. I pulled back chuckling as Remus and Sirius started to catcall.

Making a very inappropriate gesture with my hand, I mounted my broom, "dolts," Piper muttered as we kicked off, hovering in a circle about 10 feet above ground. We had chosen teams already, Remus and I were together and the two lovers were on the same team. Sirius, Piper and I played on the House Team at Hogwarts, we were called the dream team. Remus occasionally played with us after we goaded him, well, Kat's allure always had him up and flying and playing with us in no time. Sirius and I were called the best Beaters the Gryffindors ever had, and though I used to play Seeker for the last two years, I adored the Beater position. And of course, my exquisite Lily was the Keeper while the other two girls were Chasers. We were not only the dream team, those games we had for fun or just competition, are some of the best memories I have. I even the time I crashed into the Whomping Willow, hehe. Long story.

"Alright, so we have one Keeper for each team and a Chaser, but since we two people, Keeper can go out," I explained, being the Quiddich expert.

"Ok children, let's have our own little version of the Cup," Piper smiled.

I narrowed my eyes at her, "you're goin' down cousin."

"I'll try not to make an ass out of you in front of your daughter and wife, Jaime," Piper said sweetly.

"You better bring it Black," Remus taunted.

"It's already been broughten, Lupin," Sirius said with a playful growl.

"Hey, are you guys gonna play nice or do I have to get out my wand?" Lily asked, Nina wrapped up tightly in her arms as they looked at us.

"We'll behave," we promised at the same time, which meant the exact opposite.

"Lils, you're gonna have to toss the ball," Piper said.

And she did. We set off, we laughed more than we played. Just being around these guys makes my goofy and want do the stupidest things just so we could laugh. You give my daughter one time chunk of any type of sugar, and she'll be running up the walls. Well, these guys are my sugar.

"JAMES! YOU SUCK!" Sirius laughed, shaking his head from across our little field.

"Oh, right, Sirius. Am I the one who just got hit directly in the head with a Quaffel?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow. The retard had seen the ball directly coming for his head and hadn't budged. And soon, the two of us were chasing each other around.

But our fun was short lived of course, because I'm James Potter, and my son's name is Harry Potter and he and I and the rest of the family never get to have any fun. "James!" Lily called.

The alarm in her voice made me stop my pursuit of Sirius, "what is it?" I asked, zooming down so I was hovering right above her head, the rest coming to soar and stop by me.

Her eyes were so full of sheer terror, I jumped off the broom. Nothing can get those eyes to look so scared unless something unbelievably horrible happened. "What's wrong?" I asked, standing right in front of her.

Swallowing, she looked at me, then the rest of the guys, "the Dark Mark appeared above the campgrounds of the Cup…a couple of Death Eaters were seen marching."

"Death Eaters?"

"Dark Mark?"

"Are you serious?"

"Holy shit!"

Those were our responsive, who said what I don't recall, my ears were ringing. "Harry," was all I said.

"He's fine," she said quickly, knowing I was a second from a full blown heart attack, "he got separated from the group and someone stole his wand. The mark was conjured from his wand but he's fine, he's at the Weasley's. Dumbledore made Arthur promise to keep checking in with him."

"I don't believe this," Piper murmured, dismounting her broom and picking up Nina who looked puzzled but kept her mouth shut. "What could've provoked them?"

I looked at Sirius who was standing next to me, his eyes full of unease as I'm sure mine were, "I think our little rat has something to do with it," I told him.

"More than likely," he agreed, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully.

"Think Dumbledore can help us find him?" Piper asked quietly.

"Peter could be anywhere," Remus answered, dropping into the lawn chair next to Lily, "plus, he's more than likely in one of Voldmort's hideouts. We couldn't find them in the first warm, there's no chance in hell we're going to find him now without any of the members or the spies."

"But if we do find him…" Sirius grinned, "God help you Peter."

"There are what? About twenty people in line to kill the little son of a bitch?" Remus asked.

"Watch it," Piper warned when Nina giggled at her surrogate uncle's profanity.

"Sweetie, why don't you go play in your sandbox for now?" Lily asked, she had assumed her little nervous position. She was leaning forward with her hands pressed between her lower thighs, one of her legs moving about.

Nina obeyed as the adults proved to the world they were the most elite members of the Order. "And the Triwizards coming up in Hogwarts," Sirius reminded.

"Isn't Karkaroff the Headmaster of Durmstrang?" Remus asked.

"Igor Karkaroff? The guy that gave us all the names?" Sirius asked me.

"Yeah, remember? We helped Moody arrest him. Who knows what kind of Black Magic he's teaching at his school," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. Thinking that my son was becoming less safe in Hogwarts by the second.

"Moody's gonna be around, he's the new DADA teacher," Lily said, reading my mind as usual and grabbing my hand, "with him and Dumbledore around, and obviously us, no one will get him."

"And if, God forbid, they do, well, they're gonna have to answer to one helluva an angry pack," Piper smiled.

"Maybe we can set off Moody on them on a full moon," Sirius grinned, looking at Remus, who growled and slapped him upside the head.

"Who else is going?" Piper asked.

"France's Beauxbatons," Lily answered, her hand still in mine, "it's run by Madame Maxime."

"Isn't she a ginatesse?" I asked.

"Hagrid's gonna be busy," Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"She's safe?" Lily asked, we all decided to ignore Sirius.

"I've never heard of her being in league with Voldemort, she seems alright," I shrugged, "with Mood around, everyone's gonna be pissin' they're pants. No one's gonna try to touch Harry with him around."

"And us," Sirius reminded, pointing at Lily, "don't worry about the kid. Trust me, I've been at his mercy, he's more powerful then any 14-year-old ever should be."

"Yeah, Lils," Remus agreed, "he conjured a Potronus after only, what? Three tries? It took Sirius five years to finally make it corporeal."

"Watch it," Sirius murmured angrily.

We went in after our little discussion, Lily only a bit reassured about Harry's safety. The Dark Mark. I can't believe it's back. And they're saying Crouch's elf conjured it? What the hell is that all about, and with Harry's wand? Something's going on…something unbelievably bad is about to happen and I'll be damned if I tell the others about what I think.

We had dinner, a full table with laughter and stupid comments from all of us, and Sirius and I occasionally getting slapped upside the head for saying something more stupid than stupid. It was like being back in Hogwarts again, or even after Hogwarts when everything was relatively calm. When Kat was alive, and Harry was with us, and we were all happy and all the corners of our mind was focused on just that one moment, and that feeling of family. We all thought we'd never experience tragedy nor would ever be separated, and be reunited as perpetual strangers. We loved each other so much, appreciated and cared so deeply that life without one another was out of question, existence just didn't happen without one of us. We were a chain, and if one of the links went missing, we'd all be useless.

And Christmas was one of the top examples of that theory.

It was Harry's first Christmas with us, and the "family" had decided to gather at Lily and my house for the celebration so Harry would be closer to his crib. We'd put up our tree a week or two before Christmas, but I was up on a chair trying to fix the crooked star on top of our tree. The elite guests hadn't arrived yet so it was just my dad, Lily, Harry and I. My son and father were sitting in a comfortable armchair by the fire where numerous decorations hung on it's mantel. Harry was playing with my dad's fingers while Lily, hands on those hips of hers, gave me orders.

"No sweetheart, that's way too far left, tilt a bit to the right and we're done," she said.

"My right or your right?"

"Towards the kitchen," she simplified and I obeyed, "no! That's too much! Tilt to the left just a bit-wait! That's perfect!"

"Hallelujah," I muttered, getting of the chair after I don't know how long.

"Thank you sweetheart," she said and planted a quick kiss on my lips.

"What time are the rest supposed to come, by the way," my dad asked, watching his grandson giggle randomly and clap his little hands for reasons only he seemed to understand.

"I know Sirius and Piper were stuck at HQ, Mad-Eye was making them double-check something on the two Death Eaters they caught," I told him, "I don't know what's keeping Kat and Remus, and Peter."

"Just running late," Lily assured us, and herself, because we were all in an unending state of paranoia since the war had started and friends were getting killed. My mom had been one of Voldmorts first victims after he came out three years before that day.

A few minutes later Kat and Remus arrived. The beautiful redhead greeted all of us with her usual enthusiasm, the enthusiasm I miss so dearly to day and makes me wish to God I tried harder to dissuade her from becoming a Death Eater for the Order's benefits. She kissed me on the cheek, hugged Lily and my dad, and gave a big smacker to my son who flew to her from my dad's arms. Peter arrived next, his black coat hidden under a blanket of snow, his thinning hair carrying evidence of the white Christmas outside.

"Ho ho ho kids!" was Piper's greetings when she and Sirius arrived not twenty minutes after Remus and Kat. She was carrying a stack of presents and quickly put them down by the already massive pile of presents under the tree.

"Happy Christmas ladies, and Mr. Potter," Sirius smiled evilly, staring pointedly at my dad, which meant the rest of us were all girls.

After hugs were exchanged, quick embraces promising bear hugs after 12 o'clock and even more hugs when we opened our presents. Dinner was exquisite, courtesy of the girl's hard work. We had everything you could imagine and all of us were asking for seconds on everything on the menu. Lily had even made the vegetables taste delectable, so for the first time in our lives, Padfoot and I finished our veggies. My dad was so proud…

We went to Mass at about 10, and enjoyed the service very much. Wizard priests have a better way with words. And no, we don't worship the devil, I hate Voldmort, come on now! Hehe. But yeah, contrary to popular belief, like all societies and countries, the community of Wizards and Witches have a wealth of religions. We happen to be Catholics.

One of the Deacons at the Catholic cathedral decided it would be cool if he used cymbals with the Christmas hymns. This, of course, made Sirius and I snigger and the sleepiness that had been threatening us all night disappeared with the distraction of making fun of the guy.

"I bet you this guy was a Slytherin," Sirius said from under his hand as the Deacon pounded another out-of-tune and out-of-beat "note" from the misshapen cymbals.

I let out a snort, quickly turning it into a cough before it became a laugh, "how do you know?"

"He likes torturing people, number one sign in Slytherins," he pointed out.

"Actually," my dad, Zach, interrupted, "we went to school together and he was Huffelpuff." That made even Remus snort, and we got glares from not only our girls but the four old ladies sitting in front of us.

"I'm falling asleep here man," Remus grumbled after an hour.

I gestured to Sirius, "at least you have self control," I whispered. Sirius had his chin on his chest and his eyes closed, breathing deeply and sleeping deeply as well. He got a swift thrust to his side from Piper.

When we got home, Sirius and I sat down on our asses with Harry in front of Christmas tree. More eager then four-year-olds to open our presents. "What d'you buy me? What d'you buy me?" Sirius kept asking as I restrained Harry from attack an ornament on a tree.

I picked up a neatly wrapped package, "Harry picked out," I nodded as he ripped apart the wrapping paper. "What the fuck?"

"Watch your language," my dad said promptly.

"What is it?" Piper asked curiously, sitting on her knees behind her fiancé.

I grinned, "chew toy," I smiled, holding up the cat shaped thing.

Most of the gifts toys and cute little outfits for the newest addition of our family. We had gotten each other the most sincerest of gifts and the funniest gifts, like Sirius's chew toy and a nuzzle for Remus, making him growl and proving our point. All is fair and love and Christmas presents.

We laughed so much, bursting seemed like an option. We laughed for no reason sometimes, just remembered something from the past few hours and cracked up, even my dad. We laughed and talked so much till we had tears in our eyes and our voices hoarse. Harry fell asleep in Kat's arms and she refused to set him down.

Christmas was always my favorite Holiday because all of us got together and just goofed off. I can't wait for Christmas now, and hopefully, some day soon, Harry will be able to share a Christmas similar to his first one with us.

* * *

I'm going to Canada in a week or so, so don't expect any updates on this. I'm gonna start working on the Vicious Cycle and these'll be last updates for this year. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all. Thank you for reading and you guys all rock and i love and appreciate each and every one of you. Please don't be pissed at me if the updates are late, no time. Rock On! 


	20. They Know You're Enemies

Ch. 20 They Know You're Enemies

I was sitting at breakfast alone a few days later. Nina was at pre-school and Piper and Sirius were spending some quality time together…yeah, we don't wanna know…I was sipping my coffee and reading about the newest gang bust in Turlock when Lily walked in. She was wearing a black suite with a knee-height skirt showing off her legs, her beautiful hair up in a bun, She looked like a business woman, first class. "Morning sweetheart," she smiled brightly.

I didn't see the smile, too caught up in staring at her legs, counting the times they've been twined around my waist, "morning," I said distractedly.

"Oh dear, is it going to be just my husband eyeing me like that or all the guys at work too?" she asked, hands at her waist, tapping a foot irritably, "I should change."

My head snapped up, and a sheepish smile, "if anyone stares at you like I do, just slap them then tell me so I can curse them."

"Very subtle James," she smiled, and bent down to kiss me.

I turned around on the stool, spread my thighs and she immediately pressed closer to me. Mouth to mouth, breath for breath, heart for heart. I ignored the flutter of wings and cursed when something hit my head. It was the delivery owl for _The Prophet._ "Second time this week that bloody birds thrown the damn thing at my head!" I said, rubbing my head with one hand while the other was still around her back. She was laughing of course. "That bloody bird has got something against me."

"Right darling, a delivery owl's trying to kill you," Lily laughed, her arms around my neck still.

"Maybe it's working for Voldemort," I said, narrowing my eyes for good measure as I watched it fly out of the kitchen window.

Lily laughed, "and you were calling Mad-Eye paranoid?" she teased, opening the paper with a snap in front of my chest, knowing there was no chance in hell I would let her go. "Hey! Remember Bertha Jorkins from the ministry? She was in Hogwarts with us, a few years older?"

"And she always tried to get Sirius? Yeah, what about her?" I asked, both arms sliding around her waist now.

"She's gone missing in Albania," Lily told me.

"Albania?" I repeated, frowning.

"She was apparently on a vacation," she answered.

Something didn't fit, "how can you just disappear off the face of the Earth?"

A frown made it's way onto Lily's face, "hey, wasn't there a rumor a few years ago that Voldemort was hiding in Albania?"

"You think she ran into him?" I asked, skeptical.

Lily shrugged, "knowing her…"

"Yeah," I sighed. Bertha had been one of those girls at school who had to know who was going out with who, who was sleeping with who and who was breaking up with who. She was also absolutely daft. Not a good combination.

"Hey, the Goblet's due to pick out the three champions today," she exclaimed.

"I have a personal invitation from Dumbledore to attend the ceremony," I smiled, gently taking the newspaper from her hand and setting it aside.

"Say hello to my son for me," she said good humouredly.

"Always," I smiled before kissing her.

"Do you really think that owl was from Voldemort?" she asked with a smile.

"More than likely," I laughed, kissing her chin and moving down fast.

"Idiot," she said lovingly, "c'mon now, get off me, I need to go to work."

"Why don't you stay home?" I asked, nuzzling behind her ear, inhaling her perfume and the scent only my Lily has. "We have enough gold to last us two lifetimes."

"I know, but the American government may get suspicious as to how we're getting our money," she whispered, her head falling back as my tongue pretended her neck was an ice-cream cone, except a little more delicious.

She tried to pull away but I pulled her back and I have massive arms so moving was purely impossible in my arms. "Don't go," I whispered.

"James, you're acting like a baby again," she told me.

"Oh well," I smiled and was about to attack her lips but she forcefully pulled back.

"I'll see you tonight," she grinned.

I blew out a frustrated breath but smiled, "I'll be the one with the red rose in my mouth."

Laughing, she tenderly kissed my cheek and left for work, leaving me alone in the house. I looked around the kitchen and decided that there was nothing to do except go get lost in a photo-album or a book for the next few hours.

Lily had been home for only a little while when I had to leave for Hogwarts so I could watch the ceremony, and I secretly just wanted go to make sure nothing went awry since I'm still paranoid. I apologized to Nina for not being able to play with her and explained that Harry might need me, she seemed oddly content with that. And my wife didn't need an explanation or anything and just told me to get home fast so I could tell her what happened and what Harry looked like and every expression that crossed his face.

I Flood into Dumbledore's office, and had a few hundred heart attacks when I saw half the Hogwarts staff, including Mad-Eye, and the two Headmaster from the foreign schools standing in Dumbledore's office, including Barty Crouch (bastard) and Ludo Bagman (moron). Apparently I was a tiny bit too early. "Hello," I said, stepping out of the fireplace and dusting off some of the soot left on my jeans and t-shirt. I'd been smart enough to put on black Wizarding robes. And though they didn't have any insignia on them, they looked exactly like the ones the Auror's wore.

"Ah! Mr. Parker," Dumbledore exclaimed, coming forward with a greeting on his face, "how wonderful that you accepted my invitation."

I shook his hand and pasted on the same sort of smile, "of course Dumbledore! Wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Everyone, I would like you to met a dear friend of mine," Dumbledore said to the company, "this is Cian Parker," he announced. Cian? Wasn't that a Celtic warrior or something. "he is one of my very trusted friends and one of the best wizards I've ever seen."

"Are you an Auror?" Mad-Eye barked.

"No," I said, quite startled, thinking he could tell who I really was with that eye.

"We were in school together," Dumbledore said enthusiastically, "he's the head of the DMLE in America."

And that's where I noticed it. I didn't have blue-black hair, and I didn't have the physique of a 34-year-old man. Instead, I had white hair that was half as long as Dumbledores and had a white beard that was trimmed and I was wearing glasses. When the hell had I turned into this? And how? And why was I an old man?

Looking at Dumbledore, I knew. Being Atticus would draw Harry's attention, and being just me would get the rest of the worlds attention and would make them start asking questions so I would need to hide. So, he'd come up with this ploy. His dear old friend Cian from school. "Are you Scottish?" McGonagall asked curiously.

"Aye," I nodded, "why?" Now that wasn't a lie, I have some Scottish Highlander in my blood.

"Your name, Cian," she said extending her hand, "I'm Minerva McGonagall," she smiled, smiting. Eew! Is she flirting with me?

"Nice to meet you," I smiled.

"My dear Cian, this is Madam Maxime of Beauxbatons in France and this gentleman is Igor Karkaroff of Durmstrang in Belgium," Dumbledore said.

I nodded to Karkaroff, trying not to sneer but since I was supposedly the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement in America, I should know a Death Eater right? "Mr. Karkaroff, I seem to have heard your names a few years ago caught in some controversy, or am I thinking of another Karkaroff?" I asked, very Dumbledore like in my charm and politeness.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Parker," he said with a thick Russian accent, "it was I. But those were in my younger years" I held back a snort, the guy was born a few years before Moses and ten years ago was young for him "I was stupid and got mixed up in the wrong things. I have devoted my life to my students and my school now."

"How very noble," I nearly sneered but managed to smile congenially enough to turn to Madam Maxime, the gentle Giantess and kissed her large hand regally.

"Come now everyone," Dumbledore said spreading his arm, "Minerva, please lead everyone to the Great Hall, I'm sure the students have started filling up already. I would, if you don't mind, Cian, a privet word with you."

"Sure," I nodded, wondering if that was too young a response for Dumbledore's close friend.

They didn't suspect so I think it was a good enough response, they all turned obediently to follow McGonagall to the Great Hall for the special feast then the drawing of the three contestants. When the door shut behind Severus Snap, I narrowed my eyes as Dumbledore began chuckling, "you will make a very handsome old gentleman one day James," he smiled.

I ran a hand through my snow-white hair, "let's just hope it doesn't happen as quickly as this. How did you change me anyway?" I asked curiously.

"I put the Spell on the fireplace so that whenever you Flood, you would be immediately turned into an…erm….well, you'd be my age," he finished

I laughed, "not ready to admit your old yet eh?" I smiled mockingly.

"Everyone's old James," he said mysteriously

"Right…" I said slowly, "so what's the plan?"

"There is no plan," he shrugged, "I merely wanted you to have a fine view of the drawing tonight, in case anything goes awry."

I cocked an eyebrow, "you couldn't just leave me as a young, strapping Auror who the Ministry assigned to keep an eye on things?"

"Mad-Eye would've known, and certainly Minerva, since they wouldn't recognize you because half the people your age in the British Isles has been to Hogwarts and been taught by Minerva. And Mad-Eye, being the former Head Auror, would certainly know his own Aurors."

"That makes sense," I shrugged, "and what was that little comment about things going awry?"

"I didn't say they would, just a mere precaution. I am a cautious man, James," he said, with that damned twinkle in those impossibly blue eyes hidden behind those half moons. Seriously, this guy could pass for a Santa Claus with that jolly spirit. All he lacks is the stomach the jolly old fellow is supposed to have. "But," he said.

"Dear God, here it comes," I sighed, leaning back against his desk and folding my arms across my chest.

"Do you remember what the Draghar and Tuathe De Dannan are, James?" he asked.

"I don't remember what the Tuathe De are but I remember the Draghar. Aren't they like the evil part of the Celtic Druids?" I asked, "They turned evil because they felt abused by the gods or something."

"The gods are the legendary Fae, the Tuathe De," Dumbledore told me.

I nodded, I knew the stories about the Fae and all those myths and legends surrounding the Celts and the beginning of Ireland. My grandfather was born in the Highlands of Scotland, so I would sit on his lap as a kid and he told me about the Fae and Draghar sect. Apparently, the first people to set foot on the soil of Ireland were the Tuathe De Dannan, a civilization more advanced then any, and their Queen was Aoibheal with a court full of the most powerful Fae. They became friends with the humans on the land, the mere mortals who were apparently Druids. Then one day, a rebellion rose led by 13 druids who wished to poses the powers of the Fae, and the rebellion became a bloody battle when the 13 turned evil. The 13, 12 men and 1 woman, are the most dangerous creatures on earth with horrendous power, almost equal to Voldemort's powers. They are known as the Draghar and no one knows where they are.

"What about them?" I asked, "or is this just a history lesson."

"I have a friend in Scotland, a friend whom I've actually grown up with and he's a Druid. His family dates back to the times of the Tuathe De. And he has sent word to me that there have been rumors circling Scotia that somehow the Draghar have been released from the prison the queen sent them to. And have joined powers with Voldemort," Dumbledore informed.

Fourteen evil sorcerers? What the hell? Is it a party or something? And can you imagine the destruction and horror the world will be in if, God forbid, they get together. "How can we find out for sure, and how does one release the Draghar?"

"By traveling through time and realms, one can release the 13 souls," Dumbledore told me, his eye studying me curiously.

"Peter?" I asked quietly. Of course Peter. Who else but Peter? The reward for him if he restores Voldemort is endless. Of course Peter, who else?

"That's my suspicion," he nodded.

I blew out a breath, "what do we do?"

He began to pace in front of me, "if, let's say, the Draghar are released and agree to help Voldemort wreak havoc on the world, there is no way to stop the Draghar. You see, the souls themselves cannot be released, they will never take human form again. But they will possess another's body and use it as a vessel."

"Like what Voldy did to Quirrell?" I asked, horror dawning. Hell was so close! And I was trying to find any way I could to somehow stop it, stop the hell from effecting my family in any way.

"Yes, almost exactly that but the souls take over the entire body and brain, no sign of who the person was before will be left," Dumbledore informed.

"Is there a way to…to vanquish them?"

"Only Aoibheal has the power," Dumbledore answered, he looked at his watch, "I just wanted to inform you of this, as a precaution, as I pointed it out. You never know in this world James, a rumor may just turn out to be the unadulterated truth."

I snorted, "that's life for you ya."

He chuckled and nodded, "let us join everyone else in the Great Hall, I'm sure you want to see how much your son resembles you."

Smiling, I let him lead me to the Great Hall through a few entrances I knew, but I shouldn't know because I was only a student at Hogwarts. The place was packed with kids, even more so than usual given the students from the other two schools. Karkaroff's boys looked exactly like what I expected, massive and mean-looking lads. And Maxime's girls were delicate and perfect French girls.

They had all eaten and I was looking around, scanning the familiar Griffyndor table to find my son and his friends. And I did, and yet again I began marveling at how much he looked like me and how much those eyes looked like his mothers. He was busily chatting with Ron and Hermoine, familiar to me now as his version of Remus and Sirius, while staring dreamily towards the Ravenclaw table. I wonder who the girl is?

Dumbledore's speech was a series of buzzes in my mind because I was too busy scanning the Hall, gaze lingering on the suspicious ones. And of course, I stared a great deal at Snape and Karkaroff. But my eyes also lingered on Mad-Eye. He was shorter than I remembered, older too I guess and less hair. I wondered if he was still on that Constant Vigilance thing, if he was, then Harry couldn't be in safer hands.

I've known Mad-Eye for almost all my life. He was in school with my dad and they were pretty good friends, he used to pop by now and then. They were also partners back in the day and he trained me. I proudly wore a t-shirt sometimes displaying the motto "Mad-Eye's Aurors". Sirius and I always took full pride of that, as did everyone else. Hence the shirts we made. He taught me that paranoia wasn't such a bad thing after all and caution always led to safety and capture of a few Death Eaters. He was such a great teacher. He was blunt, never sugar coated things and always told you if you would die or not during a duel with a Death Eater. And he had fallen from grace now, my hero and mentor of so many years. How proud he would've been of me and Sirius if he knew what we were up to now. And escape from Voldemort and one from Azkaban.

The flames of the goblet suddenly turned red and the hall fell silent, and I had only eyes for Harry who looked startled by the fire's abrupt change. The first Champion was Victor Krum from Durmstrang. The second, Fleur Delacor, a scrumptious, perfect blonde for Beauxbatons, and Cedric Diggory for the Hogwarts champion. They all looked at the goblet again, and to my great surprise and alarm, the flames had gone red again and a piece of paper flew out.

I will never forget the expression on Dumbledore's face. He was enraged, surprised, alarmed, and worried all at the same time as he stared at the piece of parchment. His head suddenly snapped up and he stared at me, "HARRY POTTER!" he yelled viciously.

The great hall could've been mistaken for catacombs it became so silent. But I could hear my heart beating in my ears, feel the fist in my stomach as the second replayed over and over again. Dumbledore had called out Harry's name. My son's name from the Goblet of Fire. The irreversible fate of the champion depended on the Goblet spitting out their name. My son's fate, in this case.

I felt myself growing red, wanting to walk towards Harry, grab his collar and demand how the hell he managed to go through the age line Dumbledore had set. But one look at him and a rational moment later, I realized Harry would rather be doing anything else except the Championship.

"Harry!" Dumbledore yelled when Harry sat there, like a deer in headlights, more than likely doubting the fact that his name had been called out. "Come up here if you please! Cian!" he yelled. First time in my life, which is almost as long as I've known Dumbledore, he looked unbelievably mad.

Both Harry and I marched towards Dumbledore. And I couldn't take my eyes off his startled face, the way his eyes were out to jump out of their sockets. "I didn't put my name in the goblet professor," he said, the minute he reached Dumbledore.

The Headmaster didn't reply but inclined his head towards the door the other three champions had gone through. "The hell is going on here?" I asked as the two of us followed Harry to the door behind the teachers tables in the Great Hall.

"I don't know," Dumbledore answered brusquely, than stopped and turned to look at me, "do you think he put his name in the goblet?"

I balked but answered anyway, "if I know my son, and I do, I think he was a bit thankful that there was an age limit to entering the contest. The way he acts, he hates the attention he gets. He didn't put his name in."

"Then who did?" Dumbledore asked, rubbing his chin.

"Whoever it is, he isn't a friend. There are enemies inside the walls," I said and was about to kill everyone in the castle save Harry and Dumbledore.

* * *

AT LAST! Lol. I just got back from my trip a few days ago so you mustn't blame me for anything! Like updating late! I hope you liked the chapter and had awonderful New Years and Christmas, God knowsI did, lol. And YOU can make it brighter by recommending this to your friends and reviewing more often! THank you! LOve you!

-Mav


	21. You're Still You, Am I Still Me

Ch. 21 You're Still You...Am I still me?

Sirius blew up. Piper bit her nails. Remus thoughtfully frowned and rubbed his chin. Lily's eyes began to mist. And Nina wanted to know if her brother was ok. And I wanted to blow someone's brains out, preferably mine.

It was the day after I found out and then the family found out about Harry. I was lying on my back on our massive bed, one arm behind my head, the other around Lily's waist as she cried silently into my chest. She's been so upset and worried about Harry that I don't know what to say or do to make her stop crying. I can't assure her that he'll be ok, that he'll hold his own because he's in 4th Year and there's no parent or anything that can teach him how to fight. If I'd been there….if I was still considered alive….I wonder what would've happened. What his name have still popped out of the goblet?

"He'll be ok, won't he James?" Lily whispered, she had finally stopped. I could tell from the hoarseness in her voice.

And I was taken back to the night we were separated from him for the first time. And she begged, asked me to tell her that everything would be ok, that we'd all survive and the end of hell was near. Well, that didn't exactly happen now did it? Separation, I guess, is only the beginning.

"I can't promise you anything that's no for me to promise sweets, and you know that," I whispered to her, staring at the ceiling of our room bathed in the white/blue moonlight.

She moaned and buried her face deeper into my chest. Increasing my grip on her was my only response, since nothing else could comfort her. I knew what she was feeling, I felt the same things, perhaps ten times worse. Or maybe not. I don't know. But the horror at the idea of our precious son, already in danger, being in more jeopardy because of the stupid tournament.

Harry grew up in a Muggle world. If he, like me, had seen his parents perform magic, watched as his father demonstrated spells Aurors used, we might not have been so worried. I could've sent letters to him with spells and their instructions. I couldn't do it as Atticus because, well, it's illegal. Only a parent can send in a letter that contains such information. And though Dumbledore would allow my letter to go through, Harry and his friends surely had to know the rules.

And Sirius was on the run so…

I blew out a frustrated breath, my chest expanding, her head rising with my sigh. Maybe Dumbledore could let him go? Karkaroff was willing, he'd nearly ripped Harry's head off in the backroom after his name was called. And Maxime wasn't too thrilled at the prospect of two Hogwarts Champions. But the two Ministry Members wouldn't allow it. They insisted Harry had to compete, poor kid! Stupid Crouch. I never liked him. He not only put Sirius in Azkaban. But gave us, the Aurors, hell during the first war.

"James?" Lily whispered, rising on her elbow to look down on me.

"Mm?" I asked, my hand stroking her cheek, tracing her lower low lip, wanting it to stop quivering.

"do you think one of Voldemort's people put his name in?" she asked quietly, her eyes scanning my face, lingering on my eyes and on my lips.

"Considering every strange thing that's happened so far…I can't say I haven't thought about the possibility, "I told her, kissing her cheek, smiling when she kissed my thumb as it skimmed over her lips.

"What if he comes back? Voldemort," she asked, a terrified expression crossing her face, her breaths becoming increasingly shallow. Her trademark for when she frightened. And I was powerless, a might less and sword less knight unable to rescue his princess. Helpless. Defenseless. Blind.

"Then we fight, side-by-side, and die, if need be, for our son and daughter, or in my case, you as well," I rose to put my lips on hers for good measure, "we'll stick together, like the first war. Stronger perhaps because have more to protect."

"You really think he's back?" Lily asked as I stayed up on my elbows.

"It's inevitable," I said softly, against her lower lip, "don't worry." What the hell? Don't worry? I'm about to pull out my hair with worry and I tell her not to? Well…maybe I'm doing enough worrying for both of us…maybe I can save her the head splitting headache.

"But the Prophecy," she whispered, putting her head back on my chest, so I lay back down, "during the 2nd war, it's supposed to be fulfilled, right?"

"I don't know," I answered, painfully helpless to protect her, Harry and Nina. And since Nina is our daughter, she's in as much danger as Harry is. How the fk is a man supposed to feel when his arms and legs are cut off and his families in danger? God! If only I had some power, some way to shield them from the inevitable hell. I'd be willing to do anything, _anything_, to keep them safe, keep those tears out of my wife's soulful eyes. "Sleep on it Lily, it'll be a lighter day tomorrow."

She nestled closer to me, her hands on my chest and she intertwined her legs with mine. Lily fell asleep, and I watched her, and it takes a lot to make a man stare at his perfect wife and cry.

* * *

Harry contacted Sirius through mail and told him about what had happened. Sirius wrote him, telling him to write anything suspicious that happened at the school. Harry was worried, and we could tell. So now, a week before the first task, which were dragons (courtesy of Dumbledore), Sirius was getting ready to Floo him.

"Everyone upstairs, and turn off all the lights," I told Piper, Nina and Lily. Sirius was already on his knees in front of the fireplace on the cushions we'd set out for him. I would stand beside the fireplace, just in case, and listen to the conversation. Sirius would tell him he'd broken into a Wizard house and he needed to hurry, for good measure. But of course, he wouldn't hurry unless someone from Harry's side intervened.

The conversation started as we'd planned. Harry spilled his guts out to his godfather, telling him about the Tournament, the articles the bitch Rita Skeeter was writing about him (great works of fiction) and Ron not believing that he hadn't put his name in the goblet. He ended the confession with, "Hagrid just showed me the first task, and it's dragons, Sirius, I'm a goner," he said, sounding as helpless as I felt.

Sirius warned him about Karkaroff, and told him the history of the former Death Eater. He put special emphasis on the fact that he couldn't be trusted and someone was out to get him, and Harry seemed to understand that perfectly well. Just as they were getting ready to hint him on what to do for the first task, Harry hissed at Sirius to go.

"Someone's coming, _go_!" was the last thing Harry said before Sirius pulled out.

"Be careful Harry, there are enemies within the walls," was Sirius's last massage to the boy, he backed out and sat on his ass.

"This doesn't feel right," I sighed, flopping down on the couch behind him in the study.

"The same odd feeling when the first war started," Sirius sighed.

"Foreboding," I confirmed, rubbing my temples.

"Maybe we're just paranoid," Sirius shrugged.

I blew a raspberry.

He chuckled mirthlessly, "Peter's probably run and gotten him out of wherever the hell Voldemort was. Probably taking care of him right now, as we speak."

"More than likely," I nodded.

"What are we gonna do? We can't just sit on our ass and wait," he said.

I shrugged, "nothing else we can do," and I want to scream at having to admit that. That I have no power, at all.

"We'll be pulling out our hair in the near future ha?" Sirius asked, running a hand through his hair. He was worried too, the haunted look in his eyes that Piper had chased away returned.

"I've already started," I nodded, clenching my jaw, wanting to punch something, "but we'll manage…somehow."

"this is one of those situations where we close our eyes and run into battle blind, eh?" he asked, standing up and walking towards me. He flopped down on the couch beside me.

"Yep, with nothing but determination for a weapon and shield," I closed my eyes, vivid images from the first war rushing to me, hitting me full force, "God help us all."

I remember our first full blown battle with the Death Eaters. It had been a couple of weeks after Lily and I had gotten back from our honeymoon. I'd been called up by Moody at 1 in the morning, strange what time emergencies decide to happen. I had stumbled to the Auror HQ where Moody briefly briefed us and nearly beat up Sirius and I because we were nodding off. When we arrived at Cardiff, Order members were already there, trying to duke it out alone against the stupid Death Eaters.

We'd lost several people that night, and Sirius had admitted to tearing his shorts he'd gotten so frightened when Piper had gotten grazed on the shoulder with a curse a Death Eater had sent. Lily had been there as well, to my distaste, seeing as how she was an Order member. She was frightened after that, spent a few hours in my lap later that night, trembling with fear, and whatever else she was entitled to feel, in my arms. And I remember pretending that it was she who needed to be held, that I was strong and didn't need her to hold me. To make me feel human again after what I'd just witnessed, the people, albeit Death Eaters, I'd killed.

The Death Eaters had butchered about 20 Muggles, making Remus's theory about the parallels between the Nazi's and Death Eaters true. Except Voldemort was a thousand time worse then ol' Hitler. We lost 10 Order members that awful night, and 16 Aurors and a handful of Death Eaters had been captured. Anyone else that came out alive out of that battle was in shock and was bloodied and bruised and spent a few hours at St. Mungos. But since Lily was in the Order, the Marauders came to our house to be healed.

Sirius, Piper and I had gone to the house later then the others, having to go to the Ministry to report to Moody. When we got home, Remus was sitting on the stool in the kitchen with Lily standing in front of him, lightly dabbing at a deep cut above his right eye with a cotton ball. She preferred to do things the Muggle Healer way when the cut was too close to somewhere vital. You could tell by Remus's expression that there was alcohol on the cotton ball. Peter was sitting at the other end of the counter, holding an ice pack to his head and Kat was holding a cloth to her arm, blood had made a big red dot on there.

And I was about to scream my head off, hating to see my friends in such a condition. Especially my wife, who had a very deep cut on her shoulder that caused her trouble for quite a long time. "James, you ok?" she had asked, putting Remus's hand on the cotton ball and brusquely coming towards me and holding my face in her hands as she examined me.

"I'm fine," I'd assured her, trying to blink away the fear from eyes. We'd fought side-by-side of course, well, back-to-back. I'd cussed out a few Death Eaters who'd dare send the Killing Curse at her.

"You sure?" she asked, feeling my face with her fingertips, to make sure I was there in one piece.

I grabbed her wrists and stared directly into her green eyes, "I'm fine, love," I said, "just got a bruised knee and might've twisted my ankle, but I'm fine. I promise."

She had nodded and gone to examine Piper and Sirius, sending me glances now and then as I sat by Kat, my head on her shoulder as we discussed what had happened. "Was Snape fighting on our side or theirs?"

"Theirs," Lily answered, "who do you think cut my shoulder?"

"Your shitting me," I said, my head to heavy to lift from Kat's shoulder.

Lily shook her head, and made Sirius yelp by applying something to his cut, "I recognized him by his voice. He said a spell I never heard of?"

"_Sectusempra_, right?" Kat asked quietly.

"Something like that, yeah," she nodded.

"That son-of-a-bitch," I muttered, seeing blood and a bigo bulls eye right in the middle of Snape's forehead.

"What does the curse do?" Lily asked, looking at the three Auror's with curiosity in those eyes.

"Remember 5th Year? After the exams when you yelled and James and I for picking on Snivellus?" Sirius asked.

She nodded, not a pleasant memory or moment in our relationship. She had yelled at me and called me arrogant and made me realize the error of my ways. A year later we were the hottest couple in Hogwarts.

"And remember when there was a huge gash on James's cheek when Snape got to his wand?" Piper asked Lily.

Lily nodded.

"Same spell Lils," I smiled sadly, tracing the scar on my cheek.

"Is that what that's from?" she asked, surprised.

I nodded.

"That little son-of-a-bitch," she muttered, making me chuckle, "that means he knew Dark Magic since he was a kid?"

"I think Snape's first words was a Dark curse," Piper muttered darkly.

"The mystery of Snape keeps getting more mysterious," Lily said, sitting down on the stool, having finished healing every one.

"And I seriously don't want to solve it," Kat said, pointing at Lily with her bear bottle.

A few minutes of silence passed and were broken by Sirius, "Peter, man, you still alive?"

"Huh? Yeah, why?" Peter asked, jumping a bit.

"Nothing, you just haven't said anything for a few hours, got a bit worried mate," Sirius said slapping him on the back as he passed him by on his way to the fridge.

"Oy, mate, get your head off my girls shoulder," Remus said, making Kat laugh as he dragged a stool and sat next to her, putting his head on her shoulder. I miss that redheaded, blue eyed beauty. She and I had the same birthday and our parents had known each other from the hospital when we were born. She was older than me by a few minutes and she always thanked me for introducing her to Remus. Kat was the greatest, most gentle friend. You talked to her and you felt like the most special person on earth, and you left your conversation with her with a smile on your lips and loved yourself. I've expressed my regrets for not trying hard enough to stop her from joining Voldemort ranks. But she pressed and had made up her mind, and died at the hands of her friend for the sake of us all. A martyr, you could say.

"Fine, jealous jackass," I said, and put my head on Lily's shoulder, "just know that I've known that girl since before you could even pronounce the word Kat."

"Come on now kids, let's not fight, I love you both very much," she assured us, patting our heads like we were puppies, "just on different levels."

"That's it Kat, I want a divorce," I said, slamming my fist on the counter.

"Oy! Forgetting about Lily?" Lily asked, smacking my head.

I turned my head on her shoulder and looked at her, kissing her soft cheek I murmured, "'course not, I love you best. I love you more than I love Sirius!"

"And that's saying something," Piper laughed.

"Oh, psh, fine! Just leave Sirius out like yesterday's trash!" he said, pouting.

"Oh come on Padfoot, you know I love more than I love Remus!" I said.

And it continued, we moved from Remus to Piper, and from Piper to Peter then to McGonagall.

Damn, I miss those simple days.

* * *

Lily, Sirius and I were snuck into the castle by Dumbledore himself for the first task, Piper and Nina were sitting in the stands. No one would really notice them, unless they looked closely at Nina, but I think the vicious dragons out there would divert everyone's attention. And we had made sure Nina understood that things would get a bit scary, she said she understood and wanted to go anyway. So we let her, provided that whenever she got too scared, Piper would send a massage through Lily's wand the two would return home with Nina. Sirius would remain in his dog form next to the couple Atticus Evans and his newest girlfriend, Delilah Jones. We would sit in the stands as a couple with their dog and watch the match and hope that Harry had figured out that Sirius had been trying to tell him to use his flying to pass the dragon.

The first few champions went, Harry was apparently last. Amos Diggory's son, an ass I knew from my days in the Ministry, Cedric, transfigured a rock into a dog to distract him. Smart idea but kind of dumb too, and it offended Sirius a bit. The Beauxbatons champion put the damn thing into a trance. Worked for a while then major disastero. And the Durmstrang champion, who turned out to be a world famous Seeker, blinded the dragon except the creature went psycho and nearly crushed the dude.

Then Harry Potter was announced and Lily painfully gripped my knee in anticipation. And Nina, who was sitting behind me, started clapping and calling out her brother's name. I caught Dumbledore sneaking a glance at her and smiling. Out of all the champions, and I say this as an objective spectator, Harry's technique had to be the best and most dangerous. He flew! I don't know how much Lily and I cursed and how many heart attacks we had as our son tried to get the damned egg, but he did. And did it in one piece, and Lily was so happy she started crying.

I decided to pay the champion a personal tribute and sent the little group home, and went to the Champions tent. "Atticus!" he exclaimed and ran to me from his group of friends.

"Hey, Harry," I smiled.

"Were you watching the task?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah, wonderful job. Best out of all the other idiots," I smiled, clapping him on the shoulder, not failing to notice his arm was in a sling from where he'd gotten cut.

"Is that a compliment?" he asked with a smile.

I laughed and nodded, "damn good flyer," I nodded, mentally adding that he flew like his father, me.

"Thanks," he said a bit shyly.

"I thought I told you to stay out of trouble, or I'd be forced to kick your ass," I said narrowing my eyes.

"Well, this isn't exactly my idea," Harry said and explained to me everything I already knew about the goblet choosing him.

"Be careful Harry," I told him, "be as paranoid as you can, it'll keep you alive."

He nodded, staring at his shoes.

"And promise to write me when you need anything, deal?"

"Deal," he smiled, "you haven't noticed, have you?" he smiled slyly.

"Noticed what?" I asked, frowning.

"I'm wearing your sweatshirt," he smiled.

I laughed and recognized the sweatshirt I'd given him long ago. It was still a bit too big for the scrawny teenager, but it fit him a bit better.

"Thanks Atticus," he said and hugged me, knocking out all my breath from shock.

When I recovered, I put my arms around him and planted a kiss in his unruly hair, "you're very welcome, for whatever."

He chuckled as I pulled back.

"I have to get going, you do too, won't do for you stay out here," I squeezed his shoulder, "be careful," mentally I added _son_.

* * *

AN: I busted my ass trying to get this typed (just ask my editor AMBER:) how fast i'd typped this chapter to get it up LOL) I hope you guys liked it! REVIEW OR I DIE! Lol. Seriously, it's a curse on me. if someone reads this story and doesn't review, ten years are taken off my life! Lol. Love you all! ROCK ON! -Mav 


	22. We Be Burnin'

Enjoy.

Ch. 22 We Be Burnin'

Nina had her head on my chest, her legs across my lap as I rocked us on her rocking chair, reading her a bedtime story in her bedroom even though it was _way _past her bedtime. Lily and Piper had gone to Paris on Piper's suggestion to do a little shopping to get things off their mind. Sirius was in our guest room, probably not sleeping. I'd been in bed, staring unseeing at the ceiling of our bedroom as I ran the possibility of Voldemort's return to power soon. Then suddenly a light had cracked from the door, and tiny feet slapped against the hardwood and a tiny body climbed into bed. Nina said she couldn't sleep, no doubt worried something would happen to Harry though we all tried to assure her nothing would. The tension in the house was palpable, even a 6-year-old kid can figure out that something's not exactly right.

From Crouch being found dead in the woods to Harry telling Sirius that Bagman, once a convicted Death Eater, was offering him help, despite the fact that he would be cheating and breaking thousand-year-old rules. With numerous brain storming sessions with Dumbledore, we figured out ol' Vodly was on the rise and he would be back sooner than we all had expected. I had panicked of course, but put on the ever-present optimistic Jimmy Potter face to fool my wife, who, in turn, was having a billion heartaches at the same time.

I know he is coming back. I can feel it in my bones, that deep chill and premonitions of terror. Harry's Second task in the Triwizard had impressed me and scared me shitless. He and the other champions had to go underwater and get whomever the merpeople had taken. Harry had used gillyweed, a nasty tasting thing I'd tried once, to stay underwater for an hour. I sat in the stands, my leg moving restlessly as I got worried and worried about my son's well being. The merpeople aren't the nicest you'll ever meet. I'd gotten even more worried when the champions had started showing up, Fleur Delacour had panicked or something and was out of the running. Cedric showed up with the girl I'd seen Harry make googly eyes at and Krum had showed up with Hermione. And no sign of my son and Ron.

I was about to start taking off my clothes and going in for a swim in the lake when he finally broke water with Ron and Delacour's little sister. And he was way over the time limit. The stupid idiot (he's my son, I can call him that after he gave me heart attack) had thought that Dumbledore would really let the people left behind stay behind and had waited for everyone to get out before doing so himself. Idiot.

I had nearly attacked him after coming out of the water and shaken him, once again wondering if he knew how worried he'd made me. But I didn't, instead I came home and wrapped Lily in my arms, telling her that our son was alright and tried to reassure myself that I could say that again in the near future.

"Daddy?" Nina murmured sleepily now.

"Mmm?" I asked against her temple.

"Is Harry ok?" she asked quietly, staring at the pictures in the book.

"Yeah," I said softly, stroking her hair away from her face, "I've told you a thousand times baby girl, he's alright. I'd never let anything happen to him or you sweetheart."

"But Harry isn't living with us," she pointed out quietly, "why?"  
Because I failed. Because I was a coward. Because I was a goddamned arrogant Auror thinking I was protecting my family. "Because he's safer that way," I said to her as those answers, the accusations I had berated myself with jammed themselves up in my chest, "and so are you."

"But I want my brother daddy," she said, pressing her face into my chest, "I want to have a brother and I want him to be safe."

"I know baby," I whispered, rocking her as I set the book aside to hold her more tightly, "I know but we have lay low for a little while longer. Do you understand?"

I knew she did, she's too smart for her age and she's no longer a child. She's seen more of her share in the world already, experienced more then a 6-year-old should. "Time for you to go to bed love."

"Can I stay with you? Please?" she asked looking up into my eyes and I could see fear there, like she was afraid one moment away from her would be permanent, like I would never come back.

"Sure, c'mon," I invited and carried her to my room. I had turned down the sheets already since I'd been attempting sleep earlier and helped her climb up the bed and settled on Lily's side of the bed and I climbed in to my side of the bed and we fell asleep facing each other with my hand stroking her hair, a gentle reminder that I was there. That I would protect her with my life. That I would never let anything happen to her. A gentle reminder that I'm a hypocrite.

Lily came in I don't know how long after I fell asleep watching Nina, "what's wrong?" Lily whispered standing behind me, I could see her face partially and read the concern on her gorgeous face in the moonlight. "Is she ok?"

"Just worried with everything that's been goin' on," I whispered back. Nina made a small-disgruntled sound, just like when she was a baby, and cuddled closer to me, her hand curling in my shirt in a fist. Like when she'd been a baby. Like when her brother had been a baby.

_Hypocrite_. _Liar._

Lily changed out of her jeans and t-shirt, pulling her pajamas and climbed in with us. I drew Nina to my chest and slept on my back to make room for the three of us. I couldn't sleep, but Nina fell asleep on my chest and Lily at my side. My life. Everything important to me lying beside me on my bed. Only Harry wasn't there, but I knew for a fact at that moment, he was in three hearts.

The day of the third task, Sirius, Remus and I stood on the stands surrounding the Quiddich field, well, used to be. Now it was a maze, a labyrinth of puzzles and every danger you can think of if you're in the Wizarding world. If dogs could raise their eyebrows, Padfoot had perfected that trick as Remus and I, in human, form stared at the vast maze.

"They have to go through this?" I asked Remus, a little horrified at the idea.

"Yep," he nodded, as we both scanned the place Dumbledore and the other professors and Headmasters had created for the third task where the champions had to find their way, fight their way to the center of the maze. Whoever reached the spot first and touched the Cup, they were the winners of the tournament.

"You guys have this really weird felling in your stomachs too?" Sirius asked turning into human from and sitting on one of the benches with his elbows on his thighs.

"Yep," I said, dropping down next to him, "like all hells gonna break loose soon."

"And there's nothing' we can do about it," Remus said, "an escapee from Azkaban, a man presumed dead, and a werewolf with a theory that tonight is the night we've been dreading since _that _night."

I scoffed at the picture he painted with his words. A decaying corpse, a man in shackles and orange jumper suit, with a werewolf who was foaming at the mouth standing in front of Dumbledore. Yeah, like the other Headmasters headed our gentle warning.

We heard someone climbing into the stands and Sirius immediately turned into a dog looking solemnly over the fields and I mentally changed identities to play Atticus. We didn't run the risk of Harry coming around because he was at breakfast still, and Dumbledore had given us word that Bill and Molly Weasley were visiting him as a part of his family. Too bad it was Lily, Nina and I. But if I kept thinking about that, then I'd just let myself tumble down the stands into the maze and be lucky and get eaten by something dangerous lurking there.

I braced myself to face whoever was coming up the steps to the stands, it turned out to be Dumbledore. We all breathed a sigh and Sirius turned into human form again, the solemn look the dog had on still on his face. Dumbledore's greeting was a chuckle as he stood staring at the three of us, "I never thought I'd see the three of you together again."

Suddenly we all turned and grinned at him, sharing the thought and the feeling of elation and surprise that we were sitting next to each other again in this lifetime. "What's up Headmaster?" Remus asked eloquently.

"Nothing really, just wished to see you all before the task began. The champions have all gone to visit their families one last time before the task," he said, and his eyes bore into me as though he felt the stab of guilt and remorse at the thought of not being the family he saw, "I would prefer it, Sirius, if you waited by the pumpkin patch near Hagrid's hut."

"After they get started," he said pointedly, defying him like he always had.

He inclined his head, "fine, I'm sure Remus and James will escort you there."

Moony and I gawked, "we're watching the task Headmaster."

"Someone will get suspicious at Remus being here, sitting next to a DMLE head old enough to be his grandfather," Dumbledore said.

"Headmaster, I think we should stay…I mean, c'mon, something may go wrong and you might need two former members of the Order with you," I said slowly.

"Oh fine, have all the fun without me," Sirius grumbled.

"Just because we're being careful doesn't mean anything big will happen," Remus said gently, trying to persuade himself as much as he wanted to convince us.

"Plus Sirius, who knows how many ex-Death Eaters will be here, and Peter probably has the word out on you being an Animagus," I said staring down at him, always having some sort of special power over him. I don't know how many times I've convinced him not to do something suicidal, when no one else could, even Piper. "We'll send you a massage via wand if anything, _anything _happens."

"Right," he sighed with surrender in his gray eyes.

"Now there's still the question of whether I will allow you and Remus to remain during the task," Dumbledore said, "people will not be happy to see a former Professor, a werewolf, around. I'm sorry Remus, but not a lot of the parents have made their peace with the fact that you're a werewolf."

He nodded, "I know, but at least let James stay here."

Dumbledore frowned and studied the three of us with caution in turn, "why all this caution?"

"You mean aside from the fact that James's son, the kid Voldemort wants to kill because he in turn killed him? And there's a number of known Death Eater running around loose?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore calmly nodded.

"Call it gut instinct, call it paranoia from having Mad-Eye yell CONSTANT VIGILANCE too many times in your ear," I shrugged.

The wise Headmaster chuckled, "fine, you and Remus may remain. James, I would ask you to pay a visit to Harry as Atticus, I'm sure his nerves must be high-wired and he will need the comfort of someone he considers a parent."

"I _am _his parent," I said with a cocked eyebrow.

He ignored me, "and Remus, I would ask you to remain very discrete."

"Of course," Remus nodded.

"Are Lily, Nina and Piper going be joining us?" he asked.

"No, Piper's trying to calm down Lily, trying to reassure her that nothing'll happen to Harry and I wouldn't want Nina hanging out here," I said.

And he nodded in understanding as people slowly began to trickle into the stands. Sirius headed to the pumpkin patch to wait it out wit his tail between his legs, Remus stayed in a secluded corner of the stands, drawing as less attention to himself as he could. The position also gave him a good look at everyone around him.

I changed into Atticus and went to find Harry. And I found him, getting his attention by calling out his name. "Atticus!" he said excitedly leading Bill and Molly towards me. Bill had grown up to be a strapping young man, I remember him when he was small. A good-looking, devilish boy with the intelligence of a genius. "I didn't know you were coming."

I smiled at him, "come now Harry, I wouldn't miss this for the world! And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't offer you moral support?"

He grinned at me, "glad you could make it!" Harry smiled, stress around his young eyes. Too much stress for a 14-year-old, he shouldn't know what life and death meant, the thin line between the two realms. "Atticus, this is Molly Weasley, my friend Ron's mom and his brother Bill."

"Hello," I said pleasantly, getting a good look at Molly. She had no idea how much I appreciated her having taken Harry under her wing. "I'm Atticus Evens."

"Have we met before?" Bill asked me as we shook hands.

Yep, used to baby sit you sometimes when you we were a wee lad, taught you how to how to fly and play Quiddich. "I don't believe so," I said with a tiny smile. I turned my attention to Harry, knowing that time was running short fast. "Just wanted to say good luck, and to remind you I'll kick your ass if you don't come back in one peace."

He laughed and nodded, Molly gawking at me. I pulled him in for a one-armed hug, "I'll be watching, be careful."

"Will do," he said and pulled back.

The usual things happened, they were initiated and given the rules and led into the maze. Harry and Cedric going first because they were tying for first place. Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, but Delacour and Krum were out of it after a few minutes and two professors went in for the rescue.

And then, hell broke loose. An hour turned into three and my heart was jumping and anticipation gripped me. I looked to where Remus was sitting; our eyes meeting and I could tell he thought something was wrong as well. Damn.

I went down to the entrance of the maze and was about to ask Dumbledore what he thought when Harry popped in front of us carrying the trophy and Cedric Diggory's body. Dumbledore and I rushed to my bruised and bloodied son, sitting on his knees, breathing hard with Diggory's limp body in his own limp arms. My heart sank as I knelt in front of him on the ground.

Harry looked disillusioned, like he was hypnotized and not all there. "Harry?" Dumbledore asked sharply, "Harry? What happened?'

It took Harry a minute to register what Dumbledore had said, his gaze lifted and he stared into my eyes with horror in his green eyes, "he's back."

"Who?" I asked, the kid was traumatized, something had gone horribly wrong, and I had a feeling what Harry was referring to. "Harry," I said a little sharply, "who's back?"

"Voldemort, he's back," Harry murmured. He looked down at the dead body of Cedric Diggory, the life sucked out of him. A boy who'd had his entire life ahead of him that morning. Tears came to life in Harry's emerald green eyes, and his shoulders shook as he cried hugging Cedric's body to his chest.

My heart twisted and fell into a thousand pieces in my stomach. He was shaking with either terror, shock or grief, more likely a combo of all three fowl emotions. I stroked his hair as he cried, tears blurring my own vision. I wanted to comfort him, but seeing someone die was something you can never get out of your head, even when you're an Auror trying to detach yourself from the dead, mangled bodies you saw. It's impossible. Death kills in more ways than one can imagine.

Fudge came behind me somewhere and the little idiot began crying out that Cedric Diggory, a 17-year-old kid, was dead. "Harry," I said gently, not caring about the sounds of havoc behind me, "let him go," I said. I gently pried Harry hands away from Cedric's body, "let go," I said softly and took him in my arms. Like a vulnerable little boy, he curled against my chest, hand fisting in my shirt, soaking it with his tears and he shook.

"He's dead," he chanted over and over again, occasionally mumbling about Voldemort and Wormtail.

"It's alright," I whispered in his ear, stroking his hair, holding him like I'd held his baby sister a few days ago, a lifetime ago it seemed. "It's gonna be ok." I pulled him back from me, the fog in mind clearing the way for the memory of the blood on his arm. I took a hold of his right arm as silent tears ran down his cheeks. We both flinched when we heard Amos Diggory's cries when he saw his son, I knew what he was going through, not exactly but I still knew the loss. The pain. The anger at the fact that he had all his future before him. The anger at the fact that his boy had been innocent, hadn't done anything to harm anyone in any way.

And staring at my own son, bruises forming all over his face, blood seeping through a gash above his eyebrow, a selfish part of me thanked God and all the angels who'd protected him that he'd made it. This time…

I had gotten out a handkerchief from my pocket and held it to his arm, "you'll be ok," I said and kissed the scar on his forehead.

"James, take him to the hospital wing please," Dumbledore ordered solemnly as I tried to ignore the wails of Amos. I'd never liked him, but those cries, to shrieks, the wails of a man who'd once been proud, who'd been cut down. Whose flesh and blood had been murdered.

"Yeah," I nodded and pulled Harry up with me, grabbing his elbows. My eyes met his as recognition and confusion dawned, and too late I realized I'd answered the name James.

_This should be interesting._


	23. Now, Bring Me That Horizon

Ch. 23 Now, Bring Me That Horizon

Harry may as well have fainted the moment he recognized me because he didn't say one word as I practically dragged him to the castle. Thanking and cursing Dumbledore for having called my name and cursing myself more because I'd responded. But when you've been called by one name for nearly 36 years, you have a tendency of being responsive to that name.

"This can't be real," he finally whispered as I walked him up the steps to Dumbledore's office, where he'd instructed me to take him. "Voldemort must've done something to my head."

"Nope, this is very real Harry, I really am dragging you up the stairs," I smiled. His arm was around my waist because he couldn't walk upright without help, too weak to do so. He'd been a little afraid of me down at the maze, refusing to touch me or say anything to me. Can't blame him really.

"But you're dead, my dad's dead," he said quietly, still staring at me. It looked like he was trying to memorize my face; he was one step away from running his fingers over my face like a blind man to make sure it was me.

I'd prayed for this moment of recognition, where we could be father and son and it wasn't just a secret I only knew. But now that this beautiful moment was here, I didn't know what to say and worried about his reaction at finding out we'd kept such a huge secret from him. And for some reason, I regretted the moment he found out he had a little sister. Would he blow up at Lily and I and anyone who'd known we were alive? Or would he just listen to the facts, except them, make his peace with it and let it all go?

Knowing him, and knowing his father, me, the outcome was unpredictable. "Long story Harry, trust me," I murmured as I thrust open the door to Dumbledore massive, curiosity-inspiring office.

"How do I know you're not a Death Eater? The one that's been at Hogwarts all along. I mean, how the hell can you be Atticus one minute and my dead father the next?" he asked as I set him on the winged visitors chair, "how do I know you haven't been spying on me since I was 5 to sell me out to Voldemort? How do I know you didn't kill the real Atticus Evens and took his place and disguised yourself as my father?"

I smiled at his response, cautious, curious, and very logical. Just like his parents. And where he got his energy after all he'd been through, only God know the source of energy. Possibly from my dad's side, my dad himself always hit the ground running. "How do you know I'm not James Potter's evil twin Jason?" I smiled kneeling in front of him for a closer look at his bumps and bruises. Nothing looked fatal but one look at the way he carefully sat down told me he'd been under the Craciatus.

I looked him square in the eyes, his mother's, "it's a long story and only guessing about what you've been through tonight…I can't tell you everything right now. Just the fact that it really is me, James Potter, your dad," I gave him a small smile and cupped his cheek in my hand, "you have to believe me Harry."

He studied for a few minutes, "Sirius know?"

"Who do you think busted him out of Azkaban?" I winked.

"Were you at the lake the night Wormtail escaped?" he asked.

I nodded in answer, his cheek still in my hand, "yeah."

Tears pooled his eyes, "you've been alive all along?"

"Yeah," was all I managed to say, "and kickin' myself for not being with you…for not being able raise…watch you in the open…growing into a young man."

"This can't be true," he murmured, and I could see he resigned and accepted the fact that it really was me, "I must be hallucinating."

"Have you eaten anything Sirius has given you in the last few days?" I asked soberly.

Confused, he shook his head no.

"Then no, you're not hallucinating," I smiled.

He chuckled through tears and emotions I was feeling as well. "This is too good to be true," he murmured, "but how?"

"I told you, if I explain it now, alone, it'll give you headache and your mother will have my ass in a sling if I explain everything without her," I said casually, as though we weren't strangers.

"Mom?" he whispered, "oh God."

"I know," I nodded and as he wrapped himself in my arms.

"Dad…. I can't believe this," he said into my shoulder as I stroked his unruly hair, cautious of the bump on his head.

"Wow…" I heard a breathy voice say behind me, recognizing it too well to be Sirius's.

For some reason, Harry's arms wrapped tighter around me and I let him, squeezing back in turn and kissing whatever part of his face I could get. My boy…my boy knew it was me…he knew it was James Potter and not some stranger who'd befriended him…. He called me dad…he hugged me like a son would hug his father after an ordeal no one should have to go through.

"It's so good to have you back Harry," I whispered to him, tears streaming down my face. This should've happened a long time ago, his First Year maybe, before. We should've never been separated. I should've fought to the death to keep him with me, to have my shoulder available whenever life became too much for my one and only son. I should've fought harder, tried harder that night, maybe even attempted a killing curse. Anything would've been better then succumbing to Lily's pleas to accept the bargain with Voldemort.

"This can't be right dad," he said, "I must have fainted or something. You're dead. You've been dead for 13 years."

I pulled back, putting my forehead on his and smiled at him, squeezing the back of his neck, "yeah, but you just called me dad, and your bruises still hurt don't they?"

"This is happening isn't it?" he laughed a little, "I have a family again."

"You've always had us, we just haven't crossed paths," I smiled and kissed his forehead again, about to start jumping up and down in glee. I felt Sirius walk towards us, saw Harry look up at him and smile.

"You should've told me," he said softly.

Sirius laughed, "He would've kicked my arse from America to Antarctica," he answered.

"You've been in America all this time?" Harry asked me.

"Yeah, I promise, we'll explain everything later but first, you have to tell us what happened so we can start on damage control," I said.

I was still knelt next to his chair, Sirius on his other side with a hand on his godsons shoulder as Harry quietly recalled everything that had happened. How the Cup had been a portkey, how he and Cedric had tied and gone for the cup together. How they'd been transported to a cemetery, how Cedric had been killed. I nearly snapped his arm in half when he told me that Wormtail and cut his arm to get blood for the perverse ritual of bringing back the devil. Harry told us how Voldemort had touched him without being burned like he had previously. He told us that he and Voldemort had dueled and suddenly he stopped.

"The wands wouldn't fight…I can't describe it," he said quietly, staring at his shoes, seemingly unaware of the father he'd just gotten back from the dead. "He tried the Killing Curse but, this…I don't know…. Beam of light like…connected the wands…and people came out."

I frowned at Dumbledore who was studying Harry intensely.

"Cedric came out…. An old man showed up, he looked like a Muggle, then a woman…Bertha Jorkins I guess…. I don't know…" he shrugged.

"Then Lily showed up, then I did," I breathed, sitting on my ass with the impact of the facts.

Harry looked down at me, "yeah…you told me to let go when you told me and make a break for the cup…" tears and regret fogged his eyes, "and Cedric asked me to bring out his body."

"Were these images corporeal Harry?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

He shook his head, "it was like a hologram…I--I can't describe it…"

At that moment the door burst open and Mad-Eye Moody came in, "James Potter alive and well I see."

I looked at Dumbledore instead of reacting (Sirius had changed into a dog the second the door opened), "you took the charm off?"

"There is no use for it Voldemort is back," he shrugged.

"Ah," I said and stood up to face the Auror, "yep, I'm back Mad-Eye."

He growled, "Can I see you outside?"

That didn't sound right, something in my gut just didn't like that idea and that same thing had me reach into my pocket. Something was off about him, I can't explain it really. "I'll be right back," I murmured as I walked out of the study. I had barely shut the door when Mad-Eye rammed into me, his arm against my throat knocking my head against the door, hard.

"Shit!" I grumbled, welcoming the fight since I hadn't really had any action for 13 years. I felt blood trickle down my nose immediately but ignored it and fought back. Using all my strength, I pushed away from the door and rammed against the wall.

"You think you can escape the Dark Lord's wrath?" he hissed, chuckling as I pressed my arm against his throat.

This wasn't Mad-Eye. And slowly, I could see the spots of long hair slowly being pulled back into the skull, the normal eye turning color from icy blue to a darker color and the other eye popped out. Barty Crouch Jr. was standing right in front of me.

"Dad!" I heard Harry exclaim behind me.

"You think you can defeat him? Fools!" he said right before I stunned him.

"What the hell?" Sirius murmured, standing next to me as I let his body sag to the floor.

"Polly Juice," I said, wiping my nose with the back of my hand, "he's probably the one who put Harry's name in the Goblet and turned the cup into a Portkey." I turned to look at Dumbledore, staring at Barty Crouch, "where's the really Mad-Eye?"

"I think I know," he said, "you two better escort Harry to the Hospital Wing. I have sent Remus to get Lily."

I smiled at the stunned expression on Harry's face, "fine then," I put my arm around his shoulder and escorted him to the Hospital Wing. He was quiet as Pomfrey worked on him, and everyone stared at Sirius and me like we were Martians from another galaxy. Molly Weasley and her children surrounded the bed, staring at me with disbelief and so was Hermione Granger. I made no move to explain anything to them, accepting the cloth Pomfrey offered my nose. I could taste blood in the back of my neck.

Remus walked in through the doors as Harry's wounds were all taken care of with me watching the entire process like a watch hound. The gash on his arm had been cleaned for any germs or anything nasty like that. "Where's Lily?" I asked, spitting blood into the cup of water I had received.

I felt everyone stiffen at the name, the idea that another dead person was about to come back to life in front of their eyes. "She's coming up, McGonagall's busy hugging the stuffing out of her."

"Piper and Nina with her?" Sirius asked, he was sitting beside me on the bed, ignoring the stares he received from Molly, even after Ron explained to her everything that had happened with him.

Remus shook his head, "Lils didn't want Nina coming in just yet," he said cautiously.

"You knew about this too?" Harry asked with a hint of betrayal in his voice.

"I found out the night Wormtail escaped," Remus explained, "Prongs kept me company throughout the full moon."

I heard the door open and saw Lily standing in the doorway, her eyes already flooded in tears, her lip quivering. Despite her clean jeans, nice shirt and overcoat, she looked disheveled, like she hadn't slept in a year or two.

I got up from the bed to meet her there, knowing she would faint sooner rather then later. She's waited for today longer then I, "take a deep breath," I murmured to her.

She blinked up at me, "what happened to you?" she asked frowning, choosing to ignore the onslaught of emotions for the moment.

"Long story," I answered, "you ready to face him?"  
"No, I thought I was but…no," she shook her head, looking at Harry over my shoulder.

"He's calm enough about it, hasn't punched me or had a fit yet so we're safe," I smiled.

"Idiot," she said pushing me aside.

I stood at the door and watched her slowly walk towards his bed, saw her hand move to cover her mouth, her shoulders shake from tears and laughter. I heard her murmur his name before she took her baby boy in her arms, kissing every inch of his face, stroking his hair, his back, touching him to make sure he was calling her mom, making sure he knew who she was. That she was the woman who had carried him for nine months, who had changed all those diapers and loved him more than anything on earth.

My son hadn't known the love of a mother, he'd had inkling about the love of a father, but never a mother. And seeing him cry against her shoulder, probably seeing Cedric's death in his minds eye while also regretting, like us, all the lost times.

I slowly walked towards them, the blood had stopped and I needed to be a part of that moment, that joy at having your family back after a lifetime of pain and betrayal and loneliness. "Welcome to your new life Harry," Remus said.

"Should be interesting," he said as Lily moved to sit behind him, he lay back and put his head on his mothers shoulder. No questions asked. No suspicions. No holding back the need for the love of his mother, he leaned on her, learned to love her and need her immediately. Like some part of her, that part of that had shared her anatomy at some point, pulled him and told him she was the one. The one that cared for him, brought him to this world.

"Told you he won't throw a punch at you," Sirius grinned.

"Then who did?" Lily asked me with a raised eyebrow, absently kissing the side of her son's head, like if she didn't touch him for a second, he would disappear again.

"Looong story," I answered, "but the assailant has been given to the proper authorities."

"What happened to the really Moody?" Harry asked me.

I nodded towards the bed where the real Moody was lying down, "he'll be fine, just got clunked over the head way too many times."

"Will someone care to explain why there is a wanted murderer and two people we presumed dead sitting here?" Molly asked, frustration ebbed in her voice.

"Time to tell all Lils," I smiled, sitting beside them on the bed.

With minimal, if not, no interruption at all, Lily, Sirius and I explained everything had happened. Harry stared at one point at the end of his bed the entire time, tears brimming his eyes again as I told him how I'd turned into Atticus, how the cat had been Lily, how we'd kept an eye on him subtle ways.

"Oh my God," they all murmured once the story was finished.

"I have a sister?" Harry blinked, his throat dry making his voice raspy.

"Yeah," Lily said quietly, "she should be along soon. She was very excited when I told her she would meet you."

"You should've told me, someone should've told me," Harry murmured, "I should've known."

"It was for the best Harry," I told him, "if you knew, you still would've had to live separate from us, and who knows, if we weren't under cover, I highly doubt we'd be in one piece right now."

"This is too good to be true," he rubbed his face roughly with his hands, the suddenly grinned, "do I get to live with you now?"  
"It would make sense," I smiled, tapping his leg, "we can protect you better now."

He smiled at the prospect of being home at last.

I admit, his reaction took me by surprise. I've seen him throw fits, he has a temper that would rival mine and yet he accepted the facts and was content with them. Maybe the shock of the day had something to do with it, dull everything making the need for family more important then answers to everything. Maybe he didn't care about anything so long as he had a family of his own now.

Whatever made him lean his head against his mother's shoulder, whatever made him call me dad, I was grateful for it.

Dumbledore came in after a few minutes to check up, adding a few more details to the story at Molly's insistence. I'm surprised the woman didn't faint, her eyes had become huge! "James," Bill said very casually.

I looked at the redhead and smiled, "yes?"

"Good to have you back man," he said with a nod.

"Good to be back," I nodded.

"DUMBLEDORE! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Fudge barked walking through the door.

"Headmaster! He gave those _things _permission to Kiss Crouch!" McGonagall yelled, I haven't seen her this mad since Sirius and I charmed all the statues to say something dirty to whoever passed by them.

"Oh crap," I muttered as Sirius quietly turned into a dog and jumped on Harry's bed and lay at his feet.

"What would you have me do?" Fudge asked, "let him go free?"

"We needed to question him, Cornelius," Dumbledore said calmly as I stood behind him, ignoring the sneers Snape sent my way.

"Regarding what? We already know what he did to Moody and he was an escapee from Azkaban!" Fudge yelled indignantly, one eye on me.

"He could've given us answers, told us how Voldemort came back to power," Dumbledore said calmly.

"What?" everyone murmured, including Lily whose gaze shot right to me with questions in her eyes.

"That's right, and Harry witnessed his rebirth," Dumbledore said, Lily's could be seen tighten around her son.

"That's ridiculous Albus," Fudge said with a scoff, something telling me Dumbledore had told him the story about Lily and I being alive.

After a few minutes of arguing, and Fudge saying that Harry was a lying little twerp and this was all ridiculous, that Voldemort was dead and could never come back, he left.

"What happens now?" Sirius asked turning back into a human, McGonagall yelped in surprise but didn't ask questions, just stared at Padfoot.

"We fight," I answered, "right?"

Dumbledore nodded, "Molly? Can I count on you and Arthur?"

"Of course you can," she said, still staring at Lily and I like we were ghosts.

"Then I need a massage to be sent to Arthur and everyone who believes the Voldemort is back in power," Dumbledore said.

The Order of the Phoenix was back, just like that. Bill volunteered to go tell his father while Sirius went to got to Dung and Arbella to alert them of the situation, he and Remus were sent to Alert the old crowd.

"You can meet us at the house," Lily said.

Dumbledore nodded and I gave the address to everyone who would meet us back at the house in America. Severus Snape and Sirius left the room at the same time, snarling at each other.

"Alright sweetheart, get some sleep," Lily murmured to Harry.

"Are you leaving?"

"I'll be right here," she smiled and gave him the dream-less potion.

"Night," he muttered drinking the stuff and fell asleep almost immediately.

"I don't believe this," Ron said staring at me.

I ruffled his hair as I passed him by, "believe it kid."

I went out to the balcony of the Hospital Wing and stood there, just watching the commotion on the grounds. And wondered how odd it was, one man had lost his son while I'd gotten mine back. How the world was turning dark with the return of Voldemort and my life was lit up yet again. He was with me again. He knew I was alive. The burden was lifted from my shoulders and the kid that had run rampant in these woods so long ago was back again.

We're a family again.

"You as happy as I am sweetheart?" I heard Lily ask from behind me. She had snuck up on me, and made me wonder how long I'd been standing there.

"Probably," I smiled, turning around and wrapping her in my arms, her hand on my heart, keeping track of each beat that proclaimed she was my life, one of the three reasons I was still alive and kicking.

"He took that well," she breathed, putting her head against my shoulder.

"Better then I expected," I agreed, breathing in the familiar fragrance of my Lily's hair, kissing it, thankful she was happy and that speck of helplessness had disappeared from her beautiful eyes.

She pulled back and looked at me straight in the eyes, as though she'd known what I had been thinking and smiled a smile I had missed as much as being Harry's father. "I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you too," I assured her before putting my lips on her, breathing in life, breathing in the promise of a brighter future in these dark times that were coming. Breathing in love and reassurance, and her promise of love forever.

Pulling back from the kiss I smiled at her.

_This should be interesting indeed. _

* * *

AN: REVIEW PLEASE! Love you allL! --Mavvy 


	24. Fickle Pick of Faith

Ch. 24 Fickle Pick of Faith

I was sitting with Harry the next day, my broken nose mended and my lip still bruised, but other then that, I was perfectly happy. I felt complete for the first time in a long time, all the old bitterness gone, replaced by quiet contentment that at last, we were together. At last, I could look at him and call him son.

"You know Harry, I'm really proud with the way you've handled all this," I said after a period of silence. I had sent Lily down to talk to the reporters since they always pissed me off and I ended up saying something I shouldn't have. She had a way of tap-dancing around the truth with grace, giving you no information and making it look like she was revealing every secret.

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"You didn't throw a fit, you listened to logic," I smiled at him, letting all the love I had for him shine in my eyes, "very impressive."

He beamed at me, shadows of what had happened that night still haunted his emerald eyes. He shrugged, "it was easy. The story made sense because I kept having like these flashes or dreams or something, I can't explain, but I kinda remember being in your lap with a house burning in the background."

I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief that he still remembered that night. Amazed at how much his brain could store and recall. "Yeah, that was the night Voldemort attacked and we made the deal. My arm was broken but you hung on to me and wouldn't let go. Hung on to me like a leach."

He smiled, delighted at having been accurate and having his father relate stories, "and you used to call me Emeralds right?"

I laughed and nodded. At that moment the hospital door opened, and I was immediately on alert and got my wand, only to put it back when I saw Piper poke her head in. She grinned as I waved her in, and I saw Nina hiding behind Piper's leg, walking carefully and hiding at the same time.

I looked at Harry to see him sitting like he'd just been struck by a thunder bolt, staring at the figure walking behind Piper. "Hello," Piper smiled stopping by the bed and looked at Harry, "my you've grown since I last saw you…then again, the last time I saw you was when you were barely two," she frowned.

"Act normal for once Piper, don't scare the kid," I smiled, my eyes never leaving Nina behind Piper's leg. "Speaking of kids…" I laughed, I looked at Harry and mouthed, "call her," silently.

He nodded and clearing his throat from whatever emotion that might intervene, said very clearly, "Nina?"

She pressed closer to Pipers leg, nearly knocking the woman over.

"Nina, let me see you," Harry said quietly.

"C'mon, show him what a pretty smile you got baby," I said, and peered around and found her looking at me with a blush creeping up her cheeks. She looked so shy! It broke my heart and made it flutter at the same time.

She shook her head.

I cocked an eyebrow at her, we were nose to nose now behind Piper's leg, "nervous?"

She nodded.

"But he's your big brother," I pointed out, "don't you want to talk to him, to kiss his booboos and tell him to feel better so he can teach you how to play Quiddich."

She nodded.

I stood up having been on my haunches in front of her, I held out my hand out for her, "c'mon," I said as she grabbed my hand. I slowly walked her the head of the bed where Harry sat very erect, it looked like he was holding his breath. "Harry, Nina, Nina, Harry," I introduced, feeling a bit stupid. I picked her up and set her on the bed beside him.

"Hi Nina," he said quietly, as if speaking louder might blow away the apparition of family, of a baby sister he would love more than anything in no time.

"Hi," she said, "is your arm better?" she asked looking pointedly at his forearm.

He nodded with a smile, "didn't hurt at all," his smile became more relaxed, "dad told me you like Quiddich?"

I smiled at him, she nodded. He had confided in Sirius and I that he was nervous about meeting his sister, that he didn't know what to say so we just told him to get her to talk to him about Quiddich. "But mama won't let me fly too high, yet," I heard her grin, her reserve and shyness slipping away slowly, "but dad and Padfoot say they're going to teach to fly and play."

"What position do you like?" He asked, sitting straighter but more relaxed.

"Keeper, like mama," she said brightly, "and you're a Seeker right? Like dad used to be?"

He nodded and looked up at with surprise in his eyes, "mom was a Keeper?"  
"Yeah," I laughed, "we all played Quiddich at some point except for Remus."

"There's so much I don't know," he sighed.

"James!" Remus called from the door, I turned and saw him give Piper and Nina a smile, "hey Piper, hey Nina," he turned his attention to me, "Dumbledore wants you in his office ASAP."

"Hope I'm not in trouble," I said, shrugging, "have fun and don't drive Pomfrey too crazy," I kissed both my children on their head, patted Piper's head like I would a mutt and walked towards Remus.

"How's Nina handling it?" he asked as we made our way through the halls, running into a few students who looked like they'd seen a ghost.

"Like she handled you and Sirius, with grace," I smiled, "they're getting along so far."

"I have a feeling he'll be very over-protective of her," Remus grinned.

"Certainly shows the sign of an over-protector," I shrugged, "why does Dumbledore want to see me?"

"Brain storms, first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix," Remus said.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" I smiled at him.

He looked at me sideways and a grin split his face, "you have no idea."

I laughed put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it fondly as we reached Dumbledore's office. I still had my hand on his shoulder as he proceeded me into the office, filled with the Order members who had showed up. They all froze like deer in headlights when they saw me, all conversation stopped and all eyes turned to me walking behind Remus like his 6 foot frame could hide the three inches I had on him.

"Hello," I said slowly smiling. I picked out a couple of faces immediately: Arthur, Dung, Emmeline, and ex-girlfriend, the always heart stopping Hestia Jones.

"Oh my God," Hestia breathed and dropped into the chair behind as though she couldn't stand on her legs any longer, "you're alive. It's true then."

I looked at her and smiled, "you know it," I looked at the people around the table and couldn't help chuckling, "c'mon people, you look like you're looking at a ghost. Trust me, I'm corporeal."

Arthur was the first to respond, coming towards me from behind the big conference table, smile in tact, hand extended. "Welcome back James," he said enthusiastically as we shook hands.

"Very good to be back Arthur," I assured him, clapping him on the shoulder in a quiet thanks for everything he'd done for Harry.

They welcomed me back one by one, Hestia throw herself in my arms and wept for a few minutes until Emmeline managed to talk her out of the choke hold she had on me. I smiled at her and wiped a tear from her face, remembering how much I had loved this woman when I was younger. That was just a memory now, a wonderful memory of first kisses and first nights spent in a woman's arms. "No more tears shed on our account Hestia," I smiled, "we're alright, alive and kicking."

"Good," she smiled at me, her lip quivering, "you have no idea how good it is to know you weren't murdered."

"Ditto," I smiled before the door of the office opened and Lily came in, and my heart fluttered in response to the smile she sent my way. The Order members spent a moment gawking over her as they had done with me, until Dumbledore finally asked if he could please start the meeting, promising social hour after the important matters were out of the way.

Sirius, Remus and I sat next to each other near the end of the table, like we had done during the First War Order meetings. The three of us usually passed along comments and opinions quietly, then spoke them aloud to the Order after we had confirmed amongst ourselves we wouldn't sound too psycho for suggesting whatever we were suggesting.

Dumbledore, as always, stood very calmly at the head of the table looking serene and powerful and sweeter then hell all at the same time. Eyes sparkling, looking at each member's face in order. Lily had once confided in me that sometimes it felt that the Order was a family: Dumbledore was the father, MacGonagall the mother, the Marauders were the mischievous brothers with Dung being our cousin who we had brainwashed, Lily, Piper and Kat had been the obedient daughters. And so on and so forth. And right now, watching Dumbledore scan the faces of the Order, he looked like a father breathing in all the fact that his family was reunited after years of horrible and unwanted separation because one of the boys had gone awry.

"I think welcomes are in order," he smiled, "Sirius, Lily and James of course. Welcome back to life."

The three of us murmured a thanks in response. I saw Lily shrink into her chair across from me, a slight blush on her cheeks. Cute. And very….yeah, "thought" inspiring, let's just say. I guess the statistics are right, men do think about sex every 3 minutes...in my case, probably seconds.

"Of course you all have heard about the story behind everything that happened that horrible night so long ago," he said calmly, subtly ignoring Hestia's little gasp as silent tears fell streamed down from her striking blue eyes. I caught Lily giving me a narrow-eyed look and I grinned at her. She shook her head, a smile quirking up the corners of her mouth. "And you all have been informed of the occurrences at the night of the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament. Lord Voldemort is back in power."

A collective shudder ran across the room, missing the Marauders and Lily and Piper, who had left Nina and Harry together to catch up. She had reported that they were so absorbed in each other that they hadn't noticed she as there at all.

"Prime Minister Fudge has refused time and again to believe that Voldemort has come back to power," Dumbledore went on calmly, a great speech maker, he looked at all of us in turn.

"Jackass," Sirius muttered darkly.

Dumbledore smiled at him and went on, "so it is left to us, the Order of the Phoenix, to protect the Wizarding community until people begin to realize that Voldemort is back. And that we are at the brink of another war."

I sat back in my chair, all sound blocked as I remembered the Prophecy. That horrid prophecy that proclaimed my son would either kill or be killed by Voldemort. That same Prophecy that had started all this crap, all this heartbreak. I remember when we found out about it, I nearly punched Dumbledore for having heard it and delivering the news. How would you feel if someone came to you and told you pointblank that your son was in eminent danger of being killed or becoming a killer after a few years or months of hunting? Enraged right…that's how I felt because Dumbledore told me the only thing I could do was train my kid to kick some ass. But thanks to that same little bastard named Voldemort, who just had to exist and be the devil's spawn, I couldn't even do that.

"There's only one thing that puzzles me about what happened during Voldemort's rebirth ceremony," Dumbledore, coaxing me back to reality from the onset of bitter memories, "Harry recalls dueling with Voldemort and says that something happened with the wands. I have found out that the Phoenix, my Fawks in fact, only gave two feathers and they were used for Voldemort and Harry's wand."

"Wait! My son and Voldemort's wand are brothers?" Lily asked sitting up straighter.

Dumbledore nodded, "that's why the wands wouldn't work against each other. The only thing that puzzles me is what happened when the wands connected and people Voldemort had killed came back as apparitions…The only people out of that group who hadn't died were Lily and James."

Everyone was quiet for a moment until Lily spoke up, "well he killed those people using an Unforgivable right?" she asked.

"Naturally," Dumbledore nodded encouragingly like we were in class.

"He used the Cruciatus on us that night," I said, knowing where Lily was going, "maybe the wands to Priori Encantatum and all the Unforgivable came out," I theorized.

Lily nodded, "it's been known to happen sir."

Dumbledore looked thoughtful as he rubbed his long beard in consideration, "if that is the case, how can you explain the fact that the apparitions spoke to Harry. You James, gave him directions on how to get back."

"I remember reading somewhere that when someone has been submitted to something horrendous under magic, gives a part of his or herself to the wand that committed the atrocity," I said, surprising everyone by proving that the years had made me grow up and I had taken responsibility at last, "and if you've been as unfortunate to have experienced the Cruciatus, I'm betting something, some part of Lils and I was taken when he put us under the Cruciatus that night. And that small part recognized Harry and helped him. Much like I would've if I'd been there myself."

"That makes sense," McGonagall proclaimed, the look on her face telling me she was surprised to be saying that about me.

Dumbledore nodded again, thoughtfully and proclaimed it made perfect sense.

"Can Harry tell us who was there? His Death Eaters?" Elphias Doge asked looking from Dumbledore then to the end of the table at us.

"We have McNair, Grabbe, Goyle, Malfoy-" Lily said and Sirius and I both snarled at the last name, we'd been after Malfoy since the first mention of Death Eaters and had captured him but he was freed because he can lie and he's pretty. The bastard. "But the Auror's won't do anything about it and we don't have anyone in there except Tonks…and no offense sweetheart, but you don't hold that great a post."

Tonks, who had the brightest color of pink I'd ever seen on her hair, nodded with a smile.

"What about Shackelbot? Anybody talk to him yet?" Sirius asked casually.

"Yes, but he wasn't able to get out of the Ministry for the meeting," Dumbledore confided, "there had been a possible sighting of you in Belgium and he's been put in charge of tracking you down."

"Lovely," he muttered as I laughed.

"When will we get Sirius's cleared?" Lily asked.

"As soon as possible," Dumbledore said with the twinkle in his eyes, making Piper beam and glow. "Now there's a question of where we will use as Headquarters…"

"We'd offer the house or one of the mansions but they're too high risk. I'm betting my ass….er, all the money that I have all the Death Eaters know them by now," I smiled, getting a few chuckles from around the table.

"What about the Noble and Ancient house of Black?" Sirius asked suddenly, "I'm the last Black so I inherited when my mother died…I hate the place's guts but my dad put thousand of wards and protection from Muggles on it. It's impenetrable already, and with a little work here and there…Ideal place."

"Thank you Sirius, I would like to visit the house soon if you please, check the conditions and so forth," Dumbledore smiled.

"Yey," Sirius cheered sarcastically.

I remember the house Sirius and his brother grew up in…one word for it, creepy. I'd been in the house only once and that was when I was an Auror doing a search for a known Death Eater, Regulus Black. And Sirius's mother had just stared at me like a hawk the entire time, making snide remarks about my best friend and dragging my parent's name into the business. So I naturally told her in the politest way to shut up or I'd book her under the charge of disturbing an Auror while he tries to concentrate. She shut up immediately.

I knew what painful memories lay there for Sirius. Not quite dormant, old demons lingered there with unpleasant memories of a childhood that had been non-existent and one I would only wish on the most evil of evils. It would be tough for him to face those demons, but my best friend is strong, he can take it.

The meeting was dismissed and we went back to the Hospital Wing to Harry and Nina after exchanging greetings and catching up with our friends. I found out that Tonks is the daughter of Sirius's favorite cousin, and a chick I used have a crush on when I was ten, Andromeda (Andy) Black now Tonks. And Tonks' first name is actually Nympahdora…odd family with odder names.

Harry was sitting up in his bed with Nina beside him and Hermione, Ron and his brothers and his youngest sister, a cute girl name Ginny. "Having fun?" Lily smiled as we walked towards them.

They were talking about something, all there questions on Harry's baby sister. Guess normality has settled in on him by now. I know he must have great anger towards Lily and I for abandoning him with the Dursley's for all those years, but he's too busy being happy that he has a mom, a dad, and a baby sister now. He seems content with everything…for now anyways. God knows when that volcano will erupt and only He knows how I'll be singed.

* * *

OMG! 218 Reviews! I feel so warm andfuzzy inside and if you guys keep 'em comin' like u have been since 22, you'll get a update faster. So keep 'em comin'! LOVE YOU! -Mav


	25. This Boys Life

Ch. 25 This Boy's Life

"Can I not be here?" I asked Lily the next day in our house in Turlock. We were standing in the kitchen with Nina coloring a picture of Harry and herself on brooms on the kitchen table.

Lily tilted her head to the side to give me a look that told me for sure, if I had any doubt, I was a certified idiot. "You are not leaving me alone with those people."

"Those people, my love, happen to be your sister, her dearest husband and your dearer nephew," I said sweetly, going to sit by my daughter, and watched her color her masterpiece. Ever since this kid was born, like her brother, I think she does everything ten times better than other children. I kissed her temple at the thought and turned my mind towards the argument that was ensuing between Lily and I.

"Yes, but if you're not there, I'm liable to attack them with my bare fists," she pointed out.

I grinned, "see, then who's going to keep me from ripping Vernon Dursley apart?" I asked in the same sweet, unbelievably annoying voice. Dumbledore had contacted the Durlsey's a few days ago to tell them not only had Harry just escaped death, but that Harry would not be returning to them…ever again because his parents were alive. This had led Petunia to demand information Dumbledore had readily given, and Petunia had used the information and called Lily, informing her that she and her husband and son were traveling, via magic surprisingly provided by Dumbledore, and would arrive at our house today at about 4 for lunch. No doubt there would be fighting.

She frowned, "I am not seeing those people alone James, you can't leave me with them."

I looked deep into her eyes, letting me read the hatred that had taken its root in my heart since the first day I met the two idiots. Vernon, I had disliked immediately when I'd met him when he and Petunia were just engaged. He had looked at Lily as though he'd jump her bones in two seconds, and he had totally offended my race in its entirety. Then Petunia had made such a spectacle by not coming to our wedding, and making Lily so upset…I hated her with a deep passion. I hate her as much as I hate Voldemort. She hurt her own sister, at least Voldemort kills strangers, it hurts a bit less. Trust me, the voice of experience talking.

But in those green eyes I could see she wouldn't face those bastards alone, because I could see that Lily still loved her big sister like a little sister admires her big sister. I'm an only child, but I'd seen the way Regulus used to look-up to Sirius, the way Piper used to look up to her older sister, Paige. And I saw the admiration and deep set need for approval in my own daughters eyes as she'd looked at her older brother. Lily still loved Petunia despite everything, she still wanted her sister's approval and consent and acknowledgment. Even after what Petunia had done.

I sighed in surrender, knowing I would rather die then let my wife fight any battle, "fine," I murmured, "I won't disappear off the face of the earth for a few hours. I'll stay here."

"Thank you," she smiled gratefully, I sent a wink at her.

"Who's Petunia?" Nina asked, coloring idly.

"You're mother's sister, that makes her your aunt," I answered, leaning back in the stool and toying with her curls.

She frowned and looked me, "I thought Piper was my aunt."

"Well," I explained, "she is, but Piper's your godmother therefore technically your aunt, Petunia is your mommy's sister. That makes her your aunty by blood, if not by anything else."

Still frowning, she turned back to her drawing, "when will Harry come home?" she asked.

"A few weeks," I answered, as anxious as she was to have him home at last. Sirius and I had already started on detoxifying Number 12 Grimmauld, the place as stingy as expected since no one had lived there for the better part of a decade. We cleared the hall, the kitchen and a dining room so the Order could immediately meet there. Molly and Lily had said they would tackle the rest of the house with the kids in tow.

"They're here," I heard Lily breath a few hours later. She stood by the window in the living room that looked out to the street, "oh my God James, they're here."

I walked up behind her and saw a ministry car standing in front of my driveway with Petunia Dursley, looking more like a horsey, Vernon, looking more like a pig, and their son, looking like a pig as well, standing there. "Looks like the ministry made a mistake and dropped off a Goddamned manger."

I received an elbow in my side for that as she walked swiftly towards the door.

I could tell she was nervous, "screw 'em sweetheart, don't even get your pretty little head in a cluster over those animals."

"She's my sister James," she said quietly.

"She's the same sister who turned her back on you," I reminded gently as she opened the front door and the heavy metal screen in front of that one.

"She also took Harry under her wing when she didn't have to," Lily murmured as we waited for them to make their way up the path between the grass to the house.

"She also mistreated Harry, Lily," I reminded.

Petunia came and stood in front of Lily, just stared at her sister like she was seeing an alien. She didn't hug or scream with the enthusiasm I would've associated with a sibling finding out that their sibling was still alive after 13 years of thinking they were dead. Bitch.

"Well, this is fun," I said eyeing the three "people" standing on our doorstep, "would you guys like to come in and have this intriguing reunion or shall we just stay out here?"

Without a word, they came into the house. I made a choking gesture behind Vernon as he entered the house behind his son and wife. Instead of actually carrying out the choking, I just shut the door behind me and leaned back against it. It seemed Lily and Petunia were having a staring contest.

"Wow," I breathed going towards the kitchen to get a drink of something so I wouldn't have to hit three of the four people in the living room, "good to see your social skills improving," I said, tapping Petunia on the back as I passed by them.

Apparently that roused my sister-in-law because I heard her breath Lily's name, "oh God Lily, I thought you were dead."

"You and the rest of the world," Lily murmured, I could tell she wasn't breathing normally just from her posture, her back was towards me. And I couldn't look away as tears appeared in my sister-in-law's eyes. Wow, the realization shocked me, Petunia may be human after all.

"I can't believe it," Petunia was saying now, "the old man…Dumbledore? He told me you were killed by that evil man looking for James and Harry."

"He was right about Voldemort being after us, he just never killed us, we just made a deal to disappear so he wouldn't kill Harry," Lily explained mechanically, her voice hardened, "and we just saved him from one hell and let him enter another one as we watched."

And now, ladies and gents, is the part where there are waterworks, pains coming to the surface and confrontations. "How could you do that Petunia?" Lily whispered, her voice quivering with tears and anger and every other emotion she'd locked up inside her beautiful heart for all this time. "He was my son! My flesh and blood and you treated him as if he were dirt! I'm your sister for Christ's sake, your flesh and blood, so technically Harry's your flesh and blood too and you treated him like you would treat a lowly servant. No, something lower then that! How could you do that Petunia?"

"Lily…I---" she began as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"What? You thought I was dead and I couldn't come back and kick your ass eight ways from Sunday for mistreating my son?" she asked harshly, I've never seen her like this. Sure, she's lost her temper with me more then once but always with a chilling coolness that was more terrifying then anything. But she's livid now, on fire with a rage I feel as well.

"Remember that night you sent Harry out at night to the park? He was exhausted from the heat from working in the garden and this man named Atticus Evens brought him in? Took him to the park the next morning?" I asked, still standing behind the mini bar in the living room.

"Yes…How do you know about that?" Petunia asked, dabbing her tears with a handkerchief.

"Was he one of …one of _you_?" Vernon asked, sounding outraged as though he had every right to.

"He is me you idiot," I said staring at him. God, how can a man resemble a pig so much and manage to give the poor creature a bad name? Poor pigs. "I'm Atticus Evens. Figure it out! Never mind, no brains to do it. I bet you don't remember but my middle name is Atticus. And I used your maiden name Petunia," I looked back at Vernon who was staring at me like I was a penguin who just declared I had come off a spaceship from Neptune and wanted to take over the planet and put it under the penguin army's charge. "You do not know how bad I wanted to strangle you, Vernon. Still do actually."

I lost it. There was no way to get it back. The emotions flooded me immediately and I couldn't stop from toppling over the edge. The image of my son crammed into a goddamn broom closet under the goddamned stairs just made me wild. The image of him being picked on by that Irish asshole in the dead of night…say good-bye to control Jimmy.

"What the hell were you thinking Vernon?" I stalked him now, my movements as precise and as purposeful as a tiger stalking it's prey. "You know for a fact that if you were in our situation, if, God forbid, we had to take of your kid, we'd treat him like he was our own. Not some stranger, not so piece of shit we scraped off our shoes!" I yelled grabbing his collar, "I've wanted to kill you ever since I met you Vernon. And when I was told my son had to live with you because his life was in danger, I actually thought you and Petunia would have the decency to at least pity the infant and treat him with respect. But when I saw how you worked him, how you forced a 5-year-old boy stand out in the blazing heat and trim the garden, I wanted to strangle, to torture you and watch you suffer. Kill you then revive you to kill you again."

Yep, no getting it back now. Might as well push the arrow through.

Then I turned to Petunia, who was staring at me like I was going to kill her. Lucky her, I can hold my temper from that part. "And you," I said, "how could you treat your own sister's son like that? How could you allow him to be treated like he was?"

"James, please," she whispered, clasping her hands in front of her like she was praying.

I looked over her shoulder at Lily who looked back at me with terrified, hurt eyes, "this was a bad idea Lils. I'm gonna take Nina to Hogwarts to see Harry, I need to talk to Dumbledore anyway, make sure he hasn't lost his mind having suggested these two to come here."

She nodded, "ok," Lily whispered. She knew if I stayed here for a few more minutes, I would kill someone.

"Before I go," I said and went back to Vernon and punched him.

Feeling smug, having knocked Vernon over, I went upstairs to get Nina and we Floo'd to Hogwarts.

I had wanted to punch him like that for such a long time.

When we brought Harry home a few weeks later when the term ended, it was a day none of us would forget for a long time. Standing at the station like the other parents, waiting for our baby boy to come off the train was something monumental for Lily and I. And for him too. The light in his green eyes had never been brighter, and I don't remember his smile ever being as clear or as wide when he hugged his mother. Lily, Sirius and I escorted him home, using a port-key of course since driving to America isn't exactly optional.

When we arrived in front of the house in 'burbs, Harry just sort of stared at the house, with the rose bushes in front, the lemon tree and fig tree. His eyes got misty and Sirius and I decided not to tease him about it as Lily wrapped her arm around his shoulders and took him to the house via the very little used front door.

Inside, Piper and Nina had been waiting with "Welcome Home Harry!" banners all over the place with ballons sticking to the ceiling. Lily had tears in her eyes as Harry had knelt down to hug Nina, kissing her cheek and saying thank you.

God, he's home again. After all these years, he's home, and he's staying!

I would never have thought I would ever be happy again, never know the feeling of absolute satisfaction again in my entire life. But I knew I had jumped the gun as I lay on my back in Lily and my bed at home. She was draped on top of me, the flimsy white sheet barely covering her long legs as she tried to escape the torturous summer weather of Turlock, California. She was wearing one of my shirts that went down to her mid-thighs, leaving me to stare and drool at those legs like a hungry wolf.

I couldn't believe Harry was in the house, across the hall from us in his own room in our house. I think Sirius, Remus and I had broken a few thousand world records converting the room we used as a guest room to a room a boy Harry's age would enjoy. He had loved the room at first glance with all the Quiddich posters, the pictures, everything about it had been custom-charmed for HP just like Nina's room was costumed for NP.

My God, happiness feels _good_…or maybe that's just Lily…

My thoughts were broken when I thought I heard a moan, then dismissed it as my imagination running away with me. I heard it again, this time louder and first I thought it was Nina. Then I recognized Harry's light scream, calling out for Cedric in his dream. I nearly hurled Lily to the floor as I got up, knowing he was having a nightmare about that night. But seriously, how could he not?

"Harry?" I asked as I got into his darkened room, turning on the lamp that was by the door as I went in. He was thrashing on his bed, a fine sheen of sweat covered his face as he kicked his sheets away. I tried to gently wake him up by calling his name, then started to gently shake him when he didn't respond to my calls. "Harry, c'mon, wake up kid, it's only a dream."

At last, with a final gasp, his eyes cracked up and we nearly butted heads as he sat up. He looked hazy for a moment, the look clearing when he recognized me as being his father. "You alright?" I asked, forcing him to look at me.

He nodded absently.

"You sure sweetheart?" Lily asked from behind me, she was standing in the doorway, her robe on clumsily.

"Yeah, just a nightmare," he said and threw himself back against his pillows, "it's ok, really."

"Ok," Lily said coming into the room and bent down and kissed his forehead, "call us if you need anything, alright?"

He nodded, I could tell he was a bit hazed about his mother back all of a sudden. I patted his leg, "get to sleep kid, big day ahead of you tomorrow."

Harry raised himself on his elbows and cocked his eyebrow at me the exact way I used to at my own dad, "why?"

I grinned at him, "we're going to go to the Noble and Ancient House of Black to clean up."

"Oh great," he muttered.

"Should be fun, everyone'll be there," I assured him and stood up, "night Harry," I said, advising him to holler if he wanted something. Wrapping my arm around my wife's waist, I escorted her out of our teenage son's bedroom. I lay on my back, one arm around Lily, the other under my head as I kept my ears open for any other noises from Harry.

"I hate this place," Sirius muttered the next morning as a small army of Witches and Wizards stood outside the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black.

"It doesn't look like the cheeriest of places," commented Remus standing next to him. Us, the three Marauders, were standing in front as thought to protect the people behind us.

I bent over to look Remus on the other side of Sirius, "you've never been here?"  
Moony cocked an eyebrow at me, reminding me that he had been the smartest out of the lot and had gotten through a year of Hogwarts with my son as one of his students. The man is brave. "I'm a werewolf. The Black family is very picky about pure-bloods. Sure James, I've been here a thousand times and welcomed with open arms."

I narrowed my eyes at his sarcasm and straightened to look at the imposing building. "In a house where their own son isn't welcome, what the hell makes you think Remus would've been, you idiot?" Sirius asked me.

"Since when do you correct me?" I asked him sounding as offended as I was.

"Since I've been declared a free man and given back all the compensation," he grinned. That's right, we tied Padfoot up yesterday and dragged him to the Ministry. After being given Vertasirum, he was declared free and all compensation paid and he was again a member of society. What was most fun about this was Fudge had publicly apologized. Muahaha. _And_, we are going back to our posts as Aurors this Monday, which is in two days. Again, muahahha!

"Could you guys stop arguing so we can get inside?" Harry asked coming up to stand behind me.

We gave him a look, "anxious to get cleaning are we?" Sirius teased.

"Hey, the sooner we start, the sooner we finish right?" he asked looking at us.

"Oh Jesus, my son's teaching me lessons about life," I grumbled, "I need a drink."

"It's ok dad, you can give me plenty of advice later," he said, tapping my shoulder and walking back to stand next Ron and Ginny Weasley.

I laughed and looked at the others, it was our task to go in first because of the danger of the curses set around the house. Pure-bloods are safe to go in but we were scared for the mixes in the group, like Remus, Harry, Lily, Nina and a few of the Order members.

"Let's go," I said. Raising our wands we went through the house and Moony did encounter a couple of curses that would ward off mixes but we disbanded and took them down immediately.

"Holy f…" Sirius gasped as we entered the hall of the great house.

My apartment, before Lily when Sirius and I lived alone in London, had never looked this bad on its worse day. And our apartment had been pretty horrendous. "WOE!" Piper yelled, nearly jumping on my back when she entered the house.

"What?" I asked.

She pointed towards the far corner of the hall, "that spider is the size of my fist," she said.

"Actually, the size of James's ego, which is a bit bigger," Sirius commented before killing the spider with a specialized insect-killer curse. Thousand times better then those Muggle sprays for insects and bugs and creepy-crawlers.

"Go to hell," I told him before Molly and Lily got in and began to make inspections. The two women came back with the report that the cleaning would have to start in the basement kitchen and the dining room and a group would have to start in the bedrooms in case we needed them.

"I don't wanna clean!" Remus grumbled, following Sirius and I up the stairs to the library.

"Too bad," Sirius snapped.

"At least you don't have a wife who's on your back about it!" I said loud enough for Lily to hear me.

"I heard that!" she yelled.

"I know!" I yelled back, "I don't wanna clean!"

Ah, life is good again.

AN: Sorry for the delay but life kickstarted again and knocked me on my ass for a while, i'm still down but i'm gettin' up. I promise. I'll try to get over another on-coming block and post sooner then this update. Thank you all for reviewing! It means soooo much and keep comin'! LOVE YOU!

-Mav


	26. We Meet Again

Ch. 26 We Meet Again

Sirius and I were going crazy the day baby Harry was going to be brought home from the hospital. Piper, Kat and Lily were going to be his escort since I had been at work most of the day, trying to find out who killed a Muggle family. Sirius and I'd barely made it home in time to see my baby boy come home for the first time, and I hoped, forever.

"Kids, we're home!" Piper called, using her favorite nickname for the Marauders, despite the fact that we already had nicknames. Odd, odd Piper.

I was upstairs in the bathroom cleaning up and nearly fell down the stairs as I hurried down to watch my beautiful, exhausted looking young wife come through the front door with Harry in her arms, Kat carrying his car seat and Piper with Lily's bags.

"Hi baby," I said to Lily, putting my hands on the sleeping bundle, I gave her a warm kiss home, then bent down to my son, "hi baby to you too baby," I smiled and kissed her forehead. We'd had a little party that night in Harry's honor, though the honoree was asleep for most of the party.

And since 14-year-old Harry's return was as important as his first entrance into our house, we had a party in his honor too. And this time, he stayed up with us. When I say everyone was in our backyard for the party, I mean everyone. All the Weasley's, the Tonks family, the Grangers who were looking pretty comfortable for Muggles, and most of the Order.

Sirius and I had been put in charge of the barbecue that would be the main course for the night, and we were dance around the grill, cooking. Piper, Remus and Lily were standing behind us, shaking their heads, disappointed that they'd thought we'd finally grown up and really hadn't. Our idiocy had only lain dormant, waiting for a general consensus with God to come back. And that was the minute we are reunited, the idiocy and kookiness would become operational again.

"Seriously you guys," Remus laughed as Harry joined us in our three-man Congo line around the grill, "don't ruin the kid."

"His choice," I called, going back to saying, "chachachacha chah! Chah!"

"Yeah, don't worry Remus!" Harry called between bouts of laughter.

"At least leave Nina!" Piper begged.

And as if on cue, Nina ran forward and took her place in the crazy Congo line in front of me. "Just don't burn the burgers, please, some of us are hungry," Dumbledore said mildly, pointedly looking at the burger that would've become charcoal had I not reached it in time, cursing as I did so.

Sirius, Nina and Harry were having a good ol' laugh at my expense. "Where did you learn to barbecue James? I wasn't aware Wizards knew how to, let alone an Englishmen wizard," Gavin Granger commented a few minutes later when we'd settled down a bit. Everyone had a burger or hot dog in their hand with something to drink, laughing and talking. And all was right in the world.

"I was hiding as a Muggle for 13 years, you get to learn some tricks when your use of Magic is so limited," I told him with a grin. I liked the man, he seemed pretty genuine and didn't stand out like a soar thumb among the Wizards. And Hermione reminded me a lot of Lily when she was her age, it was pretty damn weird.

I looked around and saw the Weasley twins whispering to each other and I knew they were up to something. I excused myself from Gavin's presence and walked towards the two boys, "what's going on?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow, I could tell from their eyes they were planning a prank. Sirius and my eyes became that bright when we were planning as well.

"Just keep watching Sirius," one of them said with a grin.

I watched Sirius take a bite out of his sandwich and go on talking to Piper and Lily about something. I turned the twins and cocked my eyebrow as they started fighting, "what the hell? Didn't you put the spell in it?"

"I was supposed to get the sandwich, you're the one who was supposed to put the curse on it!" the other one yelled.

In frustration, they both took a bite out of their hotdogs and immediately they turned purple, with sudden chicken clucks escaping their mouths. The look on their face was enough of a reward. Chuckling, I slapped them on the back saying, "never mess with the Marauder's boys," and walked over to Sirius for an over-due high five. We'd caught the boys jinxing the sandwiches and well, touche I guess.

Like I said, _never _mess with the Marauders.

Everyone helped us clean up the mess in the backyard, then headed home to rest because we were attacking the Black mansion again the next day. Ron and Harry had had the time of their lives and Molly just barely managed to pry Ron away from Harry. Now my son was lying exhausted in his bedroom. And Nina had been having such an adrenaline rush, I'd spent an hour trying to get her to sleep.

And at last, the house was quiet, and it was just Lily and I awake downstairs. She dropped beside me on the couch with a sigh, "God, I'm exhausted."

"But that was the most fun we've had in a while," I told her, kissing the top of her head as she wrapped her arms around my chest and rested her head on my shoulder, tucking her long legs underneath her.

"You have no idea," Lily murmured, rubbing her face in my chest like a cat seeking comfort.

"Harry and Nina had a lot of fun too," I told her, throwing my head back against the cushions of the couch.

"I think Nina realized what she was tonight, where she came from…I think that's good for her," Lily said.

Recalling the way everyone had adored Nina, the way her eyes were lit up the entire night talking with everyone, playing with her brother and uncles, I'm sure she had the time of her life. And when McGonagall showed her how she could turn into a cat, Nina had been ecstatic. So I agreed, yes, it had been good for Nina to meet everyone in the Wizarding community. To be shown exactly where she'd come from. "I think so too," I agreed, "McGonagall seemed to just fall in love with her."

Lily chuckled sleepily, "whoever doesn't immediately love our baby girl, there's something wrong with their brain."  
"True," I nodded through a yawn that had my mouth opening wide and lasted for a while.

"Sleepy?" Lily laughed, watching me.

"No," I said with a grin.

Taking my hand, she led me up the stairs and to our bedroom. I was so sleepy I didn't even try to dissuade her from putting on pajamas. I just stripped to my boxers and slipped under the covers as Lily ran through her usual bedtime preparations. I fell asleep when she went to check up on the kids.

When I was finally thinking I was going to get a good-nights sleep around 4 A.M. for some reason I just woke up and couldn't fall asleep. So I just lay there with Lily curled up by my side, listening to the groans and creaks of the house and the air conditioner as it tried to cool us from the 70 degree Turlock weather.

As hard as I tried to hypnotize myself, thinking about stories that usually made me fall asleep, I couldn't. I just couldn't fall asleep. It was the strangest thing, like someone had put a curse on me that made me not want to get up.

Then I reexamined the situation and figured out that I had woken up for a reason, trepidation. When I realized that I'd thought I heard something in the house, my ears pricked up considerably and cold chills ran down my spine. I sat up on my elbows and looked through the darkness, the tiny, fine hairs at the back of my neck standing at attention.

"James?" I heard Lily whisper lazily though her voice as alert as usual, "what's wrong?"

"Nothin'," I muttered, well, was about to when to simultaneous screams raised the roof of the house. One of them a chilling, "daddy!" and the other one was the sound of a boy whose voice was changing.

I don't know how fast Lily and I jumped out of bed and grabbed our wands, my years as an Auror making me faster then Lily. I skid to the halt in front of the kids rooms that were attached to each other.

"Well, well, well Mr. Potter, we meet again," a chilling voice said, coming from Nina's bedroom.

AN: I know it took a while but I'm going through some crises right now. But 27 is on its way, God have mercy 28. Love you guys and I'm sooo sorry! BTW, ROCK ON ENGLAD! ((been watching the world cup, lol. Beckham baby, yeah!))


	27. Then There Was Pain

Ch. 27 And Then There Was More Pain

If you'd dumped two tons of ice on me, I wouldn't have been as shocked as I was when I saw the red snake eyes that were glowing in the darkness of my daughters bedroom. The blue nightlight didn't do much of lighting, it was just there for Nina's assurance that there were no monsters in her closet when the monster could just pop up, somehow managing to find a crack in the wards.

"Holy fuck," I muttered, swallowing, my arms blocking Lily and Harry, shielding them with my body, "I wished to hell I would never meet you again you big fucker," I said to the dark figure standing in front of me. I could feel Harry behind me, I could feel the pain of his scar radiating off of his body and his need to run and rescue his sister.

"Tut, tut, tut, didn't Dumbledore teach you to watch your language? Especially in front of your young daughter?" the son of a bitch asked with an arrogance that made me wild.

"Daddy?" I heard Nina whisper as the lights of the entire house came on with a flick of my wand.

I looked at my little girl, huddled in the corner, tears streaming down her beautiful eyes, her knees tucked into her chest, "it's OK sweetheart, I won't let him take you."

"The same promise you made to her brother," Voldemort, the fucker, said with a sneer, making me crazy and wild, making me see blood, "but look where you wound up with that promise James. Haven't you heard the old saying? Don't make promises you can't keep."

I lost it and lunged at him like a hungry wolf that had been starved for too long. I attacked, all the years of anger of having everyone I loved ripped away from me, of seeing them hurt so badly, of seeing my life and everyone else's fall apart because of this son of a bitch that couldn't weigh 90 pounds. And yet, he had held all our lives in his hands, and snapped them in half even in his demise.

I pounded him as hard as I could, knocking him to the ground. He didn't have a face or a body but God I pounded him. I'd never been this wild, never saw this much blood and never wanted to taste it as bad as I did know. But his surprise faded and his wand came out and oh Lord, the fun began.

That small Latin word had me howling at the moon, my spine cracking with sounds it shouldn't have made as I arched up, the pain so horrendous, so unbelievably blinding. Having thousands and thousands of blistering knives thrown into your body simultaneously would've hurt less then the Craciatus. All I could manage through the hells were orders for Lily to get Harry and Nina and herself out of their as fast as she could.

"James…" she whispered, tears in her voice.

"GO!" I roared as I felt blood seep through wounds that had opened on their own accord.

As fast as it had come, it stopped and I had never been as grateful for anything in my entire life as I when it stopped. And I lay there, my mind buzzing, yelling at my unwilling body to get up and move and finish what I'd vowed when I started it. But my body simply wouldn't obey my mind and thoughts, instead it just froze on its hands and knees with blood seeping through wounds.

"You can't protect them from me James, you got away with it last time, but not anymore," he hissed into my ear with that horrendous voice.

"Watch me," I whispered, thankful my pride was still in tact.

He chuckled, "give up James, you may have won the battle, but your going to lose the war very painfully."

"Again, watch me," I said to him, my head managing to turn enough to look him straight in his damned red eyes.

"You know, that little girl of yours has potential of becoming a great witch," he grinned the grin that made the devil cringe, "it would be a shame if something awful happened to her."

I grabbed his throat, catching him by surprise again and knocked him on his back, "touch her, come anywhere near my family again and I swear on everything I hold dear that I'll personally rip your throat off and feed it to the dogs."

He laughed. The son of a bitch laughed! "Ah James, you always amused me."

And he was gone. He had Dissaparated from right under me, the son of a bitch. Then I heard a creaking and I knew why he had disappeared, Dumbledore, to me known as the cavalry, was there. "James!" he gasped and was on his knees next to me in my daughters room in the puddle my blood had made. Amazing what adrenaline does to you. Thank you God for adrenaline because the real pain had yet to catch up to me. You wanna know how stupid I am? Frank Sinatra's "the best is yet to come" started playing in my head.

"Everyone ok? Where are they?" I asked nearly grabbing the old man by the collar.

"Hogwarts, they're fine," he assured me. Like the father figure he always represented to me, he brushed back my hair from my face, "what did he use on you."

"Craciatus," I breathed, still on my hands and knees, starting to made deals with my stomachs so it wouldn't loose all its cookies, "but he'd never made it so strong. That's why I'm bleeding all over."

"You need to get to a hospital," he said, grabbing me by the elbow and gently helping me stand up. I swayed and the old man caught with a surprisingly strong grip

"Pomfray, no Mungos," I managed, "and please, keep Nina and Harry away from me until I'm cleaned up."

Dumbledore didn't argue or comment and Dissaparated both of us to the hospital wings of Hogwarts where Pomfrey rushed to my rescue. Dumbledore kept his promise and kept my family out of the wards until Pomfrey had nicely cleaned me up so that I was a half-assed mummy with all that gauze covering my body. She'd put a salve on the wounds that had just opened up out of nowhere, they looked like someone had either whipped me or taken a knife and just randomly slashed me. And they heart like a bitch, like no physical I'd ever felt in my life.

I was given a few hours reprieve from the world and just collapsed, fainted or something, maybe I was given a dream-less potion. I have no idea, but when I opened my eyes, six hours had slipped by like water through a crack. When I opened my eyes, it felt like there was a film covering my eyes, I closed them tightly again and opened them and my vision cleared as much as it did without my glasses.

Lily was sitting in a chair by my bed, holding my hand with both of hers, her face resting against them and she had her eyes closed. And it looked like she'd been crying for a while.

And the sight of those tears on her face, when just yesterday she'd been so happy and jovial made me crazy and curse Voldemort and every single thing in the world. Good or bad.

If there was any good, how could it let something so horrible happen? If there was some good in the world, then why had it just so cruelly taken away the happiness it had given us? How could it make such an angel so sad, how could it consider the possibility of putting two innocent children in mortal danger?

What the hell was wrong with the world? Tell me that and I'll hand deliver you all the wealth in the world. Just tell me what's going on, what's happening. Let me in on the secret. I'm desperate, my SOS has been flashing red and no one's responding. No one can.

"Hey, you're up," Lily whispered, her eyes having fluttered open as I stared unseeing at the ceiling of the Hogwarts hospital wing.

"I guess so," I sighed, shifting my body a bit as a muscle in my back started to complain.

"You had us going James," she whispered, moving one of her hands to stroke my cheek, runner her thumb over my lips, staring at me with the burden of the world weighing down on her shoulders, her beautiful emeralds dim.

"I'm fine," I told her, even a spasm grew in my leg and my stomach started churning, "I promise," I insisted seeing the look she gave me.

"Whatever you say but you scared the life out of us," she told me, fresh tears appearing in her emerald green eyes. My Lily. My life. My love.

"I think Voldemort did the honors of scaring you, I just sealed the deal," I told her. My heart contracted as she began to sob into her own hands, making me want to cry and kill everyone who had caused her pain at the same time. I struggled and ignored all the complaints my body sent me and I managed to sit up, "come here," I whispered and drew her towards me. Her arms wrapped around my waist, her head going to my chest as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

I stroked her hair and rocked her back in forth, murmuring assurance that I'm sure didn't make sense. Making promises that probably sounded insane but all I needed was for her to take comfort. I'd never seen her sob so hard against my chest, and when her sobs dwindled to base moans, I lay back against the bed and drew her with me so she was lying down on top of me. I kept stroking her hair until she started breathing deeply and I knew she was asleep.

I just held her and my mind went uncharacteristically blank. I just want my family safe. I just want to have a normal life with my family, with my wife and children. I just want to hold my wife in my arms like this because we just had incredible sex, not because her heart just got ripped to peaces and she sobbed harder then ever.

God help me sometimes I just want to punch something, hurt someone, kill someone. The rage that lies dormant within me…I don't know how I've managed not to end up in the nut house so long.

And I know for a fact keeping everything inside is going to have dire consequences…God help me!

I heard the wing door open and turned to look who was coming in. Sirius poked his head in and looked at me, "the kids want to see you man, quite frankly, I want to see you," he said softly, concern filling his gray eyes, his eyes darted to Lily, "she ok?"

"Exhausted, and yes, the kids can come in Padfoot," I told him, and found out the hard way the effects the curse had on my throat.

I smiled as much as I could as Harry, with his sister's hand in his, walked in with Remus and Piper following closely behind them. Nina looked absolutely terrified, her blue eyes swimming in tears as she came closer. Harry looked like he may have been about three years younger then Sirius, about a hundred-and-fifty or so.

Fuck damn it!

I looked at Nina who was just staring at me like I was some kind of alien or something. Like I was a stranger. Her lower lip was quivering, the way her mother's did when she was upset, when she wanted to burst from emotions inside her. From the anger, the fear, the absolute terror of being only 6 and having seen the greatest evil in the world.

Lily's eyes slowly opened as I tried to sit up, she was suddenly awake and sitting up, looking at Nina expectantly. The reason we were both worried about Nina is well, because she's an infant man! Newly exposed to the world her parents and brother and ancestors were born into. To have such a terrifying welcome in to that wonderful, old world was a shocker for my baby girl. My son had enough experience to understand what happened, to know exactly why it happened and how Voldemort had slipped through my fingers.

Harry understood that I was mere man, that I wasn't god, that I wasn't someone who could just make everything ok. He understood that I couldn't keep him safe from everything, but Nina. I was superman to her, and my fall from grace…God help me about to lose it.

Ignoring the protests the adults sent my way, I threw my legs over the side of the bed and looked at my terrified baby. And at the moment, I realized that even though I would die for Harry in heartbeat, and despite the facts that fathers are supposed to love their kids under equal capacity…somehow Nina was more special. Maybe it was the age old father/daughter bond that a mother and daughter could never share. Daddy's girl.

"You alright baby girl?" I asked, gazing deeply into those imitations of my eyes.

Her lip started quivering even more violently, she started to nod her head then suddenly threw herself into my arms.

I froze at first, hit by the force of her love and concern. But in no time I had my arms wrapped tightly around her, my lips buried in her sweet smelling hair, and I was vowing to whatever greater power that I would rip apart anyone who even thought about harming one hair on my daughter's head. She was my life. Harry was my life. And Lily. If anything happens to them, if one day I wake up and find out that I will never be able to see and touch them again…I don't know what I'd do.

I remember when I found out my dad had passed away. It was one of the most terrible days of my life. I can't bare the idea of having to go through that pain again, only this time, have it magnified by a couple of thousand degrees.

My parents and I were like friends, had developed a relationship based on mutual trust and loyalty. I was close to both my parents, but my dad and I more so. Zachary Potter was ideal as a father, husband, friend…just ideal as a human being. He had so much honor and respect towards everybody. He never judged, never labeled anyone as anything and yet managed to be the best Auror in the department. He went on to become the head of the Auror teams and went down in history as a hero.

And even though he was busy keeping the world safe for the rest of us, he still managed to play Quiddich with me and teach me pranks, and in my seven years as a player at Hogwarts, I think he only missed one of my games. He wasn't strict in discipline, but had this great trick of just making you feel guilty as hell. It became so that I didn't want to get in trouble in fear that I would disappoint my dad and see the grimness in his teal blue eyes.

I truly loved my dad, and I will never forget him, just like I will never, ever forget the day I found he was killed.

It was about a week after Christmas, I was sitting in my office in the Auror HQ with Sirius and Frank Longbottom, going over a series of murder techniques that were completely bizarre. We'd never seen anything that brutal. (It later turned out to be a spell Snape had come up with, the same one he'd used when we were in Fifth Year to cut my cheek).

I was about to start running around in circles and ripping out my hair, but instead I made myself walk around in circles with the rubber ball Sirius and I tossed around the office. Frank was suggesting a number of spells that could've been the cause, and Sirius and I kept finding flaws in them after comparing it with the case.

"If it isn't the Pianus curse, then what the fuck is it?" I nearly yelled, this time my hands almost going to grab my hair…I stopped it in time though.

We started arguing again when the door of the deserted office opened and Piper came in, her hair a wild mess, tears streaming down her face forming black streams from her mascara. She looked like a mess. Sirius nearly ran to her, wrapping his arms around her without asking what was up.

I took the initiative, "what's wrong? What happened?" I asked, frowning, my heart constricting with eminent pain.

"Oh God," she sobbed into Sirius shoulder, when her hiccups stopped, she let go of Sirius and put her arms around me and sobbed some more into my shoulder.

"C'mon honey, what happened?" I asked. I just knew someone was dead. It felt like a 400 ton weight had been dropped into my stomach. Someone I loved was dead. It was either Lily, Remus or dad.

She pulled back, her striking features completely unsettled, "I went to see Uncle Zach…" she didn't need to finish. I knew what had happened. She'd gone to visit her favorite uncle and had found my childhood home completely destroyed, and my dearest father gone.

The loss was tremendous, the wounds were cut deep and are only covered, they're still hollow. I was in a trance for days, barely ate, wouldn't have unless Lily and Sirius hadn't shoved it down my throat. The thought of never seeing his bright smile, never hearing his wisdom, advice about being a father, never being able to bare his teasing again…it was hell on earth really.

And to imagine losing Lily or one of the kids…the thought had me cringing and cowering into a corner in a fetal position. I just couldn't bare it.

And holding my precious Janina in my arms, crooning to her to calm her down, I vowed that I would do whatever that was in my power, I would not let her, or her brother or mother suffer one moment, be put in danger for one single second because loss was not something I was going to accept.

If something happened to them, it would only be because I was dead.

AN: Sorry about the late update, but dude, wtf, my life just sucks. My uncle and grandpa passed away not a week apart and that had me going. And yeah, sucks. So, yeah. Lol. What do you think? Ya'll are in for a huge surprise. The ride of ur lives!


	28. The Deep End

Disclaimer: Not mine! Well, I wrote it but...nevermind, you know what i mean! Credit to JKR and KMM

Ch. 28 The Deep End

It didn't take long for me to recover, thanks to magic and my own good health, I'm a fast healer. I would rather die then have my family go back to that house, so I ordered Sirius to take them to the Black Manor. We would be staying there, and I was going to add more wards to the house.

Sirius was going to be my escort from the Ministry since we were both back being Aurors. So I dragged him back to the house in California so we could pick up items that were necessary.

My family was losing another home. I finally thought we'd found a house that we could build memories in, but just like that, we had to get out of the house that was our home. We had made our lives, had made cherished memories in both houses. I could go back to the rubble that was our house at Godric's Hollow and still be able to pinpoint exactly where Harry had taken his first step, or the first time he threw up on me. Leaving that house, Lily and Dumbledore forcing me away from it, convincing me not to fix it up had been a stab in my heart. But I'd refused to sell it, it's still my property. Too much memories, too many firsts in that house.

It was just as terrible to have to move out of the house in Turlock. It was where Nina had taken her first steps, said her first words, had grown up in. If this move was hard on Lily and I, imagine what Nina's feeling. It's the only home she's known, and there's a certain benefit of growing up in one house. I've known that benefit, that sense of security and a sort of peace. To be able to sit in front of the mantel place at age 22 and have your father tell you took your first step right there…there's something special about that.

And the fact that my kids couldn't have that, as far as I could tell anyway, was a devastating thing. But I'm just grateful they're gonna be surrounded by family and friends who love them almost as much I love them, and protect them as much as I want to.

Cradling boxes and a few bags, Sirius Dissaparated to our new home, the Black Manor. I stood standing in the living room, just standing there like someone possessed, not wanting to go, to admit defeat yet again. I wondered aimlessly throughout the house, going to our bedroom, my hand passing over the bed, memories flashing: of Lily laughing, sleeping, in the throws of ecstasy. I went to Nina's bedroom, good memories of my baby girl overriding the bad ones that were so recent. I picked up her favorite stuffed toy, the blue alien from that Disney movie she was addicted to, _Lilo and Stitch_. She'd grown up from baby to little girl in this room, an ever-present touch-stone for her father, and I don't think she even realized it.

We had basically packed the library, literally packed it, and we were going to reopen it and make it a part of the Black Manor. Too many books that would help us were in the library, and the library itself had precious magic inside so we decided to pack it. Dumbledore had agreed with us, that we would need the room itself, not just the books.

I was back in the living room, staring at the couch where Lily and I had so many conversations, so many moments of intimacies of countless kinds. I didn't want to leave, and I realized that there were unshed tears in my eyes. I didn't let them fall, didn't want to show another sign of weakness so I just whipped them away by pressing my fingers against my eyes.

This wasn't surrender, it was just going to add fuel to my fire, more reason to kill Voldemort, to help destroy him to a pile of dog shit that no one, not even his faithful servants, would dare touch. This was my declaration of war, this was where Voldemort had crossed the fine line: I didn't just hate him and want him dead, I loathed him with every fiber of my body and didn't wanted him to suddenly drop dead and die. I wanted him to suffer, to scream from pain and agony, to have his body separated from itself just like I had been separated from my body, my flesh and blood for 13 years.

Maybe Voldemort hadn't crossed the line, but I had crossed the line from concerned and over-protective father to vengeful psycho. But if it would kill, no, destroy Voldemort…then being a vengeful psycho didn't matter.

I declared war on Voldemort, destroying him to bits and pieces was my new mission in life, and I would see it through even if it killed me. I had gone off the deep end.

Standing there alone, jaw clenched and fists balled…Voldemort was soo screwed.

Chaotic nor hectic could describe the situation at the Black Manor during dinner that night. Molly and Lily had cooked a feast fit for a king with the help of the rest of the girls. Most of the members of the Order had arrived for dinner, and walking in to the grim house, you wouldn't have noticed the grimness anyway and you wouldn't have guessed that there was a war going on and we were the soldiers. Laughter kept exploding here and there over the conversations over dinner, Molly yelled at the twins now and then, Lily threw a brisket at me or Harry. It was just great.

Dung, Remus, Sirius and I were sitting at the far end of the table with the twins and talking about God knows what. I think we were recalling something we'd done back in school, if I'm not mistaken. From the other end, Dumbledore's eyes looked like they could pass off as the moon the sparkled so much. He looked like what I told you before, a father who had all his children back. And it seemed that his children were as happy as he was about being back together.

McGonagall and Nina had seemed to hit off, the old woman really loved Nina and had actually enjoyed playing and talking to my baby girl. The professor had been a little disappointed when I told her I'd been Cian, the old professor, but then she'd laughed and forgiven me after I begged her to just for show. She had changed alright, had become more softer and let the mother instincts reign her sometimes.

And Nina and Harry were having the times of their lives. Harry didn't seem to mind having his baby sister tag along with him and his friends all over the house, he actually seemed to want her tailing him. I remember Piper and her brother, Paisley, arguing and fighting with each other because Piper had wanted to tag along with her older brother too. But I didn't see that kind of sibling squabbling among these two.

Lily put Nina to bed after dinner, and my little girl did a cursory tour of the kitchen, giving everyone necessary a hug and kiss that was sitting around the table before she went off to bed. "Love you baby," I said into her ear as she hugged me.

"Love you too daddy," she said, and kissed my cheek, giving me more sugar since I was her dad.

"Good night Cookie Monster," I smiled.

She replied with a grin, ran to her mother and took her hand and was led upstairs to bed. Nina going to bed cast a spell around the table, tension crackled in the air as everyone realized we were going to be discussing war strategies before long.

It was Molly who shooed the kids away. "Alright now," she said, standing up, "everyone go upstairs," she said.

"Can we stay?" the twins asked in unison.

"Absolutely not," was the pert reply.

Harry's green eyes turned to me in hope.

I shook my head at his silent plea, "no chance Emeralds."

"But c'mon! Voldemort's after me, I should know these things!" he said, a little anger edging his voice.

"If there's anything you need to know, I'll tell you, I promise, now, go upstairs please," I said.

"Fine," he sighed and stood up, leading his friends upstairs to their rooms.

"Now then," Dumbledore said standing up as the table cleared itself.

I stood up, raising my hand and went towards the closed kitchen door and cast a silencing charm around us, and sure enough, I heard groans as I did so. Turning back to the crowd, I grinned. "Continue professor," I said to Dumbledore and smugly sat down.

Lily and Piper both threw their pens at me and I laughed. Dumbledore basically told us that Fudge still refused to acknowledge the fact that Voldemort had come back to power, and had the entire Wizarding world convinced that it had been a figment of Harry's traumatized mind. I had a suspicion it was Fudge who was traumatized and didn't want to acknowledge it.

"James? Do you remember I told you about the legend of the Draghar?" Dumbledore asked me.

"Yeah," I nodded. Of course I did, my grandda used to tell me the story of the 13 evil Druids when I was kid. They'd been banished by the Tuathe De Dannan, the Fae gods of Scotland, and were in basic nothingness ever since. But if anyone released the 13 ancient ones, we were screwed because they'd join Voldemort in a heartbeat, "what about 'em?" I asked.

"It has been brought to my attention that Voldemort does indeed know where the Draghar are," he told me.

"Oh shit," I muttered, it seemed that except for Lily, McGonagall and I, no one else knew what the hell we were talking about, "but he hasn't unleashed them has he?"

"Not yet," he said quietly.

_Not yet. _Crap. That's not good. _Not yet _leaves too much open ground for speculation. _Not yet_ means there's still time to unleash the evil of the 13. I couldn't imagine the destruction they would rain on the world, it was be hell on earth. And the way I understood it, my son was the only thing that could protect us from that.

"There anyway to kill the Draghar?" Hestia asked after Dumbledore explained to them who the Draghar were.

"Only the queen of the Tuathe De can, Aoibheal,' he answered her with a grave face.

"Have you talked to her about it?" Emmeline asked.

"_Can _you talk to her?" Sirius asked with a cocked eyebrow as he reclined back in his seat with a mug in his hand.

"Yes, I have made the proper arrangements with the Keltar family," Dumbledore answered like we all knew who the hell the Keltar were.

"And they are…?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"They keep the Fae and the real world apart, invisible. They are the barrier of two different worlds, and are the only Druids who are entrusted with the power," Dumbledore told us.

"So they're supposed to help you talk to Aiobheal?" Lily asked, a little fear creeping up into her voice.

Dumbledore nodded at her, "I will plea with her to destroy the Draghar as soon as possible."

"And this Fairy queen, will she listen to you?" I asked, a little skeptical.

"I have spoken with Aoibheal before, she listens to reason and only reason. I trust she will see the good in destroying the 13," he said confidently with a nod.

"Lets run worse case scenario here sir," Remus said intelligently while I noticed the way Hestia gawked at him. Hehe, Hestia has a crush on Remmy! "What if she wants to be stubborn and not destroy the Draghar? What then?"

"Then we're screwed, right?" I asked cocking my eyebrow at Dumbledore.

"There are ways of fighting them," but he shook his head, "but no one who has used those ways has succeeded."

"So we are screwed!" Piper exclaimed.

"Putting it mildly, yes, we are," Dumbledore told her gently, his eyes the eyes of a father who was telling his daughter that her dog had just been killed.

"What's the worse damage they can do professor?" Lily asked, leaning towards me, wordlessly telling me she wanted comfort. So I very quietly put my arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"It'll be ok," I whispered in her ear.

Her answer was to squeeze my thigh.

"The Draghar, when they were released mistakenly a few years ago, possessed a human body and forced him to do their bidding," Dumbledore answered, rubbing his long beard, "the man whose body they possessed was forced, by the Draghar, to kill himself to fully posses the body."

"Yep," Sirius nodded vigorously, sitting up, "we're screwed."

"So, they're going to posses someone and force that person to commit suicide and fully take over the body so 13 evil Druids can wreak havoc all over the world," Arthur summed it up frankly, "it can be anyone? And, any idea who, sir?"

"Anyone with a mind weak enough, yes," Dumbledore told her, "I suspect that Voldemort will hand deliver them a body. And I think the Order can relax in this because Voldemort knows our minds are not weak. So he will offer a Death Eater instead because their minds are…how shall I put this?"

"They're stupid?" Sirius suggested, checking his nails for dirt, buffing and polishing them on his shirt.

"Some may not even have brains," I heard Remus mutter.

"Flaccid minds maybe?" I asked.

"Flaccid?" Remus asked, turning to me.

I shrugged, "every Death Eater has a droopy mind therefore are susceptible to 13 evil druids penetrating their minds, convincing them to commit suicide," I grinned, "I think that's a flaccid mind."

"I agree," Sirius said, "personally? I hope they take Bellatrix or Malfoy," then under his breath he muttered, "13 evil druids is better then those assholes."

I was the only one near enough to him to hear what he said and I smacked him upside the head. Everyone was at least chuckling when Sirius yelped, even McGonagall was trying to hide a smile. I reclined back on my chair so that it was on its two hind legs, "its nice have the kids back, isn't sir?" I asked no one in particular.

"Indeed," Dumbledore agreed, "and of all the suggestions boys, I take flaccid. It is insulting and intelligent sounding at the same time."

"Thank you," I said smugly.

"Can we get back to the issue at hand please?" Molly asked.

"Of course," Dumbledore nodded.

"Sir," Lily said, suddenly becoming very still, sitting up like she had a hot poker for a spine, "can…can the Draghar get into Harry? I mean…if Voldemort wanted to kill Harry…13 evil druids…"

It seemed that no one had thought about that. I certainly hadn't, well, I hadn't led my mind wonder there in fear of what I would think. I couldn't imagine my son having 13 sons of bitches living in his mind. And what they'd drive him towards…I just didn't want to think about it. At all.

"I think Harry has a strong mind, and under our protection, no Draghar will be able to lay a finger on his mind," McGonagall said quit fiercely.

Lily looked at her, as surprised by the professor's promise as I was. The two woman looked at each other for a time, then Lils nodded as something passed between the two. An over-protective McGonagall, I could get used to her.

"So, what's the next step?" I asked.

"I will speak with Aiobheal, then we will see," Dumbledore answered, "right now, our intelligence will gather us the information we need, and we will go from there."

Everyone murmured "sounds good" and simultaneously decided it was time to go home. The Weasley's had decided to stay at the house with us and we were glad because the kids could have some distractions. Being 15-years-old and caught in the middle of one of the biggest wars in the Wizarding world is pretty hard. The Marauders were well into their 20's when the war began, and I don't think we've fully recovered from the effects of the war.

Nina and Ginny were sharing a room next to the boys so Lily and I were alone. She curled herself around my body, fitting every nook and cranny of hers to fit mine like she was afraid to be away from me. And I felt her tears come in a rush, sobs that made her shoulders quake. And I couldn't do anything but hold her against my chest and promise her that I'd rather die then let anything happen to our kids.

She kept sobbing. I kept seething and crooning.


	29. Tears and Tea leaves

Ch. 29 Tears and Tea Leaves

Reading up on the Draghar didn't help, because there's really nothing written about the bastards. All we could do was just sit there like idiots and wait until Dumbledore spoke with Aoibheal. The adults held nightly meetings in the Black Family Manor, which had become the Grand Central Station for all order members. People were going in and out of the house at an hourly rate, and kept us busy with new information and new ideas.

Molly kept the kids busy by having them help her out clearing out the filthy places. The only sterile, non-toxic rooms in the house were the kitchen, the study upstairs, and the bedrooms that occupied the Potter, Black and Weasley family. Out of fear for what Voldemort would do to Harry's friends, though their parents didn't know, had forced us to ask Hermoine and her parents to stay with us until we thought it was safe. Same for the Weasleys, though having a hand in the Order jeopardized more than just Ron in the family.

If we weren't fearing for our lives and the lives of the ones we adored more than anything, we'd have been having a dandy time. Every full moon Sirius and I occupied Remus through the dense woods behind the house, and the rest of the time when we weren't working, we played Quiddich with the kids.

I love family. My parents taught me that it was the most important thing in the world, and the most beautiful as well. And I knew the value of having these people around, and the fun was doubled because we could get in trouble.

"Hi baby," I heard Lily say one night as I sat in the Library with just a desk lamp. I was reading up on the history of the Celts, seemed like a good idea to read up on their lore.

"Hey," I smiled, "why aren't you asleep?" It was about 3 in the morning, and I'd found Lily asleep by Nina. I couldn't sleep, something kept nagging me in the back of my head, so I'd just given up.

She shrugged, "I keep having…weird dreams," she said uneasily, rubbing her arms through the silk robe she wore. And I knew for a fact that she wasn't cold because I was sitting in my boxers and t-shirt, and it still felt hot.

I gestured to her and she knowingly came and sat in my lap. I put my chin on her shoulder and kissed it, "what do you see?"

She leaned back against me, "horrible things," she whispered and turned in my embrace, not letting me see her face and stuffing her face in my neck. I stroked her hair, comforting had become as costumed to me as breathing. But I can't blame her thought, with everything that's going on…God, I wish this mess could just end.

I could tell she was trying hard not to cry, not showing me her face was always a good indication of that fact. "Dreams are just dreams Lils," I whispered, my hands finding nooks and crannies in her back to massage.

"Are they?" she asked with a bitter chuckle, "sometimes I highly doubt that, James."

"What are you saying? That seeing dreams is like predicting the future?" I asked, a bit skeptical. Yes, I'm a skeptical wizard. Dreams are dreams, they're just things buried in the back of your head. Sometimes they like to pop up and make themselves known. They're our thoughts. Not our future.

"With us, you never know," she smiled waveringly against my skin.

"What do you dream about anyway?" I asked her, nestling my lips at the side of her neck.

Fresh tears spilled down her beautiful eyes, "of you…dying…"

Lily gave up pretending she wasn't sobbing anymore and wept gut-wrenchingly. I'd seen her cry a lot over the past few days, but never like this, never like she'd already lost me in some gory battle. "I'm right here Lily," I told her, squeezing her to make her realize that I really was, "I'm right here, in once piece."

"I just…I'm so worried," she sobbed as I rubbed circles on her back. I grabbed her neck and forced her to look at me with those wet, beautiful eyes, "I will never leave you."

She didn't seem all that convinced.

The next day, Sirius and I were sitting at the kitchen table, side-by-side, scanning the newspaper for anything remotely suspicious. The women were all chatting about whatever and the kids were playing Quiddich with Bill Weasley watching them.

Biscuits and tea were laid out on the table in front of us, and I was slowly sipping mine, trying to stay awake, which was futile. I'd sat up the entire night, watching Lily as she slept fitfully on my chest, my thighs entrapping her, my body protecting her, my heart aching, my head bursting as I considered the possibility that maybe, all too soon, I would never hold her again. Never touch, never hold her or kiss her, and it drove me up the wall.

"You know what we should do?" Sirius asked as I put my head in my folded arms, giving up. Voldemort had ordered his Death Eater retards to be quiet. The world was going to tweak out when people began dying or just never showing up.

"Hmm?"

"Convince Dumbledore to let us assassinate Fudge and make it look like a Death Eater did it. At least something as dramatic would convince the Wazingamot and Aurors and everyone and their mother that Voldy _is _back."

"It's a good idea," I agreed, "but I don't think Dumbledore will go for it. Too unethical."

"Yeah, it's really ethical when they can kill innocent muggles…or scare 6-year-old girls, force parents to separate from their flesh and blood then kidnap pregnant women and torturing her," Sirius said bitterly, his voice getting louder as I sat up, "that's very ethical James."

"You want to stoop down to his level Siri?" I asked, looking at him through tired, blood shot eyes.

"God, I don't know what to do!" he said, slamming his head against the table with a solid thud.

I sighed, squeezing his shoulder, "Quiddich sound good?"

He shrugged, "why not?"

God, I hate this.

I picked up my tea cup to finish it off then promptly threw it back with a yelp that wasn't very macho but my heart was racing too fast for me to care. Amazingly, cursedly, the cup didn't break, just clattered nosily. "What's wrong?" Lily asked, nearly running to me.

Sirius had already picked up the cup, and his eyes told me that I'd seen it. That I wasn't going crazy, "It…it could be me…" he said, his voice cracking, trying to cheer me up, to attempt to stop me from having a heart attack. God help me.

"What the hell you guys freaking out about?" Piper asked frowning as Lily snatched the cup from Sirius's trembling hands.

She moaned a "no", tears spilling out of her beautiful eyes for the millionth time. I couldn't blame her really, I wanted to cry too. At the bottom of my tea cup, the tea leaves had formed the shape of a dog…a Death omen in our world. Sirius saying it was him didn't really comfort us, though the dog did look like Padfoot. But either way, anything in tea leaves isn't good.

All I could do was put my arms around Lily, draw her to my body and hope to God I lived to see my 40th birthday, or better yet, our 40th Wedding anniversary. Over the top of her head, I looked at Sirius.

This was not good. Something was going to go nightmarishly horrible. And I had this horrible feeling that the best was yet to come.

And the fear in Padfoot's eyes told me the same.

_Shit_.

AN: Short but ey, the best is yet to come! Keep on R&Ring!


	30. Action and Reaction

Ch. 30 Action and Reaction

Sirius and I decided to go check-in with Dumbledore at Hogwarts the next day, both of us trying to escape without admitting it. We'd all reached an unspoken agreement to pretend that we hadn't seen the Omen in the teacup. But I'd seen Lily hugging Nina to her, weeping in our daughter's hair as Nina tried vainly and childishly to comfort her mother. I'd promptly gone out to the dark woods behind the house, sat on a stump and cried like a little baby, not caring if Voldemort or any of his Death Eaters showed up.

Our trip to Hogwarts was to just ask Dumbledore how the meeting with Aioheal was coming through. It was in two days and I would breath a bit better after they spoke. But not by much. Sirius and I also used this as an excuse to not help clean up and get a drink in Hogsmeade, then head home.

We were supposed to have a meeting that night for the Order. All our spies, recruiters and a few new members were to attend and give status reports. Sirius had been going into the Auror offices for updates in training and getting back in the game. I went with him a few times and was actually promised the role of head honcho, but it didn't seem worth it. I'd rather spend my time with my family.

My time was limited, it seemed, because the war was coming to a boil. I could feel it in my bones, in every weary moment I stared as Nina, Lily and Harry slept.

Walking up to the ancient castle, we started talking about the time we did this to Remus, or that other time when we tricked firggin' Peter into doing this, or about that spot over there, where we tortured Snape for the gazillionth time.

The memories were great. We'd done so much to remember and laugh about. All those pranks, all those moments of pure bliss I'd spent with these guys, especially Sirius. He was my favorite out of the Marauders. As we walked, Sirius caught my eye and grinned and I knew he wanted to switch to our Animagus form.

I, of course, never am one to resist. Laughing at the happy bear-size dog jumping around me, nudging my hand with his nose and giving me a doggy version of a smile. I turned into the stag, massive and free and took off at a sprint, Padfoot ran after me. I saw Hagrid come out of his hut to look at us and roared with laughter, "'Ello James! Sirius!"

I made a weird, stag noise in response and Padfoot barked. He and I weaved in and out of the woods, and I was laughing my ass off…well, I was in my head. The stag was just breathing heavily. When we got to the main entrance, we turned back to humans still laughing breathlessly.

I hugged him and he didn't resist. My buddy. My partner in crime. My best friend. My brother.

For those 15 minutes of weaving in and out of the forest, the war disappeared completely. There was no Voldemort, no war, no death Omen looming over our heads. It was just my brother and I, being what we should be. Young. Carefree. Happy. Then the world crashed, and as Sirius held me, for the thousands time in our lives, I cried in his shoulder and he held me. I've always been open with Sirius. God knows he's seen me through hell enough times. Our friendship is free of macho shit. One of us needs a shoulder, the other reacts. I know my stomach drops when he's an emotional wreck.

And Padfoot, God love him, is great. I wept my confusion, fear, blind-rage into his strong shoulder and he murmured to me, clapping my back, running his hand in soothing circles, "It'll be ok Prongs," he said softly, "I know everything looks like and feels shitty but I promise it'll get better."

I wept my heart out, like the day my dad had died and Sirius had held me against his chest with Lily rubbing my back.

Sirius's cheek was against my head, I could feel his jaw clench, he was silently crying with me. "I'm sorry," I managed, patting his back.

"Fuck sorry," he said vehemently as I pulled back, rubbing my face before looking at him.

I laughed, "c'mon, let's go inside before we decided to get married," I said, my voice raspy.

Sirius laughed to, bumping me, "aww you big lug. If it were up to me, we'd already be married," he gave me a side glance, "don't deny it. You know you love me."

"You wish," I smiled as we went up the castle steps to Dumbledore's office. We started guessing at candy names and stopped at "gobstoppers".

Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, all his joyous energy that crackled around him 24/7 was gone. The professor looked grim, more grim that I'd ever seen him as he stared into one of his funky thinga mabobs. He looked up when we got through the door. He didn't smile. Didn't greet us with the warmth he always reserved for Sirius and I. We are screwed.

"How are things going professor?" I asked as we walked inside the office.

"Pretty well eh?" Sirius asked as we sat down in front of his desk.  
"I will not lie to you boys," he shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I have received news from one of Aioheal's council Fae that the shields were broken, the Keltar brothers are badly injured."

Oh no.

"The 13 have been released," he said," he said and my breath caught, chilled to the core.

Sirius and I fell silent, looking like drowning fish as we opened our mouths to say something, then close it without a sound. What could you say to that? It's ok. We'll get the 13, thousand year old, evil druids. Christ.

"Any indication, like evidence, left behind on who done it?" Sirius asked.

"Magical residue in the Keltar's home, where they were attacked. The Craciatus was used numerous times, and a breaking curse was used to shatter the metaphysical shields, and residue of the darkest magic was left behind," Dumbledore shook his head, "no one is safe anymore. If the magical world and human prime-minister are not warned, awakened to this dreadful occurrence…guaranteed destruction."

"Way to kill the mood Albus," I muttered, my mind buzzing as though flies were released. I wanted to grab my head and run around in circles, screaming and I'm not kidding.

Sirius cursed vehemently, slammed his fist against his desk, making everything clatter as he stood up to walk to the window to look over at the Quiddich pitch. This was killing him too. "Do we have a chance?" I asked, my voice hoarse even to my ears.

Dumbledore met my eyes and shook his head, "protect your minds and hearts, put up mental shields," he said softly, "that's wall we can do."

"Maybe he'll use one of his Death Eaters for the Draghar's use," I said, grasping for a rope, a hope to pull me out of this dark well, but the ropes were too slippery.

Sirius made a strangled noise that could've been anything, and could mean anything.

"At least we know one way or another, the ordeal will be over soon," Dumbledore said.

"But at what cost?" Sirius asked softly, his eyes narrowed in frown.

"I do not know," Dumbledore said as softly, looking at me and I pretended not to see it, seemingly interesting in the view outside the window Sirius was standing in front of.

What would you do if every corner you turned, you saw an indication, a warning that your days were limited? That the next few days with your family and friends are more than likely your last ones? What would you do? What would you say? What would you tell those you would jump in front of a Killing Curse for? How can you breathe?

We went back into Hogsmeade for a drink as we'd planned, but we hadn't planned on being this quiet, this somber. I had hoped we'd be able to laugh at something, to enjoy our off time from reality and just pretend life was good. And yet again, we were disappointed out of it, we were even cheated out of the littlest joy.

My mind was filled with thoughts about what would happen to my family. What would it be like if something happened to me, even worse, if something happened to them. And I know I'm being selfish, hoping to go first so I don't have to endure watching them die or get hurt because just seeing Harry or Nina get a scratch tears me apart.

Like yesterday, Harry came back from the Quiddich field with a scabbed knee and he was laughing about it, made his mom crack a smile when he laughed and yelped in pain at the same time when she cleansed it with alcohol. And all I could think of, looking at the raw wound on his knee, was that I should've been there to catch him because I hated the sensation of having my stomach drop into my shoes because I couldn't be there for him. Now, imagine that feeling, that helplessness I felt every time he or Nina get hurt, and multiply it by a million.

The thought of loosing either of them or Lily or Sirius or Piper or Dumbledore, or hell, everyone in the Order, shook me to the core. Imagining the terror of watching - God help me - Harry or Nina dying would drive me mad and I know it. I will end up in a loony bin if anything, anything, happens to my precious babies. They're my life, they're my children, my own flesh and blood. I helped bring them into this world, and I have to protect them, make sure they're fine and happy until the day I die.

And that's another thing. What if I die first? Before I have a chance to watch them grow up and become their own people? I don't want to miss Harry's admission into the Aurors, or Nina's First Year in Hogwarts. Or watching Lily grow old and I would be there to sit with her on the back porch of our house, watching our children play and run around with their own children on the beach that made up our backyard.

The thoughts were killing me, cutting me down, eviscerating me.

Two shots of fire-whiskey numbed my mind, and if I survive the next month, I was well on my way to becoming an alcoholic. I'm married to a Healer, and I know the dangers of drinking when under emotional pressure but I could care less. So long as something numbed me enough so that I didn't think of my family, friends or me dying…hey, it's a chance I'm willing to take. A lifetime of alcoholism or watching your precious offspring's die in your minds eye?…That's what I thought.

The fifth shot of whiskey caused Sirius to tell the bartender to stop and practically drag me out into the town, ignoring my indignant protests about not being drunk enough. I just got a buzz and a little numbness, but that's all.

"C'mon, let's go back home," Sirius said as we walked towards the edge of town to Dissaparate.

"Lets," I said quietly, stuffing my hand in the pockets of my jeans and walked obediently behind Sirius.

The pre-autumn air suddenly filled with a gust of wind that had my hunching my shoulders and squinting my eyes against the onslaught of the dust that rose from the earth. "You ok?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Aside from this freakin' wind and the fact that you didn't let me get completely shit-fa…why the hell are you staring at me like that?" I nearly yelled when I saw the bug-eyes he directed towards me.

"W-what wind, James?" he asked, his voice cracking, his skin losing all color beneath his tan.

For the third time today, my bones chilled as I looked from Sirius's horror stricken face to the tree standing behind me with its leaves in tact. I felt the wind rushing in my face, the dust in my eyes, the breeze going through the stitching of my shirt. I felt the wind. But the tree leaves weren't swaying in anyway, Sirius's long hair wasn't flapping in the wind, nor was the wind-chime chiming. My mouth became as dry as the Sahara desert.

I looked back at Sirius, wondering if I was going to die of natural causes…insanity maybe? "What the hell?" I whispered, a shiver running down my spine…whether from the idea of dying of insanity or the imaginary wind, I don't know.

I'm not kidding you, I started hearing voices whispering behind me. Male voices, I thought, and actually took out my wand and turned to look behind me to see that no group of men were whispering behind me.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked, whatever else he might have said blocked as the men began talking louder and louder, drowning out his voice.

I panicked, trying to convince myself that maybe the group of men, and a single woman it seemed, were under an invisibility cloak. But it didn't help since I kept remembering that they stopped making the cloaks about two centuries ago and they were rarities. I couldn't breath and felt like I was being circled by someone, something. I was suffocating, my breath coming out in gasps as though my lungs had ceased to grow for an intake of breath.

I tried calling out for Sirius but he seemed like a mile away, and my throat was working well enough for me to scream out for him. God, please, not like this, I thought as I noticed I had gotten on my knees.

It felt like something had grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and threw me against the wall, my back and neck making sounds they shouldn't have made as the world blacked out.

Voices. I heard voices whispering in a language I didn't understand. I tried to open my eyes and see who the hell it was and where the hell I was, but cracking my lids open was a mistake because it hurt like a son of a bitch. I groaned, hoping that the sound would make whoever was whispering shut their mouths. No such luck, it actually seemed to get louder.

"Would ya'll please shut up?" I croaked out.

New voices now asking, "James?" Lily.

"Dad? You awake?" Harry.

"Prongs? Man, you ok?" Sirius.

"Give me a minute," I said and braced myself before attempting to open my eyes again. The flood of white light made me squint, but someone pulled the curtain I guess because it got dimmer and everything was in focus and I saw four heads looking down at me with genuine, horrified concern in their various colored eyes. Harry and Lily's green, Sirius's bluish green and Piper's chocolate/honey. "Wow, no respect for personal space eh?"  
"Well, at least he's making jokes," Sirius said quietly.

"About something that has nothing remotely amusing about it," Lily said, her eyes blood shot.

The people I heard murmuring before, in that weird language, kept yapping away like there was no tomorrow. I frowned, "Mungos or Hogwarts?" I asked.

"Mungos, Pomfrey wasn't sure she could cure you at Hogwarts," Lily told me.

"How bad?" I asked, for a moment thinking that if we were at Hogwarts, then there was someone in the next bed and it was their conversation that I was hearing. The language was odd as hell, but you never know. But my hopes were smothered. The walls in St. Mungos are pretty thick and usually there's a silencing spell around.

"You broke your neck," Sirius said quietly as Harry, very maturely, put his arms around his weeping mother and held her, soothing her the way I wished at that moment.

"Are you serious?" I asked, trying to turn my neck to discover it was in a brace. My head was completely immobile.

"You nearly severed your spinal cord," Piper told me quietly, "you got to the hospital just in time, thank God."

"Fuck," I swore, the voices of the people I heard getting on my nerves, "you guys hear these people yapping? Where the hell is it coming from?"

All four wore that horrified expression on their face, the same one Sirius had worn when I'd felt the wind.

Then the oddest sensation took over me, and I couldn't figure it out. It's hard to describe, like there's someone else in your skin besides you, but it didn't feel like just one other person. It was a whole crowd. My skin was tingling, feeling like it wanted to burst in places. Especially my brain.

Then, as if something had triggered it, it felt like the voices I heard suddenly realized I could hear them and, damn, I can't describe it without sounding completely wacko, but it felt like they were talking to me, all their attention directed to me.

This isn't worth it, a sly feminine voice said with a deep, Celtic accent making me frown, trying to make the connection that I couldn't make because my mind felt like mush. All this pain, James, isn't worth it at all. It's not worth it to waste trying to win something you know you're going to lose. You will die eventually, why go down in pain? Why suffer when you can be set free? When you have it in your power to not watch your son and daughter die. And you know they will die James. They are nothing compared to the power of Voldemort, and you know this for truth.

One of the Kelter brother's had kept a journal about his experience in being possessed by the 13. He wrote something in it that I always found strange…until now…

My name is A. James Potter, I have one good conscious and 13 bad ones.

AN: Hehehehehe.


	31. Blues from down here

Ch. 31 Blues from down here

To me, death had never been something to think about as an escape or a way to end a misery or an outlet of some sort. My parents were avid advocates for the preservation of life and the enjoyment of it, and to live every second without wasting it. And with Lily, my kids, Sirius and everyone else surrounding me, who would want to leave? Or ever think about leaving? You'd have to be out of your mind.

But with 13 evil Druids living inside me, sharing my skin without any kind of permission, I wanted to run myself into the wall to escape them. They keep me awake all night, invaded, raped my thoughts brutally during the day. I have no peace now, none of the solemnity and restitute, I had worked so hard to get it.

I looked at Lily, the female would pounce in my brain and tell me of how deceitful my wife is, of how many times she'd told me, how many times she had hurt me on purpose. I looked at Nina they spoke of thoughts of murder. When I looked, or even thought about Harry, my mind was flat-out assaulted.

It's pretty terrible, not being alone in your thoughts, to have 13 other people occupy _you_. I can't escape them, their constant buzzing in my brain…God help me I hate this. The past three months have been torture, surely a circle of hell Dante hadn't thought of.

But God is merciful in giving me a few outs. Making love to Lily helped, when I'm not afraid of hurting her somehow. I guess the amount of love I feel for her draws me out more and drowns the 13. And Jesus, does holding Nina help. Burying my face in her sweet smelling hair as she attempted to read to me.

My baby girl has become a strong lifeline then I ever expected. Everyone, including Lily has developed a certain fear of me that I don't hold against them. My new violent and volatile temper scares everyone, including me. More than once I've run out of the house because if I didn't, the 13 wouldn't shut-up and they would drive me, fill me with thoughts that weren't my own, thoughts James Potter could never have imagined on his own. And while I sat under the tree in the massive field. And while I stopped on top of the crest in what served as our backyard, the most precious thing in the world would approach.

Strong in her innocence, my baby girl would approach me, crawling in my lap wonderfully, and lay her cheek against my heart as they told me to kill her. But the feel of her cheek against my heart, my very car…and they would shut up immediately. Her tiny arms would around my face and…peace.

"Daddy? Why are you so sad?" she'd asked more than once.

I wonder if she realizes that her point-blank question, her no-fear attitude towards me now shows more bravery than all the Order combined. She'll be such a unique woman, brave, sweet and gentle with a ferocity. A rose with thorns. I often what she'll become when she grows up. I just know she'll be wonderful.

Death is imminent. I'm not going to see Lily age, Harry graduate Hogwarts, and Nina starting school. It's a fact I'm trying to get used to. Pretty soon I'll die, pretty soon I'll cease breathing, and pretty soon…I will only be a painful memory in the minds of people who love me. And I really don't know where I'll go…and I can't say if I want to remember them.

I'm selfish. I want to go first because I can't take the idea of losing any of them. It would destroy me, I'm not resilient. I'm not brave enough to face it.

My parents' death had hurt like hell, like someone had slowly stripped off my skin. It had hurt so much. And losing Harry, Sirius, Remus and everyone else when we went into hiding had destroyed me, but I had known I would be with them again, that's why I survived. But knowing that I'll never be able to see them again would surely kill me.

This constant contemplation of life and death has now been deeply imbedded in my day. And the constant thought of "will today be the day?" has cauterized my soul.

"James?" now I heard someone ask.

I looked up from my study of the grass outside to see Remus standing over me. He looked pale and old, a look we'd all hideously perfected. I probably look worse then Moony, which is saying something. I kid you not, I have white hair at my temple.

"You alright?" he asked, cautiously sitting next to me.

My best friend since age 11...and he's scared of me, "sure," I smiled bravely.

_Sin of a bitch,_

_He's a freak._

_He shouldn't be alive._

_He's dangerous._

_He'll betray you._

_Just like Peter._

_You remember Peter? How close he and Remus were?  
How do you know Remus doesn't want to kill you?_

_Maybe he's in league with the werewolves working for Voldemort._

_Kill him James._

_Or he'll kill Lily._

_And Nina._

_And Harry, and make you watch._

I groaned, grabbing my hair, knowing that ripping it all out by the roots would not help me. Nor would I ever escape, and one day, I would listen to their whispers in my mind. I could run away, isolate myself somewhere until they figured out how to kill the 13 without killing me. But I can 't leave them…I can't leave my family, my friends…I have to protect them.

The sly female voice whispered, "even from yourself James?"

"Goddamn it!" I yelled, springing up like it would stop the voices, hoping I could escape. God, I want this to stop. I looked at the horrified Remus as reached out to me. "No," I backed away from him, my eyes no doubt wild and desperate, "please don't touch me Remus, please?"

But the idiot persisted, reverently reaching out to me again, "James, come on."

"Remus, just stop!" I said desperately, tears clogging my throat. Don't touch me. Don't look at me. Don't speak to me. Stop loving me, hate me for all my thoughts. Don't let me hurt you. Promise to kill me if I raise my hand against.

Please, don't let me hurt you. Please.

I found the will to return home 5 hours after running away. But I couldn't stay away, couldn't keep away from my precious family. The house was silent, even Mrs. Black was asleep. The silence wasn't eerie, but comfortable, because a family lived here, and now they all slept in peace…maybe not peace.

Heading to the kitchen for some food before going to bed, I was surprised to see the light on from upstairs looking down into the kitchen, 2 voices floated up, "I'm worried Sirius," that was Lily.

"I know," he replied, "I'm worried too."

"You don't think he'll hurt himself do you?" she whispered.

_Would you really be surprised if you went downstairs right now to find him fucking her?_

_They've always been attracted to each other._

I denied it vehemently. Sirius and Lily loved me, they wouldn't do that to me. Both had too much loyalty to even think about doing such a vile thing.

_Oh yeah? How 'bout all those nights you came home from work and he'd be there?_

I doubled over as I tried to block out the sounds. God, my brain hurt, it throbbed like it would blow up soon.

They'd never do that to me. They'd die first because they love me. I know they do.

A whisper: _haven't you ever noticed how attached Harry is to Sirius? Like Sirius is his father?_

That's stupid, Harry looks like my twin!

_This coming from the man whose wife changed his appearance to make him look like a god._

_You're a sorcerer, James. You there are spells that can permanently alter appearances._

No! They would never hurt me like that! Never!

But Sirius was at our house quite a lot, even when I wasn't. And I've always felt like Lily was attracted to Sirius, and vice versa. The attraction was there, the odd hours and looks.

I crashed into the wall, the throbbing in my shoulder going unnoticed. These aren't my thoughts. They're not valid. NOT MINE! Someone stop this! Stop this pain! God! Help me!  
"James? James!" I heard Lily exclaim, running up the stairs to me, she knelt beside me, her hands cool against my cheeks, her tears a knife in my heart, "sweetheart? Are you ok?"

"What happened?" Sirius asked with alarm in his voice as he…zipped up his pants?

NO!

"Finish this Sirius," I begged him, tears spilling down my cheeks as I reached out for him. He took my hand, squeezed as hard as I was squeezing his, "please, end this. Finish this! I-I can't stand it anymore!"

"No James. Fuck no, actually, he said, "we'll-"

"No we wont, I'll never escape this! Kill me before I hurt anybody!"  
"James! Calm down! Please," Lily sobbed, stroking my hair, kissing my cheeks, knowing she was calming me, "we'll get through this."

I looked at her beautiful face, drowned in her beautiful eyes, died that I would hurt her, that I mistrusted this angel, _my _angel. And I had to tell her the truth, "they're gaining power sweet…I don't think there's a peaceful solution."

She kissed me slowly, reverently licking the inside of my mouth when all I was allowed to think was that she'd been with Sirius. That she'd hurt me. That she had sex with my best friend on _our _bed.

I pulled back and screamed. Screamed until I drowned the voices, until my throat was raw, until the universe heard my pain. "FINISH ME! I can't take this anymore!"

I saw tears in Padfoot's eyes as he raise his wand. Bright light flashed from the tip of his wand then…

Peaceful darkness.

muhahahahhah!


	32. Blues from Up Here

Ch. 31 Blues from up here

Someone was kissing my throat, my shoulders now, moving steadily, enticingly, slowly to my chest, now my abdomen.

If this wasn't heaven…it sure as hell felt like it. Damn. That mouth was incredible and so achingly familiar.

Wait…

I cracked my eyes open and looked down at my stomach to see red hair spilling across my torso, "Lily?" I whispered as her hand wrapped itself around me.

She raised her green eyes up to me, "hi," she grinned, crawling up my chest to put her lips, "glad you're back babe," she nibbled my ear, knowing just exactly how to drive me up the wall. Oh, the things she was doing to me.

But hadn't Sirius killed me? Hadn't he ended all this crap? God, I so wish he had just ended it. I gently grabbed her nape to pull her back from the sensual assault she had unleashed on my poor body, "Lily," I whispered, breathless and so enchanted with this woman on top of me.

She read the question in my eyes, years of experience making her sufficient and quick at reading me, "he just stunned you James," the surprise I felt had flickered in my eyes because she frowned, pulling back, "how could you think I'd let him…or how could your own brother kill you?"

I frowned. She's right. How could I ever have though she was capable of killing me. Or Sirius.

And that's when I noticed…I'm alone. My skin is mine. I'm alone in here. All because of…

"Lily," I whispered reverently, pulling her down to put my lips on hers, to make our bodies and souls one yet again.

God…peace…_Lily. _

She didn't stop kissing me afterwards, just lay down next to me, kissing me whenever. "My reasons for this weren't all carnal and out of love," she told me, "but they were 99.9 of the reason…The Order needs you. Voldemort's inside the Ministry."

We were getting ready to use a port-key when I heard whispers so clear, I though someone was behind me. But, of course, no one was in fact, it seemed everyone's volume was on max.

The 13 were awake,

But I wasn't reassure when I looked at Harry. The escape was welcome, but…what the hell.

And I realized they didn't know I could hear them…they didn't know I was back to normal. And I wanted to keep it that way…

_He doesn't realize he can kill Voldemort._

Oh? Was my own thought.

"James?" Arthur asked cautiously, and I warned him to stay quite by putting my finger over my lips.

_It's not that hard to kill him if you have enough power. And the combined power of father and son is monstrous. _

_Do you realize if they ever figured out how powerful they were. 10 times more powerful then Riddle, we'd be destroyed!_

_They've got more power then Aioheal. Be grateful they don't know._

Feminine laughter echoed in my brain, _let's keep it that way, shall we?_

Holy shit. Holy shit!. And then I heard an angel's voice, "daddy?"

I looked around the bustling living room, but Nina wasn't there. When I asked Lily, she told me Nina was upstairs, asleep since it was 4 a.m.

Deciding I could relay the information to Dumbledore later, I went upstairs opening the door to her room, I saw she was sitting up, tears running down her cheeks.

My heart shattered in my chest.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked, leaving the door open, the wedge of light showing me an upset and bereaved angel among rumpled sheets.

She rubbed her eyes and sniffled, nestling her face in my throat as I wrapped her in my arms. When Nina didn't speak, I prodded a little, "bad dream, sweetheart?"

She buried her face deeper in my throat and nodded.

"Want to tell me about it?" I whispered into her hair.

"No," she whispered.

"Whatever it was, it can't be hurt you Nina," I told her, setting her down on her bed, "go back to sleep honey. Mrs. Weasley's here if you need anything."

Her luminous eyes bugged, "where are you going?" her voice was filled with a fear that made my gut clench.

"To fight the bad guys," I told her, kissing the tip of her nose, "to keep you and Harry safe."

"Daddy?" she whispered, her voice quivering.

"Hmm?"  
"Don't go, please?" she asked.

I sighed, putting my face on her shoulder. That fear, that pain in her voice scared and worried me so much. My God, I hate this war, I hate all this shit going on. I hate everything that keeps my family in fear, that makes Nina's voice quiver in fear and worry.

God, just stop this.

"Everything'll be fine baby," I told her, wishing I could go to sleep with her lying on my chest, trusting me to keep the monsters in the closet. And I wasn't lying to her, everything would be ok, no matter the outcome, "but know this Janina, and never forget it, I love you very much."

"I love you too daddy," she sniffled.

I kissed her cheek, breathing in her sweet scent, memorizing it. I walked to the door, and looked back at her to see her staring at me from under the covers. I sighed and waved good-bye.

It's time for the big battle.

I told Dumbledore and Sirius, what I had heard. But when I told them my plan, Dumbledore was silent, and Sirius started yelling. "No, James! Actually, make that a _fuck _no," he said vehemently, "you even think about risking your life, I'll strangle you."

"One possible death is better then millions of sure ones," I told him calmly, looking into his blue eyes, knowing he would be so hurt if I died. And really, we don't know for sure if I _would _die. The 13's knowledge has become mine, and I know everything they know now. I learned how to tap into it. But I know that if Harry were to help me, but if I said the incantation, and there was danger of a bounce, it would kill me. But really, no one needs to know that.

"There's another way to end this," Sirius insisted, "it'll take longer but there _is _another way."

"I can't wait that long Padfoot," and looking at him, letting all the pain flood into my eyes, letting him see my nightmares, my pain.

"Oh God," he sighed, tears flooding his eyes. He suddenly found his shoes very interesting.

It hurt him so much that I wanted to double over with pain. I walked to him and squeezed his nape, putting my forehead against his, "if this works Padfoot…just think, Voldemort would be gone. After I don't know how many years, our world will be at peace, our kids will know peace. I need to stop all this pain Sirius…mine included. It's just got to stop."

Sirius lifted his eyes to me. We were crying and not bother to hid it. He grabbed my forearm and nodded silently.

"We should take Harry, James, but someone will need to guard him at all times," Dumbledore advised quietly.

Sirius and I looked at him with cocked eyebrows, "what do you think we'd be doing?"

"Scratching our butts?"

Dumbledore smiled the shadow of his original grin, "I'm sorry I asked."

"Can someone stay back? With Nina?" I asked, when they looked at me, I just said, "humor me."

Harry nearly jumped through the roof when I told him he was going with us. He's been waiting to sink his teeth into the battle for a long time. I never wanted him to have to use the dueling skill we'd taught, but if we can kill Voldemort now…if my son and I can end all this crap. And like I promised him when he was a minute old, I would protect him. I would die for him.

I pulled him aside and just hugged my son. Instead of protesting like most boys his age, he seemed to be content with being held in my arms. He put his arms around my waist, his cheek over my heart. When I kissed his forehead, he sighed with content. I pretended that nothing could touch him in the shelter of my arms, that my arms were armor for my baby boy. I knew I would keep the promise I made to him the day he was born. I would protect him from harm today, and I prayed to whoever was listening that they allow me to do just that.

But I didn't tell him my plan, didn't tell him about how I'd help him defeat Voldemort once and for all. And though he was thirsty for a chance to fight, I know my son. And he wouldn't have come along so willingly if he knew what I was doing. So I decided to tell him during the battle where his mind would be too occupied to comprehend what I was asking of my baby boy.

God, please, protect him. Help me protect him.

Lily came up to me as we were getting ready to leave, "be careful," Lily told me, kissing me, seconds before we touched the port-key. Her lips vanished my demons and God, her lips were heaven on earth. The love I tasted on her kiss made me determined to stop all her tears. She pulled back and whispered, "I love you," against my lips. She and Remus would stay behind, protect our daughter from everything.

"I love you too," I told and God…I love her so, so much, "God Lily," I sighed, hugging her tightly against me, "I love you so much."

"Get a room," Sirius laughed, pulling me back and towards the port-key, "it's not like you're never gonna see her again."

But look at the near desperation in her eyes, I could tell she didn't believe Sirius either. I forced myself to turn away, to not run into her arms and beg her to save us, to help me not let our love die with me. But I didn't.

I've heard that as a man, around the age of 33, have feelings of impending doom…they have no idea.

I put one arm around Harry's shoulder and kissed his messy hair, wand in hand, love at my side, I was a warrior with every I'll ever need. Dumbledore, Bill and Arthur Weasley, Sirius, Emmelyn, Harry and I were the first wave. The second would follow, lead by Kingsley, and surprisingly, Dung.

I've always loathed, absolutely hated travel via port key, I always get nauseous and light headed. It's the worst way of going into a battle in my opinion. And judging by Harry's curses, my son shares the same views.

Years of experience helped me stay upright when we stopped, but I had to grab Harry before he hit the ground. But he doubled over in my arms a second after he straightened up.

"Harry?" I asked, brushing his hair back from his forehead. The gesture was totally paternal, but it revealed to me his raw looking scar.

"He's close by," Harry whispered, briefly hugging me before he pulled back, his hand going to rub the scar.

_If you kill him now, life will be so much easier._

_You won't have to watch him suffer in Voldemort's hands._

_Don't put yourself through watching your son suffer, James._

The _fuck off_, was my own thought. Apparently imminent death gives you an endless wall of strength and bravery, because they did shut up.

But shit, I'd've taken their bull shit any day over what we heard next, "Ah, Mr. Potter, long time no see."

Instinctively I put Harry behind me, as the black figure of Voldemort gained ground on us. I drew out my wand as did the rest of the Order, and Harry, for once, let me protect him, "not long enough," I said watching him, waiting for the wrong move that would be his final downfall.

A disgusting laugh resounded around the empty atrium of the Ministry. I tried not to think about the 4 bodies of the Auror guards lying dead behind us. Voldemort turned his attention to Dumbledore now, "how nice to see you again Professor."

"I apologize for not sharing the same sentiment Tom," Dumbledore said calmly, as though he were talking to Snape or something and not the most vile thing on the face of the planet.

The SOB turned his attention to Harry, "cowering behind your father Harry? Again? I thought you might be a bit too old for that nonsense."

Harry was defiant, coming to stand next to me, "it's his job to protect me."

The same laugh echoed inside the atrium, "after all those years he abandoned you, you're still his man, aren't you Harry?"

"Through and through," my son said, his voice strong, his resolve a solid rock, his faith in me even stronger.

And I prayed that I wouldn't disappoint him. Again.

"Don't you recognize your own words to me James?" Voldemort asked.

Ha, watta ya know, they are my own words, spoken long ago to the same piece of shit about Dumbledore. But I didn't let on, "that's Mr. Potter to you Voldy."

"How dare you!" he hissed, raising his wand.

I thought quickly and built a shield around me and Harry, sending whatever spell he'd sent our way flying across the atrium as everyone around his leapt into action.

Spells were flying around the hall, the second wave of the Order doubling our power against the Death Eaters. Bodies lay everywhere, death roaming among us with a frightening calm, calculating, choosing its next victim. And for once, Harry stuck by me. He, Sirius and I were in tight formation, protecting each other.

"Harry! You listening to me?" I yelled over the roar in the room.

"Yeah?" he said after knocking down a Death Eater.

"Jesus, James…" Sirius started in protest but I cut him off.

"Don't start Padfoot!" I warned, "Harry, listen closely, when I tell you, put your hands on my wand, ok?"  
"What?" he stopped to look at me, nearly getting hit by a Craciatus if I hadn't pushed him out of the way.

"I'm going to use the Killing Curse against him, I need your help," I told him, drawing him away from the prying eyes and wands behind a column.

Tears filled his eyes as realization hit, the possible implications I hoped he wouldn't understand dawning in those eyes. "We have to do this baby," I told him gently, trying to get him to understand that he wouldn't hurt too much, "we have to end this today and now."

He understood and nodded, but didn't have time to reply because the perfect opportunity presented itself to us.

Only three Death Eaters were left fighting, quickly being taken down by our people. And Sirius and Peter were going head to head. Guess who was losing?

I _really _don't want to die.

But the buck has to stop somewhere. The suffering has to end.

Perfect opportunity. Perfect timing. The power surge that Harry provided when I told him to grab my wand coursed through my body, making the hairs at the back of my neck stand at attention at the realization that my son was incredibly powerful. My body hummed as my son and I held the wand, the tip exploding out a thunderbolt of the brightest, most menacing green I've see flying at my son once before.

I had the satisfaction of seeing Voldemorts eyes before I heard Harry cry out my name.

It felt like someone punched me in my torso. Or more like an 18 wheeler collided with me. I felt my soul ease, my mind let out a sigh, a last breath as every went dark, the final sounds painful to my ears as Harry and Sirius tried not to scream and failed.

_Sirius._

_Nina._

_Harry._

_Lily…_

And then I was no more.

I opened my eyes to a glaring white light that wouldn't let me sleep in peace .It took me a moment or two to realize the hum that came with the 13 had left my body. Another few moments, I realized I was dead.

So there _is _an after life…

I sat up, smiling when nothing was hurting or stiff, I felt good.

Dead at 33 with a wife and two kids behind. Maybe all the psychologists were right after all, and men did develop a Jesus complex at 33.

But how would they get along without me? How painful would it be for my family to get used to not having me around? Lily loved me too much for it to be an easy obstacle. Nina too you to fully understand why I had died. And Harry…Harry would by angry with marrow deep grief. And my brothers would try to be pillars that eventually crumbled, then were rebuilt by their own hands.

"Let it go James," I heard someone tell me gently, "believe in their strength and will."

Oh Jesus…oh shit…this is way too weird.

"You have your own obstacles to overcome now."

Oh my God.

I wanted to yelp, at least get a "holy shit" in but I had no breath, just as well though, because my throat was dry and clogged. Because, oh shit, it was my dad.

Tall, handsome and as strong as he'd been when I was 10. He looked the same age as me, which made the situation even more whacked out. He was wearing slacks and a blue blouse. He was my dad. The same guy I adored, tat I wanted to be like more then anything else.

Tears filled my eyes as he strolled towards me with that knowing smile I loved so much, missed so terribly.

Oh God.

I couldn't speak, could only sigh as tears came down my cheeks when he cupped my cheek, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I wept, snaking my arms around his waist as he pulled me to him.

"I never wanted to see you hear so early," he murmured to me, "you're too young James."

But I didn't hear him. Because for the first time since his death, I felt safe. For once, _I _was being protected, allowed to rely on somebody else, let someone else carry me for once. Since he'd died, I'd been a building without support columns, ready to crumble any second. But now I had my dad again…but at what price?

"They will move on, just as you will," my dad told me, so strong and vital now, "life will go on for them. And you've eliminated the danger to the world," he pulled back to stare into my eyes, his brimming with tears and bursting with pride, "you've done humanity more good then they'll ever know. The world is safe again because of my, my sweet, sweet son. Do not regret, rejoice for you will meet again."

Yeah.

Being dead isn't as bad as you expect. They let you roam around the earth whenever you feel like a stroll or you miss your family. They even gave me wings to travel around faster.

I guess I sound a bit arrogant, but ending up in heaven didn't really surprise me. I deserve it for all the crap I've been put through. And Heaven…is heaven! I tell you, there's never been a more…breathtaking place before this. And then peace inside you…it's heaven.

I met Gavrael Potter, the 1st Potter ever. He was a charming Scottish highlander with a thick accent and a powerful body wrapped in a kilt. I was reunited with my mom and in-laws who cooed endlessly of Harry and Nina. I had several chats with Dumbledore's father, who was exactly like his son, his intelligence 5 times stronger though. I was very surprised at some of the people I met, friends I'd lost, magnificent figures that I'd read about I history books and myths who were willing to talk to you. For Christ's sake I met the Spartan king Leonidas, walking around with his queen, full of splendor and an admirable and deserved arrogance.

I even attended my funeral, and loved Sirius even more when he turned my eulogy into a comedy show. He told jokes about me through watery eyes, laughed at some stupid thing we'd done, remarking how much my parents had regretted having me when I'd turned the living room sofa into an art project at age 3. Padfoot, Moony and my Lily turned my funeral from grieving for my death, to celebrating my life and the idiocy's that went with it. Padfoot talked about the first day we met, how I had been when Harry was born, the few times we baby sat. Moony reminded everyone that I was probably the nicest guy ever and would never admit it. He talked about how I had coaxed him out of his shell and been an inspiration and trouble maker. And my wife talked about how great of a husband I was, a father and friend. She shared touching stories about my interaction with the kids, the bond I had developed with both of them, the sacrifices I had made for the world and my family.

I tried to comfort Lily as much as I could during the terrible 1st year. Kissing her now and then over the years, but she always thought it was a dream or a memory, or even the wind brushing against her lips. She was strong for her family, a rock and so proud of me. Even as a white-haired grandma she was beautiful, never losing her charm, adored by our grandkids, worshipped by our two children. I remained my robust and healthy self while she fell ill at age 83, frail but never complaining as old age wracked her body. She never let on that she was suffering as I watched over her, brushing her snow-white hair, kissing her forehead and lips, half of me suffering with her while the other half rejoiced that I would be with her again soon.

I watched with weary amusement as Harry first railed against me after my death. Angry at me, hating me with his whole body and soul for leaving him again. Then I thanked God for Ron and Hermione when a soul-wracking grief took over his emotions. He graduated as Head Boy and Captain of the Quiddich team. He aced, like his father, all his Auror tests and training. He married Ginny Weasley, to my surprise and pleasure, and they had twin boys and a girl. I was deeply touched when he named his sons James and Atticus, his daughter Geneva. He eventually moved higher on the Auror food chain, apprehending potential Voldemorts and still active Death Eaters. He ended his life celebrated and loved, his legacy a head of the Aurors and as the boy-who-lived remaining in his biographical novels and through stories for generations. His strength an example for the world.

I delighted in watching my Nina grow up to be a magnificent young lady. Beautiful and sharp, smart and talented, quick on her feet. As I'd predicted, life was good to her because she grabbed life by the balls and didn't listen to anyone but her own heart. She never forgot me, always seemed to force new paths, drawing a strength from my memories that I never new existed. She first became the head of the Incantation Research department, a picture of me holding her had an honorary spot on her desk. She then became the youngest Prime Minister of Magic at age 45, her two daughters as proud of her as I was, her husband brimming with pride.

I think Sirius was the only one who never completely got over my death. But he smiled when his own son came into the world, laughed and relished every moment, always ending the day wishing I'd been with him still. And I was, though he didn't know it.

But a person never really leaves, just goes and lives in another realm, a more beautiful and peaceful one.

So, for now, good-bye, and never forget, a person without his family is nothing. A person without faith doesn't live.

Go in Peace.

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Thank you for reading and baring with me. As always, recommend, comment and ask me questions!! THANK YOU! You guys rock! And to quote James, Go in Peace!!!! 


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